love bomb!

“i know the feeling,” jooae murmured. but she knew eunjoo would be okay. she was one of the strongest people she’d ever known, someone she’d always looked up to. but her heart was sad for her nonetheless. she hated seeing her upset. “it wouldn’t be fun without you, either. we’d pull through but it wouldn’t be the same and i know the others would feel the same.”

she offered her leader a smile when their eyes met, shifting so they were still very close but she wasn’t quite hugging her anymore. “it’s not a big deal. you know me, i work fast. i think having a good meal will be good for all of us, anyway. any specific requests? i might need to run to the store after practice for ingredients.”

“i just hate being so out of it like this. especially since we are still in the middle of our promotion period,” eunjoo let out a frustrated sigh, clearly not happy with the way things are playing out for her, “but i’ll focus on getting my energy back so i’ll be fine.” the older squeezed her eyes shut before opening them again shortly after as if the action alone erased all of her problems. “hm, i should take my mind off of this. have you picked up any random facts that i probably don’t know or anything that i mind find interesting?’

closed for @vldeunjoo / restaurant in seoul / morning, september

it’s been nice, catching up with eunjoo in the last couple of months. the table they’re currently sitting in is one in a restaurant owned by a man whose older sister is a senior idol in a lesser known company. it’s a restaurant dan has been eating at by himself for years, or, on rare occasions, with other close friends or dates who are celebrities. this particular table is one that eunjoo and dan have taken to sitting at during the last few meetings they’ve had together: located on the second floor, above any wandering glances from random passersby who have an interest in either snc or mon:star. the entire floor is empty save for them with the muffled rumble of other customers and servers downstairs sending vibrations under their feet.

his mostly-eaten breakfast plate is on top of the table, cutlery crossed in finality, and he cradles a mug of coffee in his hands, thinking. he knows that there are only a few moments left before both of them leave again, with promises to text each other to meet up again. in the lull following one of eunjoo’s stories, he sets his coffee down on the table. “ the thing is, eunjoo … the thing is — i’ve been thinking about this for a while now, and what are we doing ? ”

while the recent meetings between eunjoo and daniel was the last thing eunjoo expected to happen, it was still a refreshing change for her. daniel was someone she had history as they were friends before anything else in the past. knowing each other for years before either of them debuted meant that she had no problem being kang eunjoo. the version of herself that had childlike antics instead of a leader with absurdly high standards set for her by others. that blanket of comfort eased eunjoo into telling one of her stories without sparing any details. shortly after she finished, daniel started speaking, inevitably asking the question that she had been putting off.

yeseul’s a professional — in the sense of garnering respect from the ones signing the black ink on the dotted line of each paycheck she needs. and in this case, professionalism meant having a second sense that would brush and mangle with the air when something was a few details away from going wrong. she’d ignore the afterthought for later, a mental note written and stowed away for a more leisurely time where she had the luxury of berating staff until they fell into her good wishes.

“exactly, but at the rate they’re going — you’d be lucky to have even an hour of sleep.” her toes tap against the floor, a quickened beat meant to exacerbate the frustration toying above her head. and she knew that if snc as a whole had an hour, she’d be left with none — filling the void of the time to iron out the remaining details all to wake them for a repeat of the same schedule they were given earlier today.

bare faced, her eyes squeeze shut as her palms come to press against her face, rubbing her eyes rather rashly for the time of day they were in. “i doubt they’ll come to an epiphany. let’s just hope they know how to assemble a stage — i’ve already written this in for the complaints i’m going to hand to atlas,” she groans, grazing a tongue across her teeth. a lack of sleep, a lack of patience — by the third year, she’d ought to know how to handle herself. yet, professionalism hit a dead-straight wall and she’d be the one left to pick up the straggled pieces once more. “well, your company is welcomed any time. for now? i have nothing to send you to do — though, how are rest of the girls holding up back there?”

when their schedules were so packed that left little to no room for any personal time, eunjoo looked for any ways to fit some free time while working. while she wasn’t as occupied as yeseul normally was, she still had more duties to take care of as the team’s leader. at times she just needed to take a step back and catch her breath. there were a lot of people that looked up to eunjoo, but she wasn’t really all that impressive. if she didn’t have the people that she did supporting her, eunjoo wouldn’t anywhere near where she was now.

a sigh leaves her mouth out of frustration. she couldn’t make it throughout a busy day with low energy, especially before performances. “let’s hope that doesn’t happen. otherwise i might have to file a complaint as well. i want to be able to do my job without any other problems coming up.” she casts a glance sideways towards the workers, examining the speed they were going. “i can’t even imagine what’s running through your head right now because i would’ve already lost my mind.”

eunyoung was hard to love for many, but to eunjoo, eunyoung just as loveable as anyone else. while at times the main vocalist could be a little excessive in her behavior and out of line, the leader could trust that the other wouldn’t go too far with the mutual respect between them. sharing a dorm room for three years had definitely strengthened their bond more than she initially expected, and exposed eunjoo to more parts of the younger than the others got to see. it was part of why eunjoo was highly praised by nectar as a leader, as not everyone could hadnle eunyoung and figure out the best ways to neutralize her.

Whenever Bandit was stopped during their day by a stranger, there was always a string of emotions that washed over them without warning. Especially, if their intentions weren’t clear from the start. Were they a fan? An anti? Were they trying to take photos of them while they leisurely go about one of their very few free days? The possibilities were endless. So, when an ( at first ) unfamiliar woman called out to them, stopping them in their tracks, they couldn’t help the nervous flip-flop their stomach did, feeling the smoothie they’d chugged down for ‘breakfast’ turning over where it was previously settled.

Before they had a chance to answer her question, she was thankfully introducing herself as at the very least, someone within the industry. Finally, as they turned to face her, they actually recognized the woman they previously hadn’t been able to see. “Oh, I know you,” they answered, having briefly met the woman once or twice, here and there. Awards shows, music shows, whatever else. They had both been around long enough to know of each other, even if they weren’t friendly. Because of this, they supposed they could give her a minute. “Is there something I can help you with?” They questioned her with a raised brow, not that you could see it behind their large sunglasses.

after years of training, the woman should know better than to call out to people like that, but she forgot everything in a panic to gain their attention. “oh? you do?” essence’s rapid rise in the industry still was unfathomable to eunjoo. it was something that she didn’t dream of achieving that fast and she still wasn’t used to having others recognizing her despite being the leader of essence. there was a difference between people recognizing her in atlas and being recognized outside of it. nearly everyone knew her in atlas since she’s been there since the early 2000s, so having faces she doesn’t see inside the company know who she was made it that much real to her. “i’m glad to know that. i obviously know who you are.”  

jooae pouted sympathetically as eunjoo explained herself, scooting a few inches closer so she could wrap her arms around her and rest her own cheek on her leader’s shoulder. “i’m sorry you’re having a hard time. but it’ll pass. it always does.” she couldn’t help but let out a soft yawn, her eyes falling shut. the exhaustion of nonstop working always seemed to hit her in the ten minute breaks she had throughout the day, rather than at night when she could finally get some rest. “be sure you don’t push yourself too hard. it wouldn’t be well for us if our leader was done for the count. especially right now.”

they were a few days away from leaving for la for a few weeks and while normally she loved traveling, she had a lot on her mind that seemed to be sucking her energy away more than usual. but that would always be true, she knew, and she just had to work through it carefully. “i’ll make you something special for dinner tonight, if you’d like.” 

eunjoo let herself ease into jooae’s hold, basking in the contact between them. “just have to get through it as it’s passing, even if it is ten times harder this time around.” she didn’t know how long it would be or if there was more to come. all she could do was hope that the height of everything had happened already. “i have confidence that you all would be able to manage without me if something were to happen, but i’ll try my best to not let that happen either way. i would not be pleased with being unable to participate in our upcoming schedules. everything we’ve prepared so far would need to be altered.” 

when she’d first joined atlas, odum hadn’t like the idea of anyone worrying about her or attempting to take care of her — she was a grown woman, having more than proved she could take care of herself just fine on her own. nowadays, it was nice to have the support of the likes of eunjoo and yeseul, their worry about the rapper only warming her heart. 

“you worry about us too much.” she commented once eunjoo sat down, sitting up herself and leaning her back against the wall. tugging the one earphone out of her ear, she stuffed it into her pocket before absentmindedly running her hand through the leader’s hair in attempt to comfort her. though she wasn’t the best with words, she always tried to convey how much she cared with soft touches whenever she could. “just because you’ve faced this before doesn’t mean it won’t sting any less.” though odum was fairly close to her mother as an adult, she could sympathize with eunjoo — the rapper knew plenty of other idols who didn’t have a good link with their parents and she wish she could do more to help her feel better about it. “well, i’m happy to be stuck with you. and it’s not like i had any crazy plans for the day.”

“i know, i know. at least you guys aren’t my actual younger siblings because they have it worse.” despite having an unrepairable relationship with her parents, she was awfully close to all of her siblings. even the ones she didn’t grow up with. “actually, jooae might have it the worst. she’s youngest out of both essence and my siblings.” it was no secret that eunjoo considered the entire team to be apart of her family, increasing it by five people.

jooae reached forward and gently tucked a loose hair behind eunjoo’s ear as she spoke, nodding along with concern after choosing to ignore the comment on her abilities. her members were amongst the best in the industry and, as youngest, it only made sense that she would be the weakest link. she still had growing to do and she was finally coming to be at peace with that. it was ok.

“ah,” she said, dropping her hand once she was satisfied the hair would stay. “i don’t know the specifics of your situation, but i completely understand.” being younger, she certainly wasn’t in a position to pry for details and she got the impression that eunjoo didn’t need that right that second, anyway. so instead she smiled sympathetically at her and stretched her long legs out in front of her. “if you aren’t feeling well you should just call it early and go sleep. it’s dangerous to practice when you’re tired or distracted. because yes, it was pretty obvious. but maybe that’s just because i know you well. is there anything i can do to help you?”

“i’ll explain more back at the dorms.” eunjoo didn’t think it was that serious, but if it was interfering with her work, then it was. the rare chance that something bugged eunjoo to that extent meant that she wasn’t able to work it out on her own and quickly get over it like she normally does, and she knew that. the second attempt would be to talk about it with the others, getting a second opinion on the situation.

there’s things she downright despises about seoul, then there are things she forgets her mind has become accustomed to — leaving her to yearn for seoul’s musty breeze when her two feet are trapped inside america’s boundaries. now, she can’t move — and what her fragile fingers want to do is snap at a pace so far loud, that it hoists the bustling bodies into doing their job quicker. but these vivid images become playbacks inside her mind for all she can do is stand still, using snc’s leader as the quick remedy for a distraction.

“they’re so slow, i swear — back home, they’d finish this in one hour. here it takes eight, ridiculous!” her hands fling to the air, and she’s no longer polished and pristine with an eerily straightened spine. she lets go, lets herself revel in the madness of her mind. “do they think we have all day or something? we’re on a quick schedule, one misstep here, and they’ll have all of you doing rehearsals till three am.”

she vocalizes her tone louder with each word spoken, hoping the sentiment would creep steadily into the ears of the workers. one speckled glare and a glazed smile reflecting a sheen — blinding everyone with the weapon guised as her tongue. “relax and have fun? i’ll have fun when we’re back in seoul and i don’t get the weird looks and hidden messages from other managers asking for my number to exchange ‘tips and tricks’. but regardless — what have you been doing while waiting for these children to finish building these legos?”

there are many things eunjoo doesn’t stick her head in, and one of them was yeseul’s job. while she didn’t understand what it was like, she knew it wasn’t a walk in the park and she always admired the younger for that. watching how yeseul was more than capable to manage the five of them, keep them in line, and make sure everything was perfect was admirable to eunjoo. in other words, yeseul was incredible, and eunjoo would never let her forget that.

eunjoo groans at the thought of rehearsals being pushed back until three am. “i would rather not have my sleeping hours cut short. there are going to be some problems if that happens.” she was already stressed out, and sleeping was her one of her only escapes from reality. if everything was delayed. she would have to squeeze in a nap while they were waiting if she wanted to be sure she’d make it during the rest of their schedule.

“ i’ve always wanted to have blue hair. like … cyan blue. my complexion doesn’t really suit it though, ” he admits freely. “ you, my senior ? seoul would fall. ” he puts a limp hand over his chest and pastes an exaggeratedly shocked expression over his features before he lets it melt away in favor of something more genuine, more thoughtful. he places his chin in his palm. it takes a little effort to balance it there. maybe he’s tipsier than he had given himself credit for. “ that would have been fun though, wouldn’t it have been ? ” he says, a little dreamily.

he wonders what it would have been like, if he had continued to date eunjoo. if they hadn’t decided to take a step back to save both of their careers, would they have made it until now ? would they have been caught ? he likes where he is now — the public likes him, his friends like him, his family approves of him — and he doesn’t think eunjoo dislikes where she is either. 

“ that’s no way to think about it. ” he tilts his head, lets his hair fall into his face. it really is getting long. at this point, it’s honestly just a game between him and his staff to see how much longer he can keep growing it out until either he or ( preferably ) his hairstylist finally speaks up. a game of hair chicken, if you will. “ atlas records is a family. ” maybe not in the same sense as summit media, but he thinks that because of the fact that atlas doesn’t put pressure on them to all get along, some of the relationships he has with the people he’s known for years closely resembles the relationships he has with some of his family members — petty squabbles and all. “ we should be supporting each other’s releases. ” one side of his mouth lifts into a smirk. “ if not, you’ll just be setting yourself up for disappointment for when we do beat you. ”

“so you want to live your dreams of having blue hair through me?” eunjoo questions. “what if it doesn’t even look good on me?” she thought she looked the best with her natural hair color, but the pink was well received by nectar, so she wasn’t sure anymore. eunjoo’s “i’d like to see how that timeline looks then.” she imagines what her life would’ve been like if that were the case. so much of her personality had developed throughout the years that she had waited, and she liked the way she turned out. who knows what she’d be like if she had debuted a few years earlier. “yeah, it most likely would’ve been fun. things are okay the way they are now, but they could always be better, you know?”

eunjoo prided herself on being an honest person, especially with her friends. she likes to believe that if she was selfish and prioritized her own feelings instead, they definitely would’ve lasted longer. and if she went a bit further into her thoughts in her head, she liked to think that they most likely would’ve still been together if neither of them grew tired of each other. while she didn’t regret ending their relationship, there were also plenty of things she wanted to tell him over the years that were left unsaid. but daniel appeared to be happy with the way things were now, and that’s all that matter to her. as a result, she kept everything to herself, saving it for a rainy day.

good job on the debut. sebin had heard the exact same words so many times in the past month that by now, they had lost their meaning. not that they’d meant very much to him in the beginning, anyway — it wasn’t like he’d wanted to debut. instead of feeling grateful, he only got angrier with every reminder that yes, he is an idol now. still, his annoyance didn’t have a whole lot to do with eunjoo and he knew that he shouldn’t take it out on her. “thanks,” he responded dully, trying his best not to sound like he would rather be anywhere else in the world. “good job on russian roulette.” again, the song returned to his head. for some reason, it was all he could associate her with in the moment.

“have you…” with great effort, he finally managed to look at eunjoo again. that was a plus. but on the other hand, he was still quite nervous and irritated, so he almost forgot to continue speaking. “…. uh… have you… have you ever been here before? to los angeles. or california. or the united states. i haven’t.” absently, he took his phone out of his pocket so he would have something to mess with other than his nails. “i was thinking about going somewhere, but i’m not sure where.”

eunjoo was amused by sebin’s personality since it wasn’t one she ran into that often. she had to give him credit for trying to keep up the conversation, even if his disinterest in the topic was starting to get a little more obvious. the dry responses were a big giveaway, so eunjoo decided to stray from talking about anything else regarding to being an idol. “thank you so much. we worked hard on the song.” while she liked their latest release a lot, it wasn’t her favorite. however the song was doing it’s job in grabbing people’s attention so she couldn’t really complain much about it. "feel free to ignore the question if you want, but what do you think of the song?” she hopes that sebin doesn’t sugarcoat his response if he answers. 

closed starter for @vldeunjoo, kcon LA

los angeles comes more like a dust storm than anything — it rages with violent winds and dwindling seconds on the clock for an impending explosion onto the next schedule. and yeseul stands there in the middle with her heels dug deep, and fingers curved around an ipad that holds the remnants of the day. she’s impatient, tapping the points of her heels against the granite floors waiting on end for the men in front of her to rummage through the bolts and screws of the stage set to present the next day.

patience is a virtue, and she’s got one — a tongue that grazes across her upper lip, vying for another pull of nicotine she has pocketed inside her blazer and a bottle of rich burgundy wine sitting pretty back in her hotel room. and simple thoughts of the substances that quell her nerve leave her inside a reverie, untouched by the clatter of the noise around her. that is, until the corner of her eyes pluck apart a petite figure passing by.

“eunjoo.” she calls out, tone completely void from the manager mode of blaring monotones. instead, yeseul’s warmer — lips tugged into a small grin and a motion of a hand signaling for the girl to come closer. “if these people don’t fix the stage in an hour, i’m going to lose my mind. this is why i hate america — so slow. they don’t know speed.” there’s a soft groan that flees her lips, fingers pressed to her temples. 

los angeles was simply just los angeles. there was always excitement to be venturing out of  south korea, but it always quickly ran out for eunjoo. yeah, it was fun and she was enjoying her time there, but she wanted to return to seoul as soon as possible. she wasn’t homesick, but her english wasn’t the best. she wasn’t the worst with it, but there was a lot of room for improvement still. for that reason alone, eunjoo normally stuck around the other members so they could help her when they were in the states. but she couldn’t stay by their side 24/7. so instead of sticking by them, she decided to hover around their manager instead. although, she had to actually find her first.

eunjoo was comparable to a child with how lost she looked while wandering. it felt like she had been walking in circles trying to find yeseul. it was safe to say that yeseul was doing her job and making sure things got done properly, but eunjoo was wishing for the younger to take a break so it’d be easier to track her down. the leader was close to giving up and retreating when she heard her name. she could recognize her manager’s voice before she saw her, familiar with the other’s voice. 

it was unlikely that he would admit it, but sebin was actually quite happy to be in los angeles. he was proficient in english and, having debuted so recently, his face wasn’t exactly internationally recognizable yet; it felt safe to just be. but his peace was interrupted almost as soon as he sank completely into comfort. bitterly, he thought that it wasn’t much of a surprise. the words maybe you should use your eyes came to mind, but he didn’t actually voice them; he had enough bad blood with senior idols already. now that his trainee days were behind him, he really needed to start thinking before speaking. “it’s… fine,” he spoke through a strained smile. “obviously i wasn’t paying attention either. otherwise, i would’ve moved out of the way.” 

instead of maintaining eye contact, he looked downwards. with a facade of disinterest, he watched himself pick at his nail polish. between the flight to l.a and the present moment, he’d managed to scrape almost all of it off. it was a sign that maybe he wasn’t really as calm as he thought. “i am sebin,” he confirmed, not minding the uncertainty she displayed  —  it made him feel less guilty for not really knowing who she was beyond the fact that she was in essence. “i’m not good at keeping up with groups from other companies, either.” finally, he looked back at eunjoo. “i can hardly keep up with the ones under kmg. but… you’re… you’re russian roulette, right?”

eunjoo was starting to feel awkward, unsure if this was a conversation she should continue. the uncertainty was caused by the feeling the conversation already gave her, which reminded her of the days she was still in school followed by unpleasant memories of her beginnings. if she would’ve been paying attention, she could’ve avoided this encounter entirely. better yet, she could just have ended it with a sorry and kept moving. there’s a voice whispering in her head that this isn’t salvageable, but eunjoo would still attempt to nonetheless. eunjoo began to tap her fingers against her thighs as she tried to distract herself from the her discomfort. “well, i suppose that’s true but it was still my fault. again, i’m so sorry.” 

though eunjoo and odum were very different, the woman held a special place in odum’s heart. being back in the dorm after a few days only made odum realized how much she cared for all her members, and how used to living with all of them she’d gotten. still, that didn’t mean she hadn’t slipped on her headphones as soon as she’d stepped into the dorm, laying down in bed and staring at the ceiling as she mouthed the words to kazino silently. 

seeing eunjoo, she paused her music and slipped off the headphones to give the woman the attention she deserved. “you’re not disturbing me.” she assured the other, shaking her head and sitting up properly. “everything’s still fine, unnie, you don’t need to worry over nothing.” she couldn’t help but smile at the question, touched at how much eunjoo cared. patting the space next to her, she silently invited the leader to come sit next to her. “how are you so bored? i don’t think i’ve seen you this antsy in a while.” she commented, raising an eyebrow at the other in concern.

eunjoo grinned at seeing a smile on odum’s face. “that’s really good to hear. i know i don’t have to worry as much with you,” odum could take care of herself and she knew that. well, all of them could, but eunjoo still had adopted the big sister role and that came with built in concern. “but there will always be a part of me that worries, even if it’s just a teeny tiny part. i just want to make sure everyone is doing alright. i’m happy when all of you are.”  

jooae realized almost immediately at the start of practice that eunjoo wasn’t acting quite like herself. it didn’t take much; they’d spent their every waking hour together for the last three years and as such, she’d become rather confident in her ability to tell when something was off with her. 

she looked up from her phone when she heard someone summoning her, a bright smile immediately appearing on her otherwise exhausted face. she jumped up and frolicked over to her, stopping just short of bumping into her. “eunjoo-unnie, my favorite leader,” she replied, taking her member’s hand so she could pull her along to the corner of the room where they always sat when they were taking breaks. “i’d love to, but i don’t think i’d deliver in the same way you do. there’s a reason my parts are what they are.” she softened the self-deprecation with a laugh, plopping down on the ground once they reached the spot. “normally you have the best endurance out of all of us. you doing okay?”

“i would that would be the case, or i’ll have to challenge whoever threatened my position.” eunjoo really tried her best as a leader for the others. she tried to enforce a family-like structure among them which had turned out like she wanted, while valuing the importance of trust between the members. it was one of the main reasons why she didn’t place herself higher among them despite being the oldest and having the most experience.