Shrek Or Bust

a cat is a type of creature that lives in your home and stares at you from a distance

my 12 year brother is talking to his friend on the phone and trying to arrange plans to go over to his house this afternoon and was saying that our dad could drop him off maybe and i just heard him say "well i could maybe come over earlier but my dad is busy sharpening his scythe"

muffled voice coming from the phone speakers: how long till the scythe is sharp

watching 90s-2000s tv is crazy because it’s like wow. there used to be good writing and acting and more than 10 episodes per season and a new season every year. we really had it all.

sometimes i see some cool art of Blorbo but before i reblog it i peek in the notes and discover. it is not, in fact, art of Blorbo. it is art of Squub. i have no idea who Squub is.

in a hotel room very cautiously removing my clothing slowly and constantly looking around the room shifty and scared as fuck anticipating attacks while a beautiful pair of women sitting side by side on the bed in matching lingerie excitedly but restrained with carefully lowered vioices cheer me on. they say Yes thats it thats how sex works! youre doing it right yeah! youve got it keep going! and im finally down to a sports bra and one tube sock when a car alarm putside startles me and i lunge for the empty handgun on the floor and put it in my mouth while they panic and scramble trying to calm me down petting my hair and cooing gently