my wish, to live in you like parasite

I am everyone's scapegoat all of the time because they see the light in my eyes and the love in my heart and they feel threatened knowing that their souls are tar pits

I'm so tired I can't even be angry about anything anymore I just feel painfully empty

In other news the dysphoria is bad today

Identity is weird because I'm one hundred percent just some basic binary guy (and I like being one) but also I am a dog in some sort of way that is not a furry thing not a therian thing but a secret third thing. And I'm also a vampire. For fun. But also not. Which means I am also so bat, as one is. And also I am a burning star in the sense that one day I will combust and then all will go dark. And these things are separate from gender to me but they sure are something

Literally what is the point

And she just gets to be happy and get away with it and get everything she's ever wanted at my detriment that's what pisses me off the most. Everyone on this damn earth knew. And they'll act like they didn't. But they did. And nobody did a thing. They still won't.

Everyone lives in this little fantasy world where people actually take abuse seriously and it's as simple as just leaving or just saying no or just getting better entirely on your own with zero support system in the world and it drives me up the wall. Could you imagine? Could you imagine.

It's like every time I think I've finally been stripped of all autonomy these people find something else to take like it's some personal challenge. And I just have to keep living while everyone who has no idea what it's like tells me to just climb out of it. Like it's that easy.

Till birthday tomorrow which basically is like Christmas to me. And it will fix me

It turns out I am allowed to be two things in this world and those things are 'loathed' and 'nothing at all'. And the funniest part is that I don't think I know what it's like to be anything else. Not sure I ever will.

I feel kinda insane but in a really really good way