Surround yourself with human beings, my dear James

Being brought up dismissing EVERYTHING was a horrible way to live. But more so, is the truth that I haven't worked to break those chains in my adult life. Conflict is the very thing that is scary to me. I think above all else. I need some improvement. I need God to help me through this.

Sometimes the best thing you can do is walk away and let someone go off to themselves. It's better this way, so you as a person can evaluate how you feel as well. I told you that I was sorry and tried to explain my thoughts and why I said we couldn't afford it. I was thinking about a house and the land. It doesn't even matter, the circumstance. I kind of want to lash out in rage right now. Say some things that would lead to a fight, but I'm not. I told you I was sorry for hurting your feelings. I tried to empathize with you and be there for you but it just didn't seem like you wanted that at all.

I keep having horrible dreams. I'm in this weird hazy fog this morning. I can't stop thinking about it.