but there’s nothing she can do, so i want her to shush you and take you in her arms, calm you down even though she’s terrified too. she’d keep your head in her lap as you cry about how stupid you were.

i want her to think of sam’s words before he died, how scared he felt about turning. what if the people are still inside? what if they’re trapped in there, with no control of their body? would you become like that too? a hollow shell of what you used to be, the sweet girl she loved? are you just as scared as he was?

i want her to turn a deaf ear to your cries, begging her to just shoot you and get it over with. but she can’t do this, not again. it’s not like with riley, there’s no ‘surprise! you’re immune.’ this time she knows what’s gonna happen, which almost makes it worse.

i want her to regret killing the fucker that bit you, wish that maybe it would’ve bit her too, caused enough blood loss to do the job.

i want her to refuse to accept your ‘last words’. she’ll stubbornly shake her head, tears swelling in her eyes as she refuses to say she loves you too. this can’t be the last time.

i want her to watch you turn, watch the glow from your skin disappear and turn pale.

i want her to watch your hair thin out and fall. the same hair she would help you wash, the hair she’d sloppily cut for you. one time she gave you these stupid bangs, you were so pissed.

i want her to desperately try to rub off the fungi attacking your eyes. the eyes that she could stare into forever, the ones that’d crinkle at the corners when you’d smile.

i want her to stay when you’ve turned.

i want her to remember there’s nothing to go back to now. she’s not gonna let this happen again. she’s not gonna leave someone she loves just to live and let it happen again. and again. and again.

i want you to pull yourself away from her. battle against your body. yell at her to get out while there’s still time, but your voice only comes out in broken moans and gasps.

i want you to not be able to help yourself. your limbs move on their accord and take you to her. she offers her arm to you herself, and your mouth falls open to tear her flesh apart, taking a small chunk out. your mouth fills with blood, her scent taking over your senses.

i want her to encourage you. tell you to keep going. and you do, of course you do. she wants to make some joke about how it’d look if you two had period sex, but she can’t form a complete sentence right now. she can only mindlessly tell you to take it all, take her. it’s okay. she wants you to.