blisters and bedrock,

i'll show you, come on.

so you're from [ LOCATION ], right?

ugh, i would kill to live in L.A.

of course, we do have to test your coolness factor.

no wonder you're such a guy magnet.

the first rule is: know your losers.

i was looking for some, well ... books.

i was told you were coming.

i know what you're after.

that's not what i'm looking for.

uh, hi ... [ NAME ], right?

let's segue into me asking for a favor.

look, i really want to get by here.

i have this burning desire not to flunk all my classes.

oh, i could totally help you out!

we could meet someplace ... louder.

is it me or are you turning into a bibbling idiot?

what do you do for fun, what do you like?

gee, everyone wants to know about me.

don't you have an elsewhere to be?

i was afraid of this.

it's like, a whole big sucking thing.

why am i still talking to you?

you think it's a coincidence you're here?

what do you know about this town?

hey, i know! why don't YOU kill them?

are you going out tonight?

you know, i think we can make it work, here.

yeah, there's a problem. why are you following me?

you've got to be ready.

what i want is to be left alone!

yeah, well maybe i don't want a friend.

i don't actually date a whole lot lately.

it's probably easy for you.

this is me having fun.

i'd much rather be home with a good book.

this is the perfect breeding ground for vampire activity.

i have to make you understand.

perhaps there is no trouble coming, the signs could be wrong.

oh, yay, it's my stalker.

glad we had this little chat.

it's not like i have all these fluffy bunny feelings for them.

god! what is your childhood trauma!

excuse me, i have to call everyone i have ever met right now.

don't worry, one vampire i can handle.

so, uh, what did you say your name was?

whatever, it doesn't matter.

hey, have you have you ever been in one of these?

is that what you think?

you couldn't go to some other town?

you're wasting my time.

hey, i had other plans too, okay?

oh, i – i need to sit down.

how do you kill them?

does anybody mind if i pass out?

this may be a dumb question, but shouldn't we call the police?

there's no "we", okay?

that was a bit, um ... british, wasn't it?

do i have to tell you to be careful?

and where do we think we're going?

do you see where i'm going with this?

i, in the meantime, will help by standing around like an idiot.

everyone else just thinks it's a normal day.

nobody knows, it's like we have this big secret.

maybe we should get to class.

you gonna wish me luck?

who gave you permission to exist?

it's cool, [ NAME ] is a superhero!

they knew you were going to come. they said i was the bait.

do you know another way out?

we need to get out of here.

you failed me. tell me you're sorry.

got anything to make this day even worse?

i'll find my own way.

yours is a glorious sacrifice.

i'm sorry, were you in the middle of something?

you didn't think i'd miss this, did you?

you should have been there, it was so creepy.

i expect a certain amount of responsibility.

do you ignore everything i say as a rule?

you have a sacred birthright, [ NAME ].

and you'll be stopping me how?

i just want to have a life, something normal. something safe.

who said i was pretending?

i didn't know you wanted to be a cheerleader.

that much quality time with my mom would lead to some quality matricide.

it's okay, it's okay ... it's gonna be okay.

you know, it might not kill you to give me a hand here.

get down with your bad self ...

that's kind of romantic ... okay, that part's less romantic.

my folks split up too.

i'm going to get changed.

we have to achieve our dreams, otherwise we shrivel up and die.

brownie pig-out at my house?

this just in: i'm not you.

[ NAME ], you haven't been mean to me all day!

you're not invisible to [ NAME ].

you don't have to drive it into my head like a railroad spike.

we can pick this up later, you don't mind — do you?

we gotta get you to the safe house.

you just don't get it, and believe me, you don't want it.

what, i can't be in a good mood? new house rule?

i'm going to stop this, i promise. you just hang on.

i've come to a very simple conclusion: i don't get it.

please promise me you won't do anything rash.

yes, i lied, and i'm a bad person. let's move on.

wasn't here, didn't see it, couldn't have stopped you.

i'm gonna need you to really listen, okay?

just for the record, you were right, i'm an idiot.

as it is written, so shall it be.

90% of the vampire slaying game is waiting.

follow your hormones, if you want.

you will be judged.

are you willing to stand with the righteous?

i feel like everyone is staring at me.

are you, uh ... having fun?

just be really quiet and barricade the door.

two days in my world, and i'd get you killed.

i don't come with an instruction manual.

we who walk at night share a common bond.

the taking of life is a serious matter.

their deaths will bring me little joy.

you read my diary?

you don't even know what you.

hi, it's been awhile. a lifetime.

guess what, precious? you're not one of them.

is that what you tell yourself these days?

you and i both know what you hunger for. what you need.

it's nothing to be ashamed of, it's who we are.

it's what makes eternal life worth living.

i'm not afraid of you.

can you please warn me before you do that?

ohh, you're giving me orders now?

do i sense a plan, [ NAME ]?

i'll be quiet now.

i need to stop thinking about this.

get some rest now.

[ NAME ], it's not your fault.

if you care about somebody, you care about them.

don't whimper and mewl like a mangy human.

you had a chance to come home.

come back

Rhea Seehorn & Karolina Wydra