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the laugh following his request has max hope. at least he managed to put a smile onto the senior’s lips. that in itself seemed like a pretty decent achievement already. with eyes sparkling full of hope and excitement, the idea seems more and more appealing to himself as well.

taejin was an amazing vocalist. versatile, secure in pitch, broad range; he was a dream of a vocalist to work with for sure. so when the male disclaims of having no interest in any solo works, max can’t help but furrow a brow in confusion.

“why do you say that, hyung? you guys are big enough for bc to put their signature in gold beneath any ideas of any of you going solo. the amount of money you bring the company- I doubt they’d pass up that chance. and besides- maybe getting to rebrand yourself as a solist may help you rekindle that spark of passion for what we do. music offers so many ways to let loose. don’t let the industry take that from you.”

“it’s a personal choice more than anything.” taejin rebuffs lightly, his tone flitting a notch higher as his arms cross against his chest. in reality, he knows decipher’s vocal strengths play to the tune of years on end training, early nights into late mornings — the pay off, solidarity in vocal prowess. 

but no matter how many hours he’s dedicated to the craft, it still remains an empty future of music when his heart no longer aligns with holding a pitch or extending a vibrato where it sees fit. instead, it manuevers onto the craft of reciting lines, exuding the momentary bliss of playing someone else. (still, he doesn’t get that it’s worth revealing any shrivel of honesty in this small moment).

so, taejin moves over, shuffling to the side with his head quirked left. 

in a way he feels bad for taejin. not in the sense that he pities the male- no, pity is the last thing any of them would want to receive. it’s more a feeling of empathy. to lose passion for the one thing you basically dedicated your whole youth to must feel devastating. the desire to do something for his hyung and senior, to help him ease the tension of his shoulders and re-ignite a spark.

but how?

before he could ponder over how to respond the other was changing the topic away from himself and towards max instead. in the end he can’t help but beam. “well I’m-,” he begins when an idea strikes him suddenly. what if he actually attempts to use his own passion to push the other ahead?

“actually… I’m more focused on my own goals right now. since releasing my solo album I realized how much I love writing music- not just lyrics. I’ve been working on learning how to produce and write more! I feel more comfortable writing music for others and helping them grow as artists… if that makes sense. I’d love to write a song for you too, hyung.”

taejin laughs, on the inside. the warmth of the younger idol’s words iced out by the reminder that he’s subjugated once more to the idealism that restrains his career.

then again, when has bc ever kept up the formalities of liberation? freedom doesn’t exist for idols like him, nonetheless ones with a certain niche already carved and branded across his bare bones. he knows by now, there’s no escape when every inch of his skin is sculpted from the minds of bc.

Being in the public eye always came with this weird position of both having to keep in mind that audiences were never just one mass but many individuals with their own minds and feelings. Striking the right balance between acknowledging and respecting their audience’s intelligence and taking account of the inherent stupidity of mob mentality at the same time was difficult and Jihae still wasn’t sure they knew how to navigate that space. 

It was hard not to visibly relax after being able to hand off the question. Jihae hadn’t found it horribly difficult to answer but it felt good to be rid of at least some of the responsibility, to lean back and listen instead. They were genuinely interested in what Taejin had to say but they just as much enjoyed a moment where they didn’t have to scour their brain for the most well-spoken answer they could manage.

“Exactly,” they hummed in agreement once they were sure Taejin had expressed as much as he was going to. “One is about presenting ourselves in a way befitting of entertainers active in the public eye, the other is about serving a greater plot!” Jihae nodded. Checking their stream for reactions their eyes lit up when they caught another question. “Oh, staying in that vein! How do you prepare to get into a role, sunbae?” They handed the phone back just in case Taejin wanted to take a closer look at the exact wording.

there’s a certain adaptability he learns piece by piece. something new given in glimpses of a day — today, he learns the magnitude of origin’s own presence in the industry.

one clear look at the raging screen, the flood of comments from anonymous faces posing behind the computer. (he can’t keep up). instead, he falls back to his palms clasped in front of him, taking a deep listen in to the response — and for what it’s worth, jihan’s got two full shoulders holding him up into proper responses, figures it’s part of the origin pull.

“it’s comparing two different things, in my opinion — acting and being an idol. it all serves its role in the entertainment industry. but the more you envelop yourself in each respective path, the more you’re able to realize how entirely different they are and what it entails.” taejin adds, uncurling his fingers and taking an index finger tap to his temples. if he had it anywhere near his own opinion, idoldom was merely a stepping stone to learn the ropes of dos and don’ts in front of the camera — ironically, now it becomes the sole hindrance to his path.

it most likely had to do with the fact that maybe back in those days, jongho was so focused on the prospect of debuting that he didn’t even really consider just how difficult the idol lifestyle could be, all the way down to just standing in front of a camera to have his picture taken. that would have been the most logical explanation. “maybe i have. then again, i was quite young and naive back then. i think i was just focused on the idea of debuting that i didn’t really consider just how much goes into it.” would he have changed anything though? probably not. as difficult as being an idol was, he enjoyed it for the most part. besides - if he had never joined bc entertainment, he would have never met his hyungs. 

jongho remembered the days when he didn’t have any animosity or ill will towards bc entertainment. back when he still naively believed that they had his best interest at heart. when he believed that he could depend on them. those days were long over though. he knew what bc entertainment really wanted from him, and it wasn’t for him to be the best artist he could be. it was for him to make them as much money as possible. it was a hard pill for him to swallow at first, but he had come to terms with that fact a long time ago. “that’s what i said - but i don’t really think they’re giving me a choice in the matter. the meetings have been starting to sound a lot less like suggestions and offers and a lot more like the meetings we have when comeback season rolls around.” 

although he tried his best not to be nosy and too involved in his friends’ personal affairs, he couldn’t help but be interested in taejin’s personal life. “ah, sounds like you’re overdue for a date, hyung,” jongho teased lightheartedly. “really?” he made a face. “have they already started hinting at what kind of concept they want to give you?” 

taejin doesn’t blame jongho. doesn’t blame for the time that runs fast through the gaps between the fingers in a blink of an eye — when you grow up in front of the camera for all to gawk and see, it’s impossible to catch facets of what the a to z contract entails thirteen years past. 

“and by the time you do have the age to consider, too much time has flown by to see what you’ve signed up for.” taejin finishes the sentence, musing out loud with an empty gaze that steers straight to the blank wall in front of him. by now, he’s feeling more his age and the disparity that separates decipher from the new fresh-faces swollen in the industry. he leaves nothing more than a hefty sigh sliding past his lips, and two fingers pressed to his chin. “let’s do a cheers for your solo — at this rate, i think you and yejun are the only two able to hold up a steady solo career in music. especially with yejun’s vocals and you’re knack for dancing.” 

half a hype man, and half trying to bite back the misery that rests like a heady weight lodged in the back of his throat, taejin steadies himself back with arms crossed against his chest. “i don’t need a date.” he counters, voice nearly lifeless and lost in another repetition of a sigh. “i’m happy being single.”

or just accustomed to one deadbeat relationship to the next — career first, personal life later.

summary: taejin’s watching the olympics in his spare time — archery’s a given. but swimming comes on, and he finds himself on the edge of his seat thanks to hwang sunwoo. (am i projecting? maybe, but idc! 대~~한!!!!민국!) warnings: none wc: 445

yejun rests his elbow on his knee, while resting his chin in the palm of his hand he makes a disgruntled face. it was only apparent for a few moments but he quickly hides it behind his fingers. pretending to take a rest, he closed his eyes but if anyone would see through this, it would have been taejin; no one knew him better, they’d already spent thirteen years together.

even though yejun wasn’t a fan of the way taejin spoke about decipher, he couldn’t help but agree; a newer and fresher group would suit this better than them. 

“ apparently your alter ego is someone gluttonous, ” the thought itself made yejun laugh, he tilts his head to look at the older one while nodding; sarcasm dripping from every word that he spoke, “ i can totally see that hyung, you are clearly notorious for being gluttonous. ” who in bc thought this was a good idea? couldn’t they have given them a brand that suits their image? or were they trying to relive decipher’s debut days again, “ it suits you! ”

hearing taejin say they should just deal with, leaves a bitter taste in his mouth; one would think, when you were years into their careers they would have more power over their concepts but no, “ i still think your alterego is better than mine, shy and timid… who? ”

it’s ridiculous.

he’s thought this many times before. rewound his mind, and read over the lines — rote memorization, and it still doesn’t slot into place anywhere near what the reality holds. taejin’s brows knit together, softening at the admission of it suits you. “i’m starting to think the ceo of this company has no idea who decipher is, nor took any time to get to know us.” his voice mirrors the sarcasm, a languid drawl of his voice right on beat with the roll of his eyes. “either that, or they took our personalities and decided to make the polar opposite alter egos. gluttonous? who could classify me as gluttonous?” 

now, kim taejin has lost his cool. incredulity yanks his mouth wide open, exasperation taking precedence as he waves his arms out in the open. 

they should just deal with it — he should learn to gnaw on his own words. yet, when gluttony cuts right into his own persona he’s carved out for him self, that’s when it all topples over.

“the one and only!” max can do little but return the grin given to him. he relates well to the unspoken dissatisfaction with a hectic schedule, a lack of decision making and the lack of perspective beyond the flashy name of a band associated with you. a label, a persona slapped onto who you are supposed to be, who you are seen as and who you are to present as long as your name remained above the dotted line.

years of their youth offered to commerce, money-hungry sharks feasting off teenagers dreams and ambitions. but while one could clearly see all the wrongs with these type of structures, in the end it did benefit them all one way or another. max knew that when his time had come he could resign or not resign but his name, his influence, the impact given to him by the years of being origin’s max wouldn’t disappear and only help him forward. yes, he let himself get feasted on but now he was harvesting the fruits of his labor, his passion and his  ambitions. 

“no more itch left when thinking about performing? been a tough month, huh,” he inquires casually while letting himself flop down beside the other.

the excitement pooled into max’s voice forces taejin to give an ode out of politeness, a weak laugh dimmed by the curve slung across his face. if anyone still found any enjoyment in this, he assumes — it’s best to see it face-first with the top of the industry than anywhere else.

two hands, each shoved in his pockets, he roves over the younger idol once more before taking a look around the room. “the itch has long subsided long ago.” taejin murmurs, voice nearly a whisper as if it’d break the peace. “it’s been a rough year, or a rough past five years.” it feels freeing, the concession slipping off his chest as he waves the white flag loud and clear in the room. a first in a while, to a near stranger, and it leaves him standing with a doleful smirk smudged against his features.

duri nodded his head towards the question. “it is! it’s not something we’re able to control. so, why are they berating us?” he protested, before a giggle would leave his lips. but, truthfully, it was out of duri’s control nonetheless. knight fans obviously wouldn’t go for anyone being married and not to mention, duri is very gay, so there was also that factor. 

he probably have a bit of stubbornness himself, even if it didn’t seem like it. but, everyone had a bit of stubbornness tendencies, didn’t they? it really just seemed to be human nature at work, after all. “hey, some people might want to!” he jokes, before he’s giggling again. “ah, i don’t think you’re becoming much of a stubborn old man. what makes you think that?” he asked a bit curiously. 

he giggles again, nodding his head. “i think the volunteering that i do isn’t for everyone! but, i always find it a lot of fun!”

“because we stand on stage and people don’t like to look at us as regular people — then again, we live far different lives than the rest of the population.” taejin counters, leaving a shrug to the afterthought. years in a haze, running past the fingertip vision of the audience, only leaves him as the product. everyone else a bystander observer.

but right on cue, duri’s joke garners a laugh out of his thoughts, outward and back into the situation when he takes the complement a bit more than what’s given at face value. “thank you — but i’ve found myself talking to some of the younger bc kids, and telling them stories of my time when i was in their shoes. if that doesn’t scream old and stubborn, i don’t know what does.” defeat comes in waving a white flag, knowing that he can’t reclaim his age nor reverse the effects — instead, kim taejin chooses to relish in this moment. 

Jiah purses her lips and shrugs. What else was she supposed to do, is the question that pops into her head. There’s nothing she could do, and there’s no bright solution that Taejin wouldn’t have thought about at this point. “People do seem to swoon over you nowadays, despite your grumpy face. And that must bring you good opportunities, no?”

Jiah makes a displeased sound in the back of her throat and hides her scowl behind her glass, “don’t remind me. Just like with my real family, my relationship with this one we share is a bit strained, as well.” Although not a lie, Jiah admits to herself that it was a little bit dramatic as well. There’s no way BC is worse than her dad, at least they have been present for the past decade. “Don’t rain on my manager’s parade. I don’t think he had time to date at all in the past ten years, and it’s a miracle he’s not resentful. I can’t think of anything to help your manager though, unfortunately, unless something huge happens and your career shifts 180º.” 

“it brings me the wrong opportunities — forced opportunities, if you catch my drift.” it’s a concession that trails off the tip of his tongue as he lets out a sigh of defeat. the public praise only surmounts to a cesspool of disappointment and career ventures that never match his expectations.

aesthetic & playlist / bc entertainment

summary: taejin’s called bc his “home” since 2007. extending a contract, he’s seen bc go through the transformations within the company, being an artist signed for over a decade. seniority doesn’t cause him to rarely frequent the buildings — in fact, it causes him to be more around than not, meaning he knows the buildings now better than ever than he had ever in the past. playlist summary: after a stint where taejin was caught lip syncing for most of decipher’s stages, he’s been forced (or so at least he thinks that’s the reasoning) to step into bc doors for some extra vocal training. he feels like he’s back in the seat of a trainee, coming through the doors more than twice a week to get vocal lessons / learn to sing covers of songs to get his voice back in sharp shape. this playlist contains the songs that the bc vocal trainers have him singing, over and over again. whether it’s to familiarize him with bc artists or just punish him, he just knows vocal lessons aren’t fun at all.

fmdmeme002 — no longer accepting

thank you to @fmdjeonghwa @eriifmd @suweixfmd @fmdjaein @fmdjiah @miraefmd for sending! 

headcanon & aesthetics / olympics

summary: the olympics happen every four years and kim taejin is a 애국자 (patriot??) aka someone who loves his country very much to the point where he watches the olympics religiously. however, he only watches a subset of sports, and the olympics become the rare time periods where he uses his social media to shout out the athletes for their stride and true dedication representing the country. hc for elaboration. warnings: gun tw, weapon tw wc:  700ish

jongho couldn’t help but huff out an exasperated, over exaggerated sigh. he knew that taejin was right, but that didn’t mean that he was willing to accept logic or that he wanted an honest answer. he just wanted to be able to complain, which he was lucky that the older male tended to let him do within reason. “no one told me when we were trainees that standing in front of a camera would be so tiring.” then again, he was only fourteen at the time. he was too busy focusing on the fact that he would even be taking part in photoshoots, not how long or strenuous they could be.

he took his phone into his hand, already knowing what food he was going to order for himself. and for taejin too, of course. he didn’t want to leave his hyung out, especially when he was using his phone and credit card information to order said food. “thanks, hyung.” he couldn’t keep the smile off of his face. it was nice knowing that he had taejin there to take care of him. it was also nice knowing that he still viewed jongho how he always had, even if jongho pretended that it annoyed him. if he were being honest, he was just enjoying being babied for as long as he could. he knew that one day the attention would stop. his relationships and dynamics with his hyungs wouldn’t end, but he’d get to a point where he’d be too old to be babied. 

he began tapping away at the screen, ordering something for himself and something for taejin as well. and he’d share with their members if they wanted to eat too. he scrunched up his nose at his ‘almost thirty’ comment. “nothing really.. the higher ups have been pulling me into meetings. they want me to debut solo. they say they already have songs and stuff pulled that could work for me, i don’t have to do any writing or producing… i just don’t want to. i already have decipher and champion, i don’t need solo music.” he sighed. “personal life? nothing going on there, trust me.”  he gave him a look. “what about you, hyung?”

“then, i’m going to assume you’ve forgotten the hours of time we put into practicing the camera.” taejin jokes, half-heartedly when he reminisces of his reflection, ten years younger, sitting down in front of a straightaway of cameras — learning which sides, which angles, which lighting all becomes variables to learn when he stands on stage.

taejin keeps his eyes on the youngest member, eyes nearly doting, pooling that warm-hearted touch akin to a father. because whatever time and place, they’ve got history — and that sort of history’s cemented for the books. lesson one he’s learned: before anyone else, his members come first, void of any pretenses laid in by bc. so, when he hears bc pull their own strings in jongho’s career, he scrunches up his face, lies his mouth down to a grimace as sympathy pools his eyes. “solo music after pulling you into champion? looks like bc hasn’t stopped its tyranny entirely upon the oldies in the company.” there’s nothing more he can say, no words to curve over the rough patches of bc’s mantra: overwork 101. especially not while he sails the same sinking ship.

suji’s aware that idol actors have always had a bad reputation, but she thinks it’s gotten a little better around the time that she made her acting debut. perhaps it was because of the minor role she took on and the image making that gold star did prior to her accepting it, but the negative feedback wasn’t unbearable. she also thinks that credit should be given to people like taejin who were one of the first to step into acting. he’s proven himself to be more than the idol label which has caused people to be a bit less critical. or so she thinks.

“most of my lines were medical terms too so i would always be scared of messing them up. it wasn’t easy trying to memorize lines about neurological surgery,” she says with a slight chuckle. her eyes grow wide when he mentions the project that she had appeared in. “thank you. that means a lot,” she adds and she genuinely means it. “i don’t think i’ll be doing another role but it was still a nice experience.” 

the atmosphere shifts from complete awkwardness to feeling a little more comfortable for suji as evident by the natural laugh that leaves her lips this time around. “you think so? promoting seoul is quite a large task so i guess i can see that. i’m just much better at singing than acting so it’s better for me.”

medical terms, and he thinks maybe in another life if he had been blessed in brains, he’d have some realm of dipping his feet in the pools of medicine. but, that was only imagination — reality would have him one of two ways: an idol, or continuing the tradition of nepotism, taking handle of his family’s company.

lucky or not, he’s chosen the former.

but he still turns to suji, understanding nod in tow when his hands fall to his lap. “i mean — if you really wanted advice, not that you asked. next time in a role like that, i’d suggest hiring an actual neurological surgeon to help you out there. it’s what i did when i hired a pd to follow around before my roles.” taejin replies, and maybe in a sense, it’d been another step. but seriousness in any sense of his career calls for shots like these where his heart’s actually at the centerfold of his work.

famedkrp fan sign meme

send a number for the question to be answered with an in-character response in the context of a post-it note or a verbal question from a fan at a group or solo fan sign. the answer given to the fan does not have to be entirely honest and should be public image appropriate. the intention of the meme is to explore a muse’s public image and interactions with fans! many of these questions were taken from real life idol-fan fan sign interactions.

please tag answers with #fmdmeme002. every 6 questions answered with a minimum of four sentences can count for 2 points on your points tracker (please link the fmdmeme002 tag on your blog to validate the points on your tracker) up to a maximum of 10 points. each question may only count toward points once.

please do your best to send a message to everyone who reblogs the meme and if someone sends you a number or numbers, please send some back to them. you must be sending numbers to other members if others have reblogged the meme recently to collect your points.

what is your goal for this year/next year?

what song would you want to sing to or play for someone you like?

what’s your favorite scent?

if you spent one day with a fan, where would you go and what would you do?

what new concept do you want to try showing fans?

which girl group do you like the most recently?

which boy group do you like the most recently?

what soloist do you like the most recently?

what song have you been listening to a lot that you would recommend to fans?

what is your most used app?

what should someone do to win your heart?

what do you want for your next birthday?

what do you consider to be your most charming feature/trait?

what is your favorite flavor of ice cream?

how should i ask out the person i like?

what’s the secret behind your good looks?

what do you think of fans of the same gender as you?

what is the most recent thing that made you happy?

what is your happiness level these days on a scale from 0 to 100?

can you give some inspiring words for someone going through a hard time?

what words of advice would you give to someone studying for their college exam?

give yourself a percent ranking from 0 to 100 in the following categories: cute, cool, and sexy.

what place do you want to travel to the most?

what language would you like to learn?

what is the first thing you think of when someone mentions your fans?

what is your favorite movie/book you’ve seen/read recently?

what are your recent wishes?

what are the requirements for your ideal type?

what job would you want if you weren’t an idol?

一 CLOSED STARTER for ❛ @fmdtaejin​​​ ❜      ↳ Q3 SCHEDULE, spoonz mv shooting

yejun had made sure of one thing, that when the staff and crew looked at him; he would appear cheerful but in reality, this was the kind of concept that he thought decipher wasn’t really suited to do anymore. sure it would be great fanservice, their fans would most likely love this一 seeing their mature idols, doing this.

he lets out a long sigh and sits next to taejin, they had written the song together一 yejun had taken charge when recording but it still didn’t mean that he liked the concept, it was a fun experience but “ aren¨t we a little old to be doing this? ” he says, tilting his head over to look at taejin for a moment, brows lifted before he tunrs back to look at the set.

it was cute.

everything about it was cute.

yejun is known amongst the members and fans as someone that can’t act cute, even though everyone says he acts cute naturally一 he doesnt get it, “ no matter how i look at this, we shouldn’t be doing this. hyung aren’t we thirty already? ”

so he whines to taejin about it, its usually what he does being the 2nd oldest it was his privilege to whinie to him, but also to hear out taejin when he was struggling, even if they were two yearaa apart; they’d trained together and been idols for thirteen years already, that two year difference felt insignificant now.

age has a number but schedules don’t.

not when he’s past the thirty mark, and promotions have him smack dab middle of some childhood ploy, straightening out the wrinkles in lieu of not fitting any concept at hand. 

when taejin’s finally given a saving breath in a form of a break, exasperation runs in the form of a mini-fit, his head thrown back on the chair, sloppy execution of his posture and palms pressed against his face. there’s a voice that calls not too far, too familiar that it runs like family at this point. “we’re old, we’ve been old. the only people that don’t know this appears to be bc.” taejin sarcastically replies when he slips a peek past his fingers towards his own member.

it had taken jongho quite some time to actually get used to being on camera, especially by himself. there was still a level of discomfort there, but it had gotten to the point where he didn’t experience an overwhelming sense of dread every time he had to have pictures of himself taken. in fact, he could even find the fun in a lot of the photoshoots he had to take part in. like the spoonz photoshoot - it was something he could have fun with and show off the brighter, more playful side of his personality. 

the fun didn’t last as long as it could have though, especially when the hours began to drag by and he became more and more aware of the fact that he hadn’t had anything to eat. his mood had steadily started to decline until eventually, he couldn’t even force a smile on his face anymore. although he did crack a slight smile when taejin didn’t immediately try to shrug him off when he splayed himself out against his back. it was nice to know that he wasn’t too old or too big to be supported by his hyung - literally. 

his smile was immediately wiped away when he heard taejin’s answer, and he sighed under his breath, grumbling unintelligibly to himself. “a few hours? but we’ve already taken so many pictures,” he huffed, rolling his eyes. he smiled brightly at his offer, nudging his cheek against taejin’s before he pulled away, stepping around the taller’s form so that they were face to face. “who would i be to deny an offer of food?” he held out his hand for the other’s phone. “even if they did care, i don’t. i’m too hungry to eat just a salad right now.”

taejin’s body knows one reaction before his thoughts catch up — instinct causes his hand to slip into his pocket, pull out his phone straight to baedal minjok and right into the palm of the maknae. 

“you already know how photoshoots work. we put in hours even if the photographer has already claimed whatever pictures they’re going to use for spoonz.” taejin replies, taking in a deep breath. despite how many years past, it’s the memories and years engrained in each and every schedule. despite the ages, and the physical difference, jongho remains nothing more than the middle school silhouette inside his memories. “food’s on me, so order yourself whatever you want — chicken, pizza, jjajjangmyun, or everything.” his lips furl into a grin, easy to give into anything jongho requests.

because at the end of the day, that’s all he’s ever known. the leader duties, decipher or not force him to always extend his arms over whatever request at whatever time.