º — sweet fantasy.

so far this year, it felt like yul hadn’t stopped. one minute there was a unity comeback, then it was champion, then it was unity again. anyone else would have been tired of it, but not yul. sure, 100 wasn’t exactly yul’s favourite song that he’s ever recorded, but it didn’t matter so much in the scheme of things when he got to dance and look pretty. the look he’d been given this time round could only be described as a 2010s emo kid with the ripped jeans and faux band tshirt only to be topped off with dark eyeliner, but yul prided himself on looking good in anything.

he’d made his way back to the dressing room once he’d finished, a look of surprise on his face once he noticed jongho that then turned into a smile. whilst he was already close to the unity members, he’d definitely gotten rather comfortable with jongho over the past year. “yeah, i’m all done now,” he replied, ungracefully sitting himself down next to the elder before making himself comfortable. “you should have come and watched, it would have been much more fun than being in here all by yourself.” yul always had to be at the center of all the action, so he never really knew what it meant to just chill and relax. “what were you doing up until now?”  

the outfits that were given to them this time around weren’t all that bad. they could have been a lot better, but jongho had long since learned how to stop complaining about things that he couldn’t really control. while he would have much rather had the opportunity to choose his own clothing for the music video, he knew that the chance of bc entertainment’s specially selected stylists letting that happen was extremely slim to none. in the past with decipher’s styling, he had offered his own two cents here and there and they had been taken into consideration, but he didn’t think they’d let him do that with champion. yet another reason why he didn’t want to be apart of the project group. 

taejin doesn’t blame jongho. doesn’t blame for the time that runs fast through the gaps between the fingers in a blink of an eye — when you grow up in front of the camera for all to gawk and see, it’s impossible to catch facets of what the a to z contract entails thirteen years past. 

“and by the time you do have the age to consider, too much time has flown by to see what you’ve signed up for.” taejin finishes the sentence, musing out loud with an empty gaze that steers straight to the blank wall in front of him. by now, he’s feeling more his age and the disparity that separates decipher from the new fresh-faces swollen in the industry. he leaves nothing more than a hefty sigh sliding past his lips, and two fingers pressed to his chin. “let’s do a cheers for your solo — at this rate, i think you and yejun are the only two able to hold up a steady solo career in music. especially with yejun’s vocals and you’re knack for dancing.” 

half a hype man, and half trying to bite back the misery that rests like a heady weight lodged in the back of his throat, taejin steadies himself back with arms crossed against his chest. “i don’t need a date.” he counters, voice nearly lifeless and lost in another repetition of a sigh. “i’m happy being single.”

or just accustomed to one deadbeat relationship to the next — career first, personal life later.

“they haven’t said anything, but my guess is as good as any others. i’d be willing to bet a ballad or a love album, you know — make more fans eat up the perfect boyfriend imagery.” 

“dancing is one thing. to have a solo career you actually have to be able to sing.” jongho knew that he was a good dancer. actually, he knew that he was a phenomenal dancer. there were plenty of times in the past where he was listed as one of the best dancers in k-pop, some even claiming that he was the best overall. that was a title he never felt one hundred percent comfortable claiming as his own though. he knew that he was great, but he didn’t want to say that he was the best. he didn’t want to downplay anyone else’s talents just to uplift his own. if people wanted to call him the best after comparisons, well - that was a different story. 

despite knowing his dancing could easily help him out a great deal when it came to a solo career, the last thing he felt confident in was his singing voice. he didn’t like the way his singing voice sounded to his own ears. it was why he preferred being in a group when compared to being on stage by himself. at least being in a group meant that he wouldn’t have to sing as much and he could practically hide his voice behind the others’. he’d always thought his group members had better voices than him, and it was a belief he still held to present day. 

“you could be happier with someone special in your life, hyung. don’t think about it like someone being your happiness or the relationship being the source of your happiness. think about it like.. it adding even more happiness to your life. having someone there you can be open and vulnerable with, sharing that intimacy with. it’s just really nice.” jongho really had no room to talk; two of his three relationships had been hell for him, practically torture at the hands of his two ex girlfriends. but he wanted taejin to be happy, and he didn’t want him to be lonely. “you’re not getting any younger, hyung. don’t you think it’s time you start looking to settle down?” he added the last part teasingly, a playful grin on his lips. 

he finished ordering their food, placing the phone back in taejin’s hand. 

open .       ・       time ? 

he leaves the waiting room because any more direct exposure to hair setting spray and he’s sure his eyes will begin to water — then he’ll leak away some of his make-up, have to do it all over again and at what point does the torture end? there was no plans when he left but he accumulates one as he goes. gazing at the fit they’re in, he assumes they might be performing soon. with much mirth and even more teasing he stops next to them for a helpful distraction from his waiting room nightmare. “so, what do you possibly think the vision was for a costume like that,” he glances past the details of their costume. “clown show?” he’s in his own form of a clown get-up, so they make a fitting pair. “it does make me want to ask; what’s the worst era costuming for you guys? there’s no way you beat my group and our collars.” he’s probably got this one in the bag.

even though he had spent the past thirteen years of his life filming music videos and other things of that nature, jongho still found himself growing weary and feeling very drained not even halfway through the filming for chamption’s 100 music video. it would have been a lot different for him if he had the members of decipher there with him - he loved being around them and working with them. with his hyungs, work seemed easier to get through. they made everything better. however when he was alone, technically not alone because of the other members of champion but still, he found it more difficult to enjoy himself. 

“then, i’m going to assume you’ve forgotten the hours of time we put into practicing the camera.” taejin jokes, half-heartedly when he reminisces of his reflection, ten years younger, sitting down in front of a straightaway of cameras — learning which sides, which angles, which lighting all becomes variables to learn when he stands on stage.

taejin keeps his eyes on the youngest member, eyes nearly doting, pooling that warm-hearted touch akin to a father. because whatever time and place, they’ve got history — and that sort of history’s cemented for the books. lesson one he’s learned: before anyone else, his members come first, void of any pretenses laid in by bc. so, when he hears bc pull their own strings in jongho’s career, he scrunches up his face, lies his mouth down to a grimace as sympathy pools his eyes. “solo music after pulling you into champion? looks like bc hasn’t stopped its tyranny entirely upon the oldies in the company.” there’s nothing more he can say, no words to curve over the rough patches of bc’s mantra: overwork 101. especially not while he sails the same sinking ship.

taejin heaves a sigh, places a palm on his lap, the other arm resting on the crook of the chair. “as for me — personal wise, i haven’t had a personal life since 2015. business wise, bc’s marched me around a solo fansigning tour and they’re holding off on any acting projects to listen to the fans. as our manager has hinted, i think i might also be venturing solo music too.” 

it most likely had to do with the fact that maybe back in those days, jongho was so focused on the prospect of debuting that he didn’t even really consider just how difficult the idol lifestyle could be, all the way down to just standing in front of a camera to have his picture taken. that would have been the most logical explanation. “maybe i have. then again, i was quite young and naive back then. i think i was just focused on the idea of debuting that i didn’t really consider just how much goes into it.” would he have changed anything though? probably not. as difficult as being an idol was, he enjoyed it for the most part. besides - if he had never joined bc entertainment, he would have never met his hyungs. 

jongho remembered the days when he didn’t have any animosity or ill will towards bc entertainment. back when he still naively believed that they had his best interest at heart. when he believed that he could depend on them. those days were long over though. he knew what bc entertainment really wanted from him, and it wasn’t for him to be the best artist he could be. it was for him to make them as much money as possible. it was a hard pill for him to swallow at first, but he had come to terms with that fact a long time ago. “that’s what i said - but i don’t really think they’re giving me a choice in the matter. the meetings have been starting to sound a lot less like suggestions and offers and a lot more like the meetings we have when comeback season rolls around.” 

taejin’s body knows one reaction before his thoughts catch up — instinct causes his hand to slip into his pocket, pull out his phone straight to baedal minjok and right into the palm of the maknae. 

“you already know how photoshoots work. we put in hours even if the photographer has already claimed whatever pictures they’re going to use for spoonz.” taejin replies, taking in a deep breath. despite how many years past, it’s the memories and years engrained in each and every schedule. despite the ages, and the physical difference, jongho remains nothing more than the middle school silhouette inside his memories. “food’s on me, so order yourself whatever you want — chicken, pizza, jjajjangmyun, or everything.” his lips furl into a grin, easy to give into anything jongho requests.

because at the end of the day, that’s all he’s ever known. the leader duties, decipher or not force him to always extend his arms over whatever request at whatever time.

when he peels his gaze away to the corner of the room, he holds his chin up high. “also, what have you been doing lately? i feel like we never speak about schedules. just because you’re almost thirty doesn’t mean you can stop talking about your personal life.”

jongho couldn’t help but huff out an exasperated, over exaggerated sigh. he knew that taejin was right, but that didn’t mean that he was willing to accept logic or that he wanted an honest answer. he just wanted to be able to complain, which he was lucky that the older male tended to let him do within reason. “no one told me when we were trainees that standing in front of a camera would be so tiring.” then again, he was only fourteen at the time. he was too busy focusing on the fact that he would even be taking part in photoshoots, not how long or strenuous they could be.

he took his phone into his hand, already knowing what food he was going to order for himself. and for taejin too, of course. he didn’t want to leave his hyung out, especially when he was using his phone and credit card information to order said food. “thanks, hyung.” he couldn’t keep the smile off of his face. it was nice knowing that he had taejin there to take care of him. it was also nice knowing that he still viewed jongho how he always had, even if jongho pretended that it annoyed him. if he were being honest, he was just enjoying being babied for as long as he could. he knew that one day the attention would stop. his relationships and dynamics with his hyungs wouldn’t end, but he’d get to a point where he’d be too old to be babied. 

alice returned the smile - she was fortunate enough to be pretty recognizable, at least as a lucid member (and, at the moment, that was all she could ask for. she adored lucid and being a part of the group.) so she got to skip a lot of the awkward greetings shared between semi-strangers. granted, she wouldn’t exactly count jongho as a stranger - decipher had been a huge group since she was only a kid, and he had been a member she would sometimes take on the parts of when she did covers with friends. years later, they had similar roles in their groups - main dancers, vocalists, and alice even aspired to acting. lj was something of an early influence on her, among other greats like lipstick’s minnie and the girls of aria.

“thank you! ah, we should get some real food into you first then, don’t you think? too much sugar on an empty stomach can upset it.” she advised, though she was delighted to have the company. “there’s a little cafe not far from here with the best sandwiches - we could start there if you’re in the mood for that!” she offered, not wanting to sour his stomach. 

it was always a nice experience for jongho, running into his hoobaenims. nice and a little surreal, if not a little bittersweet as well. it was like looking into his past; not because he thought the other idol favored him physically, but because he could remember what it was like being in their shoes. being younger in the industry. how much fun promoting was. how new everything was. although he knew that lucid couldn’t be considered rookies any more because they had debuted over three years prior, three years compared to thirteen was a huge difference. there would always be a part of him that wished he could go back in time and experience that part of his life again, but he knew that it was a lot more stressful for him back then than it was for him in the present day. he was a lot better mentally and emotionally than he was back then, and he wouldn’t trade that for anything. 

“alright, ahjumma,” he teased at her advice, poking a little bit of fun at her. he could practically hear his grandmother’s voice telling him the same thing when he was a little kid and wanted to eat anything and everything in sight. not much has changed since then, if he were being completely honest. “that actually sounds great. i haven’t had a sandwich in a while.” most of the time he ate ramen when he was on the go and didn’t have a lot of time to cook. and when he did have the time, he made actual meals and not sandwiches. “lead the way, birthday girl.” 

decipher hasn’t become entirely lackluster yet.

at least, not when bc wedges in an unusual brand deal, leaving his years of idoldom in a blank slate of mind — unkempt, and nodding along as he goes with the flow.

it’s easy to assume the obvious: they need consistent money.

so, kim taejin keeps his mouth shut, goes along with each step in the process. recording to the additional promotional shoots, spoonz — an alterego even he hasn’t had the likelihood of adopting fully quite yet. still, he mandates himself in an orderly system, bowing to the staff, making use of a camera-ready smile before he finds his place as a wallflower — lurking in the back, both hands in his pocket.

this time, his own member tosses him a surprise with a heavy touch on his back, instigating his own gaze to flicker beyond his shoulder. “jongho — we have about a few more hours here, at least from my predictions.” his gaze pretends to glance over at the clock, a worthless gesture when the time ticking remains in -ings. “do you want me to order you something in the meantime? i’ll give you my phone — food on me. i’m sure with how you’re maintaining your health, our managers won’t care whether you eat samgyupsal or a salad at this hour.”

it had taken jongho quite some time to actually get used to being on camera, especially by himself. there was still a level of discomfort there, but it had gotten to the point where he didn’t experience an overwhelming sense of dread every time he had to have pictures of himself taken. in fact, he could even find the fun in a lot of the photoshoots he had to take part in. like the spoonz photoshoot - it was something he could have fun with and show off the brighter, more playful side of his personality. 

the fun didn’t last as long as it could have though, especially when the hours began to drag by and he became more and more aware of the fact that he hadn’t had anything to eat. his mood had steadily started to decline until eventually, he couldn’t even force a smile on his face anymore. although he did crack a slight smile when taejin didn’t immediately try to shrug him off when he splayed himself out against his back. it was nice to know that he wasn’t too old or too big to be supported by his hyung - literally. 

ever since he was little aidynn had a preference for animals: both of the standard house pet variety like cats and dogs but also the creepy crawly ones like spiders and snakes. there had never been any sort of fear of getting hurt at the hands of an animal in his mind, even now as a grown adult who knew some things were poisonous or harmful in some way. still he loved them. though with his own cats at home, he clearly had a bit of a preference at the time.

when he had gotten directed to this room he had been very pleased, immediately sitting on the floor and letting the small and large furballs alike crawl around and to him. aidynn’s attention hadn’t really been directed towards any of the other people that came and went out of the romm admittedly until the one cat was moving towards someone else. “nah it’s alright,” he said as it really didn’t take long for other cats to move in his direction for him to pet and love. “clearly others still love me most.” 

“are you a cat person?” jongho asked as he got settled down on the floor near the taller male, making kissing noises to catch a few of the kittens’ attention. he rubbed his hand against the top of the kitten in his arms’ head, smiling when it started purring at his action. aidynn was someone that jongho was actually familiar with. not only were the two of them label mates and he had seen him quite often over the past few years since aidynn had joined bc entertainment, but the two of them had become something similar to that of party buddies. he had to admit that the younger was good company to have. 

time: late afternoon, July 11th summary: alice wants to share birthday treats. for: you?

alice was exceptionally excited. it was her birthday, after all! she’d spent the majority of the day at a fansign, which she’d enjoyed immensely, but it was nothing compared to the sheer joy of hitting several bakeries in search of the perfect birthday treat. there were many strong contenders outside the cake family, but if she went by tradition, it had to be some sort of cake, right? she thought so, at least.

so one, two, eight, twelve stops later, her tiny frame could be seen lugging as many bags as stops she’d made, a dozen cakes there for the tasting. spotting a familiar face in the street, alice approached with a smile. “hi! do you wanna taste test cakes with me? i’m trying to find the best birthday treat in seoul!” the explained enthusiastically. she didn’t really want to be alone today, after all, but she couldn’t justify a visit to her family. 

after spending the majority of his day at a photoshoot, jongho was rightfully tired and mentally drained from the entire day. while he did enjoy the time that he got to spend with his hyungs, there was a large part of him that wished that they could have spent time together without them having to adhere to company obligations or responsibilities. it made him miss the years where they were living together in the dorm and saw each other everyday. unfortunately for him, those days were long gone and they most likely would never happen again. 

while on the prowl for something to quell his hunger, he was suddenly stopped by a very familiar face. it only took a split second for him to put two and two together, recognizing who it was. “oh, hi!” he smiled brightly at alice, his eyebrows raising as he listened to her offer. “it’s your birthday? happy birthday! i’d love to taste test some cakes with you. i was actually just about to find something to eat after being stuck at a photoshoot all day.” 

it was no surprise to anyone that jongho had been excited for the activities that bc entertainment had lined up for decipher for the upcoming months. not because of the work or activities themselves, no definitely not, but because it gave him the excuse to be around his members as much as possible. with them reaching the senior stages of their careers, group activities weren’t as common an occurrence as they used to be when they were younger. and with all of them living in their own places and having their own personal schedules, it wasn’t like jongho could expect his members to always make the time to spend with him. that was something that took a while for him to grasp because he was so used to being babied by them and receiving their attention whenever he called for it. 

what: volunteering at the animal shelter when: july 19, 2021 with: you if you’d like

out of the three volunteering days they had set up for the next few months the only one aidynn planned on attending was the one at the animal shelter. honestly he wasn’t the biggest fan of old people, and there was more than one occasion where they weren’t a fan of him either from when he was younger, and visiting the orphanage really wasn’t something he felt like attending. though he wouldn’t admit that it maybe hit a little too close to home for his comfort. though, animals were right up his alley.

he’d found his way into the cat room, which he was sure his own two cats at home might not be the most appreciative of but they’d be fine. it was probably amusing to watch someone so big sitting with all the small cats surrounding him, maybe even climbing him, or being held. his attention had primarily been on a pretty calico for a few minutes until someone else was coming to sit down, catching the cat’s attention. “traitor,” he joked as the cat moved towards the new person. his joking tone continued as he looked up at the new person, “rude, me and the cat were bonding and you had to steal the attention.”

jongho was definitely what one would consider to be an animal lover. ever since he was a little kid he had a strong appreciation for animals - the cute ones, that is. he didn’t like the creepy, crawly ones that bit people and were poisonous, or rodents of any kind. he liked dogs, cats, bunnies and other little furry creatures of the like, but he, like anyone else, had his limits when it came to other creatures. he was just glad that the particular animal shelter they had been assigned to volunteer at only had the cute animals and nothing that could possibly make his skin crawl. 

taejoo had always known that there was the chance of running into active idols at the gym he used. he used it specifically because it was fairly close by and because it had no closing time. however, he had to admit to being a little starstruck upon first realizing that lj from decipher also used the same gym. he hadn’t really thought (or dared to hope) that he’d ever get to meet someone from a group that was so well-known. but the elder male was friendly and kind and taejoo found that they got along rather easily.

he’d been more than happy to accept jongho’s invitation to go to the gym. as of right now his predebut activities were pretty tame. as far as he knew gold star was aiming for a fourth quarter debut. so while his free time was starting to slowly disappear the real time crunch was still a few months off. which meant he had plenty of time to accept invites from his various friends. when he reached the gym taejoo smiled widely in return. “yeah, whenever you are.” he responded cheerfully.

there was something that was still so odd about being recognized by other people for his work in decipher. despite having been active for thirteen years and counting, jongho still felt like himself. he still felt like the knobby kneed fourteen year old boy that debuted all those years ago. the only time that he felt like decipher’s lj was when he was on stage, which was why he was always so surprised when other people voiced their respect towards him. like he did with taejoo, he always tried to make sure people could see the difference between jongho and lj, and he was glad that taejoo seemed to relax a lot more around him after that. 

hey guys! it’s max here with a little plot and starter call. if you look under the cut you’ll find jongho’s plans for the next few months, and some plot ideas. if you’re interested in plotting something out or having a thread, we can get something going between our muses! 

honestly, yul was surprised bc and dimensions would even agree to forming a group together, but he figured that anything was possible when the end goal was large sums of money. after all, he’d seen it enough with his own father’s company - not that he understood half of what was going on anyway, he’d never been interested in the finer details. still, there was no denying that champion was a fun opportunity. he loved unity and they would always remain his priority, but it was fun to dabble in new things and perform with people he wouldn’t have performed with otherwise. jongho, for example, was nice and the yul of the past would have never imagined that he would be sitting next to a decipher member like this, but the world worked in funny ways.

yul shrugged in response. “maybe, if we even reach our thirteenth year. still, things are a lot more chill than five years ago when i was a rookie,” he laughed, “i think our managers probably had a constant headache the entire time trying to get us to listen to them.” to be honest, yul was probably one of the main sources of those headaches. listening to what the company had to say wasn’t exactly high up on yul’s list of priorities to begin with, and so he often just did what he want when he felt like it. (the main case in point was when he’d gotten his nipple pierced without asking. the look on everyone’s faces when they found out about it was still hilarious to this day.) “sure,” yul grinned, “there’s no such thing as enough yul in a song, right?” maybe there was, but yul wasn’t going to discuss that. “good, don’t bother asking anyone else. you’re going to kill it regardless, though.

jongho could remember a time where a collaborative effort between the companies wouldn’t have even been a thought. The rivalry between the three of them wouldn’t have allowed for it to happen. But nowadays, with this sudden push for the three companies to appear as though they were some tight knit, friendly unit, it was almost impossible to see one company without at least one of the others. festivals, concerts, and even vacations, or what the companies would like to pass as vacations. even on “vacation” the companies still wanted the idols to do some form of work or another, which jongho had always considered to be a double edged sword. sure they were placed somewhere that vacations usually took place, but when they were forced to still perform and adhere to idol activities, was it really a vacation in the first place? and now with the whole champion thing, it seemed as though the whole “appearing as a family” schtick wouldn’t be going anywhere any time soon. 

fan signs become rudimentary — child’s play, at this point. it’s all a matter of working like a conveyer belt, his fingers curling around a pen as he signs away his name, never letting go of the eye-sight of the fan in front. this time he’s in-between questions of when they’ll see him next on the mini-screen, and his eyes only crease together in a blithe apathy of ‘not soon’, unspoken.

by the shift into the next fan, jongho’s already caught his attention with the wave of a picture. his chin, gaze hovering towards the picture when this time, the creases of his eyes allude to a more merry warmth in ten-foot deep nostalgia.

“the wolf cut never looked good on me.” chuckles keep his tone in a lighthearted direction as he takes the pictures into his own hand. “we look young — however, i’d argue that we look better now than we did back then. i’m sure fans can agree on that.” his eyes turn pointedly towards the fan in front of them before sweeping in with the next album to sign away.

back then, life would be inundated by the fastpaced non-stop motion of schedules with a never foreseen halt. yet, that sort of chaos rendered a simplicity lost in years present. 

“imagine if we’d have a throwback concept. i’d have to grow out my hair like that, and you’d have to go back to the skinny stick, throwing away all your hard work from the past few years.”

it might have been cliché or obnoxious for jongho to say that he disliked seeing old pictures of himself, there were plenty of people who didn’t, however it was a different for jongho. or he at least thought that it was different for him than it was for other people. seeing himself prior to his change in physique and lifestyle only filled him with a sense of disdain and a hint of embarrassment. being told by someone that meant a lot to him that that body, his former one, was unattractive or just outright ugly wasn’t particularly a great way to build confidence in oneself. 

but he didn’t allow that to show on his face - or he tried not to, would be more accurate. it was a true testament to his recently formed acting skills that he was able to keep a straight face, and even smile, while being forcibly shown an image that he would rather forget. and it wasn’t that it wasn’t a happy memory; most of his memories with his members were happy. but was it a happy time in his life? not so much. 

“i don’t think the wolf cut looks good on anyone.” it was a generalized statement, one that he believed to be true ninety-five percent of the time. he never really liked that hairstyle, on anyone. he was just glad he had never been forced to get it. “we were young, hyung.” he playfully rolled his eyes at the other. “oh, definitely. i think this is the best i’ve ever looked.” he gestured to himself with a wave of his hand. “don’t you think so?” he directed the question to their fan, who readily agreed with him before moving along to the next member. 

jongho had long since lost count how many times decipher’s members had held a fansign for their fans. but for some reason, he hadn’t really grown tired of it. sure, he didn’t really care for all the hoopla around the event - the long periods of waiting around, all the rules that had to be followed; it was annoying to say the least, but at the end of the day, he thought it was worth it so he would be able to see their amigos. they had stuck around with decipher for thirteen years at that point, and he cherished their loyalty and love. he knew that, like all other groups, they’d be nothing without their fans. jongho specifically felt a strong connection to them because they’d been apart of a large chunk of his life and had practically seen him grow up as they did. 

which was something that fans never failed to remind him whenever they could.