Luna

the constant guilt trips about how you should be grateful because your physical needs were met, as if that made up for having to walk on eggshells every single day.

or the way love felt more like a reward for good behavior than something else.

i needed more than food and new clothes.

i needed a parent who didn’t punish me with weeks of silence because i upset them.

a parent who didn’t turn every disagreement into proof that i was selfish or ungrateful.

i needed someone who didn’t make my feelings feel like a personal attack.

someone who didn’t use love as a tool to control me.

but that’s probably the thing about having a bpd parent.

me: yeah, just visiting a friend [ i haven’t had a friendship in over 5+ years and will probably eat comfort food, watch series while obsessively looking up any minor physical symptoms i have, then fantasize about having an incurable disease and dieing in 2 months so i don’t have to work or exist anymore - or lie about my weekends to coworkers]