Escape your Inhibitions.

Gainz have pretty much become an addiction at this point, I just hope that one day I actually feel satisfied. Thus far, earning has just made me want to earn more. This is the definition of insanity, isn’t it?

Motherfuckin' right. I earned this shit.

You certainly have taught me a lot. You’ve been cold, isolating, and just downright overwhelming at times but this was the year I actually felt as though I healthily internalized everything that’s happened. Although every curveball imaginable was thrown my way, I think I faced the pressures and oddities of adulthood quite well.

I’m not sure if a lesser-willed Eric would’ve made it through a year like this.

There was so much love, so much heartache. So many warm mornings with pancakes and so many cold nights staring at the ceiling wondering, “what if?”

Perhaps I could’ve said something to quell your spontaneous anger? If I didn’t share too much with you, would things have turned out differently? Would it have even mattered? We were doomed to awful timing from the start. Do you still cherish our memories like I do? Do you think about the arcade at 2am? Or all of our talks that went into the wee hours? How you tearfully told me about the darker points of your past? How about that dinner we had right before the pandemic went into full swing? Are you doing okay? I hope you’re okay. You meant a lot to me.

Perhaps I could’ve been more reasonable with the fact that you had loads of maturing to do? Maybe I could’ve been there to help in your growth? Would that have even mattered? This was more of a lust than love situation. I don’t have much to say about you, really. I’m just glad our situation wasn’t prolonged.

This past year has really taught me that some questions will just end up having to be unanswered. You just have to learn to be okay with the waves that roll up and down throughout your journey with life. Things will go your way, things will take an absolutely tragic turn for the worst. But no matter what happens, you have to learn to stay okay regardless, although the turmoil never really gets easier. You just get better.

I’ve learned to not be afraid of the uncertain anymore. I’ve gained the strength of having a clear-cut vision of what I want as well as the gall to say exactly whatever the fuck that is at that moment to anyone. 

But this turned rather dark which wasn’t really what I was going for, but whatevs. My mindset at the moment should be readily apparent to me the next time I check in on here to post something. 

I love my dog & love how loaded my bank account has gotten this year. With the disclaimer that I’d give all that money back if it meant being able to have more meaningful traveling adventures in 2020.

Onto 2021!

TODO: