Chico365

December 31st, 2016 // Day 366 of 366

Subject: Sesar Isaac Sanchez

Age: 43 Years Old

Born: Gilroy CA // Raised in Salinas

Currently: Chico CA

Occupation: Retail Associate at The Music Connection // Photographer and Writer at 365Chico // Volunteer at Chico Area Punks (C.A.P.) // Music Booker and Talent Buyer at The Maltese Bar // Creator of and Volunteer of the 1078 Gallery Booking Collective // 

Photos by Jason Halley 

Words transcribed by Sarah Pape

/// Poem///

He caught a town

in his lens.

We smiled and

told him our secrets.

/// By Sarah Pape///

“I approach this project through a lens of complete ignorance and curiosity, wanting to capture people in front of a camera. In doing so, by experimenting with the idea of recording people’s basic information while also asking them questions that pertain to their life, it started to take on a life of its own. So the approach evolved as time went on, as any kind of approach or project would, and thus I started to have it become a routine. But life is not necessarily routine and sometimes people and just random stuff can happen, so I just basically let it guide itself, used certain perimeters in a limited framework, and let it be as natural as possible. Also trying to uphold certain parts of a more positive nature in each person, trying to not focus on negative stuff. Because negative things—struggle, or stress, or suffering—are innate in our nature and so to try to uplift some sort of positive nature is a block against that and tries to, at least, give people a little bit of a better understanding of themselves. And ourselves as people.”

“I think that the most common thing I’ve seen from people is that everyone has a plan until they go through with what they want to do. And that no matter how difficult or easy someone’s journey is, they still have to walk that journey, no matter what. The most common thing is that there’s not something common between people, in that their own perceptions and their own experiences are completely different. To kind of juxtapose that, the common thing is a lot of them felt empathy for other people and try not to be selfish about their approach to doing stuff. People are really trying, even if it’s really hard. And, you know, it’s hard to get things done when you’re up against a lot of things in life.”

“I notice when someone is being really genuine and that they really look you in the eyes and really want to take in your spirit and just accept you as another human being without—because everyone has judgments—but its about putting those judgments aside and letting a person in, and be vulnerable. You can definitely tell when someone is very guarded. You can tell when people are being authentic. I can tell by their body language or the way they look you in the eyes. A lot of it can be found in the way they smile, or the way they hold themselves rigid. Someone who is very loose in their face can let you on in, they have a lot of expression, but when they’re very guarded, they don’t show a lot. And that’s not the rule. There’s definitely exceptions to that, but I can see when people are more open. I mean, day after day, you do things on a routine, you start to get the hang of it. A lot of people ask me, “Do you think you can talk to people better?” My answer to them is I think I can talk to people better when we both have intention. And so, if I have an intention to talk to someone and they don’t have that intention, then there’s not going to be any sort of communication that goes both ways. And so I would lend that to any sort of interaction you would have in your life. If you want to actually do it and have communication, at least start with the intention first, don’t say you’re going to do something and not follow through, even if you’re met with opposition and aren’t getting what you want.”

“I would drive my mom, or my parents, insanely crazy because the kids, we had a lot of cousins when I was younger, and they would be playing, I would play too, we’d be having a great time, you know, sleepovers and whatever, but I would always find myself at the adult table, always bugging my parents, always listening and kind of interjecting to what the adults were saying. I come from a kind of old school Mexican family where you’re seen and not heard, and for a while I was able to get away with that, especially as a young child, and I think that really has been helpful now that I look back. I was definitely—I don’t think I had wisdom or knowledge beyond my years—but I always felt like I was a curmudgeon almost. Not like an old man, but someone who is very steadfast in their ways. Someone a little older, who could be described as grumpier. And maybe because I saw that through osmosis, like my family members who were older, I’ve always just kind of been like that. I don’t think there was anything innately from being younger that came through the project, other than I’m super stubborn. And once I start something and I put my mind to it, especially now that I’m at an age where I feel like gotten over a lot of hang ups about myself and have more to get over, that if I find something that I really believe in, and other people believe in, and I push it forward, I find it hard to stop. That comes from that young stubbornness and I’ve always been that way.”

“I don’t think I was ever going to quit. There were times when I was exhausted, tired, depressed, questioning myself, doubted myself, had other people doubt me, felt that I was in way over my head, and that what I was doing was completely worthless. One thing that I’ve learned is that all of that nervous energy and all of that angst, stubbornness, overzealousness that got me into trouble when I used it for alcoholism, or when I used it for depression or to be mean, I then, in turn, used it to keep me going. Because I was stubborn enough to keep doing it, and I had all that nervous energy, so I couldn’t just sit still. I remember the first time I felt like I couldn’t do it was the last day, or second to last day in January, and I felt like I wouldn’t be able to do it. I was tired. I was depressed. I was exhausted. I felt like I didn’t know what I was doing, I was in over my head, and no one cared anyway. But like most good things that you do care about and love, or believe in, you keep doing it until it either works, or you stop. And I think that’s way different than quitting.”

“I really believe in the human condition and people in general, who are doing the right thing, and also people who are doing the wrong thing—you need to have them all. All of it gives me hope, no matter how bleak it looks, because you have to. Otherwise, it’s over. If you have hope, just conjuring it up yourself, other people can have a piece of it too. But if you don’t, and you don’t try, then no one gets a piece of it and maybe they’ll lose a piece of that themselves. Coming from someone who, again, is not the easiest person to get along with, I kinda take a page out of the book of people who I’ve asked. Let’s say you have a colleague and you disagree with them, but you still support them. They do things differently, and maybe they’re a little rough around the edges, but you’re like, this person is kind of a genius, or maybe they’re just trying but they’re just not getting it. You still support them. You try to give them support. Maybe you’ll help them. Maybe you’re that one person who will give them that 1% they need to get by. People are like, “So at shows, it seems like you’re not watching the music.” I enjoy things in a way different way than other people. I enjoy seeing other people enjoy them. When other people are at a show and they’re enjoying it way more than me, that means that I’m enjoying it more than they are because I get to see them enjoy something that wasn’t there before. And in that turn, through my nervous energy, and all the crazy stuff in between, I find an enjoyment in just seeing other people doing what they can.”

“I enjoy anyone’s feedback, simply because feedback means that they’re paying attention, or at least involved in the context of your communication or conversation. I’ve gotten critiques. I’ve gotten people who have given me critical thought on my grammar. I’ve had people who have told me my pictures look the same as the other pictures. I’ve had people say they love my work, and that they like what I do, and they think what I’m doing is great for the community. And I’ve had people say that they don’t like when the questions aren’t posted. They don’t like that I have certain people on there. It doesn’t matter if it’s positive or negative to me, because all of it is good. Any sort of thing that gets you out of being a bystander is good. So, all of it’s been flattering, no matter if it’s been someone whose been critical or someone who praises. I find that the people that are the most passionate are the people who keep on saying it over and over again, or have said it the loudest, or had the meanest or nicest thing to say. I find them to be the ones that really effect me more than anyone whose like, “Oh yeah, I saw that.” They are at least engaged, and to me, engagement and communication and just being involved, is way better than not being involved. And that goes across all bounds. Whether it’s at work, or being creative, or whether its being artistic, or political, being engaged is much more important to me than people who are indifferent, or complacent. You know, I see people who are passionate on the far right, people who are hateful, people who say things that I think are horrible, but they are engaged. And I respect that. Do I respect what they say? No, I don’t think that its cool, a lot of things that are being said, but I respect that they have fervor, a meaning to their life. And there are people who I know who are smart people, beautiful people, who are disengaged. And obviously there’s the other side, people who are really engaged on progressive thought and I respect them as well. The whole point is, any feedback is good feedback.”

“I’ve had people come to me like, “I never knew that about that person. I think they’re amazing now.” It didn’t change anyone, but its one of those paradigm shifts where you think you know someone and then you get a switch turned on or off about them. And it really just makes you challenge yourself, like, what you really think about yourself and how you interact with people. My answer to those people would be, if you made the effort, you may be able to do that for yourself.”

“I’ve always respected and always really upheld people who never thought of themselves as the things that other people think of them as. Writers, poets, artists, photographers, musicians—it doesn’t matter what it is—people who are like, I just happen to do this thing and it calls to me and so I just do it. There’s a little bit of humility in that and it allows you to break free from the spectrum of being that one thing. Or that other thing. It gives you an allowance to experiment and not have expectation. And it allows you a lot of freedom. It’s also a double-edged sword, because once you call yourself an artist, or don’t call yourself a photographer, then other people start to believe that. So, I try to meet in the middle. I let other people come up with the names and the titles, and then I will follow suit if there’s enough of it. And in that regard, going out and doing it every day, like taking pictures and writing words, I feel like I’ve learned more by doing it than I would’ve in a classroom, or someone telling me what to do. Because inherently people are going to want to be involved somehow, even if they can’t be involved, so even little critiques or pointers here and there, those are a way of teaching you without being in the classroom. And so, going out and doing it every day, to me, is a much better way, a hands-on, on the job training kind of way, opposed to being in a classroom. And it has changed immensely and now I want to learn more about photography, and about words. They both can capture feelings and emotions and you can use them to whatever end you want.”

“I had that ah-ha moment a couple months before. I told myself I wanted to rehash my idea of taking pictures of people every day. So, it goes back to that idea of intention. The words were accidental. I never intended for that to happen. I didn’t have this grandiose idea that I was going to do this. I didn’t have an artistic intention. It was just something I wanted to do. I felt like I needed to do it in order to take on photography as something I wanted to do. And so it’s kind of like that moment when you do go into some sort of program or classroom. You’re either invigorated by it or you’re not. I felt pretty invigorated by it right off the bat.”

“The next idea is to rest. But not for very long. I want to have a showing of the artwork in printed form, and to celebrate by inviting all the people who were involved to an event with music, food and drinks, and community, and fundraise for two things. One, for a book to put everything into. Two, to fundraise for the big project which is to travel around the country over 52 weeks—50 states in 52 weeks—that’s my next dream, that’s the next project and it is going to be a more streamlined version, because meeting up with people, going from town to town could be pretty intense, so I’m going to leave it more to chance. For sure do one each week, but let it be more free flowing. Kind of get a picture, a very small .001% picture of our nation at the moment, this post-modern world we’re living in. Everything is kind of turned upside down. It seems like a good idea to capture it in time, to see what it is, and where it’s headed. One state per week. A mixture of 2017-18.”

“In the beginning I asked for volunteers, people who I already knew, and they were the test subjects. They were the people who had to deal with the worst grammar, deal with my not-the-best photography or creative ideas. They had to deal with me being more nervous than I am now, and not sure of myself. Just by osmosis and knowing a lot of people. If you use social media for what it’s for, people will respond in a positive way, and they did. They came out in full force. After a while, almost immediately, people saw what it was and they wanted to be a part of it. Whether they were friends of friends or complete strangers, or just someone who I work with everyday. And there would be situations where I would be somewhere with someone that I know, either a band mate or someone who I work with, and was like, I’m sorry, you’re going to have to be a part of this and that’s just the way it’s going to be. And they were good sports. I’ve travelled and done it on tour by meeting up with people who lived in other towns. I was in San Antonio and two people who had lived around the north state who lived in San Antonio at the time drove to me. This was in the first month. It wasn’t even developed yet. I’m grateful for all of the people who have gone out of their way to be part of the project because I think they saw that they were going to be a part of something bigger than me. A very expansive list of people. Of people who just went to their job every day and did what they could and had other things going on, and people who were artists who were very creative and well known. It was a mixture of both and I think people respected that.”

“A part of it is about trust. A second part of it is about being genuine and intentional. If you’re genuine in your intentions, then trust is an immediate thing you can gain with people, especially if you’re consistent with your word. If you’re consistent with your word and you stand by it, then people will trust you to uphold their intentions, feelings, and what they believe in. So in that turn, I’ve had a lot of people tell me a lot of different things—secrets, horrific things that have happened to them, feelings about others and themselves—and I’ve always kept it to myself and I never recorded anyone when they didn’t know and I was always careful to never ask too deep or personal of a question. Because it’s not anyone’s fucking business. I wanted people to know about their nature and about what they could share with others that could help someone else through a similar situation. I don’t want dirt on anyone so it could be used against them! That would be horrific, and bad. So, trust is a huge part of it and if you look now, people trust me so much that they want to be a part of it still. You can see across the board that there is nothing in there that would’ve let people believe that I wouldn’t uphold them to a really positive light.”

“A lot of people have asked me about why I don’t post the questions. And my answer has always been a really snarky answer which was, I wanted to piss you off. That is, to a degree, true. I wanted people to feel a little vexed about the whole thing and feel a little bit out of the loop. Not because I don’t think that my questions were good or not good, or that the answers were good or not good, but sometimes those questions contained information in them that people don’t necessarily need to know. Also, it lent to it being an open-ended answer. Sometimes you really had to dig in there and you’d get to the point, and sometimes you’d be really confused and really kind of mad that you even read it. But whatever the case was, a lot of it came down to the questions were sometimes longer than the answers and it seemed a little asinine to be like, “My questions are really fucking long. Give me that answer that was much more straightforward than my question.” In hindsight, it seems like my little kind of secret artistic way of approaching stuff even though I didn’t really intend on making it some sort of artistic statement. It really was just mostly about that sometimes my questions were way long and way stupid, and probably people wouldn’t even look at the answer if they saw how long and stupid my question was. And sometimes people have answered amazing things to these really long and stupid questions! But over time, I’ve had people reply to me before they answer, “That was a really good question.” And that happens about two or three times a week. And so I feel like I’ve gotten better, but it didn’t really change my approach and I feel pretty good about it.”

“If anyone is going to take anything away from this, is to remember that no one is going to make you do anything and that you have to find your own motivation and your own inspiration from within yourself. And when you find that, grab hold of it and to hold onto it really tight and use that to propel your need to give back to others and share. I always come back to nothing happened by you not doing anything. If you want something done, you have to go out and get it and it’s there. It’s there for everyone. I mean, depending on your level of privilege in life there’s opportunity for anyone in life to go out and do anything they want to. It has to be your choice. If you’re going to take on an every day project, remember that it’s a marathon and not a sprint. Pace yourself, but you also have to be reckless and unabashed at the same time. The balance in between the two is where you’re going to find the most joy. At both ends of those are a lot of manic ways of doing stuff and when you find the balance that’s where you find your joy, to create with yourself and others and share. And then when you’re done doing that, you scrap that shit and you do it all over again.”

“There hasn’t been one day this year that I’ve seen less than ten people. It’s been that kind of year. It’s given me a great value of silence, and alone time. On the other end of it, when I am alone, and have that silent time, it’s too much. It’s scary. I become vastly depressed, in a very short period of time, because I’ve acclimated to this very stimulated state. I’m looking toward the new year, and I’m like—I will probably be depressed. That’s happened before though, so I’m not really afraid of that depression. I think that I really need it. I really need to go through a somber moment in order to really reflect what just happened to me, and what just happened to everybody else. Yeah, showing up every day, some days I woke up and was like, “This person is going to talk way too fucking much. I know it. I know they’re going to talk so much, and I don’t want to hear any of it.” And I get there, and it’s just fine. I have a really good time! And it just goes to show that if you follow through you’re much happier when you follow your own word and just do it.”

“Everyone should have the New Year’s resolution to really think before they do something. Before they react. I think that I too need to partake in that. But I see a lot of people suffering and I see a lot of people, through social media and the real world, who are reacting, who want to talk, and their hearts are in the right place, but I think that if they looked at the world and saw how daunting it really is, and see that a lot of it is fucking futile, and that if you just really, really, really wanted to follow through with that big thing that you think is so important, then you should fucking go do it. Quit talking about it, and quit posting about it. Because it’s insulting, really insulting to see people who are armchair activists, people who are willing to spout out a lot of words, but they wouldn’t lift a fucking finger or their own ass to actually go do something about it. I think I want to heed my own advice. Get up, get my ass in gear, and do the things I said I want to do. I think everyone should do that, and just shut the fuck up. Look around you. Look around in your own neighborhood—it’s falling apart! Look in your own community. There are people who need you and you’re wasting your fucking time. I am too. I’m the first person to say, you need to do more, you need to go out into your community. This is a way of doing it, but it’s not a direct way. I think that if people even took 1-10% of that energy that they use for this needless reactionary language, basically useless energy, and actually used it for something, we might see things getting done. People are selfish, and I am too, but it’s just infuriating. Come on, why are you proving the shitty people right? You talk too much. Get out of here. Go somewhere else. Put yourself in a really uncomfortable position. Then let’s see what words you have then. Everyone is big when no one can touch them.”

“I think the top priority of Chico should be to stop lying to ourselves and stop thinking this as some safe haven against a conservative monster. Realize that you are a part of this system and you can’t run away from it. Am I advocating for people to get out and protest, or go to city council meetings, or to go and chain themselves to a fence? I’m saying the most basic and vital thing is to ask, “How can I be of service?” And you’re going to be blown away by how many people are going to say yes. Most people want service for their actions and they give nothing. I ask people to be a part of things because I know exactly what I do. I ask them to be a part of the music community, or if they want to be a part of a fundraiser. And I’m careful to not point fingers. This is not a point-finger fest. This is a look in the mirror type situation. If you put yourself out there—I mean, that’s as cliché as you can fucking get—how can I be of service to my community? How can I serve my country? It’s just about putting it out there. It’s so easy. It’s so easy for people to do, it’s almost ludicrous. Following through with it is another thing, a while other story. I have a feeling that there are so many different things people can be a part of, but mostly, my number one thing lately is, if you’re not going to do anything, get out of the way. And that goes for everything. Am I the biggest protesting advocate of all time? Hell no. I’m not even close. But it’s the intention and the doing things that I feel I can offer. I feel like people want to be involved, but do they really want to be involved? Cause that takes effort.”

This year has has been a good, hard, and challenging year full of heartbreak and full of love. And what I learned the most in doing this project is that everything and everyone has it's place. That if you want good things to happen, and if you want want to happy, that you have to put others before you and just try to be the best version of yourself; sometimes it's possible and sometimes it's not.

But anything that is worth your time does not come easy and if it does then maybe you don't need or want it.

So my advice is: Be Patient. Wait your turn. And have humility.

Then maybe someday something will go your way.

December 30th, 2016 // Day 365 of 366

Subject: Carin Hilgeman

Age: 43 Years Old

Born: Redwood City CA // Raised in Durham

Currently: Chapman Heights CA

Occupation: Facebook in Chico  // Board of Directors at the Catalyst 

“They’re my feel good jobs, like they keep my karma bucks up is how I feel. I used services through a bad domestic violence relationship so to be on the side of it to give back to the domestic violence agency is amazing, but it’s like paying back karma of things. People helped me through things and I can help them get through that or help the agencies get to where they need to be. I go through my paid job anxious to get done working so I could go work for free. I’ll stay up till midnight working on projects for the non-profits and volunteering because it’s fun. The people in this town are amazing and fun to work with.” 

“Even as a child I think I was really compassionate [and] just my personality and my nature are very compassionate. It was always something my mom pointed out when I was a kid so it probably lead to being in a bad relationship because I was too compassionate and thought I could help somebody help themselves; whatever you tell yourself when you’re in it. But no it comes naturally. I think there are sometimes where I need to fine-tune it a little bit in certain situations or certain challenges. But being in a bad relationship from seventeen to twenty-four, a really young part of a women’s life, I feel like my mid-life crisis was over a long time ago early in life for me so it can’t get any worse. Like of course every day is awesome, and everything I do is going to awesome, and why would you waste your time doing something that didn’t make you happy or feel good doing?” 

“I don’t feel like I’m stagnate only because I continue moving so much already, like it’s part of my nature. And maybe I get a little bored with something so I just turn to another project, or I except a project, and I get excited about it, and make it known to the world but then I’m stuck with it; I’ve got to do it. You’ve got to follow through [and] you can’t back out when you’ve already made commitments. Ideas pop in your head, and ideas get created, and that’s just where fun happens. And working with so many different volunteer bases, there’s always a different project you’re working on, a different thing to create. And my job at Facebook is the same way too where every single day is a little different; it keeps it fresh.” 

“I moved away so many other times too. I lived in Austin, and San Francisco, and Mendocino, and up in Oregon for a couple of years but I always get this urge to have to come back and reset; like this is where my family is. Not just my blood family, but [also] community, and friends, and so many different pockets of Chico with different communities so you have to come back here. But it’s pretty awesome too because when I do travel or go away like I meet people in New York who are Chico-connected. I just met a lady in Port Orford where I lived for years, she’s from Chico and she travels all the time, [and] she has dinner with friends of my man [and] we’ve never even met yet. There’s an amazing connection with Chico and other places around.” 

“I think it’s an epic point we’re at, especially with this last year and all the changes on local levels, on ground levels, and on our presidential levels; it’s almost like a beginning of a revolution in a way, I feel like. It is a shit-show but it’s going to get better, like that’s what starts people to activate, to make changes that they need, and know what’s right and what’s wrong, and stand up for it; I feel like it’s the sixties. Like fashion reoccurs [then] so does our political stands, and our issues, and what we stand for.” 

“I would like to tell you thanks so such an amazing project. I caught onto it a few months into it so I have to backtrack to see what was done. But it’s been a fun project to watch, and to see pop-up on your Facebook feed and seen people you know, people you’ve worked with, people from past connections in Chico and how connected they are. Because really Chico is two degrees of separation and you’re pretty much nailing it on all these interviews that are all so tied together. Good work. Good work.” 

Starting your day off right is the key to having a better day and when you spend the morning with a great person like Carin, then you know you’re going to have a damn good day. Her smile is radiant and she talks with all of her spirit and energy that it’s hard to not feel good just being in her presence. But she’s just that kind of person who’s ready to help another human being, to uplift what she believes in, and most of all to try make things better around her. That empathetic and compassionate part about her is what colors her soul and it’s something that is hard to miss while you talk about her work with non-profits and how she loves to travel and discover other beautiful places. She’s got a reverence and love for this area we call home, The North State, Butte County, and Chico specifically. It’s a hard place to not come back to you when there are special people here. People like Carin who make it all damn worth it to be here.

December 29th, 2016 // Day 364 of 366

Subject: Joseph Kevin Haney 

Age: 29 Years Old

Born: Des Plaines IL

Currently: Chico CA

Occupation: Ownership and Outreach Coordinator at the Chico Natural Foods Cooperative 

“Chico has a definite pervasive sense of culture especially compared to where I grew up in Indiana. It is everywhere and I think that by growing up where I did in Southern Indiana by having to find or make culture or beauty, to find the beauty in things that are garbage. That is something that you have to be able to do in Southern Indian if you’re going to find beauty in anything. And coming out to Chico, and to California in general, there is just so much beauty all around [that] maybe you don’t have to necessarily work so hard at it here. There are so many creative interesting people doing so many creative wonderful things. There’s natural beauty, there’s just human kindness and all kinds of wonder, and culture, and beauty out here. I like that I had to find kind of beauty in ugliness growing up; it’s made me so much more delighted in what I find here.” 

“I’m still so excited by reading, by the words of others. Perhaps not as much as I was when I was younger. I remember clearly moments, especially a young teenager, really moving into literature from genre fiction and being astounded. I remember the first time I read a book and thought, ‘oh wow, the way this person is using words is art.’ It’s not just a way of conveying a ploy or a dialogue but the sound of the words in my mind is beautiful and is artistic. And I still can be moved by a phrase by just the rhythm and flow of words. I don’t create as much of that, at least in writing, as I would like [but] that’s a perpetual goal of mine to try and create more because I consume so much.” 

“I don’t know about inspire but I do try to, I hope, have an affect on people around me. I try to as the best that I can [to] entertain or uplift. Whether I have succeeded or not I hope to try and be either kind, or funny, or to hear what people want to say because a lot of the time people want to talk, and be heard, and be engaged with. And more than they want to hear something beautiful, they want to be heard and feel that what they’re saying is something beautiful, real, and meaningful and it is. It doesn’t take insincerity to do that, it just takes a receptivity, a respect for just people’s basic humanity; a sort of humanism. I hope to try and do that. I sometimes catch myself falling into insincerity, or passivity, or just, ‘oh yeah, and how did that make you feel?” for example. I do strive to really listen and engage with what people say, and what people do because I think that there’s not enough of that. And that just kindness, and listening, and appreciation of what other people are doing, their endeavors, is a kindness and is a gift that everyone deserves.” 

“I do, I do feel dissatisfied sometimes that I’m not taking full advantage of the opportunities presented to me. Living in Chico, this is a town that loves endeavor of any sort. It’s such a comfortable and pleasing place that a person could get by just hanging out and being a consumer, or a fixture, or an attendee and that’s something I do a lot of. There’s beauty, and there’s garbage, and there’s mediocrity of all sorts to consume and you can just love it and love it in Chico. And I don’t feel guilty for enjoying it and being a presence of it. I feel frankly pleased and proud of myself of having left Indiana for being almost thirty years old and still liking my life, and liking the people around me, and feeling like I’m learning. There are so many people that I know that for whatever reason that that doesn’t develop. When I was a teenager I didn’t anticipate that I could be twenty-nine years old and still be happy and growing. I had this weird idea that that sort of stops at some point in your mid twenties. And I guess the hope I have for my near future is to maybe not consume less garbage but maybe make some of my own.” 

“I learned in college in Munsee Indiana, and I don’t know if it’s necessarily or literally true or not, but that the body reacts to stress either positive stress or negative distress in the same way; your physiological response [and] your cardiovascular response is the same. Whether you’re delighted by a wonderful surprise or whether a creature is coming at you that you’re afraid of, and that it’s your perception and how fit that into the story of your life that makes it eustress, which is positive stress, or distress, negative [stress]. And while I haven’t investigated to whether I know that’s still literally true, it’s a powerful metaphor I think for what I try to do, and then I think is a good endeavor for a lot of people to do is to find a way to make things work for you; to try and make things. To find the joy in misery, or in unfortunate events; to find the beauty in garbage. And if you can laugh when you’re sad and see something beautiful in garbage then you’ll never be bored and you’ll never be bereft of laughter.” 

Joey and I sat in Walmart today and took in the sounds and sights of modern consumerism while we talked about his life and life and general. It was a vibrant and beautiful conversation filled with spirited moments that you don’t expect to find in places like that. Maybe because that Walmart couldn’t be a place that culture, or fun, or anything good came out of but Joey see that differently because Walmart was apart of his culture, a place for his younger self to dwell and have a place to go in a city that had no place for young people to express themselves or even play. Since coming to Chico on one of the best and weirdest whims I’ve ever heard, Joey has grown leaps and bounds in his own rite, leaving behind the Midwest and embracing the Chico and California life in general. His love for knowledge and words are very apparent, but it’s his love for connection and his own life that shine the brightest. A well-articulated and thoughtful person, Joey is someone who is aware of his place in Chico and sees that it is almost time for him to make his own garbage that can be beautiful as well and I look forward to that day. 

Thanks Joey, 

December 28th, 2016 // Day 363 of 366

Subject: Daniel Robert Wardwell 

Age: 28 Years Old

Born: Tucson AZ

Currently: Chico CA

Occupation: Technical Director at Action News Now Channel 12 // 

“It’s not a conscious effort because it’s just what you ear picks up, it’s what you enjoy. It’s hard to pinpoint why you enjoy it. A musical turn on for me, granted, is if I hear someone doing something and you go, ‘isn’t that difficult to pull off?’ If I’m going to listen, or pay for music, or spend time with it, it’s not something where I go, ‘there’s not much too much to that.’ and knowing the little I know about music that I still need to find what’s b.s. and find what is interesting, or someone who’s putting something into this that is new and some kind of creative force behind it. I’m also attracted to things that’s like ‘how do they manage to do that? That’s impressive with music where at first it takes ownership of the song. You have to listen to it a few times and you start to understand the song and just like to groove with it. And that’s very rewarding and all of a sudden this sometimes seventeen-minute song is just like a pop song to you because you’re just jamming with all the curves of it. You know the song and it’s hard for some people to get into. And it’s hard to convince someone to sit down and listen to something like that. I’m not trying to too much. But it’s fun for me.” 

“I don’t have a super clear bigger picture, that’s hard to find these days. I also feel like it’s a tumultuous world right now or maybe it always has been too. But I’m approaching it as a day-by-day approach. Meanwhile though I guess I’ll have to work on it. But I’m enjoying myself and I’m comfortable [and] I do need to push myself out of that comfort zone [because] it’s a valuable thing. I’m just lucky that I have such a good support base and I almost could get away with anything almost-besides murder maybe- but I could get away with stuff, and have people there with me and supporting me through any decision I could make, I’d imagine. I should probably make some decisions and figure that out.” 

“Well I’m going to use this [time], New Years is always a good time to do it right? I’m challenging myself with just produce more -have my name on more stuff- almost just because it’s for recognition, it’s more for the fun in just something to hold on to. And while I still have both my friends and creative group are one in the same, and to take advantage of that while it’s still here because that stuff is always fleeting. You never know when that will end. And gotta be on the nose especially this year in the future to keep that going. It helps to push myself by myself. I have to do that too. It’s hard when you’re working forty hours a week but that’s not a good excuse and my job is an easy thing. And I have no reason not to.” 

“I’ll take my time but also deadlines have always been the most valuable thing for me in terms of creative things. And that’s maybe why finding some way to give yourself a deadline after you’re all done with school and now that you’re all done with that stuff to find those. With slow burn it is nice to not feel overwhelmed. To keep things on a small level and now with the Internet a small level can, all of a sudden with a bunch of footwork, can become a bigger thing. Like to do a show on public access, and then have that be on the Internet forever in case one day someone does actually want to watch all the goofy things you’ve done that’s on the Internet. It’s all right there. Which is exciting but to keep adding to that at a better pace but it’s hard to keep people’s attention for a long time.” 

“In terms of friendship. I’ve got a very tight knit group of friends and also a very wide circle of good friends that I love to see. I’d love to see them more frequently but also no one minds. It’s all just very casual, very just supportive group of people and when you’re in I feel like you’re in. But I feel lucky enough to be apart of that. Just incredibly fortunate [and] I’ve got so many good friends here; it’s unbelievable.” 

“One thing I wanted to make sure that got across was that I do have to work on my own self confidence and things like that or be more supportive of myself. It’s more like self-doubt of how much I do want to do or put out there because if you want to do something [then] you should be all about it. But one thing that makes me feel more confident about myself are the people that consider me a friend are some of the most creative best people that I have ever known. People who are friends with me give me such confidence because if I’m holding their attention or their friendship then I’ve got to be doing something right because these people are incredible people. Not just creatively, just people in general and that makes me feel good about myself that they would consider me a friend. And that’s a ton of people in Chico [and] outside of Chico. I’ve been very fortunate. And Music, playing music as being a creative thing has been a huge part of that. If I never got into that I don’t think my life would be half as rich as now if I never did it, which is really cool. Chico gives you that opportunity; just the fact that we were a band and we got to host other traveling bands. You get to meet these people and just having that opportunity for the two or three years we were active was incredible. And still have friendships to this day that I could fly out to Cleveland, or go up to Portland or Seattle and be hooked up just for being in a band a little bit and having fun. Like what else allows you that opportunity? I don’t know.” 

I always couldn’t tell if Danny was being serious or joking when we talked. But I too have come across people who said that the way I’ve talked has come of wrong or even pretentious. So it was pretty awesome today to meet up with Danny as we treated ourselves to a good time of taking about music, comedy, friends, and everything in between. I respect his tenacity to find creative things that challenge his pallet. Whether it’s with music or comedy, those being the main ones I think of, I always feel like he knows a little secret or a gem that no one else knows or will ever know. It’s sort of mysterious but also very endearing. What came across even more then his love for the weird or challenging arts was his love for connection; that his friends whether close or not were something that he valued. That he’s looking to create more then just art and curate friendships over a long time. He loves to ball, get in a goof, but most all he just likes to be a good person. 

Thanks Danny. 

December 27th, 2016 // Day 362 of 366

Subject: Matthew Manfredi

Age: 28 Years Old

Born: Mount Shasta City CA // Raised in Dunsmuir CA

Currently: Chico CA

Occupation: Student // Journalist // Correspondent // Pop Punk Musician at Slay It Forward

“It definitely has helped but I’ve always kind of had that mindset, more or less. I wanna say that it’s made me a little more empathetic towards certain perspectives and people in general. I’ve always been interested in other people’s perspective and why they do the certain things they do and just being a journalist has definitely helped me with that; just admiring different people’s perspectives. I always have the question of ‘why?’ in the back of my mind and being a journalist gives me the right to ask anybody that at will. So it definitely has helped, which is a fun part of it [and] being understanding of where they’re coming from and why they do the things that they do.” 

“When it comes down to it I really don’t care what people think. My perspective is my own and I only do things I like because I like doing them, and being able to not depend on anybody, like whether it’s playing guitar, or reading, or writing, so I don’t have to have anybody there to actually help me with those things. I appreciate the time I have with myself but just as far as interviewing people, it opens new doors and journalism has helped a lot with that. But that doesn’t really concern me honestly, like I do the things because I like them and I don’t really care what other people think.” 

“I felt really fortunate, and there were always people showing me little tiny scales or whatever, and there were a lot of people like that who were just really compassionate to what I was doing and the things that I liked and I think it definitely shaped me; it definitely gave me that community outlook with definitely a small town. But it is a small town and not many things happen in a place like that.” 

“Definitely there are questions I ask myself everyday, like going back to like, ‘what’s going to happen?’ Journalism is an incredibly competitive field but I feel like I’ve worked hard enough to give myself a little bit of hand; I’ve toiled over the years. Trying to write, trying to write leads, [and] trying to write different voices for different publications will definitely change you; it’s makes you a little more diverse and gives you eclectic viewpoints that definitely helps.” 

“I don’t know if I’m necessarily trying to conjure a spirit but there are definitely Bob Dylan outlooks that I still use; that I still reflect upon. He was playing a telecaster on the Nineteen Sixty-Six world tour, and that was the only guitar that I wanted so it definitely shaped me a little bit and I definitely tried to channel him somehow. I just think his whole outlook, which has really helped me over the years, is just to do your thing, not depend [on others], not let anyone else define you, and actually do stuff that makes you happy and not try to impress or satisfy anybody else. So I think that’s really helped me because he didn’t really give a shit either; he did exactly what he wanted and didn’t care how the public viewed him or how people reviewed him.” 

As I’ve gotten closer to the end of the year, I’ve really taken to asking and meeting with others who I may not have asked to be apart of the project. I’ve also asked people who I REALLY wanted to be apart of the project. So that mixture has lead me to a lot of different realizations about others, and myself, people like Matthew Manfredi. And the thing that I’ve learned over and over again this year is that you can’t judge a book by it’s cover, that you have to actually ask questions, be curious, and being genuine in your nature. Matthew Manfredi interview people for different publications, as well being a journalist major at Chico State. He’s also a guitar player, a fisherman, and above all a curious person in his own rite. When he interviewed me a month ago for the Upgraded Living magazine, I was so impressed and blown away by his approach that when he asked to be apart of 365Chico, I made sure to let him know when a spot opened up. I was glad that we met once again at the table, just two dudes talking about things that moved us and it was, well, a good thing. 

December 26th, 2016 // Day 361 of 366

Subject: Brent Sheehan

Age: 45 Years Old

Born: Miami FL

Currently: Chico CA

Occupation: Glass Blower // Glass Artist

“I really feel like Chico is a melting pot for creativity and there’s almost a renaissance of art going on here. A lot of people that I’ve known that have been incubating here for a long time [have been] really honing their skills and [I am] starting to see some real amazing stuff coming out of this town. I think that the future of this town is great in the glass blowing world, in the art world, [and] the music world; it just keeps getting better and better.” 

“I think mainly the process of how it’s done and just the material itself is such an amazing material. And if you look at art since the Egyptians, glass has always been an important part of art and to see it evolve as an art form since the Seventies, it’s really come a long way with the Internet to be able to look at other people’s art, and be influenced by them just through a picture that you see of some guy in Czechoslovakia making a piece of art and it influences you; you can’t help but be influenced by that. And glass blowing for such a long time was such a secretive thing where trade secrets were highly guarded, and now it seems like all of that is out the window because now you have the Internet. And with a lot of those techniques you can see how they’re done just by watching somebody do them once and there’s no taking it back once you see it; it influences you no matter what. So I feel like we’re at an age where the art form is evolving super fast, and things are being done that have never been done, and it’s such an amazing material that it’s great to see that it’s being regarded as an official art form in a lot of cases.” 

“It’s very rhythm oriented and you have to be in the right headspace to do it; the glass knows what kind mood you’re in. If your movements aren’t very deliberate or smooth then the piece will show all of that. So if you come into work really stressed out and you have any kind of muscle tension or anything like that, it shows in your work. There are some days where you work just comes out really smooth, and there are some days that it doesn’t, and a lot of that has to do with the state of mind that you’re in.” 

“I lived in Hawaii for fourteen years which I feel was long enough to miss having a community like Chico and it really made me appreciate having a community like this one. As much the natural world there, the ocean, the warm ocean, and the year round warmth is really nice and people think you’re crazy from moving out of Hawaii, there’s a lot to be said of having community and having other people to bounce ideas off of. As an artist it was a good place to incubate but I feel like California and Chico is the place for me with all the things going on here. It’s really hard to be an artist in Hawaii because you’re so geographically isolated, and for me to be an artist, to be inspired by all those things that I got to be so close to in Hawaii [that] it’s always going to be apart of me [having] lived there, and apart of my art. It gave me a great appreciation for how fragile nature is; Hawaii is home to some of the most endangered species in the world. This shopping season with all my gifts I tried to spend, with all my gifts, either buy art so that somebody made so that goes into somebody’s pocket directly to help feed their family, or buy some kind of art where a percentage goes to help some sort of endangered species or another, and that’s what I’d like to get into doing with my art. Say I made a glass puffin, or a glass booby, or a glass polar bear; I would like to see, in the future, a percentage of those proceed go to help that exact thing that I’m trying to sculpt or trying to make in my art. And I would like to see more people doing that, making things and buying things with the intention of that gift, percentage of that gift, isn’t just the gift itself but it’s the gift of trying to help the environment by having some of that money going to help global warming or going to help that species that critically in danger.”  

I love meeting up with artist who work in old art forms that are not as in the mainstream as painting, music, and of course photography. It seems that glass art and glass blowing are very time consuming, an old school art form that requires the patience one needs to start and finish with fluidity and refinement. Brent Sheehan is a person who came back to Chico a few years ago to take that refinement and use the skills he’s been working on for fourteen years in Hawaii before that to further those skills. I enjoyed how he talked about glass blowing as almost it was poetry in motion, that the glass itself knows you better then you know yourself, and that your movements tell the truth in your finished product. The optimism that he feels about Chico and the artist that dwell here is palpable because he really does believe in the community of people in Chico. And although I have not spent much time with Bren, it was good time to have spent a few hours getting the insight that he has, and damn was it nice. 

December 25th, 2016 // Day 360 of 366

Subject: Tzeitel Deborah Wendel

Age: 33 Years Old

Born: Chico CA // Raised in Paradise CA

Currently: Chico CA

Occupation: Mortician // Funeral Arranger 

“I definitely used to be bigger into Christmas. I always spent a lot of time working on holiday crafts, and making people homemade gifts, and making sure to involve everybody that was important in my life. I would say that it’s worn down a lot, there are no children in my life so it’s not as exciting as if you were parent and your children were getting excited about Christmas; as people are not very excited about Christmas I am less excited about Christmas. But I still put on the Christmas gear and I send out Christmas cards every year.” 

“I just don’t think that it’s true. I see a lot of things that a lot of people don’t see but there are a lot of people who see a lot of things that I don’t see; I wouldn’t want to be a nurse. Working at the funeral home is a lot different than being a nurse [and] I don’t have to deal with the patient just their family; I don’t have to see them go through it quite the same. Living people are way different, there’s an extremely different level of care; grief is hard and everyone deals with it differently but I like being able to facilitate the grieving process in a very human and empathetic way.” 

“I miss Portland all the time, I miss the food, I miss my collection of eccentric friends, and I do enjoy visiting; they’re like mini holidays, and the few of us get together and we have a great time. But I don’t miss the traffic, and I don’t miss how long it takes to get everywhere because even though it’s still Portland and it’s not that far away it still takes a long time to get there. I don’t know if I’d go back or not because of the traffic in the city, and how many people move there a day, and the cost of living, but to live with Julia I would.” 

“I love Christmas!!!”

It’s really hard to put into words the intangible and wordless thanks and love I feel for my long time friend and wonderful partner in doing all the things Tzeitel Wendel. When she moved about a year and half ago to the Chico area, I had no clue that she would be an integral and one of the most important people in my life that has helped me grow in many different ways. She’s given me the space to be who I am, has had the patience of saint, and above all is a beautiful and wonderful lady who I care about a lot. I, We approach being together and around one another in a challenging and open way and it’s been a great time just being able to explore that space. She’s a kind, patient, loving, thoughtful, beautiful, fun, creative, generous, hard working, well put together, weird, quirky, observant, and above all cool person who I can’t thank enough for being apart of my life. 

Merry Christmas you beautiful woman!

December 24th, 2016 // Day 359 of 366

Subject: Annette Faith Valles

Age: 54 Years Old

Born: San Jose CA

Currently: San Antonio TX

Occupation: Secretary 

“The biggest lesson that you’ve just got to go with it, that it’s a daily thing; raising a child is daily thing. They come with no rules, and everyday can be a challenge, but at the end of the day you look at that person and you think, ‘wow, turned out amazing.’ like in your case you turned out amazing. And I hope I had something to do with it but I think everyday was a learning process when you have a child, especially you being my first and I had you for eleven years before Nick came along, and so for eleven years it was just a learning process because I was practically a child when I had you; I was only eighteen and just to figure out that I’m responsible for molding this person into somebody someday. And its not easy, heck no it’s not easy, but one of the things I learned is that it’s a learning process.” 

“I don’t think I’ve always lived life to the fullest so I’m trying to figure that out and trying to see if I can get there someday. I think I’ve always been reserved, and you live a lot for your children when they’re growing up, and then all of the sudden then you’re living for other things you’re living because you have to work. And now I’m in what they call the golden years I guess and so I think I’m going to try and figure out what it actually means to live.” 

“I don’t think I have anything, I mean there are things I wish I could change, and hopefully that the things that I’ve learned that I don’t repeat them again. Regrets; I think everybody has a regret or two.” 

There are a lot of words and thoughts that come to mind when talking about my family and mainly my mom. When you are so much like someone that you mirror not only their physical traits but also their psychological and personality traits as well, it can be challenging. I sometimes think of how my mom has persevered through raising a child at the age of eighteen, through all those years of the molding, the teaching, the loving, and the challenges that come with it. A lot of it was on-the-job training because I’ve learned from her and watching other parents that when you have kids they don’t come with an instruction manual. And despite how hard it was and continues to, with the help of my dad, extended family, assorted friends, her hunger for survival, and a lot of luck, my mom has done the best to raise her kids and be a kick ass woman while doing it. We don’t always get along, we don’t always see eye to eye, and since we’re both so damn stubborn it can be hard to have a hard but needed conversation. But with all of that I am damn proud to call her my mom, a teacher for my life, and the reason I even exist or have anything at all. She’s believed in me when no one else really did or has and continues to do so with the unconditional love needed to make life that much richer. 

Love ya mom. 

December 23rd, 2016 // Day 358 of 366

Subject: Brandon Dallas Squyres 

Age: 26 Years Old

Born: Chico CA

Currently: Chico CA

Occupation: Fire Protections Contractor // Band Dude // Amazing Racer

“I’ve made it a point in my life to have a lot of things going on, and I try to make sure to make them all work, and in order to make them all work I just deal with what’s in front of me. I take what I can when I can and deal with it, and I don’t worry about what I have to do later or what I have to tomorrow, I keep it mind that I have to do it all, but I just worry about what’s in front of me and doing what’s in front of me the best I can.” 

“Playing music has made me realize that you can’t do everything yourself, and I’ve really enjoyed the fact on how to work with others and delegate or have them delegate to me what needs to done done. You can make something greater than yourself as a whole with other people and that’s my favorite part about music is that you get to actualize and realize goals because you have other people helping; it’s just made me appreciate not having to do everything myself.”

“I believe it was a conscious decision to take things in my life and take stock of them, and realize what’s important and what’s not. In doing that I realized that certain people that are negative aspects in my life are not worth having around. I want to do so many things and I want to be happy doing them that why have people [around] who don’t make me happy in my life? I wanted to do so many things and I go in so many directions, and in order to go in that many directions you can’t be bogged down by negative people, so I just cut those people out of my life; I don’t have time for them. People like that are taking away from me being able to do the things I want to do in my life.” 

“The key for me on a long lasting relationship is to be yourself, don’t try and be what the other person wants you to be, and if they care about you [then] they’ll stay with you. It’s important for a couple to have different hobbies and things that they’re into, obviously you have enough together that’s what you’re together; you like enough of the same things that you like each other. But it’s really important, and I’ve realized this with Michelle, to have your own thing that you’re into because you need time away from that person; no matter how much you love them you don’t want to be with them every second of every day. And I think it’s made our relationship stronger by the fact that we each have our own interest, and we’re able to separate, do what we need to do to make ourselves happy, and come back and share that with each other because we both appreciate what the other person does and likes to do but it may not be our thing. We’re on fifteen years so I think something’s working.” 

“One thing I really wanna do is make a movie. It’s kind of like the same in that it’s hard being in new bands the older you get [and] when you’re young you can be in any kind of band and it doesn’t matter if you’re crappy. But the older the you get you know what good stuff needs to be done, and how good things are supposed to look, so I want to make a movie and I want to it be good, [and] it’s hard for me to put out some crappy stuff which you have to do to make the good ones. But the older you get, like with music, it’s hard to be in a crappy band now, like you have a level of expectations; you’re like, ‘I’ve got to be at least this good to play.’ So I’d say trying to make a movie is what I want to do, but I’m kind of scared to do it because I don’t want the crappy one, and you have to make the crappy stuff; The older you get it’s harder to make the crappy stuff first.”

I’ve met a lot of motivated and energetic people in my life but none can compare to the king of doing stuff and getting things done, Brandon Squyres. You may know him from such shows as “The Amazing Race” season 23, or maybe you’ve seen him around town as Squyres Fire Protection, or maybe it’s even the many bands he’s been in but I know him as my band mate and friend. I’ve been amazed and in ‘awe’ of how much energy and unconditional motivation he’s had with anything he’s ever done, whether it was helping a friend with a project, booking a tour, having a yearly taco fest during Halloween called Tactoberfest, or just plain listening to music; it’s all done with the pure intention of getting things done and having a good time doing it. In the band we joke around that Brandon is “dad-ing off” because the dude likes to take control, take life by the horns, and not sit on his hand when it comes to get completing a task. He’s a genuine friend, an instigator of jokes, and above all a solid human being; one of the best I know. 

December 22nd, 2016 // Day 357 of 366

Subject: Jake Hollingsworth 

Age: 26 Years Old

Born: Santa Cruz CA // Raised in Paradise CA

Currently: Paradise CA

Occupation: Band Dude

“Absolutely every skill I’ve developed professionally as an adult is because of band stuff. I learned how to talk to people because of band stuff, I’ve learned to network which is hilarious that I’ve learned how to network just doing band stuff; pretty much everything I ever learned is from doing band stuff.” 

“People in Paradise definitely have a little bit different of an ethic from rest of the social society at large [and how it] operates; I definitely didn’t totally go with most of the people in Paradise were doing.” 

“Music is definitely the main force and pretty much anything I want to do is supplementary to the music. Like photography, I would love to do photography for bands and my own stuff and it’s because of music, I’m sure. I want to tour a bunch [and] that’s all I want to do.” 

“I used to be terrified of everything and the realizing through doing everything with band stuff that I could end up actually doing everything I wanted to do. I used to be afraid to talk to people and now I’m like, ‘Oh no, these guys are just normal dudes.’ and then I realized because of being in a band that pretty much everybody acts the same way; we use the word ‘dude’ a lot, so much ‘dude’. And it’s basically universal [and] you can pretty much get along with anybody if you generally know what they’re like.” 

“A lot of what I try to do personally is find people like us, and the people that think the same ways in different areas, but I don’t think I would move away from Paradise unless it was in a mountain; make my own cave.” 

I hung with the homie Jake Hollingsworth today who I’ve known for as long as his band Aberrance has been coming down from Paradise to bleed the ears of those unlucky heathens who love the metal music. I can really relate to a dude like Jake because much like him I learned a lot skills that had nothing to do with the actual music making process such as; networking, organizing, recording, touring, fixing, building, and all kinds of other skills I wouldn’t have acquired had it not been for being in bands. Also being the outside of the mainstream in your hometown and at your high school is definitely something that rings true for me as well, and what continues to relate a lot of the people who are in local music scenes, people who tour, and just overall the underground punk and metal scene in general. Basically what I’m trying to get at is that he’s not a one trick pony, he’s very cognitive of his own short-comings and failures, a super genuine person who’s got a good head on his shoulders, and that what’s makes him successful at doing what he does and being a cool ass dude. 

Thanks my dude. 

December 21st, 2016 // Day 356 of 366

Subject: Megan Alanna Leadora Galassi

Age: 21 Years Old

Born: Placerville CA

Currently: Chico CA

Occupation: Hairstylist

“It’s nice for me because I know that I’m providing and making my child happy, [and that] she has so many things that I didn’t have as a child; like I never had a pair of rainboots in my entire life, and she does, and makes her little feet always dry. It’s things like that, that I know that I’m the one who’s providing those things for her and making sure that her childhood is better than what mine was and that’s definitely empowering for me; it definitely makes me feel very fulfilled as a person.” 

“I’ve always had it in me and it manifested itself, I feel like, because of my experiences; it just became more and more crucial to who I was that I had to keep being positive. I’ve been friends with a lot troubled because I wanted to be positive and help other people be positive when it might not be so easy. Because I’ve been through stuff, and I know how hard it can be to see the light at the end of the tunnel, and not just dwell on what’s happening.” 

“We definitely think about it, like we talk about how different it was for us than a lot of our friends. Obviously our experience as teenagers and young adults was very different because we’ve always been in that committed relationship since we were young. The whole dating, and partying, and the stuff that we never really did; we got into trouble as teenagers, and were still teenagers, we still did stupid stuff and had fun, but it was just different from how it was from most of our friends. And we definitely talk about that but it’s not like we would change it, we just have conversations about it sometimes. A lot of people ask me like, ‘don’t you wish that you had had more time to meet people, and do those things, and socialize; there are all those fish in the sea, how do you know?” It’s like, well I’ve obviously been with him for eight years, I’m super happy and always have been, so why would I want to spend all of those years struggling to find what I already had? It’s obviously not everyone’s goal but it’s most people’s go, they do their fun stuff, and most people will want to settle down eventually even if it’s not with someone else, [maybe] by them self. But for me I just got a head start basically and now we can be together eighty plus years because we started so young.” 

“One of the biggest things that drew me to hairdressing was, I know that I’m a good hairdresser and I like to make people look good [because] obviously that’s a big part of the job, but it’s even more about them feeling good as a person. I like to build a very personal relationship with my clients, like my clients consider me a friend, [and] I get invited to family stuff with a lot of my clients because I like to be there for them as a person. It’s a very common thing for people to say that hairdressers are like therapist, basically, which I try to be that person for my clients. I know that some people don’t have someone that they can talk to and since it’s such a personal, like I’m making a lot of physical contact, it makes it a lot easier for people to open up especially over time when they’ve seen me a lot of times. So it’s super fulfilling for me to know that I’m making them feel better not just on the outside but on the inside too; that’s a really big thing for me for my clients. I always tell them, ‘you’re not allowed to leave these doors until you’re happy.’ Even if it doesn’t have to do with your hair.” 

“People always ask me if I plan on leaving, and obviously me and friends are very go with the flow people, [but} I can’t say that I’m definitely going to be in Chico for the rest of my life but I don’t see myself going anywhere until at least my daughter graduates high school. I love Chico [and] it’s the perfect size because growing up in the Bay Area, Chico is about the same size at Mountain view, [and]it’s just different; the size is the same but the community is different [and] it’s a lot more close knit. You walk down the street, and you can smile at someone and wave, and say ‘hi’ and they smile back, where as in the Bay Area you do that and they look at you like, ‘who are you? Why are you talking to me?’ And I love the outdoors, I don’t have much time to do it now, but when I was still in high school when I had breaks between school and my tests, I love to ride fixed gears bikes with my fiance; we both build and ride them together. So Chico is perfect going out, and riding a bike, and enjoying the outdoors where as in the Bay Area you can only go so far before you hit a freeway. So Chico is that perfect setting for me, it’s like a middle ground, I feel good being here, [and] like being able to go into Trader Joe’s and running into five of my clients.”

I love to ask Hairdressers and Hairstylists in one way or another if they feel like therapist to a certain degree and every one of them have said yes to a degree. What’s great about meeting people like Megan is that she definitely has a lot of obstacles and negative occurrences in her earlier life that could have left her bitter and unhappy, but yet she thrives and continues to be a positive person, even in the face of adversity. As a person who’s settled into this town about four years ago, she still has a lot of things to experience and learn, yet she knows so much about how to treat others, her family, and herself. I can sense that she’s continuing to work on herself so that she can be there for others and in that I find anyone who comes into contact with her will leave feeling better, having a good time, and above all may want to be a little more positive themselves. I know I do. 

Thanks Megan!

December 20th, 2016 // Day 355 of 366

Subject: Emily Purvis 

Age: 39 Years Old

Born: Chico CA

Currently: Chico CA

Occupation: Health Information Management Coordinator at the Student Health Center at Chico State

“I love that I have roots here in Chico and that Chico is a place that I’ve lived in for so long that I know it [or] most of it; there are still parts that I haven’t found yet. But at the same time, I do feel like I’m missing out because there is so much out there, everywhere, and I don’t have the time or the means to travel everywhere all at once. I could live in one spot for my entire life and not know all there is to know about it, and I feel like that’s how it is with the rest of the world; I want to go, and I want to learn, and I want see, and I want to experience all of the rest of the world but I also know that I could do that here in Chico and not touch everything.” 

“Belly dance challenges me in ways that I did not anticipate. When I started belly dance, in the culture that I was raised [and] that I grew up in, women did not really call attention to themselves, and there was this mentality that women were to be these silent helpers in the background, and we don’t call attention to ourselves, and we don’t make waves, and don’t make a fuss, and we take everything silent, and we just accept our lives for what they are. Belly dance has taught me that it’s ok to be seen, it’s ok to make waves, it’s ok to be out there and put myself out there as a person, as a human being; it’s ok for me to take up space which I think the way I was raised was to make yourself as small, and obscure, and hidden as possible so you didn’t call attention to yourself. This year in particular I’ve really fought, not myself, but the mentality that I had about myself. I realized earlier this year that I’ve been hiding behind a prop when I do solos on stage, and I also don’t do well with choreography, so my goal this year was to do a choreography with no props on stage by myself and nail it; and I did earlier this year. So that really helped me figure more out about myself and the more I belly dance the more I learn about myself as a person.” 

“I have both hope and concern [and] I do feel that we are going backwards in our political environment in the states, and it’s very anti-female; it’s very anti-women. It’s basically anyone who’s not set up to benefit from this political environment is going to suffer in this political environment. And so I do have that concern for my daughters, who are very young, will struggle in their lives. My oldest just became an adult, this is her first election, [and] she’s devastated at the outcome of this election and what it means for women. My youngest is too young to really understand anything aside from the fact that mom is unhappy [and] sister is unhappy. And we’ve tried explaining it to her as best as we can without straying from age-appropriate terminology; what it means for people like us, for women. I’m in one of those unique positions where I’m white so I have privilege and I’m a women so I have less privilege; in the hierarchy I’m not at the top but my skin color elevates my position a little bit more. So I do fell that responsibility to speak out against prejudice and I do feel that responsibility to speak out for people who don’t have that voice and don’t have that platform.” 

“I love to travel with my family and I love to travel with my belly dance troupe, but traveling by myself has always been kind of this thing that has worried me, the what ifs; the what if I get lost, what if my phone runs out of battery and I can’t find out where I’m at, and what if my purse gets stolen. There are all these what ifs, especially as woman you’re told that you’re in danger if you travel by yourself. So I think traveling by myself, even if it’s just an out of town trip in the state [and] we all speak the same language; I can ask where the Mexican food is and not worry about getting lost on the way. But I think I would really like to travel internationally by myself, [and] it’s probably not going to happen anytime soon, but at some point in my life international by myself is on my list.” 

I’ve found over this period of time in doing this project that talking with people has really helped me to be a better listener and present person. I don’t want to not be there or on my phone because what’s the point in meeting up that person, and it’s been a real challenge to actually try and mindful of that aspect of the project. I’m challenged everyday by my subjects and thus I am always happy to know that they are challenging themselves like Emily Purvis does on constant basis. As a mother, a wife, an associate within the Student Health Services at Chico State, and of course as apart of her belly dance troupe Allegory Emily is constantly finding new paths within her current life. And although I can relate with the desire to want to take on more, travel more, and do anything you possibly can it feels humbling to know that you can live somewhere and not explore all of it’s corners, it’s hidden gems, and still be surprised. But I would go as far as to say that Emily herself is a one of those hidden gems and adds to what makes Chico both familiar and special at the same time. 

December 19th, 2016 // Day 354 of 366

Subject: Maurice Spencer Teilmann

Age: 38 Years Old

Born: Sacramento CA

Currently: Chico CA

Occupation: Sound Engineer // Semi-Professional Musician

“Sometimes I feel I’m at a crossroad and I wonder what my life would be like if stopped playing music. I know that I can be pretty and get the same satisfaction as I do from writing songs but that’s all a periphery of music anyway; there is no option, music is the most important thing my life [and] usually is.” 

“I feel that there’s a greater risk, there’s more challenge, [and] the only downside of that is, coming from Chico, and where things are able to come together quickly with relative easy, [and] I’m impatient in Portland for things to happen; I’m impatient for people to figure out what I’m doing and get excited about it, I’m impatient for the right opportunities to present themselves, and impatient for people to get back to me for all the cool and wonderful things I want to do.” 

“I think getting appreciate from the people I love, the support. I don’t, I guess the fear of disappointing people is pretty powerful for me, [and] I feel it’s pretty easy to let people down when don’t give your all, and it’s hard to give your all, all the time; so maybe just the fear of disappointment is a big motivator.” 

“I feel growing up in Sacramento was my Christmas phase [and] I was getting into the things that would eventually consume me but I was just a neophyte. Chico was a great learning experience, and I really came out of my shell here, and got confident in my abilities but I think that I’m still the same person up in Portland that I was here; I still have the sense of humor, the same outlook on life, [but] it’s just a wider arena to do that with I guess.” 

“I’ve always liked taking things about and putting them back together again, but as far as life stuff, putting together another human being, putting together a household, [and] putting together a support system for someone else; those are all things that I will eventually have to tackle, and they’re freighting. Be it if I’m going to own a house, working on the things that fall apart by myself instead of calling someone else to do it for me, or the greater mysteries of life and trying to make things that don’t make sense make sense to me, come to eye to eye with people that I don’t agree with, [and] argue and lose arguments and come away enlightened; those are things that I’m afraid that don’t well enough that I hopefully will do more of.” 

There’s a saying around here in Chico about people who move away to Portland, that once “they” move away that “they” always come back. Well Spencer moved away to Portland, and in a way comes back to Chico to participate in the seasonal rock and roll Christmas group The Yule Loge, but he certainly will not be coming back to live here. Because he’s given and received a lot of things from Chico, a lot of it was that intangible learning and growing, and through all those years, all of those bands, all of those friends, good and bad times, he’s found more things to challenge himself with. In Portland his new challenge is to start a new life, even five years in, and that starts with him pushing forward with all of the things that he holds dear the most; his girl, his music, his friends, and most importantly the idea of being a better person. I think he’s just fine with all of it. 

December 18th, 2016 // Day 353 of 366

Subject: Cherianne Pollastrini

Age: “Whatever age I feel that day”

Born: Santa Rosa CA

Currently: Chico CA

Occupation: Medical Assistant with Planned Parenthood

“Yes, it’s absolutely a service, and it’s very rewarding, [and] it can be, I don’t say traumatizing, but can be emotionally draining but fulfilling service.” 

“I like to do it my way, I like to do it on my own time, [and] I don’t like people telling me I can’t do something because I’ve learned if I’m told that often enough [then] of course I’m not going to do it. It’s been described to me that my style is taking the band aid off slowly, whether it’s for pain or pleasure.” 

“Well I maybe let go a little earlier because of the life I chose so it was very difficult, very difficult. It was easy when they moved away, like when my son went down to school, it was fine because I didn’t have that right here. But I don’t parent them but I’m the parent, does that make sense, and I like to think that they still need me but they don’t always. Just the reconciliation is just seeing them in these beautiful people they are, beautiful humans, that sometimes I would like to be more like them; they’re so unique [and] they each have such great individual attributes.” 

“My hardest challenge as a person is making sure I live up to their standards; is that kind of weird? It sounds weird and it’s hard to explain it, but you’re not even a role model anymore because you do that when you’re younger, and you do that role model stuff; but just living up to their standards, and being a good person because they are good people, and I think for the most part do that.” 

“I hope to live on the beach in Mexico someday, and that’s a lot of people’s dream but I never thought I could do it. This is, again, being told you can’t do things but stepping outside that bubble, which is something I could do; I never thought it was possible before but I can do it. When I’m gone during the week, sure, I’m missing my partner knowing I will be able to talk with him in the evening; he’s hilarious, don’t know how to take him all the time, so I’m never bored with him. And knowing that my parents and my kids are close by, that kind of goes back to, I think, just in the past too; you get up for your kids but I get up now because they bring me joy having my parents and kids close by.” 

It’s a Sunday afternoon and you’ve just gotten home after a long week of being a medical assistant in an area that is not your home and maybe all you want to do is maybe just sit around or go have a good time with your friends. But maybe you’re Cheriaane and decide that you’re going to meet up with me for a couple of hours and have some spirited conversations about many, many different things. It’s always fascinating to me that people share not only their time with me but also a little piece of themselves, sometimes with some very touching and beautiful results. Che has positioned herself in service to her community in her job, her willingness to volunteer and as a solid mother, daughter, friend, and partner. I can really relate to her steadfast belief that she can obtain and accomplish things that she sets her mind to, that when someone tells you that you can’t do something, that you find a way to do it anyways. Her path, like many others, is filled with challenges and hard times but it’s by facing those head on that we can find the good times and the joy in life to which I think she has found hers as well. 

Thanks Che!

December 17th, 2016 // Day 352 of 366

Subject: Austin Wayne King

Age: 33 Years Old

Born: Modest CA // Raised in Manteca, Riverbank, and Chico CA

Currently: Chico CA

Occupation: Music Teacher 

“You mention sheet music, there’s a really cool thing where I was at school and a teacher there did where he wrote up a bunch of eighth notes in a row, and then he did it again, and he’s like, ‘what’s the difference?’ The point he was getting at was, maybe more to drummers, but to anyone is, ‘the space in between the notes is what’s different and how you play it is going to be different how I play it.’ and how you interpret those notes that are, you wrote the notes, they’re the same thing; they’re eighth notes, that’s all they are, that’s cut and dry, [and] there’s no arguing. But you can play it a million different ways, and that’s just with the rhythm, and then you can apply a pitch, and intonation, and all those little aspects. And that’s where the uniqueness of each performer or each ensemble kind of comes out, and it can be really powerful in that way, and the interpretation of those notes, and what each listener gets; a song that may hit you really powerfully may hit me really powerfully but it might be for totally different reasons. I think that it validates some of our emotions, or challenges some of our emotions, but the written part is nice to have a starting place but then I think the spirituality part comes from how it’s performed, and how it’s received, and the emotional states of people doing that.” 

“You have to remind yourself, when we talked about how I love history and I think that kids should just love history, and I love music and so you go into it and be like, ‘well, kids should love music and makes you wanna practice.’ and you realize that’s always the case. And every kid is different, and some kids you’re like, ‘why aren’t you practicing?’ and they’re like, ‘well, I sleep in the same room as grandma so I don’t have a place to practice.’ And then you realize like, ‘wait a second.’ we have to care of the basic stuff first. A lot of it’s like, ‘how are we gonna make these people good people?’ and it’s a lot of like, ‘now we need to be on time because we’re apart of a team.’ or we need to prepared with our stuff; we need to have our stuff. The challenges are so seldom about learning and performing the music really well, but organizing this group of different kids with different experiences to work together, and to express what they’re doing. And then talking about other things like ‘how do you practice something?’ or ‘how do you get better at something?’ and I apply it to music because it’s a music class but it works for if you’re into sports. A lot of my kids do music but they’re really into rugby or into football and I go, ‘well, how do you get better at football or rugby?’ it’s the same way essentially; you break things, and you practice them, and you work hard at them. And I tell the kids all the time, like, ‘I really want us to be good [and] I want us to be a great ensemble.’ but I don’t care as long as people are like, ‘oh, they cleaned up after themselves and they did the right things in between performances.’ and that’s way more important, this is what I want too like that’s what we’re working towards content-wise, but more importantly let’s be good people, and most of kids I work with are really good people; they don’t need that much work with that. But trying to reinforce that idea of who you are and how you act on stage is a reflection of what we’re trying to do as humans.” 

“I think we all tend to take our normal day to day life for granted. But I don’t know if I try to make a point but once in a while I find myself thinking like, ‘man, things are, things are real good.’ And when things are bad, and things have been rough, you’re still like, ‘I’ve got it good and I’ve got it a lot better then a lot of people have it.’ and you have to remind yourself to be thankful. And jobs can be stressful or things like that but you’ve just got to be like, ‘Well, I have got a great wife, and a great kid, and a great family, and a lot of friends who are very supportive.’ and that’s awesome. You should remind yourself about the good things you have otherwise you kind of go through, and it can be easy to be bogged down in all the things you have to do, and all the work you’ve got, and certainly that happens to be me too but it’s nice to reflect that, ‘oh yeah, I’ve got a good life’.”

“I think I’ll go in phases for a couple of months where I’ll be really focused on what I’m practicing, and I’m practicing and writing down everything, and I don’t ever have to be insistent on my own time; it comes and I never really feel like I’ve never had enough of it or get enough. And there are times where I’m just like, ‘I’m going to veg out.’ because I just want to sit down and not do the getting better at things, and going through those phases. But I don’t ever feel like I don’t get enough time, I’m never like, ‘I need some time to go sit at the drums’. Like I don’t have to insist on that, I’ll wait until everything that has to be done gets done, and I’ll be like, ‘I’m going to play some drums.’ and it’s never a problem.” 

Got in my second Rugs person this week with Austin King meeting up for some chill times, coffee drink, and good talks. I’m always amazed about the amount of patience and hustle a band teacher must have when it comes to organizing and forming bands out of kids and getting results with little to no resources. Over the years I’ve gotten to know Austin a little better just by seeing him play around in his band the Rugs and when he comes into the Music Connection to get supplies and what I’ve gathered is that he’s a super positive person trying to do right by his community, his family, and his friends with is job with school bands, being in a cool band, and just treating people well. He’s definitely one of those people that everyone only has good things to say and I’m glad that he saw my project as something that he wanted to participate in. 

December 16th, 2016 // Day 351 of 366

Subject: Julia Susanne Rauter

Age: 29 Years Old

Born: Munich Germany

Currently: Chico CA

Occupation: Works at Pageant // Nanny // Volunteer at the Blue Room Theater // Student

“I like acting and I’ve always been into imagining a lot of things, like I read a lot as a kid, my parents took me to see plays, and after school activities, and things like that; and so I just always been kind of taught that it’s ok to express myself. So I think that has just stuck with me, and I’ve always been fascinated about how actors can be anything like you don’t have to choose one profession for all your life; but one day you could be a teacher, and one day you could be a pilot, and one day you can be an old count, or something like that. So I said, ‘yeah, that’s what I want to do.’ and my parents were supportive, [but] my dad always said, ‘you should have a plan B if this doesn’t work out, and you don’t make millions as an actress, cause you know, not many people do that.’ But landing in Chico was pretty perfect for me because I think the Blue Room and I just found each other, and that I’m able to not just act there but also help with other productions, or help Amber with painting. I love the theater, I love the process, I love how it makes you reflect, or how it makes you laugh, [and] it shows all these glimpses into other people’s lives and sometimes you recognize yourself in that, and sometimes you need to hear the other people’s stories so you understand one of your friend’s better. And I think theater in that respect has more value than a movie has because you’re right there, so it’s happening in the same space with you, where as in the movie there is a screen that’s separating you from what’s happening, [and] of course that makes you feel too but theater is different; it’s real, right in that moment, and you can’t pause it, and you can’t say, ‘I don’t like this.’ or you can say that but you’re right there [and] are really confronted with it.”

“Being German, so I’m just German and of course I take it with me everywhere. Like people will say, ‘oh, you’re on time because you’re German’ or, ‘you’re responsible because you’re German.’ or something like that, but it’s also just me, so yes, I have that with me all the time I think. But it’s how the world is, Globalized and everything, you also have to be flexible, and engaged with the stuff that you don’t know, and learn from the other people but I’m always German; I don’t know, maybe I’m a world traveler, I don’t know.” 

“I remember that growing up people used to say that only children are assholes, or that they didn’t want to share, or things like that. But I was not like that, and I always wanted to have people over; I hated growing up without siblings, all my life I wished I had siblings, but I didn’t. And when my mom passed away like I really wished I had just had a sibling that I could discuss all the things that I felt and thought with. Or every time you had a fight with your parents you wished you had the sibling to explain to why you hate your parents so much because your friends don’t, they just don’t. But I guess being an only child gave me an advantage that my parents could afford to take me somewhere which wouldn’t hadn’t been able to afford if they had two kids; I still wish I had a sibling, it sounds really cool.” 

“I would love to live in other places too, and I feel like that’s...what’s the best thing you could do until you die? Look at all this shit. I don’t plan so much for the future anymore because suddenly I moved to America and I was like, ‘Oh yeah, I live here now, I’m going to school here now, and I do all this stuff here.’ but I didn’t know that was going to happen. So I’m not really thinking ahead in thinking, ‘oh, I need to move to South America now, or I need to move here, or do this.’ But it would be sweet to live somewhere else too, yeah; what does the rest of the world hold in store? I wanna see it, I wanna taste the food, [and] I wanna meet the people. What the point of life [and] what do you do? Make lots of money and die. But you should make lots of money, and travel, and then die because at least you’ve seen something.” 

I try and be fair and balanced when I prompt and ask people questions as I am referring a lot of the times to the hour or so leading up to when I ask them a set a questions based on the information that I have. A lot of the time when I spend time with my subject each day, today be Julia, I actually have some pretty intense and quite informative conversations that I wish that people could hear; they’re spirited, fun, and exciting. I’m not saying that the world represented by Julia and all my other subjects aren’t good or even great, but I would say that sometimes I wish that others could hear the joy in learning. And learning a lot more today about Julia was a treat in itself because she’s just this great enigma of energy that in inspiring to hear and watch. Coming from Germany and nestling in this small town, becoming apart of the local arts community, and overall being a kick ass person is wonderful to see from afar and up close. Because when you do get up close, when you take the time to get to know Julia and others, then all those barriers and pre-conceived ideas of who they are and who you both are as people are shattered and you can just play, talk, and enjoy one another’s company. It was that kind of morning where I didn’t want it to end but made me look forward to my next interaction with a top-notch person. 

Thanks Julia. 

December 15th, 2016 // Day 350 of 366 Subject: Ellen Elizabeth Akimoto  Age: 28 Years Old

Born: Westlake Village CA // Raised in Thousand Oaks and Chico CA

Currently Resides: Leipzig Germany

Occupation: Artist 

“When I was here if you ever said that you were an artist or wanted to be an artist, I think I always had an ironical tone when I was talking about that, like, ‘oh yeah I’m “artist”.’ a little bit, not ashamed of it, but maybe acknowledging the steep slope you have to slog up if you were trying to be an artist and actually have that be your profession that you’re making a living from. And over there I don’t have that, I haven’t experienced it, and partially because I think I was going to an art school where everything there wanted to be an artist, and everyone knew multiple people who have kind of made it, or at least making a living and doing fine. So it didn’t seem like such an impossibility that I wanted to be an artist; it didn’t so pretentious or weird. And because there is more funding and support for the arts, and I think within the general population it’s seen as something kind of important, and necessary maybe even; where as here it’s seen as this sort of a luxury thing. But there it’s maybe the connotations are just different, there I have no problem saying it, and the reaction there, you get some of the same, like, ‘you’re an artist, really, and can you live off of that?’ but you also get people who just are, ‘That’s interesting, cool’.”

“I think it’s always come naturally to me. I think I’ve always been an obsessive journal keeper; I haven’t actually done it since I’ve moved away. But starting as a kid and especially in high school, I reread them a couple of years ago and they were awful, they were so angsty, and they were disgusting. But I was also, back then, obsessed with picking apart the day, and what things meant, and where I was going, and who I was; I would say that that thing is in my nature and is something I’ve always done. I require a lot of a lot of alone time, and for me if I’m constantly around people I get tired at a certain point, [and] I have to kind of retreat, and I need these times to sort of sit, and to be able to process things, and think through stuff.” 

“When I’m making a painting, because I’m presenting an image of my view of the world regardless of what the situation is or what the idea is, it’s always in the end; that. And for me to make it as fitting, and I wouldn’t use the world realistic, [but that] in order for it to speak truthfully as possible to the way that I feel that things are it has to be extremely complex, and it has to be so many different layers of stuff going on, and there has to be so many contradictions happening in the middle of it. In the painting I do that a lot with the different layers, and different styles colliding, and the way space is handled, but especially I think in the figures it kind of comes to a head because painting a face is this kind of balancing act; you do one mark a little differently and everything swings in one direction. And for me painting a face it has to reach that point where it’s almost fluid, that if you look at it that it may be shifting from one emotion to another; and that kind of ambivalence, and ambiguity, and shifting of things is necessary. And I can’t have anything sort of cheerful or happy without having that darkness also in there, and I can’t have anything serious without having a bit of humor also, and both of things being there together is important because they strengthen and each one makes the other seem more...”

“I would say that the same kind of philosophy that I have when I’m working is at play in every area in life, and in my interactions with people and how I deal with people, and what I find to be important and not important, morally correct, or abhorrent; all of that is completely connected to them when I’m working [and] what decisions I’m making. But also the art thing, it’s interesting to make your living with art because you do need to take a break from your job, at the same time, I cannot turn off the idea machine and my eye is always sort of looking for stuff; at any point in my life I might see something and be like, ‘Ah!’ and I need to quickly take a picture or quickly do a sketch because I just thought of something. It’s interesting to compare it to people who have a job where they have a weekend, their job is in the week, and then when they’re on break they’re having their break and it’s shut off. It’s nice that my boyfriend and I both have the same profession because we both have the same kind of weird erratic schedules where we might work all weekend, and in the middle of the week it’s just not working so you just stop; you put it away for a little bit. And everything is not a schedule you can foresee, and maybe that is living artfully; I don’t know.” 

Sometimes you need to spend a whole afternoon with a wonderful artist friend of yours who traveled a long way from Germany to get back to her home, here in Chico. And Chico is looking a bit more like a foreign land to Ellen, a place where the familiar and the people are the same, but different at the same time. If you haven’t had the chance to see Ellen’s art then you are not only missing out on a wonderful array of colors and expression, but they have these layers that go deep within herself and ourselves. It’s one of the things that makes her so great is that she doesn’t shy away from the deep thought and the lengthy conversation, the rabbit holes, and in fact she welcomes them into her heart so that the world can be seen from those areas. It’s the willingness to explore the contradictions and friction with art that helps for one to understand themselves and others, and being that Ellen is someone who has shown a great amount of understanding, it all makes sense now. It was good to see an old friend, someone who lives that life, and get a sense of what it means to be an artist; reckless and unabashed.