Personal | Sex | Harm @313-575 - Tumblr Blog

Intro post time I guess

I have plenty names but my tumblr name is Ford

| he/she/they/it | I don't really give a fuck it's all over

sideblog for @neverendingford because I'm going to stop persecuting my main followers with this shit I guess.

kind of kink mostly journaling tbh

some plurality bullshit going on. read the room. read the posts, figure it out.

constantly a work in progress. nothing is ever static

tag for pics

things I'm interested in:

blood | scars | pain | certain kinks (get brave and ask me if you really give a shit)

kind of averse to overly aestheticized stuff. big diy fan.

#313

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my own Tumblr is NOT safe for me when I am scared and sad

it's almost like 99% of the time we're obsessed with hurting and triggering ourselves :(

it's almost like that philosophy has consequences anytime we try to heal and leave those things behind ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#I am going to go play video games instead -_-#575

2headedtrout

my favorite "I can feel it in my bones" song

#313 #music #Bandcamp

mouths are cool but also sometimes I get really really really like actually terrified because I can't stop imagining someone taking a bite of me because I know how strong the human jaw is like I know how it feels to bite through tissue and meat and I can't stop seeing someone do that to my body and like haha yeah don't fucking try and kiss me I'll see unending visions of you biting through my lip and I will absolutely cry about it

like teeth are hot but also do you ever get tortured by the visions

#we met up with a friend last night after getting back and I really shouldn't have because brain was not in a good place #sex is cool I guess? but every once in a while it makes me want to curl up under my bed and cry because it's scary and bad #idk. the really vague chest feeling that I have to do what people want me to do and if I don't I'll get hurt for it #no see that's not even really it though. it's. it's a need that I'm afraid of. I'm a passenger in my body #made to do things I hate. made to do things I'm terrified of.#but I can't help it because it's me. it's my own body doing the things I hate I hate so freaking much #like I can't open my mouth and say stop I don't like this. I don't want to do it but I can't say so. my mouth won't move #and when it does it's someone else saying things I don't want my mouth to say and I can't make it stop #like my body needs to eat meat and I'm forced to watch as I hunt and kill. as I'm forced to hunt and kill #I don't want this I don't freaking want this I but I can't make it stop because it's me who does it #575 #I hate being alive but I can't make it stop

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photoarchive

René Peña, Sin título, 1994

uglyboysnuff

no context camera roll

when i finally kill myself i hope it's out of rage and spite instead of some depressive episode

got into an argument with someone and every single time I remember that there's people who are religious like for real I just want to fuck off and stop existing like I can't stay in the same room as these people like I can understand faking it or being vaguely culturally religious but you're telling me you believe in literal magic??? kys

#313

why is discourse always like "hey I read an opinion by the most stupid person in the world and they think something stupid and now I'm mad about it" like dog I am getting more and more and more tired and I am slowly getting more and more vicious towards the people I know who waste my life with this bullshit

#I think one of the biggest things I hate is how easily I get sucked into it too. I have to be so careful because I'm gullible as shit #I am so fucking susceptible to propaganda so it's just frustrating when I realize I'm being had and I have to start biting #313 #on main I always try so hard to focus on the education aspect. the constructive part that helps people be better #and this side blog was kinda born from the desire to have a place to be more negative #but I just don't want to. it's so exhausting. tired of being expected to give a shit #I hope everyone dies I hope war breaks out in every country I hope I get killed tomorrow I hope air quality plummets I hope we all die #I need to become a god so I can poison everyone's drinking water and cut power to hospitals and fund religions cults #like yeah I know I'm stupid I fall for pranks and don't get jokes and have to work extra hard to not believe every lie ever told #and I just fucking hate that I can't bear to peel myself away from the lie machine

rotationplastty

#teeth

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uglyboysnuff

#eyes #some of these look like oil paintings tbh #specifically the last one #I think it's the way/direction the eye looks

lagodilot

#me n the bois #this is very funny to me

313-575

maybe I write incest snuff porn on the plane maybe that's what I do

313-575

okay so it was really fun and I didn't even get to the good stuff but I miss writing by hand. turns out you just gotta find something you're passionate about.

also fun fact, it's easier to write than to read (in code) so it's kind of like making it and then letting it disappear because I write it and then it's just part of the unreadable block of text

also here's Chicago

#I'd forgotten I actually like my own writing quite a bit. the anxiety of making something to share is really bad #but when I don't feel the need to post it then I can just do whatever #like the self image thing. as long as I'm able to not care whether anyone else likes me I'm entirely satisfied liking myself #so idk. I had the idea of transcribing it and posting it if I ever get enough written to post but also idgaf #like who would I even be posting for???#Anyway. I'm tired as balls I hate being stuck on airplanes for so long my knees hurt my back hurts my ass hurts #I'm bad at getting to the good stuff because I have an incurable need to explain all the details #I can't write the sex. I have to describe exactly how the mc is so anxious that he has to tape over the rope to make sure it's secure #no this isn't a self insert how dare you #I need to include the intrusive thoughts formulating a callout post in the background. it's important to the characterization #do you think playing music on spotify ranks higher or lower in the callout post than raping your brother.#this would be important information to include in the epilogue #Anyway I like my own writing and I'm sharing because idk I get emotional validation from it #313

maybe I write incest snuff porn on the plane maybe that's what I do

#learned to write in code so I could write murder porn in church as a child and not be found out #“what are you doing?” oh I'm just writing notes on the sermon about the book of John or whatever the fuck #313 #rediscovering the joy and wonder of childhood 🤪#Anyway I'm gonna die it's gonna be tomorrow before I finally get home ugh #btw when you're a fucked up and evil child forced to travel a lot. jerking it in airport bathrooms is a classic #^ so maybe we rediscover the joy and wonder of childhood 🤪#how to blog on Tumblr dot com: tell people you're gonna jerk off ✔️

necrofester

if you really love me you're gonna let me lace your drink with something slow-acting. that way i can fuck you while your body shuts down and you die, watching your pupils go wide and blank... your final gasps will synchronize with my thrusts.

#The Presence was kinda lame but I did like the slow drawn out kind of murder scene it was cool

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being loved makes me feel so fucking angry like anybody has the right to do that after everything

to condescend to me as if one person can ever make up for it all

can ever make okay what has been done

nobody gets to come in and pretend like their emotions will make more of a difference than mine ever did

like they get to pretend the healing power of love is anything more than a fucking joke

you don't get to come up to me and tell me I'm wrong

you don't get to tell me I've been wrong this whole time

you don't get to tell me the door was open all along and it's my fault I never got up and walked out