maybe when i say "i want to have pride" i mean. i want to be unashamed. i want the whole structure, stem to stern, to make me unafraid to be what i am. i want it to be an afterthought. i want it to be a-fact-of-life, i want it to be like telling someone my star sign - totally without fear, without compromise, without flinch.
people tend to minimize it. oh, pride is just like (whatever). this is dangerous. i grew up in a time - not that long ago - that slapping a rainbow on something was entirely unheard of. i have this internal problem - i want kids to have access to every ugly target-brand mug. but i also don't think that the capitalism-as-a-friend is action enough.
because the shame of it is the problem. the shame on a desperate, personal level. that haunts us. the worry about going to new places; the fear on public transportation; the pause before we leave our homes. our pride isn't just wearing a rainbow. it is the courage we have to take with us, every day, to exist as we are.
i relax when i see someone in a rainbow shirt. i like when people put out their little flags. it feels like a second spring in june - there are places that slowly shake out their rainbow feathers. but a moment i am more fond of - when i take her hand, and i see someone else, just a little bit bolder for my courage, take his hand too.
and that courage cannot come from capitalism. it cannot come from policed expressions of the self or in the presence of police at all. that courage has to be personal, and it needs to be unashamed.
that is pride - our community, holding hands with each other, relying on each other for strength. saying - today, right now, you and i - we will not be afraid. that we are stronger together. we are an unstoppable wave if we stand with each other. our pride is also our extension of a little umbrella - i see you. you see me. you are safe and loved. i will help you be.
