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“A Very Freaky Christmas”
For the first time in a long while, my parents wanted to spend Christmas down in Houston with my mama’s sister. I always hated spending Christmas there because it never snowed there like it did in Philly, my aunt Chelsea’s macaroni and cheese wasn’t as good as my mama’s and my cousin Demarcus was a jerk. He was straight and it was basically the sole reason why me and him never got along. My aunt married his dad when we were young kids so we weren’t related by blood. But even if we were related by blood, we’d still be polar opposites.
When we arrived at my aunt’s house, I was a little surprised by how much Demarcus changed since the last time I saw him. It had been about four years since we last spent the holiday in Houston, so I hadn’t seen him since we were like twelve. I remembered him being this short bigheaded boy with braces. He’d grown a little taller now and the braces were gone. And his head wasn’t as big anymore. I’d be lying if I said he wasn’t cute.
“You sleep over there,” he said to me, pointing to the twin-sized bed by the window in his room. “That’s the guest bed. My bed is right here so don’t let me catch you on it.”
Demarcus
“I see you’re still an ass,” I said with a smile on my face as I dropped my duffle bag on the floor.
“Shut up. This is my room so it’s my rules. Rule number one, keep your gay ass off my bed. Rule number two, go to the bathroom to change your clothes because I’m not gay like you. Rule number three…”
I giggled and said, “Little boy if you don’t stop. Nobody tells me what to do. And this is my aunt Chelsea’s house.”
“Wrong, it’s my dad’s house.”
“Nope, before you and your ragamuffin dad moved your dusty shit up in here, my aunt lived here by herself. She’s a doctor so I know she pays most if not all the bills up in this bitch. Your dad is a construction worker so I know he can’t afford this house.”
“Don’t talk about my dad, bitch!”
“I won’t talk about your dad if you don’t talk to me at all. Because I don’t wanna be here just as much as you don’t want me here.”
“Whatever.”
“You’re still talking to me.”
“Because…”
“Damnit, you’re still talking to me.”
He rolled his eyes and sighed before going over to his bed and sitting down. I smiled as I unpacked my stuff and then went into the bathroom. I had a bunch of text messages from a boy at my school named Eric that wasn’t my boyfriend but was basically my practice boy. I learned how to suck dick by practicing on him and I learned what it felt like to have my ass eaten. He wanted to go all the way but I wasn’t ready for that. I was saving that for the boy of my dreams: Orlando Jenkins. He was on the basketball team at my school and I tutored him for our algebra class. He was always so nice to me and I knew he was most likely DL and was just waiting on me to make the first move. So I was building up my skills until the day I was ready to go all the way with him. Eric was my practice boy, and I would soon have a new practice boy.
Me (Tevin)
“The fuck are you doing in there?” Demarcus asked while knocking on his bathroom door. “Get out the bathroom, Tevin!”
“Go use the one downstairs,” I said back.
“This is my bathroom!” He calmed down. “I’m sorry for being a dick earlier. Come on, Tevin. I gotta piss.”
“Say pretty please.”
“Pretty please.”
“Tell me I’m the cutest boy from West Philly who…”
“Tevin, please.”
“Damn, alright.” I snapped a few more selfies and sent them to Eric before stepping out of the bathroom to see Demarcus standing there holding his dick to keep from peeing on himself. “There, now you can tinkle.”
He went into the bathroom and closed the door, and I went downstairs to see what my mama was up to. She was sitting on the sofa reading a magazine while my dad was outside in the front yard talking to Demarcus’s dad and one of their neighbors. I sat on the sofa beside my mama and asked, “Why couldn’t we stay home for Christmas again this year? I wanted to spend the holidays with you and daddy like we always do.”
“My sister wanted us here this year because she’s gonna have a baby,” she told me.
“Really? Aunt Chelsea is gonna have a baby?”
“Yep. My little sister is finally slowing down at work and becoming a mommy. I’m so happy for her and I can’t wait to finally be an auntie instead of just a step-auntie.” She laughed a little. “It’s been a while since there’s been a baby in the family.”
“So uh…does Demarcus know?”
“Yeah, Chelsea told them a few weeks ago.”
“Hmm, maybe that’s why he’s acting like that.”
“Acting like what? You two aren’t still at each other’s throats, are you? You’re not kids anymore, you’re big boys now and you’ll be graduating high school soon. You two need to find something that’ll help you get along with each other.”
“He wouldn’t be interested in the things I’m interested in. I can guarantee that.”
“So because you’re gay and he’s not, you can’t possibly have something in common?”
“He’s always the one who has had a problem with me? I never started with his bighead self.” I rolled my eyes.
“I bet if you really tried, you’d find something you really like about your cousin.”
“I doubt it.”
That night, I was getting ready for bed when I heard Demarcus trying to talk as low as possible on his phone under the cover on his bed. I couldn’t hear everything he was saying, but I knew he was talking to some girl because he kept asking her if her pussy was wet and if she could send him some pics. It had gotten late and I was getting sleepy so he was gonna have to get off that phone. I hopped off my bed and went over to his and snatched the cover off of him. The biggest smile formed on my face when I saw him lying there with his hand in his shorts gripping his hard dick.
“Tevin!” he hollered. “You’re so fucking annoying! Give me the cover back.”
“Come get it,” I said while stepping back.
He stood off the bed and his dick shifted in his shorts. He snatched the cover from me and dashed out of the room and into his bathroom across the hall. He didn’t close the door all the way and was now talking to the girl over FaceTime. He kept shoving his hand into his shorts and grabbing his dick. I couldn’t see what the girl was doing but whatever she was doing, it had him extremely horny.
As I looked at him, I realized he was kind of sexy now. And after seeing his dick print in those shorts, I was definitely getting some ideas in my head. I did only have one practice boy and you know what they say, practice makes perfect. So I hurried back to Demarcus’s room and waited for him to come back from the bathroom.
“We’re gonna act like that didn’t happen,” he said to me after walking in and closing the door.
“Okay,” I said with a smile. “I’ll forget the image of your big dick in those shorts.”
“Alright, so…” He paused and looked at me. “Big?”
I learned very quickly that boys who were straight or considered themselves straight could not turn down an ego boost. I knew by saying his dick looked big in those shorts would be enough to boost his ego and put him in somewhat of a different mood. I decided to further test the waters by asking, “So, is your girlfriend cute?”
“Monique’s not my girlfriend. She’s just some girl that I have phone sex with all the time. Well, I have ate her pussy a few times.”
“Aw, Demarcus are you a virgin?”
“Okay, I’m not even about to talk to you about this. Goodnight.” He turned off his lamp and climbed into bed.
“It’s okay if you are. I’m still one. I’ve done things but I’m still a virgin.”
“Done things? Done things like what?”
“A little bit of this and a little bit of that.”
“Bullshit. Your dad would strangle some dude if he caught you with him. He treats you like you’re his daughter instead of his son.” He chuckled.
“My dad doesn’t know. No one does.”
“Yeah right. Go to sleep.”
“I’ve sucked dick before. And I’m good at it.”
He was silent for a while and then looked over at me and asked, “Why are you lying?”
“I’m so serious right now. I’ve been sucking this boy from school and he loves it. He’s been texting me non-stop since I got here. You wanna see the text messages?”
“He gay, too?”
“No. He gets girls but he says he’s never had his dick sucked the way I suck it. I’ve been using him for practice.” I could tell by the way he was looking that I’d gotten into his head. I swear boys like him were all the same. All it took was a small amount of ego boosting and the right timing.
“So, he don’t feel weird letting you suck his dick?”
“Not at all. He loves it. And I love sucking. I wasn’t born with these nice lips for nothing. Well, goodnight.”
“Hold up. Do you always keep it to yourself? Like, you don’t tell people about it, do you?”
“You’re the first person I’ve told this. We’re cousins so I know you won’t tell what I do.”
“We’re not like real cousins. I mean, we’re not related.”
“Yeah, but we’re still cousins.”
He climbed off his bed and went over to the door and locked it before stepping over to my bed. The room was dimly lit by the moonlight, so it took me a second to realize he had his hand in his shorts again. I sat up in bed and even though he wasn’t saying anything, I knew he wanted some head. I looked up at him and he pulled his shorts down to the floor. He put his big hard dick in my face and made it bounce.
“Damn,” I said as I admired it. “It really is big.”
“You gonna suck it or just keep looking at it?” he asked with a cocky smile. “And keep it quiet.”
“Trust me, you’re gonna be the one making all the noise.”
I looked up into his eyes as I opened my mouth and let him slide his dick in. He immediately let out a long sigh and his knees buckled as I took his dick into my throat. I sucked him nice and slow for a while before finally picking up the pace. He put one hand on the back of my head and guided me while pushing his dick in and out of my mouth.
“Damn, that shit feel good,” he told me in a whisper. “You wasn’t lying.”
I stopped sucking him and made him lie down on my bed. I pulled his shorts off and dropped them on the floor. He put his hands behind his head and I climbed up on him and started sucking him again. His dick tasted and smelled so good because he’d taken a shower before getting ready for bed. Every now and then I’d look down at his feet to see his toes were curled up. That was all I needed to see to know I was doing a good job.
“Lick my balls, too,” he demanded while smacking my lips with his dick.
I first kissed and then sucked on his balls while he jacked off. That’s when he really started moaning. He was getting a little loud so I put my hand up to his mouth to keep him quiet. I made him spread his legs a little more and I started licking the area between his balls and his asshole. He quickly stopped jacking his dick because he was probably about to cum too soon. Just when I thought he was gonna let me rim him, he put his legs back down and made me suck his dick some more. I’d never rimmed my practice guy before so I was hoping Demarcus would let me do it, but I guess I’d have to wait longer to try it.
“Pull your pajamas off,” he said to me.
“Why?” I asked while still kissing on his dick.
“Just do it, Tevin.”
I pulled back and took off my pajama bottoms. I wasn’t wearing underwear so now all I had on was my socks and shirt. When I started sucking him again, he reached back and felt on my ass. He rubbed on my asshole and after smelling his finger, he sucked on it and then made an attempt to finger me but I was super tight.
“Relax,” he told me. “I’ma do it nice and slow.”
“I’ve never been fingered,” I admitted.
“Do you feel like you gotta take a shit right now?”
“No.”
“Then you’ll be fine. Now stop trippin’ and suck my dick.”
He made me suck him again and while I did that, he began easing his index finger into my tight asshole. I gotta admit, the more he worked his finger in and stretch me the better it began to feel. I tried to remain as relaxed as possible but every now and then I’d tense up because of the pain. And he kept licking his finger to get me wetter. He must’ve liked how my ass tasted because he never changed fingers. He did start using his middle finger along with his index finger though.
“I wanna fuck you,” he admitted.
“No,” I told him.
“Why not? I’m too hard right now to cum from head. I won’t go too fast.”
“No, Demarcus.”
“Just let me put some of it in. I’ll kiss you.”
“Nope. My first time is gonna be special and not with my cousin.”
“We’re not real cousins.”
“It doesn’t matter. Do you wanna cum with my help or by yourself?”
“Damn, alright.”
I deep throated him a few more times and then he stopped me. He made me lie on my back and spread my legs. When he bent down and was about to lick my ass, I stopped him and asked, “What are you doing?”
“I wanna see what it’s like.”
“Okay, but I’m still not gonna let you fuck.”
“I know, damn.”
He kissed my hole and I made it pucker a few times. He then started to circle it with his tongue and I had to put my own hands over my mouth because he had me moaning. My dick released a thick load precum that fell down on my stomach and I knew if I jacked off right then I’d bust a nut all over myself. So I kept my hands off my hard dick and clenched onto the sheets.
“Damn, tastes better than Monique’s pussy,” he told me in between licks. “I bet ol’ boy never ate you out like this, huh?”
“No,” I told him.
He shoved his tongue in deep and more precum rolled out of my dick. He had my toes curled up and was making shivers run up and down my spine. My practice dude Eric never ate me out that good. Demarcus was rubbing his lips and nose all in it, getting freaky with me. I couldn’t believe this was the same cousin that I always found annoying and dumb. Now he was on the verge of making me bust the biggest nut I’d busted since the very first time I jacked off.
“I wanna see you nut,” he said while fucking me with his middle finger in between licks. “Jackoff.”
“You gonna nut, too?” I asked him.
“Yeah.”
He sat up and started jacking off with his left hand while fingering me with his middle finger on his right hand. I pulled my legs back even more and jacked off. Immediately, I felt this burst of pleasure building in me and I’d never felt that before. I started shaking and so did he. We were both trying to be extra quiet but managed to let out a few low toned moans as our dicks shot out big loads of cum at the same time. He stopped fingering me and collapsed in between my legs. I stopped jacking off and put my arms around him.
“You don’t know how bad I needed that,” he whispered in my ear. “Thank you, baby.”
“Thank you,” I told him. “I’ve never came that hard before.”
“Imagine how good it would’ve felt with this dick up in that ass. I still wanna fuck you.”
“My first time is gonna be with Orlando Jenkins.”
“Who?”
“My biggest crush.”
“Nah, your first time is gonna be with me. I bet you I’ll get that ass before y’all leave after New Year’s.”
“Mmm hmm, we’ll see. Now get up off me, bighead.”
“Bighead? You mean big dick.” He laughed as he climbed off my bed and picked his shorts up off the floor.
“Aren’t you gonna take another shower?”
“Hell no. I’m going to sleep. Besides, I like having the smell of your booty on me.”
“Ew, you’re so nasty. I’m going to take a shower.” I left his room and went across the hall to take a quick shower. When I got back, this nigga was in my bed. “What are you doing? Get back on your bed.”
“This my room so technically, they’re both my beds. Now lock the door and come lay down with me.” I locked the door and then climbed into the bed with him. He put his arm around me and asked, “You don’t snore loud do you?”
“No and you better not either.”
We went to sleep in the same bed that night, and the next morning woke up with two serious cases of morning wood. We jacked off together while kissing and busted nuts together again. After getting cleaned up, we went downstairs together to have breakfast. Our parents were shocked to finally see us getting along.
“I knew it would only be a matter of time,” said aunt Chelsea as she put our plates in front of us.
“What made you two finally get over your differences?” my mama asked.
Demarcus put his arm around me and said, “Tevin has always been my favorite cuz. Ain’t that right, T?”
“That’s right,” I said with a smile. Under the table, I placed my hand on his bulge and rubbed on it and he smiled. I just might let him get some ass after all, I thought to myself as I began to eat breakfast.
[Disclaimer]: Pictures used do not reflect the sexuality or personality of people in the pictures. They only serve as visual examples of the characters.
© D.A. Morrison 2016
Kanye Dick Pic.
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Stoner Pro Tips!
Since I haven’t seen one of these in a while, I’d like to share some stoner tips and tricks that I’ve learned over my years of using marijuana. I’ve introduced a decent amount of friends to the wonderful world of weed, and I usually like to give them some advice to keep ‘em safe and healthy, so I figured I’d share some of that knowledge with my fellow ents here on Reddit. Let me know if you enjoy reading this, or if you’d like to add something to the list!
Healthcare/Self-Care:
-Eat some fruit. Smoking dries out your mouth, which can lead to gum disease and all sorts of nastiness. Eating an apple or orange after you smoke will help bring back some saliva, cut down on weed-breath, and help fill you up with something healthy before the munchies kick in!
-Eye drops are lifesavers. Whether you’re at work, out in public, or just sitting down to Thanksgiving dinner with that one uncle who thinks that the Mexicans are flooding the streets with the Devil’s Lettuce in order to destroy America, invest in these bad boys. Trust me, it’s better than rubbing your bleary eyes for twenty minutes in the bathroom.
-Drink plenty of water. Not only will your throat and gums thank you, but you’ll be super-hydrated as well! And if you’re dieting or tend to overindulge when you get the munchies, water will help fill you up without filling you with calories.
-With edibles, patience is a virtue. If you’re trying edibles for the first time, figure out what the dosage of THC is in whatever you’re consuming and try to eat an amount that’s appropriate for your age, weight and tolerance. Then WAIT. Just because you haven’t gotten stoned after ten minutes doesn’t mean you should eat another three brownies. Edibles take a lot longer to kick in than other means of imbibing cannabis.
-Take a t-break. Honestly, this one took me a while to get. If you’re a daily smoker like me, tolerance breaks can be super useful. It doesn’t matter if it’s for a couple days, a couple weeks or a couple months- take some time off. Clear your head, save all that money you’d be spending on weed, take care of all the stuff that you need to do, and generally try to experience life sober for a bit. Plus, the next time you hook up with Mary Jane you’ll need a lot less to get you stoned!
-There is such a thing as being too stoned. We all know that it’s pretty impossible to fatally overdose on cannabis, but getting extremely high can have some serious drawbacks. If you’re vomiting, getting migraines, greying-out, having the spins or otherwise feeling awful, stop smoking. Eat something, drink a bunch of water, and get some rest. My usual rule of thumb is if you’re too stoned to walk, talk, or pack another bowl, it’s probably time to call it quits for a while.
Smoking Socially:
-Make good friends. I’ve had wayyyy too many smoke seshes ruined by shitty people and shitty attitudes. If you’re gonna toke up with other people, make sure they’re decent folk. If you’re in a non-legal state, watch out for narcs. And if you’re smoking with strangers, try to get to know them a little first. Nothing ruins a good time like someone hogging the bong, refusing to match, or eating all the food in your fridge.
-On the flip side of that same coin, don’t be a dick. It’s pretty self-explanatory. If you’re with newbies who haven’t smoked before, don’t be an elitist about it. Help them out, answer questions, make ‘em feel comfortable. If you’re the newbie, don’t pretend to know more than you really do. No one likes the guy who brags about how high his tolerance is, or the girl who’s yammering away about terpenes and CBD content while her friend can’t figure out how to light the bowl. Chill out, relax, be friendly. ‘Nuff said.
-Sharing is caring. If someone asks to match, match them (as long as you can afford to). If you’re hosting a smoke sesh or a party, make sure you have enough to go around. If someone is curious about trying cannabis, hook them up. Be honest with the people that you share your weed with. Make sure everyone understands that this is a product that you paid money for, but don’t be stingy. If your buddy is dankrupt, smoke him up every once in a while. If you’re following the make good friends rule, then he’ll probably do the same for you when you’re running low. In short, give the gift of marijuana!
Staying Out Of Trouble:
-Paranoia is all in your head. 90% of the time, if you’re stoned in public and paranoid about it, it’s probably nothing. Most people are too busy with their own lives to care about how red your eyes are (P.S., sunglasses help too). Just relax, take a couple deep breaths, and act normal. It gets easier with practice, trust me. If you’re really worried that your behavior will give you away, try smoking up more with other people. You’ll get more comfortable being stoned around others (even if they’re stoned too), and you’ll get a feel for how to act and how not to act.
-Smell good, feel good. Marijuana has a rather distinct odor. The best solution if you have to go out while stoned is to shower and/or change your clothes. A little bit of perfume or cologne doesn’t hurt either (note: a LITTLE bit. You don’t want to be that dude who reeks of stale weed and Axe while sitting in line at Wal-Mart). And brush your teeth! Not only is good dental hygiene important, it’ll cut down on that stinky weed breath.
-Fans are your friends. Seriously, if you smoke a lot (or like to cook edibles) and live in an apartment complex or dorm, buy some fans. Make sure where you’re smoking is private and well-ventilated. Stuff towels or blankets in any cracks in doors. Don’t smoke in front of windows. Make sure your music or TV isn’t too loud, cops and nosy neighbors alike love investigating “noise complaints”. Candles, air fresheners, or scented plug-ins can be a big help too. Keep it lowkey. Using a vaporizer or consuming edibles instead of combusting your weed helps keep the smell down as well.
-Know how to deal with cops. If, heaven forbid, you’re in a non-legal state and you get pulled over on a jay ride or some of the boys in blue bust in on your little smoke sesh in the park, be cool. Know that you don’t have to answer questions, especially if they will incriminate you. Be polite, not disrespectful. If you’re being detained, ask the officer if you’re free to go or if you’re being arrested. In some states, just smelling like marijuana does not constitute probable cause for an arrest, but possession will almost always get you locked up. If you DO get arrested, ask for a lawyer. Don’t talk to anyone until you’ve seen legal counsel. Read up on the specifics for your state, county, or town. Understand the risks involved.
Submitted July 07, 2016 at 02:13PM by Vidopnir via reddit http://ift.tt/29m1YVj
Lmao I love that I find this in my tag simply because the word weed-breath is in there

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