mess

Sorry this took so long to answer judas priest (it’s been like, 3 weeks?)

I never got the impression that Laurent was planning to hand himself in from the beginning of King’s Rising. He can’t have been planning to hand himself in because when KR begins Laurent is at Fortaine, Damianos is at Ravenel, they have no idea where Jokaste is or that she’s given birth, and absolutely no idea that the baby belongs to Damianos. When Jokaste ‘reveals’ that the baby is Damen’s, “all of Laurent’s features whitened in reeling shock, and he stared at Jokaste as though he had been struck” (KR p. 194) - the first time that the idea of giving himself up to a show-trial had been brought up it had been because the Regent knew that he had Jokaste’s son, and could use it against them. Before that, surrendering wasn’t an option. Laurent says that himself. Being King is endgame.

(tw for csa mention below the cut)

@failes-xtra-bits

Quotes in bold. My comments, thoughts and dumb jokes in italics.

As we all know, this is the chapter where they do the sex. It was very hard not to include everything, but I have summarised and picked out some bits that I’d like to talk more about. Sorry lads, this is a long one, but I have many thoughts!

Before I start, I’d like to mention how interesting it is that the events of chapter 18 lead straight into this chapter.

Things might have turned out very differently if Jord had never interrupted the Lamen kiss on the battlements. In chapter 17, Laurent is calm and in a good mood after their victory. He accepts that he wants Damen and is willing to let himself have him, even just for one night. In chapter 17, every time Damen and Laurent speak, it’s as if they are in their own intimate bubble, everything around them is just a hazy blur, like time is on pause. The next morning they would have to face reality but just for one night they can forget it all and have each other.

Instead things take a big turn in chapter 18 and we now have Laurent in a foul mood. Old wounds have been reopened. While he is left alone, he has time to think. He is reminded of the abuse from his uncle and his brother’s death. The person he has come to trust and love is his brother’s killer. With all of that comes a mix of feelings. In his current situation, any wrong move could cost Laurent everything. The Regent plots against him, always seeming one step ahead. The pressure is on. He is no longer distracted by their earlier victory. Things feel very real again. When Damen and Laurent finally do sleep together, it’s not with the mood of chapter 17, it’s after a harsh reminder of pain and everything else that is at stake.

So with that in mind, here is the chapter 18 summary:

That is an excellent question. And just to preface my take on it: I’m no expert on the matter. And it’s been a couple years since I read the series, so my memories might not be the most accurate, either. So keep it all in mind while you read.

Since I’ll be discussing spoilers, I’m putting this under a cut. Also, yeah: spoilers. I assume you haven’t read the books since you’re asking me, but I’ll have to go into some pretty specific details here, which might spoil the books for you. And since I personally think the books deal with it fine, and the rest of this post is just my arguments for having this opinion, I would encourage you to read the books for yourself to decide*, instead of reading this post. Though of course that’s your choice to make.

*Unless you have triggers relating to the contents of the series, especially book one. There are a few trigger warnings that apply.

Speaking of content warnings, this post will get sexually explicit, and I am going to mention sexual abuse.

The next morning, they had to sit next to each other. ‘had to.’ guess we’re off to a good start then

i wonder about loyse. she’s mentioned so often but never really does anything (i am kind of hoping she’ll murder her horrible husband for what he let the regent do to aimeric)

A part of Damen acknowledged, a little guiltily, that Laurent probably hadn’t deserved to get thrown around the training arena as a result. that made me smile a little

Nikandros said, without looking next to him, ‘Your uncle has wiped out half of our army with two hundred men.’ ‘And a belt,’ said Laurent. nikandros talking to laurent without even looking at him… laurent once again needling damen for his rash decision to declare makedon a traitor… makedon and all of his men deflecting… i see things are going great <3

i would like to announce that i am a little bit in love with pallas now

Damen rose from the throne, and put his hand to the gold brooch at his shoulder. His garment dropped and the crowd roared its approval. (…) On the grass, he reached his cupped hands into the receptacle held by the steward, and scooped out the oil, smearing it over his naked body.  i just wanna be able to read laurent’s thoughts while he’s watching damen wrestle naked 

He waved over some wine. ‘What is it?’ ‘Nothing,’ said Laurent, and found somewhere else to put his eyes. (…) lol i knew it (and can 100% relate to laurent)

There was no one in the tent. Damen turned to see Nikandros advancing on him. nikandros??? 

Nikandros said, ‘Your back.’ Damen flushed. Nikandros was staring at him as if he had needed to see it up close to believe it. The exposure was a shock. He knew … He knew there was scarring. He knew it extended across his shoulders, down to his mid-back. (…) oooh, okay. for a second there i was scared nikandros would be just another person to screw damen over :/ god, this must be horrible; seeing your best friend’s scarred back, and knowing how much pain he endured as a slave

‘Who did this to you?’ ‘I did,’ Laurent said. no go away nikandros is going to fight you

Laurent stood in the entryway of the tent. He was arranged with elegant grace and his lazy, blue-eyed attention was all on Nikandros. Laurent said, ‘I meant to kill him, but my uncle wouldn’t let me.’ well… laurent really isn’t ever going to make anything easy for anyone, including damen, and least of all himself. i wonder why he’s actively seeking out conflict here because there is no way he doesn’t expect nikandros to hate him for hurting damen. is he doing this out of guilt for what he did to damen, or is it him letting his self-hatred sabotage him again? i don’t really get it because i remember laurent hoping to get along with nikandros well enough to have his aid in his fight against his uncle. then again, he doesn’t really need nikandros to like him anymore now that he’s got damen as an ally… 

Laurent said, ‘He sucked my cock too.’ oh my god. laurent. shut up. 

Nikandros said, ‘Exalted, I beg permission to challenge the Prince of Vere to a duel of honour for the insult that he has done to you.’ ‘Denied,’ said Damen. hhhh

‘You see?’ said Laurent. ‘He has forgiven me for the small matter of the whip. I have forgiven him for the small matter of killing my brother. All praise the alliance.’ god. (auguste *sobs*)

‘Not personally. I just watched while I had my man do it.’ what the fuck is laurent doinggggg

‘How many lashes was it? Fifty? One hundred? He might have died!’ Laurent said, ‘Yes, that was the idea.’ i am just sitting here gaping (honestly why am i even still surprised though? this is laurent)

‘Should I have told him I didn’t enjoy it?’ said Laurent. ‘But I did enjoy it. I liked it most near the end, when you broke down.’ oh hey book 1 laurent makes an appearance (i know he’s the same laurent and that he’s always going to have this temperament and it’s not like i dislike this part of him since i know where it’s coming from now but man, we’ve come so far that seeing him and damen talk like that hurts even more now)

‘I came to collect you,’ said Laurent. ‘Nikandros was taking too long.’ ‘You didn’t have to come here. You could have sent a messenger.’ the way damen sees right through him :( i miss them so much

In the pause that followed, Laurent’s gaze shifted involuntarily sideways. A strange prickling passing over his skin, Damen realised that Laurent was looking at the polished mirror behind him at the reflection of his scars. Their eyes met again. Laurent wasn’t often caught out, but a single glance had betrayed him. They both knew it. oh, the guilt :( i am so sad. 

Damen felt the hard ache of it. ‘Admiring your handiwork?’ i love damen’s cutting remarks. he’s always so precise in the way he delivers them (not too unlike laurent, so, once again: they’re such good matches for each other)

‘I’ll join you after I’ve dressed. Unless you want to step closer. You can help stick in the pin.’ ‘Do it yourself,’ said Laurent. … flirting? now? or was this comment aimed at hurting laurent because they’re not /doing this/ at the moment? but that wouldn’t make too much sense considering damen criticized laurent for using their intimacy against him during the “hello lover” scene

oh, makedon is back??

‘I will pledge,’ said Makedon, ‘if the Prince will ride.’ honestly, fair.

Humiliating as it was to refuse, it would be worse to accept—to have his inadequacy made explicit on the field. Makedon’s eyes said that was exactly what he wanted: his return to the fold conditional on the discrediting of Laurent. i know exactly what will happen and i can’t wait for laurent to awe them all with his athleticism and strength and just overall coolness <3

‘Why not?’ said Laurent. pretty sure damen is just going to fall in love with him all over again after this

But the true challenge of the okton was this: if you missed, your spear might kill your opponent. If your opponent missed, you were dead. wow, sounds like a super fun leisure activity! :)

Laurent could also throw a spear. Probably. (…) :)))))  (remember when damen threw a sword at this one guy who tried to kill laurent? because i do. good times <3)

literally WHO would happily participate in the okton if you could just die any minute…?

Laurent took up his first spear and faced the course with a calm aspect. There was something intellectual in the way he assessed the field, and it set him apart from the other riders. For Laurent, physical pursuits were not instinctive, and for the first time it occurred to Damen to wonder if Laurent even enjoyed them. Laurent had been bookish as a boy, before he had re-formed himself. well… now i am sad again. laurent literally spent his whole entire childhood/youth suffering the regent, and training to one day kill damianos, constantly haunted by the death of his brother, when all he probably wanted to do was read and study and spend time with auguste :(

It was quickly apparent that if Makedon had hoped to prove Veretians inferior, in this, at least, he had hoped in vain. Laurent could ride. Slender and balanced, the beautiful proportions of his body were in effortless communication with his horse. His first spear soared, blue-tipped: a bullseye. laurent is so hot i love him sm*

Damen avoided Pallas expertly, his eyes on the field; he didn’t need to watch his own spears land to know that they were hitting dead-centre. (…) *damen as well ofc <3

(…) Laurent dealt with the danger of the okton by simply behaving as though it did not exist. i am grinning from ear to ear (for the sake of my sanity i’m just going to ignore the implication that once again laurent is a little bit too indifferent about his own life and appreciate this sentence for the humor)

what

oh my god

i can’t believe damen just caught a spear that would’ve otherwise landed right in his chest and laurent simply jumped onto pallas’ horse????

makedon will eat his words <3

(…) Laurent reached down and neatly filched Pallas’s last spear for himself. And, keeping Pallas’s horse at a gallop—as the sounds of the crowd swelled to a crescendo—he threw it, sending it flying right into the centre of the final target. oh my god

Completing the okton one spear ahead of Pallas and of Damen, Laurent drew his horse up in a little circle, and met Damen’s gaze, his pale brows rising, as if to say, ‘Well?’ my heart doubled in size

Damen grinned. He hefted the spear he had caught, and from where he was on the far side of the course, threw; let it go sailing over the full, impossible length of the field, to thunk into the target alongside Laurent’s spear, where it rested, quivering. damen is so in love with laurent and laurent is so in love with damen and they just had a cute moment and i can’t believe it <3 my heart is full <3 my skin is clear <3 i am happy <3

(…) There was a warmth in his chest whenever he looked at Laurent. He didn’t look often for that reason. aaaand i’m sad again

‘You have the mind of a snake,’ Makedon said. ‘You have the mind of an old bull,’ said Laurent. They stared at one another. laurent’s impudence always makes me laugh :’)

‘I will drink with you,’ said Makedon. are they… bonding? am i really going to end up liking makedon now?

Laurent picked up the cup in front of him, drained it, then returned it to the table. Makedon gave a slow nod of approval, lifted his own cup, downed it. And said, ‘Again.’ laurent will be so wasted by the end of this night, won’t he?

Later, when a great many overturned cups scattered the low table, Makedon leaned forward and told Laurent he must try griva, the drink from his own region, and Laurent downed it and said it tasted like swill, and Makedon said, ‘Ha, ha, true!’ (…) i can’t believe laurent won makedon over by 1) being great at sports, 2) getting drunk, and 3) being a little shit

Later, Makedon leaned in and gave Damen this serious advice: ‘You shouldn’t judge the Veretians so harshly. They drink well.’ i bet damen had an ‘office’-stare-into-the-camera moment here

Laurent maintained a scrupulous posture until they were all gone, his eyes dilated, his cheeks slightly flushed. Damen spread his arm over the back of his own seat and waited. After a long moment, Laurent said, ‘I’m going to need some help standing up.’ i LOVE that damen probably spent all evening thinking ‘that’s not going to end well, he’ll be so drunk by the end of this’ <3 

He wasn’t expecting to receive Laurent’s full weight, but he did, a warm arm slung around his neck, and he was suddenly breathless with the feeling of Laurent in his arms. His hands came up to steady Laurent’s waist, his heart behaving strangely. It was sweetly, impossibly illicit. He felt the ache in his chest. oh, we’re doing this. and by ‘this’ i mean more heartbreak, and more angst, and more of my sobbing bc i just want them to be together and happy and in love !!! (also, i feel like i need to mention that damen is really such a huge sap <3)

‘Technically, it was a draw,’ said Damen. hhhhh

‘Technically. I told you I was quite good at riding. I used to beat Auguste all the time when we raced at Chastillon. It took me until I was nine to realise he was letting me win. I just thought I had a very fast pony. You’re smiling.’ oh god. oh god. that is so cute. i am so sad. auguste letting his beloved younger brother win <3 laurent thinking he had a fast pony <3 so much innocence <3 so much love <3 damen smiling as he listens to laurent’s drunken rambles <3 i am sooooo sad

‘I made an exception,’ said Laurent, ‘that night. Two and a half bottles. I had to force myself to get it down. I thought it would be easier drunk.’ ‘You thought what would be easier?’ said Damen. ‘“What”?’ said Laurent. ‘You.’ well. i guess i’ll cry again. i don’t think i’ve really realized just how traumatizing and painful suddenly seeing auguste’s killer in vere must’ve been for laurent. delivered to him by his uncle. i don’t know if laurent already knew by that point that the regent wanted to get rid of him, but if he didn’t, what a way to announce his intentions. i seriously don’t think i’ve ever hated a character more than i hate the regent; literally everything he does is vile and cruel and horrible.

(…) Laurent, intensely private, would not want his household present while he dealt with the effects of a night’s worth of drinking. can you believe it’s damen laurent feels closest to? in all those years of auguste’s absence, there has been not a single person in vere who could be what damen now is for laurent and it makes me so angry that it’s all the regent’s doing (i mean, i’m sure laurent wouldn’t have made it easy for anyone to get close to him but if damen managed to, despite laurent knowing who he was all along, i’m sure someone in vere could have as well, if they’d made the effort and not been manipulated by the regent.)

‘Attend me,’ Laurent said, unthinkingly. ‘For old time’s sake?’ said Damen. nooo i am so sad (sorry about repeating myself so often but i am experiencing severe heartbreak. also, one of my absolute favorite fanfic tropes is exes who are still in love getting back together so this level of angst is right up my alley) 

Under the fine fabric of Laurent’s shirt, Paschal had bound Laurent’s shoulder to strengthen it. (…) He thought of sixteen spears thrown, with a constant effort of arm and shoulder, after rough exertion the day before. it is pretty telling that damen is guilty of the exact same thing (never letting his body properly heal) but seems to have an issue with laurent doing it… 

Damen took a step back, said: ‘Now you can say you were served by the King of Akielos.’ ‘I could say that anyway.’ i love them <3 

They were gazing at each other. they’re ALWAYS gazing at each other :’)

‘I miss you,’ said Laurent. ‘I miss our conversations.’ OH MY GOD

laurent :(((((

oh wow

my heart broke

laurent just broke my heart

HE MISSES DAMEN AND HE MISSES THEIR CONVERSATIONS

i can’t do this

i just want them to be happy :(

‘You don’t like me like this?’ ‘You’re really … not yourself.’ ‘Aren’t I?’ ‘No. You’re going to kill me when you sober up.’ ‘I tried to kill you. I can’t seem to go through with it. You keep overturning all my plans.’ this is too much. they’re both so sad :( that last sentence laurent said made my stomach drop

(…) he found that before he poured the water it took him a moment to catch his breath. He put both his hands on the table and leaned his weight on it, only a little breathless.  damen physically feeling his heartbreak :(((((((((

Laurent, falling through scattered thoughts into sleep, said, ‘Yes, uncle.’ oh.

god

that ending broke something in me

for a second i forgot that damen doesn’t know about what the regent did to laurent and now i am once again nervous for when he finds out :( 

i hate the regent so much i can’t even put it into words

The next morning, they had to sit next to each other. ‘had to.’ guess we’re off to a good start then

i wonder about loyse. she’s mentioned so often but never really does anything (i am kind of hoping she’ll murder her horrible husband for what he let the regent do to aimeric)

A part of Damen acknowledged, a little guiltily, that Laurent probably hadn’t deserved to get thrown around the training arena as a result. that made me smile a little

Nikandros said, without looking next to him, ‘Your uncle has wiped out half of our army with two hundred men.’ ‘And a belt,’ said Laurent. nikandros talking to laurent without even looking at him… laurent once again needling damen for his rash decision to declare makedon a traitor… makedon and all of his men deflecting… i see things are going great <3

i would like to announce that i am a little bit in love with pallas now

Damen rose from the throne, and put his hand to the gold brooch at his shoulder. His garment dropped and the crowd roared its approval. (…) On the grass, he reached his cupped hands into the receptacle held by the steward, and scooped out the oil, smearing it over his naked body.  i just wanna be able to read laurent’s thoughts while he’s watching damen wrestle naked 

He waved over some wine. ‘What is it?’ ‘Nothing,’ said Laurent, and found somewhere else to put his eyes. (…) lol i knew it (and can 100% relate to laurent)

There was no one in the tent. Damen turned to see Nikandros advancing on him. nikandros??? 

Nikandros said, ‘Your back.’ Damen flushed. Nikandros was staring at him as if he had needed to see it up close to believe it. The exposure was a shock. He knew … He knew there was scarring. He knew it extended across his shoulders, down to his mid-back. (…) oooh, okay. for a second there i was scared nikandros would be just another person to screw damen over :/ god, this must be horrible; seeing your best friend’s scarred back, and knowing how much pain he endured as a slave

‘Who did this to you?’ ‘I did,’ Laurent said. no go away nikandros is going to fight you

Laurent stood in the entryway of the tent. He was arranged with elegant grace and his lazy, blue-eyed attention was all on Nikandros. Laurent said, ‘I meant to kill him, but my uncle wouldn’t let me.’ well… laurent really isn’t ever going to make anything easy for anyone, including damen, and least of all himself. i wonder why he’s actively seeking out conflict here because there is no way he doesn’t expect nikandros to hate him for hurting damen. is he doing this out of guilt for what he did to damen, or is it him letting his self-hatred sabotage him again? i don’t really get it because i remember laurent hoping to get along with nikandros well enough to have his aid in his fight against his uncle. then again, he doesn’t really need nikandros to like him anymore now that he’s got damen as an ally… 

Laurent said, ‘He sucked my cock too.’ oh my god. laurent. shut up. 

Nikandros said, ‘Exalted, I beg permission to challenge the Prince of Vere to a duel of honour for the insult that he has done to you.’ ‘Denied,’ said Damen. hhhh

‘You see?’ said Laurent. ‘He has forgiven me for the small matter of the whip. I have forgiven him for the small matter of killing my brother. All praise the alliance.’ god. (auguste *sobs*)

‘Not personally. I just watched while I had my man do it.’ what the fuck is laurent doinggggg

‘How many lashes was it? Fifty? One hundred? He might have died!’ Laurent said, ‘Yes, that was the idea.’ i am just sitting here gaping (honestly why am i even still surprised though? this is laurent)

‘Should I have told him I didn’t enjoy it?’ said Laurent. ‘But I did enjoy it. I liked it most near the end, when you broke down.’ oh hey book 1 laurent makes an appearance (i know he’s the same laurent and that he’s always going to have this temperament and it’s not like i dislike this part of him since i know where it’s coming from now but man, we’ve come so far that seeing him and damen talk like that hurts even more now)

‘I came to collect you,’ said Laurent. ‘Nikandros was taking too long.’ ‘You didn’t have to come here. You could have sent a messenger.’ the way damen sees right through him :( i miss them so much

In the pause that followed, Laurent’s gaze shifted involuntarily sideways. A strange prickling passing over his skin, Damen realised that Laurent was looking at the polished mirror behind him at the reflection of his scars. Their eyes met again. Laurent wasn’t often caught out, but a single glance had betrayed him. They both knew it. oh, the guilt :( i am so sad. 

Damen felt the hard ache of it. ‘Admiring your handiwork?’ i love damen’s cutting remarks. he’s always so precise in the way he delivers them (not too unlike laurent, so, once again: they’re such good matches for each other)

‘I’ll join you after I’ve dressed. Unless you want to step closer. You can help stick in the pin.’ ‘Do it yourself,’ said Laurent. … flirting? now? or was this comment aimed at hurting laurent because they’re not /doing this/ at the moment? but that wouldn’t make too much sense considering damen criticized laurent for using their intimacy against him during the “hello lover” scene

oh, makedon is back??

‘I will pledge,’ said Makedon, ‘if the Prince will ride.’ honestly, fair.

Humiliating as it was to refuse, it would be worse to accept—to have his inadequacy made explicit on the field. Makedon’s eyes said that was exactly what he wanted: his return to the fold conditional on the discrediting of Laurent. i know exactly what will happen and i can’t wait for laurent to awe them all with his athleticism and strength and just overall coolness <3

‘Why not?’ said Laurent. pretty sure damen is just going to fall in love with him all over again after this

But the true challenge of the okton was this: if you missed, your spear might kill your opponent. If your opponent missed, you were dead. wow, sounds like a super fun leisure activity! :)

Laurent could also throw a spear. Probably. (…) :)))))  (remember when damen threw a sword at this one guy who tried to kill laurent? because i do. good times <3)

literally WHO would happily participate in the okton if you could just die any minute…?

Laurent took up his first spear and faced the course with a calm aspect. There was something intellectual in the way he assessed the field, and it set him apart from the other riders. For Laurent, physical pursuits were not instinctive, and for the first time it occurred to Damen to wonder if Laurent even enjoyed them. Laurent had been bookish as a boy, before he had re-formed himself. well… now i am sad again. laurent literally spent his whole entire childhood/youth suffering the regent, and training to one day kill damianos, constantly haunted by the death of his brother, when all he probably wanted to do was read and study and spend time with auguste :(

It was quickly apparent that if Makedon had hoped to prove Veretians inferior, in this, at least, he had hoped in vain. Laurent could ride. Slender and balanced, the beautiful proportions of his body were in effortless communication with his horse. His first spear soared, blue-tipped: a bullseye. laurent is so hot i love him sm*

Damen avoided Pallas expertly, his eyes on the field; he didn’t need to watch his own spears land to know that they were hitting dead-centre. (…) *damen as well ofc <3

(…) Laurent dealt with the danger of the okton by simply behaving as though it did not exist. i am grinning from ear to ear (for the sake of my sanity i’m just going to ignore the implication that once again laurent is a little bit too indifferent about his own life and appreciate this sentence for the humor)

what

oh my god

i can’t believe damen just caught a spear that would’ve otherwise landed right in his chest and laurent simply jumped onto pallas’ horse????

makedon will eat his words <3

(…) Laurent reached down and neatly filched Pallas’s last spear for himself. And, keeping Pallas’s horse at a gallop—as the sounds of the crowd swelled to a crescendo—he threw it, sending it flying right into the centre of the final target. oh my god

Completing the okton one spear ahead of Pallas and of Damen, Laurent drew his horse up in a little circle, and met Damen’s gaze, his pale brows rising, as if to say, ‘Well?’ my heart doubled in size

Damen grinned. He hefted the spear he had caught, and from where he was on the far side of the course, threw; let it go sailing over the full, impossible length of the field, to thunk into the target alongside Laurent’s spear, where it rested, quivering. damen is so in love with laurent and laurent is so in love with damen and they just had a cute moment and i can’t believe it <3 my heart is full <3 my skin is clear <3 i am happy <3

(…) There was a warmth in his chest whenever he looked at Laurent. He didn’t look often for that reason. aaaand i’m sad again

‘You have the mind of a snake,’ Makedon said. ‘You have the mind of an old bull,’ said Laurent. They stared at one another. laurent’s impudence always makes me laugh :’)

‘I will drink with you,’ said Makedon. are they… bonding? am i really going to end up liking makedon now?

Laurent picked up the cup in front of him, drained it, then returned it to the table. Makedon gave a slow nod of approval, lifted his own cup, downed it. And said, ‘Again.’ laurent will be so wasted by the end of this night, won’t he?

Later, when a great many overturned cups scattered the low table, Makedon leaned forward and told Laurent he must try griva, the drink from his own region, and Laurent downed it and said it tasted like swill, and Makedon said, ‘Ha, ha, true!’ (…) i can’t believe laurent won makedon over by 1) being great at sports, 2) getting drunk, and 3) being a little shit

Later, Makedon leaned in and gave Damen this serious advice: ‘You shouldn’t judge the Veretians so harshly. They drink well.’ i bet damen had an ‘office’-stare-into-the-camera moment here

Laurent maintained a scrupulous posture until they were all gone, his eyes dilated, his cheeks slightly flushed. Damen spread his arm over the back of his own seat and waited. After a long moment, Laurent said, ‘I’m going to need some help standing up.’ i LOVE that damen probably spent all evening thinking ‘that’s not going to end well, he’ll be so drunk by the end of this’ <3 

He wasn’t expecting to receive Laurent’s full weight, but he did, a warm arm slung around his neck, and he was suddenly breathless with the feeling of Laurent in his arms. His hands came up to steady Laurent’s waist, his heart behaving strangely. It was sweetly, impossibly illicit. He felt the ache in his chest. oh, we’re doing this. and by ‘this’ i mean more heartbreak, and more angst, and more of my sobbing bc i just want them to be together and happy and in love !!! (also, i feel like i need to mention that damen is really such a huge sap <3)

‘Technically, it was a draw,’ said Damen. hhhhh

‘Technically. I told you I was quite good at riding. I used to beat Auguste all the time when we raced at Chastillon. It took me until I was nine to realise he was letting me win. I just thought I had a very fast pony. You’re smiling.’ oh god. oh god. that is so cute. i am so sad. auguste letting his beloved younger brother win <3 laurent thinking he had a fast pony <3 so much innocence <3 so much love <3 damen smiling as he listens to laurent’s drunken rambles <3 i am sooooo sad

‘I made an exception,’ said Laurent, ‘that night. Two and a half bottles. I had to force myself to get it down. I thought it would be easier drunk.’ ‘You thought what would be easier?’ said Damen. ‘“What”?’ said Laurent. ‘You.’ well. i guess i’ll cry again. i don’t think i’ve really realized just how traumatizing and painful suddenly seeing auguste’s killer in vere must’ve been for laurent. delivered to him by his uncle. i don’t know if laurent already knew by that point that the regent wanted to get rid of him, but if he didn’t, what a way to announce his intentions. i seriously don’t think i’ve ever hated a character more than i hate the regent; literally everything he does is vile and cruel and horrible.

(…) Laurent, intensely private, would not want his household present while he dealt with the effects of a night’s worth of drinking. can you believe it’s damen laurent feels closest to? in all those years of auguste’s absence, there has been not a single person in vere who could be what damen now is for laurent and it makes me so angry that it’s all the regent’s doing (i mean, i’m sure laurent wouldn’t have made it easy for anyone to get close to him but if damen managed to, despite laurent knowing who he was all along, i’m sure someone in vere could have as well, if they’d made the effort and not been manipulated by the regent.)

‘Attend me,’ Laurent said, unthinkingly. ‘For old time’s sake?’ said Damen. nooo i am so sad (sorry about repeating myself so often but i am experiencing severe heartbreak. also, one of my absolute favorite fanfic tropes is exes who are still in love getting back together so this level of angst is right up my alley) 

Under the fine fabric of Laurent’s shirt, Paschal had bound Laurent’s shoulder to strengthen it. (…) He thought of sixteen spears thrown, with a constant effort of arm and shoulder, after rough exertion the day before. it is pretty telling that damen is guilty of the exact same thing (never letting his body properly heal) but seems to have an issue with laurent doing it… 

Damen took a step back, said: ‘Now you can say you were served by the King of Akielos.’ ‘I could say that anyway.’ i love them <3 

They were gazing at each other. they’re ALWAYS gazing at each other :’)

‘I miss you,’ said Laurent. ‘I miss our conversations.’ OH MY GOD

laurent :(((((

oh wow

my heart broke

laurent just broke my heart

HE MISSES DAMEN AND HE MISSES THEIR CONVERSATIONS

i can’t do this

i just want them to be happy :(

‘You don’t like me like this?’ ‘You’re really … not yourself.’ ‘Aren’t I?’ ‘No. You’re going to kill me when you sober up.’ ‘I tried to kill you. I can’t seem to go through with it. You keep overturning all my plans.’ this is too much. they’re both so sad :( that last sentence laurent said made my stomach drop

(…) he found that before he poured the water it took him a moment to catch his breath. He put both his hands on the table and leaned his weight on it, only a little breathless.  damen physically feeling his heartbreak :(((((((((

Laurent, falling through scattered thoughts into sleep, said, ‘Yes, uncle.’ oh.

god

that ending broke something in me

for a second i forgot that damen doesn’t know about what the regent did to laurent and now i am once again nervous for when he finds out :( 

i hate the regent so much i can’t even put it into words

The next morning, they had to sit next to each other. ‘had to.’ guess we’re off to a good start then

i wonder about loyse. she’s mentioned so often but never really does anything (i am kind of hoping she’ll murder her horrible husband for what he let the regent do to aimeric)

A part of Damen acknowledged, a little guiltily, that Laurent probably hadn’t deserved to get thrown around the training arena as a result. that made me smile a little

Nikandros said, without looking next to him, ‘Your uncle has wiped out half of our army with two hundred men.’ ‘And a belt,’ said Laurent. nikandros talking to laurent without even looking at him… laurent once again needling damen for his rash decision to declare makedon a traitor… makedon and all of his men deflecting… i see things are going great <3

i would like to announce that i am a little bit in love with pallas now

Damen rose from the throne, and put his hand to the gold brooch at his shoulder. His garment dropped and the crowd roared its approval. (…) On the grass, he reached his cupped hands into the receptacle held by the steward, and scooped out the oil, smearing it over his naked body.  i just wanna be able to read laurent’s thoughts while he’s watching damen wrestle naked 

He waved over some wine. ‘What is it?’ ‘Nothing,’ said Laurent, and found somewhere else to put his eyes. (…) lol i knew it (and can 100% relate to laurent)

There was no one in the tent. Damen turned to see Nikandros advancing on him. nikandros??? 

Nikandros said, ‘Your back.’ Damen flushed. Nikandros was staring at him as if he had needed to see it up close to believe it. The exposure was a shock. He knew … He knew there was scarring. He knew it extended across his shoulders, down to his mid-back. (…) oooh, okay. for a second there i was scared nikandros would be just another person to screw damen over :/ god, this must be horrible; seeing your best friend’s scarred back, and knowing how much pain he endured as a slave

‘Who did this to you?’ ‘I did,’ Laurent said. no go away nikandros is going to fight you

Laurent stood in the entryway of the tent. He was arranged with elegant grace and his lazy, blue-eyed attention was all on Nikandros. Laurent said, ‘I meant to kill him, but my uncle wouldn’t let me.’ well… laurent really isn’t ever going to make anything easy for anyone, including damen, and least of all himself. i wonder why he’s actively seeking out conflict here because there is no way he doesn’t expect nikandros to hate him for hurting damen. is he doing this out of guilt for what he did to damen, or is it him letting his self-hatred sabotage him again? i don’t really get it because i remember laurent hoping to get along with nikandros well enough to have his aid in his fight against his uncle. then again, he doesn’t really need nikandros to like him anymore now that he’s got damen as an ally… 

Laurent said, ‘He sucked my cock too.’ oh my god. laurent. shut up. 

Nikandros said, ‘Exalted, I beg permission to challenge the Prince of Vere to a duel of honour for the insult that he has done to you.’ ‘Denied,’ said Damen. hhhh

‘You see?’ said Laurent. ‘He has forgiven me for the small matter of the whip. I have forgiven him for the small matter of killing my brother. All praise the alliance.’ god. (auguste *sobs*)

‘Not personally. I just watched while I had my man do it.’ what the fuck is laurent doinggggg

‘How many lashes was it? Fifty? One hundred? He might have died!’ Laurent said, ‘Yes, that was the idea.’ i am just sitting here gaping (honestly why am i even still surprised though? this is laurent)

‘Should I have told him I didn’t enjoy it?’ said Laurent. ‘But I did enjoy it. I liked it most near the end, when you broke down.’ oh hey book 1 laurent makes an appearance (i know he’s the same laurent and that he’s always going to have this temperament and it’s not like i dislike this part of him since i know where it’s coming from now but man, we’ve come so far that seeing him and damen talk like that hurts even more now)

‘I came to collect you,’ said Laurent. ‘Nikandros was taking too long.’ ‘You didn’t have to come here. You could have sent a messenger.’ the way damen sees right through him :( i miss them so much

In the pause that followed, Laurent’s gaze shifted involuntarily sideways. A strange prickling passing over his skin, Damen realised that Laurent was looking at the polished mirror behind him at the reflection of his scars. Their eyes met again. Laurent wasn’t often caught out, but a single glance had betrayed him. They both knew it. oh, the guilt :( i am so sad. 

Damen felt the hard ache of it. ‘Admiring your handiwork?’ i love damen’s cutting remarks. he’s always so precise in the way he delivers them (not too unlike laurent, so, once again: they’re such good matches for each other)

‘I’ll join you after I’ve dressed. Unless you want to step closer. You can help stick in the pin.’ ‘Do it yourself,’ said Laurent. … flirting? now? or was this comment aimed at hurting laurent because they’re not /doing this/ at the moment? but that wouldn’t make too much sense considering damen criticized laurent for using their intimacy against him during the “hello lover” scene

oh, makedon is back??

‘I will pledge,’ said Makedon, ‘if the Prince will ride.’ honestly, fair.

Humiliating as it was to refuse, it would be worse to accept—to have his inadequacy made explicit on the field. Makedon’s eyes said that was exactly what he wanted: his return to the fold conditional on the discrediting of Laurent. i know exactly what will happen and i can’t wait for laurent to awe them all with his athleticism and strength and just overall coolness <3

‘Why not?’ said Laurent. pretty sure damen is just going to fall in love with him all over again after this

But the true challenge of the okton was this: if you missed, your spear might kill your opponent. If your opponent missed, you were dead. wow, sounds like a super fun leisure activity! :)

Laurent could also throw a spear. Probably. (…) :)))))  (remember when damen threw a sword at this one guy who tried to kill laurent? because i do. good times <3)

literally WHO would happily participate in the okton if you could just die any minute…?

Laurent took up his first spear and faced the course with a calm aspect. There was something intellectual in the way he assessed the field, and it set him apart from the other riders. For Laurent, physical pursuits were not instinctive, and for the first time it occurred to Damen to wonder if Laurent even enjoyed them. Laurent had been bookish as a boy, before he had re-formed himself. well… now i am sad again. laurent literally spent his whole entire childhood/youth suffering the regent, and training to one day kill damianos, constantly haunted by the death of his brother, when all he probably wanted to do was read and study and spend time with auguste :(

It was quickly apparent that if Makedon had hoped to prove Veretians inferior, in this, at least, he had hoped in vain. Laurent could ride. Slender and balanced, the beautiful proportions of his body were in effortless communication with his horse. His first spear soared, blue-tipped: a bullseye. laurent is so hot i love him sm*

Damen avoided Pallas expertly, his eyes on the field; he didn’t need to watch his own spears land to know that they were hitting dead-centre. (…) *damen as well ofc <3

(…) Laurent dealt with the danger of the okton by simply behaving as though it did not exist. i am grinning from ear to ear (for the sake of my sanity i’m just going to ignore the implication that once again laurent is a little bit too indifferent about his own life and appreciate this sentence for the humor)

what

oh my god

i can’t believe damen just caught a spear that would’ve otherwise landed right in his chest and laurent simply jumped onto pallas’ horse????

makedon will eat his words <3

(…) Laurent reached down and neatly filched Pallas’s last spear for himself. And, keeping Pallas’s horse at a gallop—as the sounds of the crowd swelled to a crescendo—he threw it, sending it flying right into the centre of the final target. oh my god

Completing the okton one spear ahead of Pallas and of Damen, Laurent drew his horse up in a little circle, and met Damen’s gaze, his pale brows rising, as if to say, ‘Well?’ my heart doubled in size

Damen grinned. He hefted the spear he had caught, and from where he was on the far side of the course, threw; let it go sailing over the full, impossible length of the field, to thunk into the target alongside Laurent’s spear, where it rested, quivering. damen is so in love with laurent and laurent is so in love with damen and they just had a cute moment and i can’t believe it <3 my heart is full <3 my skin is clear <3 i am happy <3

(…) There was a warmth in his chest whenever he looked at Laurent. He didn’t look often for that reason. aaaand i’m sad again

‘You have the mind of a snake,’ Makedon said. ‘You have the mind of an old bull,’ said Laurent. They stared at one another. laurent’s impudence always makes me laugh :’)

‘I will drink with you,’ said Makedon. are they… bonding? am i really going to end up liking makedon now?

Laurent picked up the cup in front of him, drained it, then returned it to the table. Makedon gave a slow nod of approval, lifted his own cup, downed it. And said, ‘Again.’ laurent will be so wasted by the end of this night, won’t he?

Later, when a great many overturned cups scattered the low table, Makedon leaned forward and told Laurent he must try griva, the drink from his own region, and Laurent downed it and said it tasted like swill, and Makedon said, ‘Ha, ha, true!’ (…) i can’t believe laurent won makedon over by 1) being great at sports, 2) getting drunk, and 3) being a little shit

Later, Makedon leaned in and gave Damen this serious advice: ‘You shouldn’t judge the Veretians so harshly. They drink well.’ i bet damen had an ‘office’-stare-into-the-camera moment here

Laurent maintained a scrupulous posture until they were all gone, his eyes dilated, his cheeks slightly flushed. Damen spread his arm over the back of his own seat and waited. After a long moment, Laurent said, ‘I’m going to need some help standing up.’ i LOVE that damen probably spent all evening thinking ‘that’s not going to end well, he’ll be so drunk by the end of this’ <3 

He wasn’t expecting to receive Laurent’s full weight, but he did, a warm arm slung around his neck, and he was suddenly breathless with the feeling of Laurent in his arms. His hands came up to steady Laurent’s waist, his heart behaving strangely. It was sweetly, impossibly illicit. He felt the ache in his chest. oh, we’re doing this. and by ‘this’ i mean more heartbreak, and more angst, and more of my sobbing bc i just want them to be together and happy and in love !!! (also, i feel like i need to mention that damen is really such a huge sap <3)

‘Technically, it was a draw,’ said Damen. hhhhh

‘Technically. I told you I was quite good at riding. I used to beat Auguste all the time when we raced at Chastillon. It took me until I was nine to realise he was letting me win. I just thought I had a very fast pony. You’re smiling.’ oh god. oh god. that is so cute. i am so sad. auguste letting his beloved younger brother win <3 laurent thinking he had a fast pony <3 so much innocence <3 so much love <3 damen smiling as he listens to laurent’s drunken rambles <3 i am sooooo sad

‘I made an exception,’ said Laurent, ‘that night. Two and a half bottles. I had to force myself to get it down. I thought it would be easier drunk.’ ‘You thought what would be easier?’ said Damen. ‘“What”?’ said Laurent. ‘You.’ well. i guess i’ll cry again. i don’t think i’ve really realized just how traumatizing and painful suddenly seeing auguste’s killer in vere must’ve been for laurent. delivered to him by his uncle. i don’t know if laurent already knew by that point that the regent wanted to get rid of him, but if he didn’t, what a way to announce his intentions. i seriously don’t think i’ve ever hated a character more than i hate the regent; literally everything he does is vile and cruel and horrible.

(…) Laurent, intensely private, would not want his household present while he dealt with the effects of a night’s worth of drinking. can you believe it’s damen laurent feels closest to? in all those years of auguste’s absence, there has been not a single person in vere who could be what damen now is for laurent and it makes me so angry that it’s all the regent’s doing (i mean, i’m sure laurent wouldn’t have made it easy for anyone to get close to him but if damen managed to, despite laurent knowing who he was all along, i’m sure someone in vere could have as well, if they’d made the effort and not been manipulated by the regent.)

‘Attend me,’ Laurent said, unthinkingly. ‘For old time’s sake?’ said Damen. nooo i am so sad (sorry about repeating myself so often but i am experiencing severe heartbreak. also, one of my absolute favorite fanfic tropes is exes who are still in love getting back together so this level of angst is right up my alley) 

Under the fine fabric of Laurent’s shirt, Paschal had bound Laurent’s shoulder to strengthen it. (…) He thought of sixteen spears thrown, with a constant effort of arm and shoulder, after rough exertion the day before. it is pretty telling that damen is guilty of the exact same thing (never letting his body properly heal) but seems to have an issue with laurent doing it… 

Damen took a step back, said: ‘Now you can say you were served by the King of Akielos.’ ‘I could say that anyway.’ i love them <3 

They were gazing at each other. they’re ALWAYS gazing at each other :’)

‘I miss you,’ said Laurent. ‘I miss our conversations.’ OH MY GOD

laurent :(((((

oh wow

my heart broke

laurent just broke my heart

HE MISSES DAMEN AND HE MISSES THEIR CONVERSATIONS

i can’t do this

i just want them to be happy :(

‘You don’t like me like this?’ ‘You’re really … not yourself.’ ‘Aren’t I?’ ‘No. You’re going to kill me when you sober up.’ ‘I tried to kill you. I can’t seem to go through with it. You keep overturning all my plans.’ this is too much. they’re both so sad :( that last sentence laurent said made my stomach drop

(…) he found that before he poured the water it took him a moment to catch his breath. He put both his hands on the table and leaned his weight on it, only a little breathless.  damen physically feeling his heartbreak :(((((((((

Laurent, falling through scattered thoughts into sleep, said, ‘Yes, uncle.’ oh.

god

that ending broke something in me

for a second i forgot that damen doesn’t know about what the regent did to laurent and now i am once again nervous for when he finds out :( 

i hate the regent so much i can’t even put it into words

The way Laurent is saying it to Damen KNOWING EXACTLY WHO HE IS, I'm just-

The way Laurent is saying it to Damen KNOWING EXACTLY WHO HE IS, I'm just-

Damen and Laurent in their little summer palace 🌞

Full version on p△tr3on ✨️

Because it's so Damen and Laurent.

Damen fell first and his experience was a slightly giddy silly jaunt over rooftops with a sunrise and smiles, bright like a revelation.

Whereas Laurent was thrown off his horse and he hit the ground hard and had a near death experience that was all bruises and panic and pain and shock, blunt like a blow to the head.

i mean, it’s definitely canon, even more so than Laurent Knowing (and i’m 100% sure that Laurent Knows). the only reason it’s not explicitly stated in the text is that damen doesn’t know yet and he’s the pov character. the reader suspects from about book 1, chapter 11, and is sure by the end of book 2, if not earlier. 

spoiler-ier details under the read more

@failes-xtra-bits

Quotes in bold. My comments, thoughts and dumb jokes in italics.

As we all know, this is the chapter where they do the sex. It was very hard not to include everything, but I have summarised and picked out some bits that I’d like to talk more about. Sorry lads, this is a long one, but I have many thoughts!

Before I start, I’d like to mention how interesting it is that the events of chapter 18 lead straight into this chapter.

Things might have turned out very differently if Jord had never interrupted the Lamen kiss on the battlements. In chapter 17, Laurent is calm and in a good mood after their victory. He accepts that he wants Damen and is willing to let himself have him, even just for one night. In chapter 17, every time Damen and Laurent speak, it’s as if they are in their own intimate bubble, everything around them is just a hazy blur, like time is on pause. The next morning they would have to face reality but just for one night they can forget it all and have each other.

Instead things take a big turn in chapter 18 and we now have Laurent in a foul mood. Old wounds have been reopened. While he is left alone, he has time to think. He is reminded of the abuse from his uncle and his brother’s death. The person he has come to trust and love is his brother’s killer. With all of that comes a mix of feelings. In his current situation, any wrong move could cost Laurent everything. The Regent plots against him, always seeming one step ahead. The pressure is on. He is no longer distracted by their earlier victory. Things feel very real again. When Damen and Laurent finally do sleep together, it’s not with the mood of chapter 17, it’s after a harsh reminder of pain and everything else that is at stake.

So with that in mind, here is the chapter 18 summary:

I’m snowed in and bored, so I’m going to discuss one of the reasons Damen is a preposterously unreliable narrator, whose account of anything can’t be trusted.

The central background event of Captive Prince is the battle at Marlas and Auguste’s death.  Auguste’s death left Laurent completely alone at the age of 13, under the control of a pedophile who molested him, emotionally abused him, and then plotted to kill him.  The war and Auguste’s death destroyed Laurent’s life, robbed him of any sort of normal adolescence, and left him traumatized.  That’s why he loathes Damen in Captive Prince, and would have killed him outright, if he’d had the ability to get around his uncle and do so.

What we get from Damen initially on the subject is snark about cowardly Veretians and the implication that Vere was responsible for the war.

Veretians were cowards and deceivers; they should have scattered when their duplicitous attack met the full force of the Akielon army.

It takes to the end of Prince’s Gambit for Damen to admit that Theomedes was a warmonger and a bigot who raised Damen to be a warmonger and a bigot, and that Akielos started the war six years ago.

‘My father, he said, ‘hated Veretians.  He called them cowards, deceivers.  It’s what he taught me to believe.’

His own father had ruled by the sword.  He had forged Akielos into one nation, and used the new might of that country to expand its borders, fiercely proud.  He had launched his northern campaign to return Delpha to his kingdom after 90 years of Veretian rule.

But Damen never even gives us the entire background of the war.  That comes from Paschal in Kings Rising.

‘They were years of peace and good harvests. The kingdom was secure, and Queen Hennike had provided two heirs. Then, six years ago, when the Queen died, we lost our alliance with Kempt, and Akielos took it as an opportunity to invade.’

He had reached a part of the story that Damen knew, though it was different, hearing it told in Paschal’s voice.

‘Diplomacy failed.  The talks fell through.  Theomedes wanted land, not peace.  He sent away the Veretian emissaries without hearing them.’

‘But we were confident in our forts.  No army had taken a Veretian fort in over two hundred years.  So the King brought his army south to Marlas, in full complement, to repel Theomedes from its walls.’

None of this seems particularly honorable to me, despite the endless talk in three books about Damen and his honor, but maybe I’m just missing the nobility of using a death as an opportunity for an invasion and a land grab.

On the subject of Auguste, Damen admits in Prince’s Gambit that he deliberately sought him out to kill him and win the war.

Father, I can beat him, he’d said.

Then go, his father said, and bring us back victory.

But he insists in Kings Rising that it was a fair fight, and that Auguste lost just because Damen was the better fighter.

‘He died well,’ Damen made himself say.  ‘He fought better than any man I’ve known. It was a fair fight, and he felt no pain.  The end was quick.’

‘I know,’ said Laurent, ‘that I was never good enough.’  Damen said, ‘Neither was your brother.’  

Well, here’s what actually happened at that battle.  It’s Laurent, not Damen, telling the story in The Summer Palace.

‘He [Auguste] didn’t let anyone else intervene. He thought it was fair, between princes. Single combat.’

‘ Yes.’

‘He was tired.  He’d been fighting for hours.  But the man he fought wasn’t.  It was Kastor on the front at Marlas.  Damianos had stayed back to protect the King.  He rode from behind the lines.’

‘Yes.’

‘He was honourable, and when he drew first blood, he gave Damianos time to recover.  He wouldn’t let anyone else intervene. He thought—’

‘— he thought it was right.  He stepped back and let me pick up my sword.  I didn’t know what to do. It had been two years since anyone had disarmed me. When we fought again, he drove me back. I don’t know why he cut too far to the left.  It was the only mistake he made.  I took the chance it wasn’t a feint, and when he couldn’t draw himself back into position, I killed him.  I killed him.’

So what actually happened is that Damen, after Akielos invaded, stayed behind the front lines with his father while Auguste fought on the front lines.  Damen then sought out Auguste to kill him, when Damen was fresh and rested and Auguste was exhausted from fighting for hours on the front lines.  And, although Auguste was exhausted, he still managed to disarm Damen.  But he let Damen recover, since it would be dishonorable to kill an unarmed man, and then drove Damen back again.  When Auguste made a mistake due to exhaustion, though, Damen took his chance to kill.

That is not a “fair fight.” A fair fight doesn’t involve one rested combatant and one exhausted combatant. And, contrary, to Damen’s snarking about how Auguste wasn’t good enough to beat him, he certainly was.  Damen would be dead if Auguste had taken his chance to finish him off, as he should have.  As for Damen’s honor, apparently it was beyond him to show the same sort of mercy to Auguste that Auguste had shown him.  Damen went for the kill.  

‘Why?’ said Laurent, quietly.  It came out like a throb, a child’s question, that couldn’t be answered.  The sun above them felt too exposing.  

Damen doesn’t even have the decency here to admit the truth to Laurent.  He killed Auguste to win the war.  He didn’t care what happened to 13 year-old orphans or anyone else.  He admitted that back in Prince’s Gambit, so I don’t know why he’s pretending not to know why he killed Auguste in The Summer Palace.

Father, I can beat him, he’d said, and he’d ridden out and returned to a hero’s welcome, to have his armor stripped by servants, to have his father greet him with pride.  He remembered that night, all those nights, the galvanizing power of his father’s expansionist victories, the approbation, as success flowed from success.  He had not thought about the way it played out on the other side of the field.  When this game began, I was younger.

What does Damen do when Laurent asks why?  Says nothing, and thinks about himself again.

Damen found that couldn’t look away from Laurent. He thought of his father and mother, of Auguste, of Kastor.  

I guess a simple “I’m sorry” was too much for Damen to concede?  Laurent clearly, unambiguously, and explicitly apologized to Damen in Prince’s Gambit.  But apparently Laurent still needed to get down on his knees, like he’d done for his abuser, and wash Damen’s feet like a slave to atone.

But Damen?  Nothing  I don’t see why Laurent isn’t entitled to at least a clear acknowledgment of the effect that war, started by Damen and his father, had on his life.  And Damen helping Laurent fight the Regent doesn’t compensate, when Damen’s actions put the Regent in power, and fighting the Regent was in Damen’s interests just as much as it was in Laurent’s.

I had kind of suspected, before Kings Rising, that we would hear that the Regent was involved in something duplicitous at Marlas that left Laurent feeling like the Akielons were liars and dishonorable and that left Damen feeling like the Veretians were similarly so. 

There’s hints at this – Damen talks about his father receiving Veretian ambassadors and Paschal says they are sent away? But there’s not a clear answer to what actually happened.

It’s not clear to me why we can’t get the full story now. Is it just that Damen doesn’t want to face it? It seems like if he and Laurent sat down and actually compared notes, they might be able to parse out the truth. 

Sorry this took so long to answer judas priest (it’s been like, 3 weeks?)

I never got the impression that Laurent was planning to hand himself in from the beginning of King’s Rising. He can’t have been planning to hand himself in because when KR begins Laurent is at Fortaine, Damianos is at Ravenel, they have no idea where Jokaste is or that she’s given birth, and absolutely no idea that the baby belongs to Damianos. When Jokaste ‘reveals’ that the baby is Damen’s, “all of Laurent’s features whitened in reeling shock, and he stared at Jokaste as though he had been struck” (KR p. 194) - the first time that the idea of giving himself up to a show-trial had been brought up it had been because the Regent knew that he had Jokaste’s son, and could use it against them. Before that, surrendering wasn’t an option. Laurent says that himself. Being King is endgame.

(tw for csa mention below the cut)

No worries, anon. This is not the first time readers have asked about these sections (for example: link). I just wanted to be cautious about spoilers. More behind the cut, and check the tags for trigger warnings.

It’s no secret, that there are a lot of people, who stopped the Captive Prince trilogy after the first book and that’s okay. The themes aren’t for everybody, the series in general has very mature themes and content and is not for everybody. The thing I want to touch on in this post is more about the reasoning of dropping the series after the first book. 

Just to be clear, if you stopped the book or refuse to read them, because you don’t care about the characters (mostly Damen, because it’s his POV) or find the story boring or the things happening triggering, I have no issue with that. Nobody should be forced to read something that make them uncomfortable, bores them or downright is a threat to their mental health.

Disclaimer: There will be spoilers for the third book, because I feel like I need to put them in here to make the point because who are against the series won’t trust my word on ‘Oh, you will understand, when you get to the twist’ and because those against it might not read it at all anyway.

Again and again it comes up, that people are shocked at how the first book plays out, when they went in expecting a romance story like it’s (unfortunately) often advertised. (It’s not a romance, it has a romantic subplot.) And as I got back into watching booktube videos, I kept hearing things like:

“I don’t see, how Laurent could ever be redeemed.“ “I don’t see how they’re supposed to end up as this epic power couple.“ (I would also argue, that they don’t really end up as the power couple, but you can see at the end of book three, the potential of them becoming one)

Upon hearing these things, my first thought was always ‘Well, then read it and find out?’ because it’s one of the main motivators for me to keep reading certain books. (I mostly finished TMI to see how the relationship of Magnus and Alec would end and to this day I haven’t read the scenes of Clary being kidnapped by Sebastian and Jace because that was a storyline I didn’t care about.) But I also kept thinking about these comments about Captive Prince and that part of ‘I don’t see how this could be resolved’ as if they thought about every possible way of how this story could go and didn’t see a good conclusion at the end of any of these roads. 

I mean, I think the answer to that question depends on when you are thinking of Damen.

Does he put that all together in the moment at the Kingsmeet? No, I don’t think so.

Does he think about it afterward, when Laurent is being taken away and Damen’s held by the guards? Hm, possibly. There’s probably a lot that he’s thinking about right then, from the way he violated the laws of the Kingsmeet to the violence to getting Laurent back, so there’s not a lot of time to piece things together.

I do suspect he’ll start to put it all together later. He will have a lot of time to think once he’s recovering from his stab wound, and if Laurent starts to fuss over him as he anticipates it could lead to reflecting on where Laurent learned some of his habits.

My own assumption/interpretation of Damen’s reaction to that news is similar. I feel like at the time it would have been a huge shock – just the concept alone that it was possible for a family member to abuse their own family in such a manner AND for that victim to be the person Damen loves most in the world… Shock would have surely hit him hard, especially since we know he reacts strongly with emotions before thoughts. When Damen is hit that hard by emotions, those feelings seem to obliterate all other thought until all he can do is feel and react rather than think things through with all the awful realisations that come with it.

So he’d already have that emotional reaction on top of the very serious threat of Laurent’s life in danger. I assume that your inner-most priorities in very dire situations would take over your mind as a sort of survival instinct, which leads me to assume that Damen’s realisation of the awful things the Regent had done to Laurent would have been pushed back further at the time because the most important information to deal with was: LAURENT IS GOING TO DIE. HOW DO I STOP THIS FROM HAPPENING!

Then Damen is kept in isolation until morning… Goodness only know what he must have gone through in those hours. More shock and numbness probably. But would he even then have been able to process all he had learnt about the Regent and Laurent? We are given a very fascinating paragraph that seems to show how Damen’s mind is operating upon his return to the camp:

He was a soldier. He knew the brutality of the battlefield, had seen the things that men could do to those weaker than themselves, yet had never thought– –Nicaise’s head drawn from a blood-stained hessian bag, Aimeric’s cold body sprawled out beside a letter, and– It was very bright. He was aware of Nikandros speaking to him.

With this peek into Damen’s fragmented thoughts, it seems like he is still taking a long time to process Laurent’s abuse even now. All those cut off sentences… The most telling of which is Damen finally being able to link Laurent to Nicaise and Aimeric’s abuse (and the ramifications of their experiences with the Regent), but unable to actually even think of Laurent’s name let alone what happened because the thought itself is just so devastating and distressing for him… It just has to cut off at “And–”

It makes me think that Damen is the type of person who would need a long time to fully finish processing such a devastating discovery. And he certainly doesn’t have time to do that in Kings Rising because he still needs to save Laurent from his mockery of a trial + death sentence.

Even in the trial itself, Damen registers that Laurent “weathered the slow, caring touch” from the Regent brushing Laurent’s hair but doesn’t even react to that. No hackles, no clenching of his fists, no emotional rush of anger. Nothing. He just registers it like an objective narrator. Again, this suggests to me that Damen is still pushing the Regent’s abuse of Laurent away from his conscious mind as a survival method. If he lets his mind go down that path, he will lose control and the NUMBER ONE priority he has at the moment is to stay in control to do all he can to beat the Regent at his own game and save Laurent’s life. He has blinkers on to block out anything else.

To be honest, I feel like Damen has done this blinkers thing for a longer time than we may have realised. Just as you mention, Josselin, Damen has clearly known in his heart of hearts that something is up when it comes to Laurent and sex. But it’s like he is already so in love with Laurent, his conscious mind wouldn’t be able to bear the thought of that being true in any way. Laurent has trust issues, he doesn’t feel comfortable doing certain things, he is unsure of what to do even though he has clearly done certain things before… Laurent is hurt by something or experienced something not so good. But as long as Damen doesn’t think too hard about that or find out the undeniable truth, that knowledge can remain a benign myth or what-if in his head that won’t hurt him on behalf of Laurent. Therefore really obvious alarm bells like “Yes, Uncle” can be compartmentalised with a: La la laaaa everything is finnnnne…………

But again, like you said, now that the urgency of Damen and Laurent’s life-or-death situation has eased, I think that Damen will have the time to properly process the truth and let himself face it at least to some degree. It might be too painful to think too deeply on it, but for the sake of being a good lover for Laurent, and because he is Laurent’s emotional protector of sorts, I’d think that Damen would at least consciously connect the dots this time as to why Laurent still behaves the way he does in bed that isn’t quite ‘normal’ or ‘comfortable,’ so that Damen can adjust himself to this knowledge and be 100% patient with Laurent and give him the besssstest time of his lyfe instead. He’d know that Laurent can look after himself and has been doing so for most of his life so he doesn’t need to coddle him or anything, but he can still do his best to be The Ultimate Lover instead. If that makes sense?

I’d hope that it would shed a different light on Laurent’s ingrained service/attention post-sex habits as well.