Milly Milly

There’s so much hypergamy and leveling up content out there that celebrates not doing much, and so many of the same people who repost it, agree with it, or parrot it year after year have nothing to show for all of their devotion. If you want success, you have to fucking work. Get up, go to work, be able to rely on yourself, make plans for your future, and succeed no matter the odds. You don’t waste time looking for cheat codes or trying to grift your way to the top; you do shit that’s sustainable and will bring you long-term benefits. You don’t assume men and the rest of the world are blind or stupid; you hustle like some of your icons have done in the past, you keep at it, and you don’t ever call in sick. This is your life we’re talking about. What's the point of wanting more if you won’t lift a finger to get it?

I could talk about being unethical all day, but the girls want to hear cute stories about scamming men and not real ways to keep your life on track no matter what.

I think education is important because it keeps doors open, gives you opportunities outside of the ones you already have, and makes life easier in many ways. The upper class has been encouraging their daughters to pursue education forever, and have you seen how some southern white women were raised to make something out of themselves? It’s not just education; it’s socialization and the beginning of becoming deeply embedded in friend groups, secret and/or service societies, sororities, and political organizations and eventually meeting someone you see as a good match. The term “Mrs. Degree” exists for a reason, and some women might not obviously be pursuing marriage, but they’ve set their lives up so that when it happens, their success will be remarkable and their future’s bright.

Things that make matches likely:

Being attractive and in shape

Having a selection of good photos

Living in a major city (or close to one)

Presenting and writing yourself well

Being established in life or having plans

Knowing what you’re on the apps for

Being able to come off as an adult

Things that make matches less likely:

Having an alternative appearance

Living in the middle of nowhere

Being overweight or out of shape

Putting no effort into your profile

Having nothing going on for yourself

Overwriting/overmarketing yourself

Using badly taken, group, or blurry pics

If you fit the demographic of the app you’re using, the age range you’re looking at is reasonable, you’re living a life of your own, and you’re relatively open minded, you should be having success. If not, something from the former category is holding you back or you need to delete your profile this completely reset your algorithm.

I get so many questions about where to go in to meet people, how to do specific (easy) things I’ve talked about doing, and how to get involved in things, and I almost completely stopped answering because I realized it was just a waste of time. If people were actually serious about bettering their lives or doing things, they would be making moves on their own, not asking someone capable of making moves on their own to do everything for them. The handholding has to stop at some point and the expectation of being told exactly what to do is so juvenile it makes me wonder.

Am I good to strangers? Same answer. I do nice things for them, but I don’t go out of my way to do good. I’ll hold a door, exchange pleasantries, and indulge a little small talk, but I’m not allowing an endless stream of people I don’t know into my life or going out of my way to move mountains for them. Again, it’s something that I don’t think is appropriate to expect from a stranger, and I don’t want to expend that much energy on someone I don’t know. Is it selfish? No? I don’t believe it is because I don’t think it’s appropriate to expect any sort of physical or emotional labor or support from a stranger, and I really wouldn’t feel comfortable asking that of someone I don’t know.

I hate questions like this, I have opinions on everything.

Gen Zers are as puritanical as boomers are, but they’re annoying about it and have an inability to be silent or speak without trying to shove their opinions or experience onto others. I’d like to think I’m as open-minded as I can be when it comes to sex; it’s really something that I love and enjoy and don’t fear, but sometimes I read posts from girls on this side of the website, and it’s clear they’ve never had sex or they’re sex repulsed, they think it’s something unclean or dirty, or think it’s an act that women are subjected to and cannot enjoy or actively seek out. It blows my mind.

I don’t think that decency and sanctimony are compatible, never have and never will, and it does annoy me to read posts from women who claim to be “sex goddesses and manipulative mistresses” who either hate their bodies or their sexualities, have no idea how sex (much less sex work or casual relationships) works, are teenage girls who want to feel like they’re a part of something, or are friendless adults who built large platforms by claiming they have “insider heauxing and hypergamy tips” and start drama to “feel cool” when they’re desperately lonely in real life (maybe you can guess some of the people I’m talking about). It’s all kind of just like…log off and live some life? It might not be the life you’re claiming you have but you’re alive and can do whatever you want.

I get that we’re surrounded by too much sex, and it’s easy to become sex repulsed, but there comes a point in time where you kind of have to realize that it’s on you to be the change you want to see and stop engaging with and consuming that content. I also think that some young people are so ashamed to have sexual impulses that they’ve repressed themselves and that can be really scary. The USA is also an insane conservative hellhole that considers sexual education to be taboo, and American parents don’t engage in the same level of education as European parents do. I don’t know what I’m trying to say, but I guess it’s that I miss when the hypergamy and heauxing sides of Tumblr were like the forums and people were far less desperate for attention or acknowledgment or whatev.

I’m actually going to keep it real with you and tell you that if you’re reading this, you’re not as oppressed as you think. The women in the Democratic Republic of the Congo, Palestine, Afghanistan, Iran, North Korea, and Sudan who have no hope and who live under horrific conditions; suffer through famine; fear rape on the daily; can’t leave their homes; or are disappeared if they dare speak out are the ones who are oppressed. Women who have no food, have no water, have no money, have no way to protect themselves or their children, who live unseen, and who have no hope that they’ll live past tomorrow are the ones who are truly oppressed and in need of protection and our support.

You, as an American or a Westerner on Tumblr, are not oppressed. By having access to stable internet, you’re not seriously oppressed. Thinking of yourself as a victim or living in one of the most prosperous countries in the world and thinking it’s hell on earth is so childish and selfish; you have no idea how lucky you are to be an American, and you have no idea how many safeties and protections America has in place for its citizens. You have the right to vote as a woman in America; you’d be put to death for that in other places. You have the right to a fair trial in America; think about the girls in Iran who were disappeared and turned up raped and murdered. You have the right to protest in America; think of all of the Palestinian women who have been gunned down indiscriminately. I hate to be a “but think of the…” bitch but please, think of those truly suffering.

If you are living in the Western world, you have opportunity. No matter your race or your culture. I can’t stand the asks I get telling me that there’s nothing here; sure, not everything here is good, but you have more opportunity here than you’d have other places. “My immigrant parents won’t let me live my life." You are allowing them to control you and disappointing yourself; let them be disappointed (they won’t die) and live your life. "School is so expensive; I can’t go." By not looking into schools that meet full need or offer generous merit aid, you’re excusing yourself from your responsibility to yourself. “She’s so much prettier than me, and I’ll never be her. Why even try?" cope. By victimizing yourself, you make yourself worthless. By wanting to be seen as a helpless little baby instead of a capable adult woman, you totally waste your own life.

One of the reasons I refuse to put together lists of resources is because I don’t believe people actually use them; I think they take one look and decide to keep complaining. The world is at your fingertips, and with a little hustle, you could put yourself in a much better position, but you choose to waste your life away complaining when you’re already in a spot some women would die to be in. Get up and do something. Didn’t graduate from high school? Look for GED classes starting in August and prepare for the October SAT. Don’t have a job? Apply to retail and start saving. Fat? Start by putting on some music and cleaning your room or going outside on a walk. Both are free, and you get a clean room or sunlight and fresh air. Want to learn? Get a library card and have a conversation with your local librarian, go onto JSTOR, or read a National Geographic or Vanity Fair article. This is the prime of your life; get up off your ass, get off your fucking phone, stop pretending like you’re oppressed, go outside, and start living and trying to better your life.

Here’s the thing: 99% of the time, I’m 99% upfront about what I want. I’m not entering situations and hiding that I love money; I don’t pretend I don’t love nice things, and I’ve never said I’m low maintenance, and it’s never been an issue because I’m with the right men. If you go in honest from the start and voice your desires and expectations, you’ll have an easier time than if you completely hide your intentions and then try to finagle financial support out of someone. Especially with younger men, no one is as transparent as they believe, and if a man suspects you’re wasting his time, he’ll waste yours. It’s better to have some tact, be straightforward, and communicate with people.

I also think that some women on this side of the website romanticize affairs (under the guise of wanting an arrangement), and that’s whatever; I’m not going to judge, but when you’re romanticizing an affair with financial support, you have to realize that the guy you’re interested in is probably going to be looking for something that comes with no strings attached and he won’t be paying you to stick around, he’ll be paying you to go away and if you don’t get that someone has priorities that don’t involve you and you’ll always come after his wife and whoever’s at home, I don’t know what to tell you. It’s rare that a mistress becomes a wife and even if she does, it comes with controversy.

Every race and religion has different ways of dating amongst social classes. If you don’t recognize this, you’re always going to be at a disadvantage. I get a lot of asks on my main blog wondering how I have so much success with the men I pursue: it’s because I was raised in an upper-class, European, Jewish household, and I only pursue men who were raised similarly to me and have familiar backgrounds. Now I don’t think this is the be-all, end-all of dating; plenty of women manage to date men who are dissimilar to them, but if you want success, then you have to set yourself up for success by observing and learning how people different from you date, seeing what the women expect, and then watching how people engage with each other. It’s easy enough to research and learn with a little bit of effort.

Some women stay around too long and allow a man to say whatever he wants. As soon as a man starts talking and you identify it as bullshit, that’s when you get to walking. My biggest pet peeve is when a woman knowingly allows a man to lead her on and then wants to complain about it later. As SOON as he gets to talking, THAT is when you get to walking. Don’t sit through long dinners with bullshitters, don’t let yourself be breadcrumbed or futurefaked, and don’t tolerate men who just want to hear themselves talk. This goes hand in hand with having some dignity, and if you really think men won’t notice if you walk away, you’re wrong. If you sit there and let a man bs you, he’ll think he can do so in every aspect of whatever relationship you and he might have. You have to learn when and how to walk away without looking back.