i started having soooo many haxggs thoughts thinking about hax's complicated relationship with queerness. like max having this massive obvious crush on him, asking hax if he's queer once they get close enough to see if he has a chance. and hax tries to dodge the question all like "i don't know, i just haven't thought about it enough, i don't have enough experience with relationships", but max just immediately offers himself up, because he's desperate enough for hax that he'll even take being an experiment
and hax says no at first but max says it's an open offer, and hax can't stop thinking about it after. and he feels sooo guilty about it, because even though max is the one who offered in the first place, in his head he thinks max is just being nice as a friend and helping him figure himself out, and of course he isn't actually into hax.
meanwhile max internally has "PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASE" looping in his head 24/7. so he keeps like half-jokingly bringing it up until hax warms up to the idea enough and actually says yes
and they're both soooo nervous when they meet up but max is putting on a nonchalant act because he's supposed to be the experienced, out queer guy, but it only lasts until they begin because he's just so so desperate to please hax and do anything hax wants <3 because maybe if he's good enough hax will want him to do this again <3 meanwhile hax is so into max but also so ashamed of how into max he is <3 i'm so normal about them
anon I'm so sorry ive taken forever to answer to this. ive been treasuring this ask for days cus thats basically my perfect haxggs scenario.
max that started just being down bad for hax cus hes pretty and rlly skilled and his type. and ofc he was just doing his 'im just joking but if ur down im down' game at first but them they genuinely become friends and he starts falling soo had for him and now it's no longer just wanting to bang a cute guy. he genuinely wants hax whoever he will take him. because hax is so silly and so funny and has such a bulshit sense of humor that matches his so well. and he is so skilled at the game and YES that is hot for him. but he is also so shy and sheltered and has so much potential that he can't see.
max wants to give him everything he thinks he deserves. teach him how to do youtube stuff. how to network with other creators. the best places to go to have fun i brighton and london. from clubs to beaches to the fucking zoo!! help him tru his weird relationship with queerness that he knows is there even if hax wont tell him with all the words at first. and u could say he is playing the long game but honestly he just likes him so much that he is almost okay with just being his friend. except that the back of his mind is in a constant state of 'PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE' whenever he picks up on a glimpse of interest from hax. so ofc he offers himself up even if as an experiment. hes that down bad.
and hax. ohhhh hax. max shows up in his life as a fucking tornado of energy and new things and he is so scared abour how much he wants but thinks he SHOUDNT want it. just accepting to coach on midoffs was already a big step for him but them he drafts max and that spcial-butterfly of a man wont let him go back to his shell. the man who asked hax to draft him before the event even started. did the first move even when it was potential friendship-wise. and it's so weird for him to meet someone so similar and yet so different from him. cus they have so much in common and spend so much time just talking and playing cs. but them it feels like max lives in a completely different world from him. a world with no shame, no shyness, and no family or cultural pressure. sometimes hax can't tell if he wants max or if he wants to be him. except that he could never because every time max flirts with him hax feels so so dirty and wrong for liking it. and so scared. cus he shouldn't. there's nothing wrong with the way max is but hax is simply not allowed.
and maybe he talked about it with rowl and mongey once about not even knowing what type of person he likes. after his breakup. and of he was vague as hell about it and none of them pushed him to dig deeper on what he means by 'type of person'. they probably know but gave him space. but when max asks him about it he knows it will be different conversation from the start. because he is max and he is bi and out and extroverted and don't feel the need to beat around the bush about it.
and them he offers himself up as an experiment. and ofc hax thanks him but refuses it. he could never. thats to scarry. but max keeps it an open offer. and have even more suggestions. going out for drinks at a gay club. hiring a sex worker at twitchcon on Amsterdam. things that are even MORE scarry and that hax could never. but that he knows max could do it and not even think tok much about it. be just another fun story to tell friends no matter how it goes.
but now hax can't shake max's initial offer out of his head. he can't stop himself from thinking about it when he sees maxs face cam on stream. or every time he is shamefully jerking off and his brain can't focus on the random woman on the porn he was watching cus he started to think about how hax would sound moaning from pleasure. or how his hands would feel instead of his own. how he can so easily picture him shirtless cus ofc max is confident enough to have all those pictures of himself on crop tops and cosplay skirts and what not that show so much of his body.
and how couldn't he? he thinks max is so beautiful and confident and funny. he could easily go to any club and flirt his way into a girl or guys bed of he wanted any time. and he offered to sleep with hax. and hax wants it so bad but feels so ashamed of wanting it
