my mother once made me go one week without caffeine — tea leaves and coffee beans, hidden even checking my coffee mug to make sure before i left the house every morning. the smallest things set me off, i couldn’t concentrate anymore; even with more sleep, i was completely exhausted the next day, drained. i didn’t feel like the same person anymore.

Falling in love again after you’ve been hurt before is hard. Wait, that’s an understatement, right? You think you’ve got your head on straight and you’re finally in control of your life and then someone steps in and everything is different. You’re walking on cloud nine for a little bit, butterflies in your stomach, and you’re all smiles. And then the realization that you’ve let your guard down hits you like a lead brick wall. The idea of allowing someone back into your heart is overwhelming. You’re constantly living with the fear that just as you slip, right as you fall, they’re going to turn around and leave you. You start to over-analyze every word, every text (or lack thereof) and every action. What once was ‘good enough’ for you just doesnt cut it anymore. The nights at home by yourslf, the time that was used to catch up, the quiet moments to reflect, dream and wonder. They don’t mean quite as much anymore because they arent with you. The last thing you want to do is base your happiness on someone else, right? So you have to sit down with yourself and take a step back from everything. To remember that no matter what happens, you’ll be okay. You’ve still got the nights out with the friends who know you best, conversations over coffee with family that never judge, and those walks through the trails that settle your mind. You have to remember that with every mistake comes a lesson and with every heartache comes a kind of understanding. You have to be content with the fact that love is taking a risk; but it’s a risk of the greatest kind. When you find the one that’s worth tearing down that brick wall around your heart, you have to walk into it willingly. You have to remember that no matter what happens, you still have yourself. That’s all you’ll ever need.