i am, once again, reminded that though loneliness is universal it is not the same. i followed this guy (my first mistake) because a video of his blew up where the things he was saying and his general cadence really spoke to me. there were a few points i resonated with as someone that was jobless, unmotivated, and generally unwilling to step out of my miserable mindset. even to this day, i still think a few of the same things i used it. i just never feel enough.
i think where we differ is that he tries to find fault elsewhere. or that he wants a reason. there has to be a reason for everything. and in a way, there can be external factors that prevent him from obtaining what he truly wants. however, the emotions i feel and the weight i carry won’t change regardless of what i have or don’t have. there will always be something that i find faulty. something that will forever be wrong no matter how much i try to correct it.
there’s hopelessness in acceptance but there’s also a sense of peace i’ve gained from it as well. none of this is forever. nothing will ever stay the same for long. time and people are going to change even if i don’t.
i tried to watch a few of his other videos shortly after the initial video, but then i felt that same feeling in my gut. there are certain areas that take me back to when i was at my worst and i felt like listening to him and agreeing with him for too long would bring me back down. not that i can’t consume content while avoiding that, but i kinda knew from the start that it was better to just avoid it altogether.
maybe i’ve grown out of it more than i thought.
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