Katie's Tracker

The surgery cost $2500.

Now, if I didn’t have to eat, or pay bills, or get gas, I would be more than set. However, that is not an option. And I don’t have a credit card because… damn, why would I need to have one if I am not buying a house or a car? So I can’t even do that as an option to help. But Eloise, my dog, is very limited on her activity right now. So I have to leave her at home.

But she is my SERVICE dog!

On top of all this, I am taking a test I need to keep my job. Which, you know. Not stressful at all. I am a horrible test taker so, it is just… another stress on me.

AND while all of this is going on, I am taking a class that the district needs me to take again, to keep my job, online. Because I am not doing enough right?

I have students that I don’t feel comfortable around because of they:

1. Hit on me.

2. Tried to hit me  

3. I have been informed about with an “If this kid snaps, and he might, it is going to be in your class.”

And do I get help from Admin? NOPE. As far as my school sees it. If a kid snaps, it is my fault. I know this because I found a student of mine, not in the period I have her, cutting in the bathroom. But because I helped her get to the Safe (Crisis) counselor, somehow it was my fault….???

I am trying to not get a panic attack, but I am getting stress hives instead.

I didn’t mean to binge today, but I did. 

I feel like shit

What good is a workout app if there are no photos or videos to walk you through the workout. 

I am trying to cancel this service buy no one is responding to emails. 

I am starting a lot of this before the new year because I don’t want to be part of the resolution and fail halfway through January. 

So I signed up for the following:

Noom Aaptiv E-harmony

Is not so much food. It is drink. I have no problem buying one kinda food and eating it, it is liquid that gets me. I don’t drink any alcohol, and I just nee verity in my drinks. 

since I have been off the weight loss medication. I haven’t had a single flare up of my Crohn's disease since taking myself off the medication. My weight has maintained since taking myself off it, which is a total of 7 pounds less than my OG start weight -_- 

My stomach has been uneasy but not cramping and Chron’s Disease symptoms. 

Last night I thought that it was, but I took a sleeping pill to try and knock me out in hopes that sleeping it off would help. I went to bed at a 4/10, and I woke up at 8/10 with sleeping for 13 hours. so I will take it. I am ready for my stomach to be 100% though. 

So today will be watching supernatural and making another baby blanket and a stuffed toy for a firend who is heavily pregnant so a clamer day today. 

I stopped posting here for a good while. because I wasn’t making progress, in fact, it was the opposite of progress. I found that I am back at the same weight as I was before, my starting weight. 250. 

I was stress eating. 

I didn’t know I was stress eating until today where there was a lay off at work, and I was one of the poor people that got the pink slip. And yeah, it hurt. There were tears... still are tears. But in talking to two former co-workers who were surprised that I was one who was excused, all said that they gained weight through the year. 

One of the co-workers was retiring, the other was staying at least another year. Like me, they were looking at 20-40 pounds gained. And I reflected back on what I was... and was not eating this past school year. 

Even after being diagnosed with Chron’s disease, I was eating very poorly, which lead to a few bad flare-ups. Pasta and bread, so much coffee, and energy drinks. 

Let me focus on that last bit for a second... Energy drinks. I used to swear off energy drinks. in college I only ever drake 2. This school year I am looking at, at least, 40-50. I can’t believe that. 

But I got into a size 16 pant. That is a size smaller than I had been in for a few months. 

Since the last time I have posted I have gotten out of my Crohn's Disease flare. I had to go to Urgent care in order to get it to stop. They gave me meds and it calmed my gut down. 

I am trying to give my self a “Gut Rest” diet for a little bit. So as little “Hard digestible” foods. So a lot of liquids. But the scale has been dropping, fast. 

Like I bought a smart scale from Amazon to get here soon because I don’t believe what my scale says. 

Today I put on pants a size smaller than what I have been in. 

I talked to my mom about this, worried that I am not getting enough food in me, Crohn's often has malnutrition associated with it. Her response, “But you wanted to lose weight! This is a good thing in the long run.”

No mom... just... no. 

I get what she is saying but I don’t think she said it right.

The Idea of moving makes me sick. 

A lot has happened since I last posted here. I have really stayed at the same weight. 235 pounds. ANd seeing that is 15 pounds from my start, I think that is a good thing. 

I was hospitalized in October for stomach pain. And I found out I have Chron’s disease. I know I need to change my diet, but I am unsure how to. and my habit of “Let me eat this and see if it hurts” is not working. 

I am going to go on 2 shakes daily breakfast and lunch. put something in my system. And they are the complete nutrition shakes. For dinner, I am going to be on a more vegan type diet, once I finish what I have. 

So over the next few paychecks, I am going to be stocking up on vegan. I always felt good on a vegan type diet. 

I am also going to be going a bullet journal, using my Fitbit, and this blog more and more.