h8u

If you want a girl with a booty but you can’t handle a little tummy then you can get right the fuck outta my face

I know there’s no assigned seats in college but if I’ve been sitting in the same seat since for seven weeks don’t fuckin sit there

ur mom hands u a glass of orange juice. u take a sip. its not orange juice. its stirred egg yolks. u spit them all out. u ask ur mom why. she turns around. its not ur mom. its me. ur mom is gone. im ur mother now

these old spice commercials have been getting really crazy lately 

having sex is a lot like communism. each person gives and receives equally, you take turns reading from the communist manifesto, joseph stalin is there

when a southern person betrays u: betray’all

if you’re going to ignore my texts you might as well change my contact name to terms and condition 

I’m a laid-back person with a ton of anxiety.

deep conversations with open minded people are one of my most favourite things ever

male moans are really important to me like goddamn make some noise pump up the volume christ just moan its very hot

do u ever have that default username that you always use and if a site already has it taken youre like . speechless

if u and ur best friend’s relationship isn’t constantly mistaken for a homoerotic love affair are u really friends

when friend’s parents pay for your food and you have to pretend you don’t want them to

how weird is that i have to have two pieces of glass sitting in front of my eyeballs so i don’t mistake a small child for a garbage can

do you ever do that thing in class where you notice you’ve stopped paying attention so you try to focus but then you’re focused so hard on trying to focus that you’re still not paying attention to what they’re saying