coming out of my cage.

“too tired? seems fake to me.” she laughs because deep down she knows he could never be too tired to marry her if the time was right. he was the only person she ever saw a future with and maybe one day they would get back to how it was supposed to be. “you know i always said the same for you. i wanted nothing more than for you to succeed in everything that you wanted to do. and seeing the joy in your face on stage every show that you did made all the sacrifices seem worth it. i would say that i would change the past but I wouldn’t want to change you getting to follow your heart and your dreams. that has been such a blessing to see.”

she listens to him but it almost sounded muffled like she was drowning under water. “how long were you two together?” questions she really didn’t want the answer for but she felt like she needed to know. she doesn’t think she could move past this all without knowing exactly what happened. maybe it was the sadistic nature in herself and they did always say curiosity killed the cat which seems to be what is happening in the moment. her eyes are closed as she feels his hands on her arms, rubbing gently. she can’t be upset. she was the one that left and he had every right to move on from her. in reality, she’s not upset that he fell in love with someone else but that she ever let him go in the first place. it was a mistake that she had made from the very beginning and how he chose to repair himself was not up for debate or judgement. “you don’t have to apologize. you had every right to move on and i am glad that you had some happiness in your life after i broke your heart. you deserve happiness even if it wasn’t with me.” she let out a shaky breath as his forehead pressed against hers. “you make up so much of me too and that’s really scary but what’s even scarier is not being able to be with you.” he mentioned marriage and she couldn’t help the small laugh that escaped through the heartache. “don’t tempt me. i am pretty positive that i could call someone to officiate it tonight. seriously, though. i would marry you in a heartbeat.” she moved to finally look at him. “will you go get it? i’d really like to see it if I could.”

"don't you see these bags under my eyes? your boy is exhausted." he yawns, and he's not sure if it was exaggerated or real. perhaps a combination of both. "sacrifices." dallas repeats, because in his mind nothing was worth sacrificing what they shared. "did you ever come to one of my shows?" he questions, a brow raised slightly as he studies her.

dallas doesn't want to answer that question, but knew she would end up asking it. mackenzie was always curious, always asked questions, even from the very start of their relationship. "i don't think that matters." he ends up saying after a long pause. "i mean, does it?" he questions, though he's not sure he's actually going to give that information up. it might only hurt her more. he feels his eyes get heavier at her next statements, his tears passing down his cheeks. "we both deserved to be fucking happy, mack." he snaps, sighing afterward to steady his breath. "god, i wasn't the only one suffering. you should have let yourself be happy, too." he doesn't understand how she went five years with nothing, but that just makes him feel guiltier. "then be with me. stay with me this time." he whispers, kissing her softly. at her admission, he clears his throat, pulls away only slightly to look at her. "why doesn't that sound like the craziest thing ever?" he questions, intertwining their hands together. "shit, we've spent so much time apart, why not?" he winces slightly, realizing why not is probably not the best reason to get married, but he's not unserious. "i'll get the ring on one condition." he says quietly. it's a long time before he speaks again. "you have to say yes."

her smile widened as he spoke, shaking her head with a chuckle. “so you’re saying you don’t want to marry me under the stars?” she joked, nudging him slightly. it was definitely a dream of hers and honestly would fit perfectly with who they were. hell she would even marry him in a courthouse if it meant marrying him. she didn’t need anything fancy, really. being a wedding planner was not for the weak hearted and while she enjoyed the whole process, she did always end up leaving with this pit in her stomach. the happiest day for them was also a lonely day for herself. “i know you did. you’ve always wanted me to find myself and what makes me happy. and for that, i would always be grateful. your support has and will always mean more than i could ever explain.”

it would never not pain her the damage and hurt that she caused him. seeing him cry would never get easier and the gnawing pit in her stomach grew even more. his hands found hers and she let her thumb rub circles onto the back of his hands until he turned to face her. she immediately moved her hands to his face, wiping the tears that were falling. her hand moved down to his chest, feeling his heart beating against his chest. his confession caused her to take a step back like she had been struck. she hadn’t expected him to wait for her. hell she thought he was probably with someone when she moved back but to hear that he was in love with someone else at one point hit her like a gut punch. “you were in love with someone else?” it was like she needed confirmation that was what he actually said. and the moment she didn’t think could get worse and hurt her more did just that. that ring was everything that she wanted and more but she had no clue he had bought it and that fact alone made her crumble. it was like on instinct, she fell to her knees with her own tears now streaming down her face. “i have never stopped loving you, dallas. it has always been a sure thing for me and still is.” she paused, her nails digging into the tops of her thighs as she tried to steady herself. “i couldn’t date after you. i didn’t want to. the last kiss we shared was the last kiss i had until you kissed me again. you are all i have ever wanted. us, a family, a future. that has never changed, ever.” tears still streamed down her face. “how did this get so fucked?”

dallas swallows a lump in his throat, biting down softly on his lower lip. "not tonight. i'm too tired." he laughs, nudging her back gently. it's almost difficult to laugh when it comes to marrying mackenzie, because it's something they dreamt about, talked about, so many times. "it's hard not to support your dreams, the way you talk about them. it lights up your whole face and it doesn't even matter if i don't get a word in. i could've sat for days listening to you back then."

the guilt immediately swallows him whole and he moves as she moves away from him, his hands reaching out for hers before he pulls them back to his sides. he felt like she both deserved to know and maybe that she didn't and now seeing the look on her face, he regrets telling her at all. "yes." he responds softly, his tone laced with guilt. "we broke up because i couldn't commit to the kids. god, how fucked is that?" he sighs, shaking his head as he reaches for her again, but before he can, she's on the ground before him. he kneels and takes her hands in his. "i didn't want to date after you, either. it was a really, really long time before anything serious ever happened." he admits, now rubbing her arms gently. "i'm so sorry, mackenzie. i'm so sorry that i let it change for me." he whispers, kissing her cheek softly. "i wanted to wait for you, you know. everyone thought it was crazy to wait as long as i did. for anything. i loved you with my soul and i think that's why i'm still so in love with you. you make up so much of who i am. how could i not?" he whispers, laying his forehead on hers. "god, maybe we should just go get married under the stars. maybe that'll un-fuck us." he laughs slightly through his tears. "still have the ring in the basement."

she smiled at the memory of them talking weddings, kids and their future. it felt so bright when they were younger and she often wondered how life would have been different if they followed the path that they should have. “that’s an absolute dallas lyons original but i did have a wedding where the dog was the ring bearer and carried the rings down the aisle. it was pretty adorable if you ask me. I think my favorite wedding was one that we had at midnight on the beach. there were only like ten people there and the stars shined so bright that night. i think that’s what I would want. to be married under the stars.” she couldn’t help but smile. she had always been proud of him but watching him become more confident with every show and the sold out places was a dream that she had wished for him. “of course. i always told you that I would support you and even if it wasn’t in person, i was still there. i knew you would do it. i will forever be proud of you.”

when he pulled away, she knew immediately that she screwed up. it was too soon to say it. she kicked herself for getting into her feelings but she would never apologize for the way that she felt. “i can’t?” she questioned, her brows furrowing as she looked down at their intertwined hands until he pulls them away from her. she could see the tears in his eyes and knows the panic in his voice but her instinct when he told her she should leave was to nod her head. she pushed herself off the counter and paused next to him. “I’ll go.” she didn’t dare look at him as she moved toward the front door. her hand reached for the doorknob but she hesitated before turning back to go into the kitchen. standing behind him, she wrapped her arms around his waist. “please don’t pull away. just let me hold you. okay? im not leaving again. we don't even have to talk.” 

dallas listens intently at her speaking about the weddings, his attention piquing interest at the wedding under the stars. "married under the stars and there's only a few people there? count me in." he clears his throat quickly, shaking his head a moment. "i didn't mean, um, like, count me in, let's do this, but, in a, you know, that sounds cool kind of way." he clears his throat again, but can't help but smile. it did sound like a dream. "thank you for supporting me, for being proud of me. even if it was from a thousand miles away. or however far north carolina is from here. and you know i've always supported your dreams. i've always wanted the world for you."

"you can't." he repeats, quieter, his voice shaky. he lets out a heavy breath as he hears her footsteps take her further away from him, regretting everything in this moment. he does love her, that never went away, could never go away. when he feels her arms around her, he lets the tears fall harder, his hands moving from the counter to find hers on his stomach. he turns around slowly, head tilting toward the ceiling as he wipes his face. "i never stopped loving you, mack. but, fuck, i also had to try and move on. for five years, i tried, and i was even -- god, i was in love with someone else! i loved a whole other person and it wasn't enough to get you out of my fucking head." he sighs, facing her again. "you want to know one thing i didn't get rid of in that bonfire? that ring you liked so much when we were daydreaming about our future. you had this sparkle in your eyes and i knew it was the one and i knew you were, too, so i bought it after i dropped you off. and then you left and you just --" his voice cuts off and the silence in the room is shattering. "just, god, fuck, of course i love you. it's always been such a sure thing for me. i just need to know it is for you, too."

THAT  WAS  A  DAMN  WORD  VOMIT  IF  SHE  KNEW  ONE.  Running  in  masks?  A  child?  What  was  up  with  these  people  who  didn’t  know  how  to  wrap  it  up  when  having  a  good  time?  The  journalist  waved  her  hands  as  if  asking  Dallas  to  slow  down.  “Wait.  Hold  on…  Shut  up  for  a  second…”  Pause.  “A  child?”  Aeri  looked  around,  wondering  if  she’d  spoken  too  loud—always  the  self-conscious  one.  “Who  decided  to  put  a  mini-you  into  this  world?  Is  this  recent?  Do  I  have  a  little  baby  to  spoil?”  She  asked,  all  too  excitingly,  but  before  her  brain  decided  to  go  off  on  a  tangent,  Aeri  stopped  herself  by  dropping  her  smile  and  cocking  her  head  to  the  side  as  she  smacked  his  shoulder.  “Also…  running  with  a  mask?  That's  very  ‘Lights  On’  of  you,  but…  Do  you  have  a  death  wish  or  something?  People  here  own  guns,  dummy!  C’mon!”  Letting  out  a  sigh,  the  brunette  shook  her  head.  Usually  she  wasn’t  this  agitated,  but  work  had  been  getting  the  best  of  her  (for  better  or  for  worse)  and  she  didn’t  want  to  worry  anyone.  “I  don’t  have  much  to  report.  Working  on  stories,  getting  the  truth  out  there,  reading  my  fairy  smut…  the  usual.  Life’s  pretty  boring  in  comparison.  I  do  have  to  say  it,  though.  Mourning  over  Friends  is  too  white  for  you,  maybe  you  should  try  something  else.  Now…  what’s  up  with  you  being  a  dad?”

she reached out to hold his hand before shaking her head. “it’s not that i didn’t trust you. it was all in my head,” she said, pointing to her head. “it got all fucked up in here and nothing could fix it. even when i made the decision to leave my head was fucked. i hate that part of me and i wish I could say that it got better but it hasn’t, really. just learned to quiet it.” she couldn’t help the smile on her face. “i’m glad i can give you something to care about again.” she half wondered what made him stable for awhile and a sinking feeling in her stomach and the voice inside her mind said it wasn’t a what but a who. she shook those feelings away as much as she could in the moment. “it’s okay, dallas. i promise. plus, now you’ll have room for all the new memories and stuff that I give you.” 

“you think you’d still like me if I wasn’t the same?” she still felt like the same mackenzie, just more mature and with a daughter but she feared that maybe she had changed too much and things wouldn’t be the same. “i do. it’s been so fun to see the vision come to life and be apart of memories that will live with couples for the rest of their lives. i think it’s healed this part of me that I didn’t know needed healing.” when he mentioned traveling, she couldn’t help the smile on her face. “i kept up with you. watched every video and show that i could of you. you don’t know how proud of you i am. i knew that you were going to be huge and i am so glad that I got to witness it even if it was from afar.” her stomach had butterflies as he moved closer to her and she instantly parted her legs to let him move closer to her. “i know this may not be the right time to say this but fuck it. i love you,” she whispered against his lips as she pulled him closer. her hands wrapped around his arms as she moved to deepen the kiss. 

nodding his head once, he knew it without hesitation, because as she had said about him, she's the same at her core. "of course." he smiles as he listens to her talk about the wedding business, his smile growing wider at the thought of her healing because of it. comedy had healed him, too, had saved him. "hey, remember that night we got back from a party and i told you i wanted our wedding guests to be all dogs? have any of your clients done that yet or is still a dallas lyons original?" he laughs, but deep down, he's not entirely joking. "you watched all those?" his demeanor is one of shock, brows raised. he doesn't have any words, because thanking her doesn't seem like enough. "i, um, wow. if i'd known you were watching, i'd probably be like, 'mackenzie, please come home. your boyfriend misses you. he's worried sick.'" he lets out a laugh, then grows serious. "it means everything to me to know you were watching." he whispers, his hands trailing up to her face.

at those three words, he loses the breath in his lungs, pulling back from her lips, but keeps his hands on her face. he's frozen, but more than that. he never expected to hear those words from her ever again and now they linger in the air like smoke. "mackenzie." he whispers, dropping his hands to intertwine with hers. "you can't." can't say that, can't mean that, can't love him, can't. this is everything dallas wants to hear, to know, but he's still picking up all the pieces. he's struggling to catch his breath, tears beginning to fill in his eyes. "i think maybe you should go." he chokes out, their hands ripping apart as he turns to lean over the counter.

the guilt she felt intensified as he spoke and she hated that she didn’t try harder, communicate more, trust their relationship more than her own insecurities. it was something that she worked on when she was away but that doesn’t erase the past. “i know. I should have trusted you instead of listening to what my brain was saying. i would change it if I could. nothing happened in the way that I wanted, and I should have just told you what was happening,” she bites her bottom lip, trying to control the emotions building inside of her. “you were my life, too.” still are she thought but didn’t say. she laughed, her shoulder nudging him. god when was the last time she even laughed like this? “but I get it. i feel like the pieces are coming together again and might build something even better.” she shook her head, “don’t say sorry. i probably would have done the same thing if i was in your shoes. i promise it’s okay.” her gaze moves to the notebook as she reads the apology letter and she can’t help but smile. “you’re forgiven.” 

she had heard about his grandparents and she hated that she wasn’t there when that happened. “i should have been here regardless. i’m sorry for your loss. i know it couldn’t have been easy for you.” she felt a blush creep up onto her cheeks and she couldn’t help but to sheepishly look away. “I still feel like the same girl i was back then.” she moved to sit up on the counter opposite him as she sipped her wine. “i plan weddings for a living. started my own business back in north carolina and trying to get a space here to move that business here. other than that, i am absolutely boring. since ki was born, she’s been my focus.  it’s been work and taking care of her.” she knew that she needed to find herself outside of being a mother but that was easier said than done. “what about you?”

"i just want you to know you could have trusted me, even back then. i know i was pretty reckless and irresponsible and honestly?" he sighs and shakes his head. "i feel like i've only gotten, um, worse." he laughs and hides his face in his hands a moment. "i was pretty stable for a while, when i was, um." he cuts himself off, not wanting to delve too much into his relationship with emery with mackenzie. "you've given me something to care about again." he smiles softly before his guilt twists inside him. he regrets getting rid of all those years of memories. "if it helps, i was pretty much out of my mind that night. i wasn't thinking."

dallas waves a hand, but there was a big part of him that wished she'd come back when they passed. "it wasn't." his reply is simple, quick, and he doesn't elaborate. god, how that first year had challenged him, destroyed him. "it's okay if you're not the same, you know." he's sure he'd still fall in love with this version of mackenzie if tonight was their first night meeting. "you plan weddings? that's incredible. i'm . . . really proud of you." there's a spark in his eyes now. "i've just been here. traveled a lot throughout the years for shows, but i have a studio in the basement where i record for streams a lot, so i don't have to leave town much if i don't want to." he shrugs as he walks closer to mackenzie, setting his wine glass beside her. "but, now that you're home, none of that seems important. all i want is standing here." he whispers, his lips inches from hers. he closes the distance, wrapping his arms around her waist as he crashes his lips to hers.

"Coors," he responds, feeling a little embarrassed at the simplicity of his choice, "never really tried much else." He didn't want to bring her up, but having a kid was a real good excuse to not get out much. "I like iced tea, so I'm sure this will be good?"

@1ifeproof

“i wanted to be found,” she admitted for the first time to him but also to herself. she left, yes but deep down she just wanted to be chased and dallas did that even if he wasn’t successful. “i just thought that i was doing the right thing because i loved you but i know now that you should have been part of that decision making. i didn’t give you the option and i should have.” she’d spend the rest of her days making sure he knew just how sorry she was and that it wasn’t because she didn’t love him but because she moved him tremendously. she chuckled, shaking her head. “i mean it. your handwriting is not perfect but at least we can read it when we see it.” the house looked the same but vastly different than the last time she was here. this home felt more like him and she couldn’t help but look around once they got inside. “i’ve kept everything you’ve ever given me.” it was true. every letter, every card, every stuffed animal he had given her was tucked away in storage. “ I don’t have to read it if you don’t went me to,” she offered. “But I hope you let me read it.” She wanted to know what he had to say but she doesn’t want him to feel obligated to show her. 

“this place is beautiful and it’s perfectly you.” she moves with him until they get to the kitchen. she leaned onto her elbows as her eyes read the page and she felt her heart soften even more. she moved to stand next to him as she leaned up to give him a soft kiss on the lips. “thank you for the apology. all is forgiven.” the words i love you almost slip past her lips but she doesn’t say those words her. how could she really ever stay mad at him? she takes the glass of wine and leans against the counter taking a sip. “why didn’t you tell me it then?” 

at her admission, dallas sighs, now feeling guiltier than ever for not trying harder. he should have searched harder, driven farther, asked her parents, done more. "i'm sorry i didn't find you, then. and i'm sorry you thought i was better off without you. that's the furthest thing from the truth. you made my life, were my life. i felt everything sort of shatter around me when you left." he admits, and he isn't entirely sure why he says it, because the last thing he wants is to make her feel bad. "but it's starting to feel like maybe those pieces will come back together now, you know? damn, that was poetic. chat, clip that!" he laughs, and it's fun to laugh around mackenzie again. "wow. you've, um, kept everything?" he feels even worse now. "i, um, kind of took a lot to a friend's bonfire party a year back. i'm so sorry." now he wishes he included that bit in his apology letter. he motions for her to read the letter, waving a hand toward it.

"i started tearing the place apart after they died. it was pretty sudden, for both of them. went within nineteen days of each other." it's been three years already. kiara, dallas thinks, must have been two at the time, and, god, how he wishes she could have known them. "thank you." he whispers against her lips. "i don't know. it didn't feel like the right time, i guess. but, you are. beautiful. strong. confident. i see it all already." he leans opposite her against the sink, swirling his wine in his glass because apparently that's a thing people do. "what are you doing these days? for work or, um. pleasure."

AERI   MADE   A   LITTLE   DANCE   AS   SHE   POCKETED   THE   $10   BILL   THAT   DALLAS   HANDED   HER.   It   didn’t   take   a   detective   to   see   the   signs   in   the   way   they   walked,   talked   and   behaved.   They   all   acted   like   they   had   never   stepped   in   Colorado   before.   The   last   visitors   before   ski   season   was   over,   she   guessed.   ❝   Hey,   listen.   I’m   not   going   to   ask   Cemre   for   free   drinks,   okay?   ❞   The   short-haired   brunette   shook   her   head,   pointing   her   finger   at   her   partner   at   the   same   time.   Things   weren’t   complicated   between   the   journalist   and   Cemre,   but   the   less   Aeri   blurred   the   lines   outside   of   the   bedroom,   the   better   for   her   as   she   tended   to   get   attached   far   too   easily.   ❝   Aww,   you   think   I   could   pull   off   a   fuzzy   cowboy   hat?   ❞   She   stuck   her   bottom   lip   out   in   a   small   pout,   moving   her   free   hand   to   her   chest.   ❝   You’re   way   too   nice,   Dally.   ❞   Aeri   chuckled,   toying   with   the   younger   man’s   name.   ❝   I’ll   drink   to   that,   though.   ❞   She   clinked   her   glass   against   his   and   sipped   on   her   drink.   ❝   How   are   things   going   with   you?   ❞   Aeri   asked,   motioning   her   drink   towards   his   direction.   ❝   I   still   want   to   go   with   you   to   those   open   mic   nights   in   Denver,   you   know…   I’m   sorry   I   haven’t   been   able   to   yet.   Work’s   been   kicking   my   butt   lately.   ❞

his confession shocked her but it also didn’t because she knew dallas. she knew that he would try and go after her but in this moment, it felt surreal. “thank you for telling me that. i wasn’t sure if you were going to come try and find me or not. I could understand if you didn’t” her fingers slipped between his so natural and she rubbed the back of his hand with her thumb. “oh come on. you have perfect handwriting. i still have all the letters and notes you’d leave me. i promise not to make fun of it if i can’t read it.” she walked with him toward the house before she glanced over at him again. “i love a good apple juice box but i think wine feels more appropriate, don’t you think?” she paused, a smile on her face. “you look extra handsome tonight, just saying. i mean you always look good but I don’t know you seem wiser, stronger. it’s a good look on you, babe.” 

he nods his head a few times in response. "i'd have gone anywhere to find you back then. i just, after a while, realized you probably didn't want to be found." every scenario plays out in his head now, the main one being that she left him for someone else. that sticks in his mind, even now, because surely there must have been someone else within these five years. he doesn't ask, doesn't really want to know. he looks down at their hands intertwined and smiles. "perfect handwriting? yeah, now you're making shit up." he teases, walking them up the front door and opening it. his house is different than when he last had mackenzie over. he's renovated his grandparents' home completely, made it more modern and smart. "can't believe you kept all those notes." some of them were so short, written on small slips of papers or old receipts. "if you want to read it, you can, but, yeah, we should probably crack open the wine first."

he walks them through the doors and into the kitchen straight ahead, his hand releasing hers and grabbing the bottle of wine. he sets his notebook down on the kitchen island and opens it to the apology letter page. he pauses at the compliment, smiles down as he twists open the cork. "i was thinking the same about you. i almost told you that last night." he replies, grabbing a pair of wine glasses from the cabinet and beginning to pour the red into the glasses. "you're breathtaking." he nearly whispers after a moment, handing over the glass.

in response to dallas story, jo nods understandingly. "haven't you heard you have to find the strongest there and just pound them? we would make it out but fair, i can do with seance to talk to prince. a marriage is a compromise." the joking demeanor in their features dissolves as they hear dallas' question, a small and quick frown taking over before being replaced with a vehement look. "i mean. i am biased because we are friends or whatever" they roll their eyes dramatically before looking at the other, a small shrug falling from their shoulders mixed with a genuine small grin. "but— i do. i've met many assholes in my lifetime who think being dickhead equals funny. and that's why they never get far. you need brain and heart to do comedy that connects with people. and i'll deny saying this but you, loverboy? you've got too much of both" a pause as a thought crosses their mind. "we can always bet on it. if you don't absolutely kill it up there, you can have an 'i owe you' from me. that’s fucking powerful, i hate owing people shit so i don't give those out often."

dallas covers his mouth with his hand as he stifles a laugh. "see, i don't know if i'd feel right about that. i can't exactly pound myself." it's out before he catches the innuendo, but he doesn't try to take it back. "what are you going to say to prince when he answers?" dallas doesn't know much about prince besides the few songs his mom would play back in canada, but he's curious as to what his friend will say. a playful smile lands on his lips as they joke about their friendship, watching them roll their eyes. jo was possibly the closest friend he had, adored them and their shenanigans and their rare moments of seriousness. he swallows as he listens to them speak, now really wishing he was recording to save this moment always. "i used to think that was the norm, too, y'know? that you had to destroy someone to be comedic or to get your career really going. i mean, that's what you see a lot these days." he sighs. it's a topic that he feels particularly sensitive about and one he could wallow in frustration over if he wanted. "an 'i owe you', hm?" he pretends to think on it for a few moments, humming and nodding his head. "i say we just do it for the plot. no i owe you necessary."