A straight man may see something in another man's physique that he admires and he can acknowledge to himself that the man is sexually attractive while not being sexually attracted to him. Straight men reflect back to one another an ideal to aspire to.
Gay men may see a man like this and lust after his body because he epitomizes stereotypical masculine traits which they often do not associate with themselves. They want to "consume" that which they do not have, as if by doing so they will somehow be endowed with his masculinity by association. Or they want to be used by him to fuel and affirm their feelings of inferiority.
I am a submissive. I see in Him everything that I am not, and nothing that I aspire to be. I celebrate His masculine power and strength by accepting all the ways we are different. It need not be a demoralizing or self-hating comparison. Unlike a slave to a Master, I don't feel inferior to Him; I respect Him and His role. Building Him up does not mean I have to tear myself down in the process.
What I see is dominance. What I feel is the promise of safety and protection. What I want is for Him to choose me and lay claim to me possessively and with steadfast determination. I will worship His body and learn how to please Him as an act of gratitude, not possession or to fulfill my own sexual needs.
I can take care of myself. But I still dream of someone who would take care of me, not out of obligation but out of their own innate desire to rule and own and protect. Someone who doesn't see dependency as a bad thing. I dream of someone strong enough to make me feel safe and valued. And I understand that a dom can have all these traits and not look like a muscle god.
Because dominance starts in the mind and heart before it ever gets to the body. I crave the intimacy that's possible between a dominant and His sub. I often wonder what I could accomplish every day if I felt safe. If I felt owned. But in the absence of that, I behave as a man my age should, putting on a brave face and creating a world where I'm self-sustained and independent. And I give to others in abundance without expectation of any reciprocity, because it's in my nature to do so.
