breathe

teach me how to stop building sandcastles in the air, calling forth honey memories through rose tinted lenses. “what use is false hope?” one day my kingdom will crumble onto the sliding sand.

I wish you never looked at me with that disarming smile of yours – you left me as a raging sea with storm clouds brewing on your command.

Maybe what really hurt was the illusions of the in-between moments and the could-have-beens. The worst part was that you did nothing and my imagination did it all. I was floored by how simple and deceptive it all seemed, the look in your eyes, the hidden smiles without hidden agendas, and I believed a truth that never was.

I desperately wanted these moments with you to stand still. Not to be just moments, but days, weeks, months... years, and lifetimes.

Sometimes I had trouble believing that we both lived in the same world. Under the same sky. Unknowingly, I had created an image of you as another being -- not a higher order, mind you, just someone faraway and distant. Someone whose laugh I remembered and tucked away to safekeep in the quiet corners of my mind.

It wasn’t that I couldn’t imagine myself being with you. Sure I could, when I was feeling sentimental and romantic. It was because, in reality, I could not imagine myself fitting into your schedule, the hectic daily routine that you had already gotten accustomed to. I couldn’t picture myself having a place there.

maybe one day I’ll teach my heart to stop reacting to your presence my eyes to stop seeking you out in a crowd and my mind to think of you merely as an acquaintance

Here I am still, Knowing you were there at the airport sending her off And knowing you'll be there faithful when she comes back Here I am still, Hoping against hope For closure to something unknown and unfinished That now I know mattered only to me - 26.04.15

Time is an unrelenting current and soon I will be washed up ashore.