A R C H I V I S T

' the mind is its own place , and in itself can make a heaven of hell , a hell of heaven . what matter where , if I be still the same ? ' – paradise lost , milton .

i . rules ii . background iii . blogroll iv . promo v . wishlist vi . prompts

#AGENTHARKNESS : the filter was a sponge between his teeth , soaking up the panic before it had a chance to bubble from his mouth in an anxious overspill of words that wouldn't mean anything . cardiff was cold at night , even more so than the metal of london had been . always had been since he was first aware enough to not fight being put in a winter jacket like the one he was wearing now . it was warm with deep pockets that held some cash , a myriad of different identifications , and a solitary lighter .

it was strange , being home . his mum had called him twelve times in the past month , his sister five . they were worried , and mad . he understood because that was what ianto jones did . they didn't want to hear that he was invisible to these people and alone and sleeping in fits and starts of memories like a knife to his throat and his girlfriend dead at his feet . they didn't want to hear that he was losing his mind .

blue eyes danced along the bay and he exhaled a mouth of smoke . @agentharkness and the team didn't want to know him , weren't ready to forgive him yet which ached like a hole punched out of his chest , partly because he still wasn't sure if he wanted forgiveness .

#WHATSPOILERS : apart from the scar on his leg and learning how to score on a thursday morning , ianto jones rarely had reason to be grateful for where he had grown up . there was , however , the way he had learned to break into anything and get out as fast as he could with next to no issue . it was a skill that he used for torchwood often . as commonly as his boss wanted some piece of alien or futuristic tech that the other kids in the sandbox weren't sharing . yvonne hartman had scrubbed his last two arrests from his record , and promised to keep him clean for as long as he was under her . the skill came in more useful than the inconvenience of clearing up after him .

he had to admit , even with the endless archives of the meticulous researchers of torchwood one calling to him more and more frequently , this part of being a field agent ( even one not fully trained yet ) would be hard to walk away from .

it was how he found himself stood opposite another person in a room that should have been empty , gun raised and face cool . the only thing between him and the other person who he knew , after weeks of vigilant reconnaissance , did not work security for the building was a gem that glowed bright even in otherwise pitch dark of the room .

#UNITLEAD : ianto was trying to breathe slowly , watch the door for @unitlead to appear , but was inevitably dragged back to canary wharf and the marching of metal feet that weren't there . it wasn't the same , wasn't important , but nonetheless his fingers tightened around the handle of the briefcase he was holding . he did not like london .

rarely , the archives of torchwood cardiff failed him , or someone in an office decided they needed to check in on the third branch , or a meeting was called to liaise between themselves and another organisation like unit . the latter was , by far , his favourite reason to be sent on an expedition beyond his shelves of artifacts . even if torchwood were somewhat less reputable , they were still experts and world savers , and ianto had a good resume . he knew that he would be useful , and hoped that in return unit would be able to help them out .

#DRTWAT : oh fuck . ianto jones didn't often hate the archives , because they were something he revelled in keeping in order , but he did hate that everyone who had ever worked for torchwood at any point in time had access to them . knives , he thought through grit teeth whilst squinting for something to staunch the bleeding with , did not just get shoved on the shelf under ' k ' . trying to ignore the burning pain radiating out from the cut on the back of his hand , he slipped the dusty relic off the shelf and stood .

#UNSETT1ING : it wasn't often that he went to london these days , would subtly hint at sending one of the other hub team in his place when the captain began suggesting it . aside from the itch of all that metal , there was too much old blood there , too many signs pointing to a sight that he had no interest in seeing . it was why he was in the lobby of the hotel , battling the bored concierge at the front desk for any room swap at all that meant he wasn't staring at the canary wharf ruins , now an unpleasantly modern memorial .

he relented and turned his attention to the doors as the girl began answering phone calls and holding a finger up to him to wait a moment . the conference shouldn't be too dull , at least . normally they were days of relentless drivel from old men , this time the talks seemed as though they were going to be almost useful . plus , there was never a bad time to remind unit , the cia , and whatever over organisations had been invited just how vital torchwood had proved themselves .

spinning on one of his shoes , ianto didn't look up from his phone as he started searching for other places with rooms still available in the area , condemned to the idea of spending his days with the curtains drawn tight closed . it was why he didn't see @unsett1ing as he began walking and almost bowled them both over . before he had even straightened up again or gathered his phone and conference pass from the floor , the man was muttering formal and frustrated apologies , ' sorry – i was distracted – oh ! '

#ANYWHEREXWHEN : his trousers were soaked in blood ; he had slipped on the stairs and his hands wouldn't stop shaking . ianto had been deep in the archives , gone to find the thing his boss had wanted him to get rid of , but now he couldn't find her . he couldn't find lisa either , and metal was overwhelming all of his senses like he was one of the ones put in those awful suits . part of him wanted to curl up and hide , but he had to keep moving , had to find lisa . his breath wracked through his body in something like a sob . it was hard to focus on the thing in his pocket , to focus on getting to the room they had kept the sphere in , but he had to . there was something like hope deep in his chest that was carrying him to the double doors , that whatever yvonne wanted him to do would save the day , save lisa . whatever was in there would make it better .

' help , god , please help me , ' ianto stumbled , hoarse and terrified . desperation flooded him at the sight of another living body . he barely took in a moment of @anywherexwhen 's figure before he was stumbling to the computers they had used to control the breach and staring at them in dismay . they were useless to him in this state . he couldn't message lisa , couldn't find the void , couldn't email yvonne .

hi ! of course it's okay to ask , thank you so much for asking actually ! the connection is kind of out of the blue , and i get that ( and have actually received some shit for it bc people are wild ) it isn't gonna be everyone's thing , but for me it comes from what a cool freakin concept the chosen ones were . like , here are kids that aren't loved well enough and aren't treated right and here is something so old and powerful and innate to the earth that treasures them more than anything .

also , i knew i wanted the thing that kept ianto alive to be something that changed him on a fundamental level . he is so young when he ' dies ' and every time he had to live through something i think it just became apparent that he was barely in his mid twenties . nothing was gonna break the mask he wore faster than having this boy who grew up judged and left out and bruised realise that everything he survived and all the madness he endured had come from something trying to protect him . it's the same reason i changed the faceclaim , bc despite loving gdl , i wanted a face that looked just a little less perfect and more breakable .

i want , in the modern part of his timeline – which i'm writing now – ianto to be something more relaxed than he is in canon and the start of ' pterodactyl and the cyberwoman ' in his backstory , but more sane than i leave him at the end of ' a new frontier ' . i haven't quite decided how i'm going to do that though yet lol .