dote till you drop

i want such a glow

from a miracle

free me from every burden, introduce delight

i swear that we've met before

somewhere in storybooks

mentally written, hidden, unrestricted

must you look at me that way, my dear?

by now, we both know where this ship goes

actions that you wove into us,

messing up the art

what could possibly make me unhear?

the memories have their poisons rooted

consequences unrefuted

axe forgets the heart

i've been feeling low

life is terrible

wonder how many unfit shoes i've lived in

you're unable to comprehend

your needless attempt to mend

drunk on the guilt you feel for every action

rushed sensation of adrenaline

now, i can feel it every second

seems you never learn your lesson

tired of being here

such a broken record, i've become

my words replay like what you told them

in my mind, my soul is molded

turned into your fear

they said it made me stronger

what a beautiful lie

i wonder if they'll miss me

at my grand goodbye

i don't know why i confess,

but i had tried everything to get them looking at me

when everyone's gone dancing,

what will i become?

if i reach that tranquility, will the pain be gone?

or will i still walk that tightrope

and find out that everything

was futile entirely?

please, grant me some agency

i've no legacy

Now, I will show you what you've put me through

100,000 times I've tried / 100,000 times you've lied

Greedy perceiving of my debt to you

My pain won't stop screaming

(Frozen slumber)

Go waste your ruthlessness on someone else

It's been thirty-seven months

By now, consequence is allergic to you

Corrode my lungs under the water

I can't rid / Why? God forbid

My soul is plundered

Killed by you

You thought you were clever

Your malignant ruse

My soul is plundered

Spurring, conferring with your vicious cult

(So you ensure you won't)

So you ensure you'll never get caught

(Make sure you'll never get caught)

'Dorning my mourning in social disguise

So no one knows an ounce of the horror

I'm limited

The roaring thunder

Caused by you

Augmented endeavor

Your karma's past due

I'm thrown at sea

Sinking in dishonest faith (Dishonest faith)

I'll never be home again (Again)

I've got to break

Free of your heartless blunder

I can't forget

Your baleful wonder (Baleful wonder)

Transformed abuse (Transformed abuse)

Will haunt me forever (Haunt me forever)

Emotional noose

Your baleful wonder (Baleful wonder)

Roaring thunder (Killed by you)

my fallen troop

this transformed coop

supposed coups from overthrows failed

whether in bed

or in my head

it always led many faults to be nailed

why don't you look right in my eye, do you mean it?

preposterous, this conniving will lead to bleedin'

won't you just take your tongue and swear, be true?

i promise, you're my favourite to subdue

the chosen path

the morbid math

the crushing wrath you enabled and endured

somebody, save my little speck in the cluster

i'll try to give all the respect i can muster

without you, who's to blame for all this hate?

my empathy's past expiration date

you knew i lived off of your ever-absent praise / you knew i'd found out whether in an hour or days

you knew you had me, so what's with the mock-up haze? / you knew that i'd recover from the longing daze

you knew i'd set all of the world on fire just to feel your desire

you knew that it would ruin all that we had built

you blame me for the organ-manducating guilt

you wonder why nothing can be the same, try to stab me with blame

but i was not the first to reign

honey, i'm not first to reign / honey, now i know the pain

with attention that's feigned / throne is cursed, never fain

the swollen lungs

the bullets bit to blood

we know it's dumb but we keep the lights on / the quelling ton of mistakes we must bear

i know i've said in recent and far past,

folklore:

epiphany (B-Side included)

hoax (B-Side included)

evermore:

happiness

abandoned room

the stolen tunes

the war of blue, the win claimed by oppressors

the run was far

infinite scars

the kids you starved in the name of "protector"

hugging my knees while thinkin', "this must be treason"/ hugging my knees while thinkin', "this can't be legal"

let's all punish the child who left for a reason/ wonder if their withdrawal from me would be lethal

if someone's gonna cure my gloom, then who?

it seems that nightmares worse than mine came true

your twisted tongue

my corpse you wrung

your stockholm son who would bruise for affection

your heartless prowl

the score was foul

my heart, it now clings to harmful attention

the piles of ashes frozen, hung in the ether

believe, i wouldn't trust a fool like me, either

you label my escapes as rendezvous

fear your apology's a score past due

you know i lost a fraction of me in the storm

you knew you'd win so what was all the battle for?/ you knew i'm torn so what was all the shredding for?

you knew that they'd take the side of a dad/ you knew that they'd take the side of a man

giving all the wrath he had/ giving all the pain he can

you knew which buttons to push and which shaft to crank

you knew they'd see your judgement as just being frank/ you knew they'd see your cursing as just being frank

you know that i still writhe awake in bed/ you know i still have the grooves in my head

from when you ripped me to shreds/ from every onslaught you said

so surely you know why i fled/ so now i'm also seeing red

darling, i leave my regrets/ some might say it seems kismet

this is the path you've led

corrupted court

your vision coming short

my last retort won't be one you cherish

expect the nightmares of appeal and sue

keep your grades up, keep your mouth shut

what’s a life bruise, unfulfilled run

stockpiled all the proof you found

screamed but no one heard a sound

‘cause some things you just can’t speak about/ and some things get you hurt for speaking out

did you deserve all the beating down, down?

tried to reason but you’re not allowed, ‘llowed

something textbooks did not cover/ what a shame, nobody bothered

we’re his children, you’re his lover/ whispered, “that man’s not my father”

justice led to no avail/ ‘course, the grown-up would prevail

not the only one who’s failed/ smart enough to warp your trail

and some things you just won’t speak about/ and some things they just won’t speak about

i’m so anxious, can’t even sleep

kept up by all of the tyranny

wonder where from hell you came from

to instill all this fear in me

did you deserve all the jewels and crown, crown?

watching me flinch, watched me bleeding out, out

did i deserve posters all ‘round town, town?

so many sins hidden, i’ve lost count, count

i’m so fuckin’ anxious to leave

can’t unsee all that i have seen

wonder what i could have become/ while the axe pretends to play dumb,

I think I've seemed

Spitefully mean

Without giving much thought to the others

Even if they had to pay

Every demean

Setting the scene

Of everyone's perceived cannon fodder

Though there's much I would debate

Tickled them violet

With all my pryin'

Loss of control in their next moveset

But who pushed who to the rage?

Acts behind backs

They frame the attack

Like the stage had not been laid yet

Starvin' in the mist

Of a one-shot fairytale bliss

What you thought was for all time now is bleedin'

In the freezin' evenin'

Why would I give my respect

When viewed through your specs

Which position me right in the salient feed, and

You won't stop reelin'

All the fuckin' lies

Pushed me to be wise

After all the cries,

Seething and devise

Both came out alive

Oh, but, of course,

I myself tore

Into some things, sometimes, I confess

Coupled with the intent of pain

However, please,

Most of my sleaze

Came from being gradually pushed to the great edge

we've both known poisons they were brewing

we're both no strangers to wrongdoing

met you here this very year, and i,

i couldn't be happier

left the witch and fell for another

reciprocation leaves no wonder

chains change, problems from the past wane, and

i couldn't be happier

wait, this doesn't feel like i thought

it would, like something's gone wrong

have i raised hope too high,

should it not see sky?

i, i guess newcome stance is quite old

like stories i lived and told

it doesn't quite fulfill

like i thought it will

i, i lay bare, cold in my mourning

with the pin board there, same old story

no, is that too mean? try to retract it

from my melodies, and say that

i'm happy, i'm happy, no

i'm happy, no

no circumstance ever made me feel any better

i'm happy, i'm happy, no

i'm happy, no

nobody ever made me conduct so many letters

legally adulted, and i made it, who knew it?

why live in misery when there's also delusion?

i live happily inside my fantasy how it was s'posed to be

tell my friends that all those instances were dramatic

gain the upper-hand just to say that you can have it

who cares anyway? who am i to say

that you're truly the one to blame?

no, but something's wrong

should it really instill such fraught?

well, is it really my fault,

unable to well-vault?

i, i should stay with this weight in my heart

that weighs so much more than the start

mine shattered on the hard floor,

but i wonder, has yours?

help, this isn't going like i thought

you take more worship than you brought

even if uninvited,

i was so excited

i, i gave you all i could offer

but you left me a lamb to the slaughter

told myself that it'd only make me tougher

but i'm standing here, right here

i pay the price in eye bills for water

guess you'll always prioritize another

bet you're all in there, drunk on the coffers

and i'm unaware, right here

i'm happy

i'm happy, no

i'm happy, no

nobody's ever cared enough to let me use my effort

unhappy,

unhappy, no

unhappy, no

January

I've been there for one rev

Ever scary

Past and fury, new-wed

I replay her words in versatile tones

Even those deficient of voice from phones

Pounding memories

Hammer through my head

And I've been cursed to second-guess

Offering the greatest service only for guests

Am I losing the war?

I have a feeling that I've longly bore

My seclusion is for

Evermore

I try very

Roughly for a new life

Guess the many

Blunders keep me in strife

I resume the gradual wrapping of the gauze

After mental revisits on her loss

Fed my prospers

Neglected in cost

And I've been measurin' the width

Of this thinnest tightrope, your sacramental glitz

All the signs were right there

Your harshest lashes I still lowly bear

I'm convinced that you just

Never cared

(Never more)

Can't ignore the irony

Of the torment you left me

A saviour, I painted thee

Yet you put me through a mirrored pain

Almost New Years, mother's off

'Cause my father's melting her again

Can this trauma all be washed?

Will their minds open or remain brainwashed?

And when all was homewrecked (Can't ignore the irony now)

Daydreams pursued (Of the torment you left me in)

Never real enough (Saviour, I painted thee)

No love was true (Yet I felt in me a mirrored pain)

Yet I still went on; ('Round Thanksgiving, she'd run off)

They saw me through (She's still here to melt my soul again)

(Scorching of my soul over again)

(Can this trauma be washed?)

(All the lines that they had crossed)

But I think (Will their minds open or remain untouched?)

Freedom winked

And I can never catch breath

Only kind of break I get is catchin' my death

And although I'm unsure,

I have a feeling I won't feel unmoored

Or capture only losses for

Evermore

Evermore (Evermore)

Evermore (Evermore)

This torture won't be for evermore

Please open up your mind

I fear we’re losing time

You said you wanted true trust

You said you’d be mine

I don’t want another word to leave your mouth

You had promised what you can’t pay in large amounts

Can you feel me sinking? Hear the faintest sound?

Losing count of the times you headed stranger-bound

I've had enough

Could've been cute

I've had enough

I don't trust you

I came clean

You said you did, too

We’re so mean, mh

Conscience was due

If you said that it killed you, why do you still go?

You're inducing amnesia to forget the toll

Pulling my hair out, rippin' me to shreds

And you'll say there were no signs when you find me dead

I've had enough

You plucked my roots

I've had enough

Every ruse

Of your counterfeit woos, all the unpaid dues

There's a crater shaped like you

In my culpable chest, though I tried my best

You had gave the rest your jewels

And I sigh when I think of all the time we spent

Love was more than ironic, our uncalled moments

All your platonic strong-prefers

Was any of it true

Your redundant sacrifice

And you had thought it martyred you

I just simply roll my eyes

You said the pain had screamed

Was it half as loud as mine

You cling to my heels

Now you know what it feels like

And I don't even want you back, I just want to know

If killing that sunlit child was the goal

You want me back in that jar so you can close the lid

I'm offering my stolen time for the highest bid

You want to make me bruise

Hurled the most molesting words

You still won't pay your dues

Or undertake what you deserve

And even though you left,

Abandoned like his sly reserves,

The shit you wrongly kept

Is just a failing strive to lure

So you can go and save your tears for some other fool

Since I've become desensitised to the cruel

And there is no circumstance ending in double win

Unorthodox justifying you hung within

And it's coming undone

The surety you webbed

The least you could’ve done is direct at my head

And that consecrated rope that wrapped your cervical spine,

Did it strangle as hard as your digits did mine?

Your kindness in reflexes and cruelty in acts

Your bloodthirsty intentions spill out the wraps

You said someday we'd be married

But we both ended up buried

I threw down the handicapping corpse that I carried

You can try to get rid,

But you get what you give

I'll remember you by this pain in my ribs

[S]he was my best friend and

That was the worst part."

now i've given it thought, and i should've took the sign, being painted with feminal eyes

it's a kind of code, shows how you perceive me and your willing ignorance of my life

there's an ache in you, but you first put an ache in me

and if that's okay with you, it's the same with me

i could cause a grievin', twice is not too much of a reason

'tis the damn season, write this down

your confidants are far too loud,

think i'd rather sleep freezin' than on your couch

and your hollow indifference adds to the count

i start the car, watching as the lights come on and the road becomes a run off

the passenger taken up by the air of secret wrappings coming undone

the discovered truths, remember how you watched me heave

the conversation's charcoal hue was enough to read

so you can call it treason, but i overstepped for a reason

'tis the damn season, write this down

i'm terrified in large amounts of both the choice to remain and checking out

your lies, wrapped with one of those meaningless smiles

strain your face for hours, sun goes down

final straw was finding out, when i knew i'd be haunted by the piercing sounds

and the rotten peppermints can't save your mouth

reverence in decay

post-poned, mark time grave

you won't listen to wait, so i won't listen to stay

reflecting back on mistakes, reject the idea that you only ever had the most pure intentions

and wonder if i was far too late with my cut-off for infection

and the consequences aren't just my own

i'll leave the spurned endeavors by your stone

so we could call it even

even though i'm leavin'

i'm finally free from believin'

'tis the damn season

so, please don't fuckin' even,

incorrected lines that you're readin'

'tis the damn season, write this down

the consequences that you've found have your introduced "sobriety's" attempts unwound

time flies, funny how the one you call each night

can turn unfamiliar, outward-bound

you can just writhe around

'cause the road i'm takin' looks real fine now

i had thought it led to you in my hometown

it's been a long time

a fifth of a decade and yet

the end was set

you took control

decided who's to blame

i'm not allowed the same

yes, i got your letter

yes, i'm doing better

you were right; your baggage was a lot to hold

yes, i got your message

pity, not a vestige

should've heard, i told ya;

i don't need your "closure"

don't treat this like some right-or-wrong shit propaganda

i'm fine with this fight; no longer's confrontation unheard of

guess the fear of losing took over

yes, i got your letter

yes, i'm doing better,

though i want my shit back, out from your home

yes, i got your message

what a fuckin' wreckage

i know that it's over, i don't want your

"closure," your "closure"

your "closure," your "closure"

i know i'm but a ribbon in your botched life,

keeping your prize would tie it all so nice

guilty, guilty, pointing out the faults in me you don't think i see

put your hand down, it's all just unnecessary

yes, i got your letter

yes, i'm doing better

you're just terrified of being alone

yes, your parcel boxes

simply read preposterous

really sucked to know ya, i don't need your

"closure," "closure," your "closure"

what's with angels and alcohol

or tuning your love to the fainted sound

give priority to your platons

well, at least supposedly

put the blame on me for the rust

even with the lowest conscious degree

for them you perform finest arts

and i'm left as the pleasantry

convince yourself i had malicious intent

even with all the time and change i've spent

your guilty bones form culprits from

the upright, but they lie and they lie

a million little times

tell me that you're getting a call

and their id's nowhere to be found

feel the blood seeping out again

and the stitches coming unwound

i'm still highest of your hold

though you left, you just can't let me go

say you wish i were inside

when you locked me out in the snow

convince yourself i had malicious intent

even with all the laughter and savings spent

your heavy veins make your brain think it's

black and white, but it lies, and you die

a million little times

weak apology

actions you did, victim you made me

all in the form of the every bullet that grazed me

you want me dead but you can't let go of your valuable pawn

cut through the wrist, poison you feed me

only a terrible shot 'cause you need me

you want to leave but i always get you whatever you want

and you know deep down

that i would level this town

You look quite miserable

In this light, incomparable

All your life, in a row,

They exploit the gullible

"I'm not trying to exaggerate,

But I think I might die if they left me,

Die if they happened to leave

No one understands how

Their unrefuted sighs all affect me"

Weighed down from things you're not meant to see

Wondering when the next peril be

Feel the thrill of real jeopardy

Never take back blasphemy

You look like Ripley did

In second film style; the hair and wits

But that fight, did you really pick

To settle your plight through foul conflict?

"I'm not feeling to elaborate, but I think I'd be lying if I said you

Had never meant to

No one understands where

This agony and violence can lead you,

Blind to excuses"

This town can stain even cleanest sheets

Pedestal where they planted thee

Culpable despite all your grief

The injustice is maddening

You're never granted full periph'ry

To understand what's happening

Strained and starved without warranty

Forced to face the tyranny

Duty is a made-up thought that we're all taught

To grant the fraught

"Only when your adequacy benefits me

Will your value increase"

You try so hard to be obliging

"'Them's the breaks' that quietly break me"

You look like victory

In my sight; it's winning me

I spy lies in your history,