* diaz !

" how's maddie ?" TAKE AWAY FOOD , probably now cold , held tightly in eddie's hand. he hadn't known how to react , the 118 had felt like family to him since he had joined , and any kind of danger to them , any type of harm. eddie had done the only thing he could think of ; get food.

what good would the food do now , stood in the hospital , too many things to do for himself before he moved , before he left. but this is where he belonged. right now , this is where he was needed. in the morning he could rush pack ; in the morning he could panic over seeing chris again.

FINGERS CURL AROUND THE KITCHEN COUNTER - his , or buck's now ? theirs ? that doesn't feel right , but truthfully ; none of it feels right. nothing is right ; and currently eddie is living with the belief that once he's back with chris , something will make sense. it will feel right again.

" so , uh , " he's never felt this awkward around his best friend , not like there's something so unsaid ; between them. something eddie should know , but can't seem to pinpoint it. " I think everything is ready to go , it's yours. "

BREATH STILL COMING OUT BROKEN , the smell of smoke would no doubt linger and cling to eddie's loose strands of hair ( the only issue he now had with growing his hair out ) but as he looked to buck ; his WORK PARTNER ; something protective flared inside him, flashing in his eyes in a way , only buck , could bring out.

EDDIE IS INSTANTLY NODDING ; he can't help it .. of course he agree's. other than his best friend ; thinya was truly the person eddie worked better with. and not just inside work , outside too. they worked ; possibly something he should later question , maybe bring up at therapy. ' why do I prefer my best friends over past partners '

"Me? " HE WANTS TO LAUGH, he wants to scream, but instead, Eddie's hand reaches the back of his neck awkwardly, rubs a little, and suddenly he's happy this is a phone call, not a video call like they had been planning. IS HE TAKING CARE OF HIMSELF ?

What a strange question , with so many underlying consequences for what could happen. ever since he left LA there had been a tightening in his gut , a building of dread and regret. but he could never voice that. especially not to buck. buck , his best friend. buck who could tell him to get chris and come home , and he just might.

if he had a home ...

EDDIE SHOULD BE BETTER AT THIS ; he's worked with the 118 for years now , found family .. and all that. and yet , reaching out , making the first line of communication , he's bad at it. maybe this is why he's always had buck around , loud enough and fills the room enough to instantly draw attention.

instead , eddie is left feeling like an awkward teenager. something he'd never thought he'd feel again.

" uh , " queue his awkward rub at the back of his neck , maybe he should be thankful chris has gone to stay with his parents for summer. to not see his fathers fail so drastically. " we're having some drinks after shift , did you want to come ?"

‘HEH. okkkkk’

SOMETHING FELT WRONG ; how could doing the right thing; what he was meant to do.. feel so wrong. with chris was where he belonged , there was no questioning that , eddie would never question that. and yet, the more he packed up ,the more of his life here that was boxed away. it felt wrong. like this growing ball of anxiety in his stomach ; nerves of seeing his son - sure he knew that was to be expected.

but to return back to the place he had all but run away from ? the thought was nauseating. maybe this was what it meant to be a father , to finally put his son first ; as he should've time and time again. finally ; to not fail him.

" WE'RE HAVING DINNER TONIGHT ," it should've been a question , had his son been around, there was at least half a chance he would've reminded his dad to phrase it like a question. or be just as adamant as eddie had come across.

as he sat across from thinya ... not wanting to question too much how ..... peaceful the shift had been. ( he didn't believe in jinxes , but the desire to get home on time was calling ) " chris has found this new take away he wants to try , so by his orders, you're invited. "

EDDIE HAD NEVER CONSIDERED how high bobby would be on his list of 'people i should speak to about leaving.' it makes sense now , as he looks back on it all .. of course , bobby would be high up , not only was he his boss but had easily and so willingly welcomed him into a ready-made family. ( a one that , he knew was going to break his heart further when he had to leave them, )

for chris -- he would remind himself ; over and over. as if he needed a reminder. as if chris wasn't his ever waking thought. however bad walking away would hurt. he needed his son. ... and now that buck had spilled the beans. ( outed him , as eddie had accused ). he felt like he should clear the air. explain it properly. like he had been trying too.

im still here i promise.