DON'T HURT YOURSELF
in which ... beyonce!reader calls out michael publicly
requested by ; @alonelovelygirl
sexual content ahead, arguing, crying, happy ending??
towards the end of your first marriage with michael, you two were constantly at eachothers throats.
not tonight though. no, tonight you were going out on a date to celebrate your wedding anniversary. although your anniversary was two weeks ago. michael had constantly cancelled and rescheduled your date due to his busy schedule with his upcoming tour for bad.
you wore michael’s favourite dress, lathered yourself in shea butter and drowned yourself in your favourite perfume because tonight was going to be special. you had bought michael a special present and you couldn’t wait to spend the night with him.
you were sliding on your heels, hurrying because michael should be here in five minutes when a knock came at the door, the maid, lana, stood at the door, a slight frown on her face when she told you there was someone at the phone for you. your stomach dropped but you ignored the feeling.
you got to the phone, “hi mrs. jackson. michael just wanted me to let you know he might be abit late tonight. rehearsals are taking longer than expected.” his assistant said on the other side of the phone.
he’s late. that’s fine. you could handle that. it just means you have more time to get ready, right?
“okay, thanks.” you smiled before hanging up the phone, you turned and looked at lana, who was watching your reaction closely, “what’s wrong? he’ll be here.” you smiled surely, before treading back up to your room, deciding to spend some extra time pampering yourself.
an hour passed and you were impatiently waiting at your vanity, restyling with your hair to distract yourself. you stood up, “lana, has anyone called?” you called out, standing at the top of the staircase while she looked up at you from the foyer, shaking her head. you sighed, going back into the bedroom.
one hour became two. you appeared in the kitchen, “noones called? noones arrived?” you asked lana again, who glanced up at the clock above the dining room table, it read 9pm. “noone.” she confirmed. the pit in your stomach grew deeper and you merely sighed before deciding to wait in the living room instead.
11pm struck and you stared up at the clock from the grand staircase. the staircase gave you direct view of the front door, you had decided at 9:30 it would be smart for you to wait there, therefore when michael got here you guys could just get up and go.
you watched as lana zipped up her coat, getting ready to leave for the night. you watched her with big eyes, “he’s not coming, is he?” you asked, your voice quivering. lana shook her head, “you know mr. jackson, he works hard.” she shrugged apologetically.
you watched her leave before throwing off your heels, leaving them scattered across the foyer floor before heading up to your room.
when michael got home, the house was quiet. too quiet. he saw your heels on the foyer floor and sighed as he picked them up. this would not be an easy night.
he hesitantly entered the bedroom. it was empty but he could hear distant melodies playing in the ensuite. he peered in and you lay in the bath, zoned out while nursing a glass of red wine.
when you came out of the bath, in a silk red robe and your empty glass of wine, you were surprised to find michael sat on the edge of the bed, looking up at you with wide guilty eyes.
“you’re home.” you bluntly said, not bothering to look at him as you put on your shea butter. “yeah…i finished up rehearsals.” he stuttered, coming up behind you. he tried to wrap his arms around your waist, peppering kisses along your neck but you pushed his hands away.
“don’t touch me.” you snapped, turning to face him, “i tried to stay calm, but you really think you can come with some sweet kisses and that will fix everything!” you jabbed your finger into his chest with every word.
“you embarrass me michael! i’m embarrassed! this is the fourth time you’ve cancelled this fucking dinner! you couldn’t even tell me yourself, you had your assistant tell me while all the house staff had to look at me like im some charity case!” you ranted.
the problem was that when michael heard yelling, he either shut down or started yelling back. he could never communicate effectively once someone started yelling. tonight he chose to shut down.
he stared at you, dumbfounded, “i think…we should probably get some space tonight..” he muttered, backing away from you which just made your blood boil further.
“no, michael! i don’t want space, i want to talk about this! i want you to know how i feel and i want you to fix it!” you said, following him around the room as he got his clothes for the night and something to change into in the morning.
“we can’t talk when you’re angry and yelling. i promise once you’ve calmed down we will have all the time in the world to speak.” he said, not even bothering to look at you as he left.
“michael!” you called after him, but when he left the bedroom without another word, you let out a frustrated groan and slammed the door behind him.
he wanted to talk tomorrow? fine, you guys would talk tomorrow.
the next morning, you woke up. you immediately treaded through the house, expecting to find michael in the kitchen with a cup of coffee or in the living room reading a newspaper.
but when you walked through the house and it was quiet? your heart ached slightly.
“morning lana.” you politely said, “do you know where michael is?” you asked her, only to be met with her shaking her head.
“he left early this morning. i don’t know where he went.” she shrugged and your jaw clenched when you heard her answer. he seriously left?
you waited around all day, waiting for michael to get home, but when he didn’t come home? you were pissed.
that evening, when the clock struck 9? you called bill. he was definitely with michael. “hi, bill. it’s y/n please can i speak to my husband?” you said, bill was silent for a few seconds. you could hear rustling and whispered exchanges before bill responded, “sorry, y/n, michael can’t get to the phone right now.” he said apologetically, making you huff.
“well could you tell me where he is?” you asked, only to be met with more silent and then a reluctant answer, “no, sorry. he said it’s confidential.”
“confidential?” you scoffed, “bill, i’m his wife-“
he hung up. you stared at the phone in disbelief, hanging it back on the wall aggressively.
the next few days followed similar patterns. you would call bill, his assistants, his producers, his doctors, security, everyone. noone would tell you anything about his whereabouts. you had left his assistants numerous messages, begging them to be relayed back to michael. all of them ranging from cussing him out to pleading him to come home.
on day 3, you decided to call his mother. surely she would tell you.
“hello?” her sweet voice came through, “hey momma, it’s y/n.” you politely said, “i was wondering if you knew where michael is?” you asked, making katherine sigh.
“oh honey, you know i won’t get involved in this lovers quarrel.” she said and you pinched the bridge of your nose, “i know, but it’s been three days, ma. i just… i need to talk to him.” your voice cracked.
“i’m not sure where he is.” katherine admitted, “he’s definitely not here.” she honestly said and you sighed, your forehead rested on the wall besides the phone, “okay. thankyou.” you whispered, silent tears streaming down your face as you hung up. had michael completely disappeared off the face of the earth or what?
that evening, before lana left the house she looked at you with wide eyes, asif she knew something you didn’t. you were about to ask her what’s wrong when she slid a magazine towards you. on the front cover? michael having the time of his life, with her. diana ross. they were laughing in the photos, leaning on one another and the article beneath it didn’t fail to mention the absence of his wedding ring.
everything seemed to stop when you saw this. your heart, your brain, your mouth. you became incapable of producing coherent thoughts. you looked up at lana and burst into tears. you had spent three days worrying about michael, your relationship and your whole life as you knew it while michael was on a three day bender with the woman he knew you despised.
however, on day 4, michael walked through the front door. you weren’t home, but when lana saw him, she immediately shot him a disapproving look.
he headed up to your bedroom, going into the walk in closet and grabbing some clothes for himself, stuffing them into a duffle bag quickly. he wanted to leave before you got home. he knew you’d get more upset if you saw him.
then, he heard your voice in the foyer, “good afternoon lana! any calls today?” you asked, lana stayed quiet but your heart dropped when she glanced at the staircase.
you looked at the staircase, pointing at it. when lana nodded you hurriedly took off your shoes and dropped your bag before rushing upstairs.
you opened the bedroom door to find michael with the duffel bag slung over his shoulders.
“what’s going on?” you softly asked, michael shrugged, “i just needed to get some more stuff.” he said, avoiding eye contact with you.
“you’re leaving again?” you asked, furrowing your eyebrows in confusion as you tried to reach forward for the bag, “michael i don’t understand why-“
“we just need space, y/n. i need space.” he firmly said, stepping away from your grip, “space? michael i’m sorry for yelling i was just frustrated! every couple argues, we just need to talk it out!” you insisted, walking after him. everytime he would pick up something to pack, you would take it, putting it back on the shelf. michael would shake his head and take it back, dropping it in the bag.
“no, y/n. i just need some time.” he repeated. you stepped closer, your nose wrinkled as the smell of perfume hit you, “is that perfume?” you suddenly asked, making michael turn to look at you, “it’s probably just-“ he started, but you cut hin off
“it’s not mine, i don’t wear that cheap shit.” realisation dawned on you, “let me guess. you need time with her. you know, i saw the photos michael, you’re not even wearing your wedding ring!” you pointed out.
“don’t make this a diana thing again, it’s not. she’s just being a good friend.” michael pointed at you. you scoffed, “how much longer are you gonna be gone?” you followed him out of the room, “michael i don’t want you to go. i just wanna talk to you, please can we talk?” you begged, making michael’s resolve crumble slightly but when he turned to face you, he looked determined. “i love you, y/n. i’ll be back soon, i promise.” he kissed your cheek, asif that was meant to be reassuring.
“you don’t do this to people you love, michael.” you whispered, tears brimming your eyes as you watched him leave yet again. once the door closed behind him, you slipped your extravagant wedding ring off, leaving it on your vanity where it shone obnoxiously like a constant reminder of the wall built between you two.
two weeks passed in a blur. your sadness quickly became anger. you were angry at michael for leaving you without hesitation, you were angry at his team who protected him without thought of how this was affecting you, but you were especially angry at yourself for still loving michael. for letting him treat you like this and think it was okay.
you channeled that anger in the studio. it had become your refuge. you had spent your time either in the studio working or in bed reflecting upon everything that had lead you to this moment and during those two weeks you had curated a new song, you called it don’t hurt yourself .
one day, your manager knocked on your bedroom door before coming in. her name was rosa and despite being your manager you considered her a good friend. you confided in her everything that had been going on for the past two weeks and instead of giving you silent, pitying glances, she gave you the honest advice and comfort that you had been craving.
“michael’s manager called me this morning.” she softly said as she kneeled besides you, “she said that michael’s manager wants you two to appear together at the charity event tonight. do you want too?” she softly asked, taking your hand.
you shrugged, “am i not meant to be performing crazy in love? i thought i was like the closing act.” you asked, running your hands down your face as you thought about having to put on a fake smile all evening and performing an upbeat song about being inlove when you currently felt the complete opposite.
“that’s why i was thinking… why don’t we debut dont hurt yourself tonight?” she smiled mischievously, making you perk up.
“y/n y/l/n. i think you’re forgetting who you are.” rose confidently said, “let’s get you dressed, ready and reminded exactly who the fuck you are.” rose smiled, grabbing your hands and dragging you out of bed.
by the time you got into the limousine that was waiting outside the estate, you were in a gorgeous gold dress, your hair was straightened, a rare occasion, and you still weren’t wearing your ring. when you got into the car, it was a surprise to find michael sitting waiting for you, a nervous expression on his face.
“you look beautiful.” he muttered as he took your hand, helping you sit down. though you maintained distance from him.
once the car started driving, michael started speaking.
“baby, i did alot of thinking about everything and you were right, about everything. i neglected you and when you confronted me, i couldn’t handle the truth. i had to choose between fight or flight and i chose flight. but i should’ve fought for us, i should’ve fought to make you feel seen and heard as the most important woman in my life.” he held up your wedding ring.
“rosa told me you took it off.” he admitted, “please, baby. put it back on for tonight.” michaela pleaded, you noticed that he had put his back on too. you hesitantly put your hand out for hin to slide the ring back on.
once the ring was on he bent over to kiss your knuckles, kissing your ring finger as though you were a sacred piece of art.
“you’re performing tonight, aren’t you?” he asked as he looked back up, you nodded, “what are you doing?”
“oh just crazy in love…” you smiled evasively, looking out the window as he draped his arm around your shoulders, adorning you with his love.
the drums played a menacing beat as you stepped onto stage. everyone was expecting you to play one of your many hits so they all glanced around in confusion as the unfamiliar beat played.
you had changed into a red dress, the melody started and you spoke into the microphone, “i know you all were expecting me to play crazy in love or another one of my hits. but i decided tonight i would give y’all something new. this one’s called don’t hurt yourself.”
the beat dropped and you immediately got into character.
“who the fuck do you think i am? you ain’t married to no average bitch boy.”
you belted the first line, the audience gasped and michael’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. this was definitely new.
the beat was low and menacing, the lyrics were raw and angry. michael knew you had to have made this in the last few weeks.
“you just gotta let it be, let it be, let it be babe. when you hurt me, you hurt yourself. don’t hurt yourself.”
you repeated the words everyone had told you when you begged them to tell you michael’s whereabouts. ‘you just gotta let it be.’
“who the fuck do you think i am? i smell that fragrance on your white shirt boy… tonight im fucking up all your shit boy.”
you stood fiercely on stage, the song had no choreography yet but even without it you had the audience eating from the palm off your hand. everyone could clearly hear the anger in your voice and they all secretly knew what this was about, even though you hadn’t looked in michael’s direction once.
“let this be your final warning. you know i give you life. if you try that shit again,
that was until the final line.
you gon’ lose your wife.”
you looked straight at michael, holding up your left hand where the diamond on your ring finger shond. he looked equal parts embarrassed, mesmerised and turned on. the song ended and the crowd went silent before one person started clapping. then another. then another.
michael joined in on the applause, standing up as he clapped with a proud smile on his face.
rosa stood backstage, when you approached her she hugged you excitedly, “you did that!” she squealed, squeezing you tightly.
“they were all in awe, i’m telling you it was a hit.” rosa shook her head in disbelief.
once you got back to your dressing room, a bouquet of flowers awaited you on the table. you sat down and admired them when you noticed a folded note placed carefully infront of the vase.
you unfolded it, it read - ‘to my love, i’m so proud of you. for your strength, your humility and the courage you never fail to show. you make me want to be a better man for you and for our future together. i cannot imagine a life worth living when you are not there by my side and from now on i don’t want to do anything that will jeopardise that possibility.’
“i wrote that before i knew you were going to publicly exclaim your anger and distaste for me.” michael chuckled, standing in the doorway, you looked up at him with an awkward smile.
“that definitely wasn’t crazy in love but…it was definitely deserved.” he came up behind you, massaging the tension of of you shoulders.
“you were a dick.” you admitted, “i know.” michael whispered.
“you were being selfish and stupid and i was worried to death while you ignored me. i felt so unimportant and so unloved.” you admitted, your voice shaking as you silently cried but feeling michael hug you tightly from behind, kissing your cheek and your neck while whispering sweet apologies into your ear helped to soothe the ache in your heart.
“i’m sorry beautiful girl. i’m so sorry. you’re my wife and i should have never made you feel that way. you’re my everything.” he whispered into your ear, “how can i stop the tears, hm? how can i make it up to my precious girl?” he asked.
your tears dried up immediately and you turned your chair to face him, “get on your knees.” you immediately said.
michael didn’t hesitate, he got to his knees and looked up at you with wide eyes, watching as you slowly spread your legs.
his jaw dropped slightly when he realised that you had no panties on, he crawled closer, wanting to get an even better view of your pretty pussy when you brought your leg up, pressing the sole of your heel against his forehead to stop him from coming any closer.
“listen. you’re going to eat it until i’m tired, and when i’m tired, you’re going to go and head to bed like a good boy. tonight, i’m not touching you at all. i’m not sucking your dick, i’m not giving you a handjob, you don’t get to fuck me at all because you’re not going to come once tonight. do i make myself clear?” you firmly said, applying more pressure to his forehead until he started nodding eagerly, staring at your pussy in awe, desperate for a taste of you after missing out for weeks.
that was so long, hope you guys enjoyed. maybe i’ll make part two of the smut but idk yet🫣🫣
while im here i guess ill give my input on the whole baenation thing!!! i think yall are too parasocial. with the whole jermajesty thing, is it weird? yes. are some of you overthinking it? definitely!! it’s a fucking instagram like can we get a grip??😭 as for the whole situation with maddie, again she’s disgusting for being a zionist but why would i go send her hate? she adds nothing to my life, i don’t care for her and im not here for her. im here for jaafar, jermajesty and michael likeee she’s actually just irrelevant in the grand scheme of things. as for the whole gc thing, what were you guys actually thinking? like i really want to know what you thought was gonna happen when you added her and started asking weird ass questions? you thought you were gonna get an answer? girl fuck no these people don’t know you from anywhere😭 so yeah you guys need to remember theyre actually not our friends, probably not your agemates either if you were apart of that whole thing because id hope that no grown person with sense is doing that bs.
also just thought id admit to you guys that im 18 and probably flopped my maths gcse for the second time😂🙏🔥💯 so embarrassing fml. i decided to retake because most unis want a 6 but i only got a five and i probably got a 5 again
