aeni

it’s just this quiet kind of tired that sits there and doesn’t leave.

i wake up, do the things i’m supposed to do, eat, talk, reply, smile when i need to and it all just feels like i’m going through something already finished

like the ending is already written and i’m just… filling in time

because what’s the point really…if everything eventually ends anyway? if people leave, if things fade, if even the good parts don’t stay.

i try to look for something. anything. to make it feel worth it but some days it’s like there’s nothing. i actually want at the end of all this.

no big dream, no clear reason, just… continuing.

and that’s the part that feels the hardest.

sometimes i don’t want anything dramatic, i don’t want to break down or disappear in a painful way.

i just.. wish i could quietly stop existing for a bit, like melting into a cloud somewhere where nothing is expected of me.

no thinking, no explaining, no trying to be okay.

just soft, just still, just at peace..

because i’m so tired of carrying, even when nothing looks heavy. it still feels like it is.

and i don’t know. maybe i’d come back. maybe i wouldn’t.

yet it feels like the world has fallen quiet.

but i know your soul has found its light

free from pain, resting gently among the stars.

heaven gained a kind heart today,

loved without end.

your strength became our shelter,

your heart, our friend.

though your chair is empty,

your warmth still stays

in the quiet mornings,

and our endless yesterdays.

thinking if i held it still enough,

it would stop its rush,

stay clear, stay kind.

but water keeps its promise to move

carving paths i cannot follow,

slipping through every reason

i whisper into its current.

ive learned the cruel mercy of time

how it heals, but not always to wholeness;

how it takes, and still leaves enough

for us to keep trying.

and so i stand at the edge,

hands open now,

knowing some tides are meant