she smiles so naturally. its like holding the sun beneath my palms

you shouldnt mourn things before you lose them, and theres no need to mourn the sun because you know shes coming back tomorrow

for someone who likes nighttime im really out of my depth with her. but she knows im more afraid of the dark than id like to admit, but i cant stand bright light either. unfit to live. stuck underground. imagining myself next year sending her letters when it always hurts my hands to write. ill treasure her beyond my means.

she smiles so naturally. its like holding the sun beneath my palms

you shouldnt mourn things before you lose them, and theres no need to mourn the sun because you know shes coming back tomorrow

a child who is persistently alone & does not want to be alone does not learn that they on occasion have time to themselves during which they can do whatever they want, they learn that occasionally they will have time to themselves throughout which they will do nothing except exactly what they do not want to do - something that is synonymous with that duration of time. if they were being made to do some or other unpleasant thing, like hold their hand on a hot stove, that would not be synonymous with the duration of time, it would be something occupying that duration of time. when they are made ito be alone, the fact that they are alive & conscious is felt as a profound lack rather than the fundamental opportunity atop which all other opportunities are built, & the passage of time becomes something to be endured because it continually implies their continued existence & awareness. life for them then becomes organized not around exploration nor seeking enjoyment or fulfillment, but around strategies for continually enduring the fact that they exist

i'm scared

i don't know how to stop

kinda weird that u can think about someone as much as u want and they have no idea

made a really bad decision lately and i'm still paying for it

physically and mentally. possibly even medically

good news! not medically

the thing is that there are so many wonderful things in the world that im so lucky to have felt for even a second but unfortunately i was born to be hurt and suffer

[Getting so angry it makes my brain disease worse] people sre supposed to be nice..