my thoughts

my anger management skills are infant-like, while my manipulation skills are like to those of a puppetteer.

whats my problem? am i too good? too forgiving? low selfesteem? WHATS THE PROBLEM?!

im back.

the guy i’ve been with the past year turned out to be pretty fucking great... but now i’m single even if im emotionally unavilable.

he left me, then was sorry and asked me to come back to him and NOW i’m the one whos not sure anymore, i like him in 90% of his ways, and physically he’s not my ideal type but i love him anyways.

so after reading this you must be like, “wait, what???”

weeeellll, after my last relationship i’ve always been afraid of commitment, so, i wouldn’t say i kept my distance, but i never gave 100% because i was afraid to lose it or be left heart broken (as happend). He started to notice, after a year and he freaked, he left me in a vary violent mannor and lost his shit; i was extreamly hurt and turned all of my anger on boos and weed, making a few bad decisions involving even guys. 

after all of this he said sorry for the way he behaved, even cried, but i had already kinda, almost gotten over him. now we fucked in a random gym we just walked inside of and i’m lost

i’m feeling everything i was suppressing before, i don’t know if i want to be with him a 100% but i don’t want to fucking lose him, he’s my best friend, my favourite male person, he has been everything to me this past year. 

i found a guy.

he lives down te street from me, but i had never seen him in my whole life, he’s shorter than me (that was a bummer at first, but fuck, now i just know it doesn’t mean anything) and he’s just a nice guy, he doesn’t seem gay when you meet him, he’s just nice.

we’ve been toghether (i guess (afraid of commitment))for like 2 months, and he’s great, he feels like my best friend, we get each other, and my dream has always been to have a relationship where it’s just two people who love each other’s company and like to fuck each other occasionally too.

i dunno, i’m happy, i’ve got friends, a guy, sometimes i can feel that feeling you get when everything is in the right place, like you’ve reached your goals, and can move on to the next ones.  Problem is, my next goals are waay harder to reach... good thing i’ve got time, now i just need the will power.

the only one thing bothering me sometimes is that, stefano (the guy) went back home to his parents in the south, were he’s not openly gay, and i can’t see him for another month, AND i can’t flirt/hookup/kiss or other shit, with other guys (something (i know it’s a bad thing but fuck what y’all think) i enjoyed to do a lot before i met him, just for fun, just to see what’s out there and get a sense of what kind of people i like or don’t like) in italian it’s called “troieggiare”