𝒏𝒂’𝒛𝒚𝒊𝒂

“that’s when you start to laugh. saying i just want what i can’t have”

two months have come and gone, and neither of you can get yourselves away from each others everything.

walker, pretty much always alone in his trailer sat glum as usual, scrolling through your reposts hunting like a madman for any sliver of hope.

a few scrolls back, he was on a high because you reposted a slideshow captioned “propaganda i’ll always fall for” and the pictures were boys with dirty blond hair, just like his infront of nature.

your last date before he did it was a hike together and you swam in the lake at the end. there was nothing that walker missed more in this universe than you.

most people after a few months start moving on after a breakup. most people take a step back, start looking for new people to connect with. and he tried, one girl. the talking stage didn’t even last a full week, because in everything she did, he kept looking for morsels of you.

all walker wants is what he can’t have. you

he still watched every tiktok you posted, every story you shared, every time your friends posted you he’d check extra close to see if you were with anyone. and every time he saw nothing, it was a gentle reminder in his determined mind that he needed you back in his life. he was serious this time.

he’s spent countless hours bugging tanner, leena, leah and sometimes even lin, trying to figure out what’s the best way to text and try to restart without basically saying “let’s run it back” in a nicer way. or if it would be appropriate to send a video about couples that get back together being stronger than ever.

he just wanted his baby.

recent developments in his longing for you include:

- finally changing his wallpaper ; to a photo of you in his bed, cuddling a giant snoopy plushy he got you because you were bored and he was practicing lines

- changing his ps5 wallpaper to the prom photo of you and the darry ring

- making a fake account to follow you and like everything

- added your cousin on snapchat hoping to see you again there

- only going to the mcdonald’s you went to together hoping to run into you

- formed three different paragraphs just apologizing over text and deleting all after coming to the conclusion you’d just read them and block him.

on a daily basis, someone make fun of his desperation. but you started realizing, and felt a tug in your lonely heart to listen to his subtle calls for you.

you first realised walker wanted to apologize an try again, when you saw a clip of him in an interview wearing your t-shirt.

not his that you stole, and gave back. or that you got for him a long time ago. no. it was literally your oversized gravity falls tshirt, that kinda always fit him a little better in the video. you’d been looking for it for a while, coming to the conclusion you’d left it on vacation a while back.

but no there is was. you wondered if he still smelled your kayali perfume on it. probably not.

then the signs started getting a bit more obvious. the final nail in the couple coffin was when you took a your cousin’s phone and saw on her instagram, was a line up of notifications all from walker.scobell, liking all the stories you were in.

he probably forgot those are visible.

that night, you looked at the notes app paragraph you’ve had marinating since the breakup. you were going to send it like the day after. but that was pathetic. then the week after but he had filming and you didn’t want to distract walker considering that’s one of the reasons you broke up in the first place. and then after a month you decided to never send it cause it’s a waste of time at that point.

you wanted to. you really wanted to.

but in the back of your mind, you felt that voice saying that no matter what, he’s going to end up right where you started. busy and exhausted. relationships don’t work when you’re exhausted. you wanted something, someone, you knew you couldn’t have.

you stared at the ring on your finger. still unable to take it off even for a shower. and then back at the paragraph that you just couldn’t send, then back at your photo wall in the shape of a heart with pictures of you and walker.

your brain kept telling you, maybe one shot wouldn’t hurt. but you knew that you have to for him space. and that’s what he wanted. no matter how much you both wanted just to reverse time and be in each others arms again.

but that couldn’t happen. for now, you both settled with the memories you held and the undying teenage love you had the privilege of sharing with each other.

you finally shut off your phone. it was 2:23 am. but you felt the vibration under your pillow and checked your phone, incase it was one of your girls deciding now was the perfect time to spill some tea.

when you finally read the notification. you froze in place. were your brains intertwined or something?

“walker scobell liked your repost”

and when you checked the video, it was of a dark beach background, the chorus of cece’s interlude by drake playing with the lyrics in the background.

you tried not to think too much into it. normal thing and likely just an accident.

walker has barely spoken on set since it happened. everyone could tell he wasn't his usual self. aside from the lines he was being paid to say, all anyone could muster out of him was a simple "yes", "no", "uhuh", "sure" and "okay".

it was like he physically wasn't able to speak. often the rest of the cast just pass and see him sitting staring at the lock screen of you two he just couldn't bring himself to change, or scrolling through the instagram posts and stories he refused to change. sometimes he'd even rewear hoodies that you'd given back to sleep, because he didn't want to forget your smell.

he didn't even know what he was upset for.

he was the one that broke up with you. he was the one that said having a public girlfriend was too much stress at this age. he was the one that made all these suggestions. you wanted to work on whatever bit of the relationship you had left, but you wouldn't blame him. at this age, this was too much stress to deal with, but at least when you were together, you'd deal with it as a team.

every now and then, he'd have some really big news to share, but remembered he couldn't because you weren't there. he was the one to push you away.

when walker would play his games, he would sometimes reminisce on your voice begging him to pay attention to you for a second, or pass a snack, or let you play with him. his avatar has been offline for a while now.

you loved shopping, and walker hated when you forced him to go. now sometimes he forces leah and dior to go to the mall with him, picking up items that he knew you liked, secretly hoping that eventually, you'd come back, even if it wasn't your fault you broke up.

walker even still remembers the cracks in your voice when he said you guys should take a break. it replays in his head every second. "are you sure this is what you want?" "yes, im sorry" "okay. i only want whats best for you walker. love you" was the last thing you said to him, trying so hard to hide your tears from his piercing eyes. he often cried about it at night, ruffling his dirty blond hair, wishing it were your hands, regretting every word, every decision, everything that lead him to this position he was in.

just a few words spiraled him into this state. whatever it was. not really a depression, more so a numbness. all he wanted was to be with you again. in your arms, or in your room, or wherever you were.

his whole family saw the difference. sees it even. everyday he gets more and more miserable reminiscing on who you could've been.

the first time leena saw walker cry since he was like eight, was when she barged into his room, alerting him dinner was ready. he was laying in his dark bed, muffling sobs with pillows, the only light source being his phone screen.

on it was a picture of you and two of your girlfriends at prom, the same prom you and walker were supposed to go to together. you were wearing the same dress he helped you pick. the same dress you forced him to get the matching tie for.

the picture was zoomed into your finger, adorned with nothing but a singular darry ring. the one he got you for your birthday. you promised that you'd never take it off. walker knew it could only be purchased once. he knew that you were the only girl he'd ever get something like that for

"it has to be a sign right lee? i mean, that was special between us. i know that's more than a ring for her" he said, through barely hidden coughs

"walker. maybe it just matched her necklace. c'mon you were the one that wanted time to think" she reasoned

"well i've thought" he cracked, pulling his sister closer, getting that night's tears out the way. the alfredo was cold when he finally regained an appetite.

occasionally, he'd also stare at your profile picture. it was a change from the previous funny selfie of you two, but it was a picture he'd taken of you at the aquarium. this was another sign. he looked for signs in everything. anything that gave him even the slightest idea you were in nearly as much pain as he was.

you were.

you hid it a bit better than he did, but that last hug you shared, was the best and worst experience of your life.

you changed your wallpaper from walker and you at the beach to a pretty sunset. you changed your profile picture to your face only. archived all the posts. returned the hoodies, save for a gag one that he got you for your birthday, adorned with his face spread across the back. the only thing you physically couldn't let go of was that ring.

that little ring was the last bit of hope you could hold onto.

that you'd eventually get a message. i miss you ,i'm sorry. something.

when prom season rolled around, you decided to go with your best friends, instead of just picking one of the random guys that asked you out when they found out you were single again. it was no use. he was the only one you'd want to go anywhere with.

on your secret account, you scroll through edits, or look at ship edits of you two of when you were still together. everything you wanted was on that screen. you wanted him. he was all you ever wanted.

space was a really big word. but if he wanted it, you'd give it to him. all you wanted was for him to be happy. and if you not being there was what he needed, well, you'd give it to him.

you just wished it didn't come with all the tears, and melancholy that came with it. you kept telling yourself that he was just a boy.

but he wasn't just a boy. he was your boy

your walker.

"babe, stop moving so much" you reprimanded walker, the fourth time in the last ten minutes.

"it hurts" he complained, the seventh time in the last ten minutes

"beauty is pain my love. your brows are going to look on fleek" "fleek? no one still says that" "i do walker. i do"

you smile at his scowling expression, climbing off his lap to get the thread. once a month, you make a point of having a mini glow up, just doing some little things that don't make much of a difference to anyone but you.

this night however, walker was sleeping over, and made the terrible mistake of asking to have a face mask put on him. the singular face mask somehow turned into a nose strip, lip scrub, cuticle cleansing, derma-planing and now the bane of his existence, eyebrow plucking.

since you finished yours and sat yourself down to do his, walker's vocabulary has consisted of "ouch", "babe that hurts!" ,"can we stop", "do you do this every month?" and "please do it softer"

"hold on, what thread?" he asked, fear evident in his voice

"i have a few more big hairs to pluck, then i have to thread the small ones love. takes a second"

walker's face morphed into one of pure fear, and you couldn't hold back your childish laughter "this cannot be my boyfriend who swears down he can handle anything"

"no i can, it's just, i like my eyebrows babe. do we really—" "yes"

"ughh" he groaned

"you were the one who stopped playing fortnite, barged in here, and begged me to do my stuff on you" you giggled

"yeah, cause i thought we were going to do something cute not painful" he complained once again

"beauty is pain walk" "you said that alrea— ow!" he squealed as you pulled the last hair straight from his over eye area. you told him to stop being dramatic once again. of course you knew the pain he was in, you were in it right before he volunteered for it, but damn were his expressions of discomfort hilarious

once you were pleased with the work of the tweezer, you went for the roll of string, and began to twist it around your fingers, in preparation to do the final touches on your boyfriends's new and improved eyebrows

when he saw the thread however, he got scared.

walker picked you up from in front of him, forcing you both to stand.

"this entire half of my face still hurts from that, and you want to torture me more?" he inquired

"its not going to hurt" you tried "you said that ten hairs ago babe"

"i promise it wont"

"thats why my forehead isn't pink right?" he retorted

"if you let me do it. i will let you pick whatever movie we are watching for a month" you tried

"if you don't do it, i'll let you do whatever you want to my hair"

"if you let me do it, i'll give you back all your hoodies" you offered again

"if you don't, i will go buy more hoodies for you to steal"

you looked at his eyes closely after that one. that was an offer you can't really resist. internally, you carefully weighed your options between two things that would bring you immense joy, "and i'll get you the squishmallow you want"

"deal."

"yes" he air scored

"but in addition, you need to let me do my skincare routine on you whenever i want" walker looked at you contemplating. he hated sitting still for all your nightly steps, but at this point he was willing to do anything to get your attention away from his eyebrows

"fine" you jumped in excitement at his answer giving him a quick peck, thanking yourself for that lip scrub you forced him to do, making his lips a little softer.

"but you have to promise to never do this again" he whispered