to you alone.

         even if everything returns to nothing ; even if my body is reduced to dust

             THAT SINGLE SONG WE PLAYED TOGETHER                                                   (  ILLUMINATES THE WAY WITH ITS ROAR  ) 

This situation–all of this–is clearly very distressing to the girl, and Saint-Germain doesn’t need to be an incredibly old, smart alchemist to understand why. As far as she was aware, Hibiki Tachibana had never had to take a life before that moment, and in the end, all she ended up doing was taking that life. Shem-ha had not been stopped on the moon, and the base emitting the Curse of Balal had been destroyed. They had only escaped because their enemies wished to screw God over more than them.

“No, I did not want any of this. There are many things that I am either directly or indirectly responsible for that I do not want.” But going into her own issues, in depth, doesn’t seem like the play here. “And yet–had I changed my actions, perhaps they never would have happened at all.” The past was the past–no matter what she thought, no matter what she wished, it couldn’t change. But…

“Hibiki Tachibana.”

But what can she say, truly? She, as Hibiki noted, was not there. She has no way of objectively knowing if the girl before her made the situation she was in worse, because such a thing is something she would want to assess for herself. She has never been good at this–whenever Prelati or Cagliostro were upset, the other was typically the one who lead the charge in cheering the sad one up, with her providing support that often ended up being funnier than actually helpful. In this situation, she has no idea what to do, no idea what to say–and she doesn’t want to be callous, to make things worse, because she’s very aware that she tends to do that.

So, instead, she reaches out, and awkwardly places her hands in the girl’s, to remind her that she’s not alone, in this moment, that the world isn’t closing in. She’s not grabbing them–they’re just laying there–but hopefully, that’s enough.

“You also saved the world. I…know, you are a good person. You have never intended to hurt another.” No, it took a lot to make Hibiki want to truly hurt a person–Saint-Germain’s all too aware of that. “And the burdens you had to face–they are ones no person should have to deal with, no child. You never asked to become the God-slayer; there was no manual on what to do, on what the ‘correct’ decisions to make here. And…you’re here, now, with the one you love. You fulfilled their dying wish. I doubt they would have wanted to return to Earth, after…”

While she was a criminal on the same magnitude as Noble Red, the crimes they had committed had been over such a short period of time–and with how easy they would be to defeat, she doubted they would’ve been treated as she’s being now.

“…if I am not allowed to criticize the decisions I’ve made in my past, no matter what sort of misfortune they may have caused, then what makes you different?”

     Why such a small and simple gesture, the brief touch of hands, is enough to drive the ice pick through the surface, Hibiki can’t begin to understand. Instead, she merely hangs her head in miserable shame as the tears come fast and steady and her lips tremble. 

     “I-I wanted to show them a world w-worth coming back to.”

     No, instead Noble Red’s lives were an exercise in tragedy so overwhelming it was almost bitterly funny. This cruel, cruel world had trampled them time and time again, and then Hibiki had just ended up effortlessly doing the same-- no matter how much they struggled, it all amounted to nothing. 

     Maybe it was foolish to hurt so deeply for people meant to be her enemies, but in the end, it just feels like more pointless grief she could have stopped, more problems she somehow caused. 

     “W-When it really matters, I-I like t-to think I do the right thing... t-that I put everything I can into t-that.” A sniffle forces a pause in her hoarse voice. “B-But if I can do t-the impossible, w-why do I keep failing s-so m-many people? W-Why couldn’t I save Carol-chan? O-Or N-Noble Red? O-Or y-y-y--”

     It’s too much. She can’t even try to choke back the loud, messy, hiccupped crying when everything is happening so fast, so embarrassing and sickening and red hot and raw; more than anything Hibiki immediately wishes she could take it all back, un-say every last bit of it and go back to acting like everything is fine. 

     Like she’s fine, and like these past few months haven’t been crushing her.