I could fill a book with everything I feel for the people I love and have loved, and I wonder if the sentiment is reflected. Not to understand my worth, just to understand to what degree I experience things more deeply than others. It is not a question of if it exists, but how far away and foreign IS the galaxy I go to when in love with friends, companions, partners, etc. why is no one ever able to join me? Why when I’m feeling someone else do I feel so alone.

I think my biggest issue is I assume everything has more potential than it does. I’m not thrilled enough that the flashes in the pan are brief and exciting, I want a fire that can be sustained. I try to recreate the flame even if I know it’ll never be enough to keep me warm.

At a cool crossroad in my life where I cannot even imagine the type of person I’d want to spend the rest of my life with. Truly ready to be alone for a long time, if not forever. Not alone alone, but like, some people are just better by themselves ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Once or twice a year I’m reminded that I’m definitely not any of my friends first choice. Which like makes sense when I think about it but also stinks like bad eggs let me tel you.

:( I could use a hug

I think I’m experiencing my first actual heartbreak currently. Like all of my heart, enthusiasm, effort, desire, etc. being in someone—feeling like it was reciprocated—and then the ground falls out from underneath you. Very sad—very hurt—very confused. Not broken though.

You get older and more mature and you rely less on abstract community and more so on yourself. The rules, the regulations, the faces, the spaces, they all change, but it’s still nice to say you’re sad on the internet and get the silent nod of solidarity. Thx internet.