𝐂𝐈𝐓𝐘 𝐎𝐅 𝐒𝐎𝐑𝐑𝐎𝐖𝐒.

❝ YOU ARE WINTER AND DEATH IN ONE, A LADY OF THE SILVER MOON WITH BLOOD DRIPPING DOWN YOUR CHIN. ❞

AN IN-DEPTH STUDY OF: how even a villain can cling to humanity in the midst of endless power, death becoming her and winter embedding itself into her veins, aureate eyes shining in the dark, how lullabies represent the embrace of slumber and imminent end, gunpowder and steel as a personally invented language, ice turning everything stagnant in the season of white snow and frozen trees, fear of losing one's humanity to the beastly nature of an elemental within, machiavellian mindset shaping one's survival instincts, shattering oneself into billions of pieces to see their lives via dreams, lament and ennui waltzing inside one's mind, hedonism as the antithesis to apathy done out of necessity, female sexuality being used as a tool and as a way to hide away the true ruthlessness and bloody fangs, and finally of the immortal tears of a silver moon shining down upon the winter forest in the dead of the night.

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MINORS & PERSONALS DO NOT INTERACT. // THIS BLOG IS STRICTLY FOR 18+ WRITERS. // PROSHIPPERS DNI.

blogroll: zorkaya (oc), endlesstropa (canon multimuse).

an independent, highly selective, and mutuals only roleplay blog for an ORIGINAL CHARACTER WITH ORIGINAL LORE, following a world at edge of apocalypse from interpersonal struggle with unknown. most likely will not follow first.

ZARINA SOKOLOVA is a muse created from scratch based on themes of mafia and urban fantasy alongside the horror elements connected to experiments, woman's livelihood in a world led by men, dehumanization, apathy threatening to take over, and forced ascension by turning into a cosmic horror (or force of nature itself).

this blog contains a variety of content warnings: human experimentation, violence, blood, criminal activity, mentions of misogyny, religious themes, sexual themes, and more.

interactions are best done through sending and answering memes. thread preferences go to those that are continued from asks or plotted out in private. starter calls rarely appear on this blog. no time cap on threads, no time cap on memes. a zone free of FOMO. queue runs with 2 posts a day.

written by renata / ren. 25+. she/her. established in may 2020.

[51.] "come here" said softly — not urgently. just wanting them close again. / casimir ....

White silk robe feels nice against her skin as Zarina steps away from the bed to braid her hair at the vanity. The familiar smell of honey and milk brings back the sense of normalcy and home. Her quiet humming is the only sound heard in the room aside from when Casimir's tentacles move lazily. It makes her smile despite her eyes being closed, fingers threading through locks of silver. Imagining how her beloved curator lays on the bed, enjoying the moment of the comforting evening where none of them need to rush anywhere and can enjoy each other's presence. His home becomes her safety, similar to how Achim himself has become one as well. Slowness only speaks to confidence and sublime state of mind. When she opens her eyes, a smile already present becomes wider at the reflection of the bed where Casimir lays. Already noticing his look on her back, the woman straightens up a bit with lips pressed together to hold back a huff of laughter filled with adoration and affection. As if taking her time is a personal tease towards him, promise to rest together spoken between them.

"Come here," is what she hears and it seals the deal. Fingertips trace the collar of her silk robe, playing with it in wonder if she should go right away or make him wait just a second more. Giving up on that play of tease, Zarina decides that he's waited long enough and she misses their closeness as well. The beckoning reflects in how she sees one of his tentacles reach out to her, sliding closer to the vanity to show that the plea is genuine but not urgent. Even his voice sounds gentler in the moment, becoming a Cupid's arrow to her heart and breaking the playful attempts at post-shower skin care. She's already finished, why make him wait more?

Tying her braid at its end, feelings of love return to their full bloom to take over any plans of teasing. All because seeing Achim so relaxed yet waiting tickles the insides of her rationality, tempting for emotions to take over all over again. Walking on fluffy clouds is the best way she can describe her approach to the bed, careful not to step on the extensions of him. Swimming in his cold pool was an experience today, shared moments for them both mixed with talks about life, art, work, and future plans. Personally, Zarina felt content. A day like this where they relax and spend time with just the two of them are rare. Busy schedules, busy lives, busy days—but not right now.

"You look so relaxed," her voice is laced with loving melodies, hushed whispers and careful touches. Tugging at the bow of her robe, she undresses to toss it on the chair. Beneath is a silky dress she sleeps in, smooth against her skin and not allowing her to overheat at night. Climbing onto the bed, Zarina holds back another chuckle when she watches Casimir turn to his side, granting her an opening to come closer so he could embrace her with both his arms and his tentacles. To feel him against her skin, wrapping himself 'round her legs and torso, she muses while tracing the tentacle wrapping itself around her. A careful pat, loving. "What a cuddle bug you are."

Nothing could hide the warmth in her body. Despite the colder element embracing her life, she becomes sweeter and gentler with him, her love. Today, a woman like her lacks the want to move anything beyond the softness. It would ruin this rare moment of romantic intimacy that is just that: romantic. Her hand reaches out to grasp his hand, leaning forward to press a kiss to his knuckles before finally laying down next to him. If before she didn't know how she'd feel with him wrapping himself around her like this, possibly nervous to feel trapped without knowing better, now Zarina knows it feels like safety and home. The way he wraps around her, bring her closer, and keeps her this close. The subtle squeezes and moves reassure her, it all feels like a wordless promise of protection. Her gratitude is evident in how her gaze softens.

"Your lipstick's the same colour as the sunset." from koto !

Makeup is her war paint. At least, in a sense. Her approach to makeup is always attentive and careful, letting her fingers run across different lipstick before coming here to choose the right color. From dark red to black to purple to blue to those of sweeter colors like dawn or peachy colors. This new shade is a new color she bought the other day when browsing different lipsticks. It's from the brand she likes, but a shade she never really took. This one just made her stand there, wondering if it will look good on her because it was too soft of a color. Not really fitting for what she usually gets, but it reminded her of someone. A woman with eyes like her own: gold. But they were bright like the Sun, shining and burning at the same time like the never-ending star above them. Swordswoman is right here, she is the dawn and the Sun. The color of her lips is for her, not anyone else, for Koto.

"I'm glad you noticed."

Her voice sounds warmer, smile naturally appearing on her face. Does she like it? It seems she does, but assuming is a bad thing. Koto's a straightforward nature would always be adored, even if they can argue with each other. This war paint is not meant for blades to cross, but for capture and allure. Every single second where those eyes look at her lips means a second of victory in her pocket.

[10.] finding yourself staring at their mouth and getting caught. / taiyou oop--

Taiyou's voice is a pleasant melody already. Zarina finds this quality of his to be one of the winning ones when it comes to her personal preferences and likes, relaxing when he speaks instead of feeling like someone is dragging nails against chalkboard. Sensitivity to voices and their cadence is both a blessing and a curse. Her team often has joked about her voice interests, seeing as how she was a musician at heart. She had a particular preference to be a listener with certain people, especially if they were telling her something good or she was interested in the information. Why her train of thought got to it was because she was glad that listening to him was not a torture. Her choice in having him as her stand-in lover was a wonderful one, a perfect one even! Handsome, speaks clearly, keeps himself good in a fight, and has beautiful lips—

Wait.

Amber eyes blink as she keeps the appearance of listening, looking up at Tsukino while he speaks to her while making her requested tea. While he looks down in preparation, she allows herself to tug at that thread of thought again to analyze why her brain decided to bring this one up. They were discussing demons and their abilities, but also were moving towards their own current goals set in daylight. The cafe business. This pleasant establishment that she's sure was a great one, but her mind decides to use Taiyou's pleasant voice as a white noise while looking down at how he speaks. The curve of his lips, the white teeth peeking through, the pink tongue—she squints slightly, paying attention to the color and their softness.

Leaning forward, she keeps her head supported by her hand, jaw leaning against knuckles as she continues her attentive watch. Sometimes, she nods at Taiyou's words, lying about her attention being on his words. Her posture is relaxed, only her gaze is intense in how she studies his mouth and its movement. Intrusive thoughts of hers are intrusive for a reason, wondering how they'd feel against her. She finds it a normal question, quite common when it comes to what they will have to do together as a couple.

So far, they didn't need to kiss to prove anyone they were a couple. A kiss on the cheek, on the forehead, on the hand? All of those worked well enough for their goals. But there is a possibility that they would need to kiss, lips against lips. Would his lips be soft and warm like they look? He is a handsome man, those lips seem so inviting to her. Maybe they'd look more plump if she were to bite them or kiss him senseless, but such thoughts should be tossed away because nothing good would come out of that. Not that having a casual hook up wouldn't be nice, but she prefers not to play with feelings of those she sees as important and valuable allies. But kissing him might become a necessity.

Zarina finds herself wondering more how it'd be like and if Taiyou is as reckless of a kisser as he acts in battle. All fire and want, repressed under his nice persona that he wears beautifully like a mask to all but his family. When one represses their own desires, their explosion can become a volcano spill. If such were true, Sokolova lets herself imagine a scenario of a kiss gone awry, where his were so warm and he—

Her name!

Taiyou just said her name.

Blinking out of that thought process, Zarina looks up at him as if she didn't just imagine a couple of scenarios of how it'd feel like kissing him to be prepared. It felt so stupid to be caught. Rarely does she allow herself to linger on a thought so deeply that another can catch her slipping. And he did. Tsukino's expression was full of smugness and teases, insufferable in how clear he understood the reason for her deep thinking. What a bummer.

Immediately, she looks away from him when he asks if she can share what she was thinking about. He knows what she was thinking about. The silverette sighs, telling herself internally that maybe the only reason her choice of a man was not perfect was because he was so clever. No, no. It was her who fell victim to her own cleverness. Taiyou was too good of a match for her, intelligent and appealing and capable. His insanity and perception and lying nature were just additional traits that she doesn't find unappealing either. Ugh, he really shouldn't know this or otherwise he would become even more insufferable towards her.

"You know," is her response, not even trying to make up a lie to get out of this situation. Declaring he is aware of her thoughts is bold. "I have to assess you every so often, my love." Underlying the latter nickname, a smile appears on her face as amber gaze returns to Tsukino. Shameless, calm, confident. He won't catch her being embarrassed over being caught. So be it, she'll stare in the open. "I was only wondering if you were a bad kisser and if I will have to take the reigns in my hands. Who knows, such situation may arise. So far, we were lucky."

[23.] desperately grinding on them through layers of clothing. ( RobinRina )

"We start over." / zayne.

Lying on the side, Zarina's back is turned to Zayne to not have see her face. Their discussion has led to something darker, sadder, but also more realistic. The repetition of this curse continued. The miracle of this world remained with the light of recognition reappearing in the eyes so familiar. The Foreseer, one of the most stubborn men across multitudes of worlds and memories was still a puppet in the hands of Astra upon until recently. Rebellion and love may do that, they lead one to that possibility: to defy fate, to defy ordained course, to defy what is written in the stars. Because Fate could not stand against Love, even Gods had fallen cursed and tainted to that emotion. Isn't she the very example of that defiance? But it comes at a cost. Her exhaustion is not a rare sight, especially when the times change and apathy starts to take root inside her body alongside lament, settling together as if witnesses to the destruction happening within the body of the Moon.

Her exhaustion is heavy on her shoulders, pinning her down as she lies down. Her body doesn't even want to move, not yet. Hope is a dangerous tool to have in her hands, hope that Zayne will continue to remember when she doesn't even know how the curse was broken for him this time around. Not knowing, not having information — all of it was too incomprehensible. Lacking connection to her true godhood didn't help either, leaving her at a loss when it came to wonders and the workings of the divine. Her dearest friend was here now and she should be happy, but the eventual end makes her return back to the melancholy.

We start over. It's easy to say. It really is so easy.

"I started over a thousand times," she lets him know, voice hoarse from not speaking for hours and hours. Letting him in was not a mistake, but the goddess wonders if maybe she should've kept him away for today. He is a doctor in this life, isn't he? In this timeline, he studied for the sake of salvation and protection. 'She' must be saved because without 'her', the timelines will stop being important. Even for Aurora herself, the presence of 'that girl' is just as important as the presence of her friend. For reasons different than connected to Zayne, of course, but still essential. "I restarted, hoped, and continued to tell myself that. I can start over, so I did. Every time. Every memory. Every instance."

Hands reach out to grasp at another pillow, bringing it closer to herself to hug it. Amber eyes lack the light of life, lack that spark of energy and soul in them while she speaks. Every word is thick with fatigue and sorrow, experienced lived through for what felt like eternity.

[44.] fingers lazily tracing the marks they just left on your skin.

A brief reprieve before more to follow, Lighter intentionally keeping the sheets down amidst the pale moonlight, marveling her figure and the touch of his handiwork as her sweetness remains fresh upon the tongue. She'd be able to feel the flames of his gaze roam upon her, savoring her, coating her in a private, earned warmed as those fingertips trace after those 'embers'. It'd be coasting along her back, dipping along those full hips, none too shy in roaming upon that luscious ass with the heat of his palm. And soon, his eyes just drinking her in her form with reverence. Those eyes directed back up towards her own.

"..Sometimes, Zarina, it's hard to dive into what I want to do on end. I love taking my time, soaking in every bit of this glory I see about you." Their passion led to a deeper base set in his tone, a simmering flare that had such a way in saying her name. (Lighter to Zarina!)

❛Whoa! That looked like it hurt. Do it again!❜

It did hurt. Surprisingly.

With a groan, the silverette rolls over to lay on her side instead of her pained back. The Hakurei maiden even has the audacity to seemingly take joy and fascination over the events transpiring. It made them woman sigh, lifting her hand to flip the woman off before cursing her own own that she cannot lay on her stomach. (Does Reimu even know the gesture of a middle finger? That'd be a fun discussion to have if it wasn't in her vocabulary.) Most of the time, she doesn't speak negatively of her own body and appearance, but there are moments when she wishes she had binders like from back home. It would've given her a semblance of ability to lay on her stomach instead of her back, which right now seems to be the worse approach. It would've been fine if not for how the magical attacks have been a bit longer to get used to. The pain doesn't come from the hit per se, more from regeneration and returning to proper appearance.

Zarina prefer to close her eyes for a moment before pushing herself to get up.

The only difference is that Godhunters like Zarina cannot live without Ether and thus HAVE to be within Hollows at least a couple of times a month or otherwise they get sick because they were made to be addicted to Ether and fighting. Their bodies were created to have an unfinished karmic core that needs filling through Ether to reach full stage. They’re Arche’s biological weapon blueprints, not like Phaethon with eye implants.

So Zarina basically devouring a part of her team during the loss of control period (alongside Viktor still somewhere in Hollow Zero, transformed) got her to be that almost finished product but without her weapon that was lost to the Hollow Zero & her memories, she’s relatively okay. 🙂‍↕️

i return to godhood