Orange Ball of Hate

I'm back in SD after a week of visiting my best friends in LA and I feel the heavy weight of loneliness setting back in. that awful "oh I'm back here again.. Oh yea, I live here.." feeling has got me all melancholy.. Such a pretty place but it has no interest of mine, it never really has honestly. I don't care to see a bunch of palm trees or the beach, I've seen that my whole life.. I want to be under giant trees and I want to be new places. Places I've never experienced. It seems impossible to grow here. to know I clearly don't belong here but cannot change it has sent me into a stressed out tizzy. Why waste my days working at a job I fucking hate in a town I don't care for? why waste my time here being so unhappy.. ? The second I get that car I'm packing up my favorite things and I'm starting over, back where I belong, back home...

finding an old song you used to love

I’m used to this feeling but it still hurts just as bad. I hope for the day I wake up and feel normal again. I wish for one whole day I didn’t feel depressed or overthink myself into feeling like shit.. I wish for one whole week I didn’t cry once. but it’s been three years of this same pain and it only grows, just in different ways. Now I’ve got familiar pain mixed with new pain but it's also familiar?? and the lump in my throat only gets worse. I just.. don't even know where I'm at.