Speedy Hedgehogs and Clever Foxes

Second commission for Slashtastic on DA.

Having trauma and/or a mental illness doesn’t make it okay to hurt others. Yes, it can be a ‘coping mechanism’, but it is not a healthy one for the person doing it or the person on the receiving end. It’s totally fair for someone to get the Hell out if you treat them badly, regardless of your past and personal issues.

If you see those behaviours in yourself, the correct response is to apologise to those you’ve hurt (without expectation of forgiveness - that’s 100% up to them), and then work hard on overcoming those issues (with professional help if needed/possible), NOT to go “I can’t help it so you can’t blame me.”

Having trauma and/or a mental illness is not a Get Out Of Jail Free card to be an asshole to other people.

YOU CAN COMMENT HERE. As of right now there’s only 10k. Public comments close May 26th so get on this shit while you can.

These are the places up for consideration:

Basin and Range Bears Ears Berryessa Snow Mountain Canyons of the Ancients Carrizo Plain Cascade Siskiyou Craters of the Moon Giant Sequoia Gold Butte Grand Canyon-Parashant Grand Staircase-Escalante Hanford Reach Ironwood Forest Mojave Trails Organ Mountains-Desert Peaks Rio Grande del Norte Sand to Snow San Gabriel Mountains Sonoran Desert Upper Missouri River Vermilion Cliffs   Katahadin Woods Marianas Trench Northeast Canyons and Seamounts Pacific Remote Islands Papahanaumokuakea Rose Atoll

They are important not only for the sake of nostalgia, national pride and beauty–although all of those are valuable in their own right–but also for the sake of anthropology, American history, environmental science and biodiversity.  These sites are often of great scientific interest, housing rare species and natural phenomena, battlefields, and some of the oldest human settlements in the Americas.

Please continue to protect and preserve these national monuments. Their status exists due to not only their great historical significance and natural beauty, but also as a guardianship of the wildlife and anthropological records which reside within these locations. These sites are of great value to science (studies of biodiversity and environmental issues, as well as historical sites of human settlement). Many are also of strong cultural importance to people of indigenous descent, and they should not have their protections lessened or tampered with. Thank you for your time, and I hope you will consider these comments.

I was looking for apartments and saw one that looked cool but kinda fishy but I though… what the hell? I’ll bite.

And lo and behold, I get this wonderfully GENUINE reply!

No need to zoom in. It’s just your standard “I’m a Reverend and I’m REALLY TRUSTWORTHY so you don’t need to feel AT ALL WARY of my too good to be true offer and my shady means of collecting your money.” shtick.

Totally legit.

But what really got me was his beautifully slimy and manipulative BIBLE VERSE sign off.

 If you can’t read the image, it says:

 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths. Do not be wise in your own eyes; Fear the Lord and depart from evil…."Proverbs 3: 5-7.

So! Not that I’m the first to do it. Nor will I be the last. But I thought to mine self: Old Scroggo? Why don’t you give this obviously PIOUS and DEVOTED Reverend the answer he truly deserves. It’s only fitting that I deliver unto him the sermon his Christ Like actions have warranted, right? RIGHT?? So I sent this:

Which reads:

Dear Reverend, How kind of you to extend your generosity. Let me, in turn, offer mine up to you. I offer up to you my KINGDOM.

For mine is the Kingdom of plenty. Mine is the kingdom of wealth. Mine is the kingdom of pleasure. Mine is the kingdom of gluttony. Mine is the kingdom of sloth. Mine is the kingdom of greed. Mine is the kingdom of envy. Mine is the kingdom of lust. Mine is the kingdom of pride. MINE IS THE KINGDOM OF WRATH. And I am KING over it all. I am the prince of pestilence. I am lord of the flies. I am the dark messiah. I am the great deceiver. I am the real scourge. I welcome you, as you have welcomed me, into my house. And as you step through my brimstone gates and tread upon the bones of those who came before you; as you behold a glorious lake of fire, it is with great joy and rapture you realize, my son– You were already HOME. And your unholy father awaits you with open arms. I gather you close and press you to my flaming bossom. I whisper in a voice, more tender and more dear than those of your mortal mother as you suckled from her breast. I say unto you, Reverend Nicholas Edward… … … … "Who’s your daddy now, bitch?” Love, Satan [kissy emoji]

I hope I get the apartment! :)

Except that maybe I deserve a little credit for encouraging him to troll the scammer back instead of ignoring him, since I hate these fucking assholes preying on vulnerable and gullible types.

But the reply was entirely concocted by His Imperial Scrogginess himself, and all I can really say in response is:

I thought I’d share some of my artwork from when I was seven/eight years old. I actually illustrated an entire Sonic storybook FOR SCHOOL, which basically followed the saga of Knuckles pushing a boulder off a cliff to try to crush Sonic, and then Tails flying in the way and getting crushed instead. Buuuuut I don’t really feel like scanning all that, so instead, feast your eyes upon some of my one-off masterpieces! 

Enlarge the pics for my epic commentary.

I feel the need to transcribe the comic.

Tails: Sonic! Sonic: Huh (I think) Tails: Sonic! I hope he is O.K. Sally: What huped Tals I’ll be right there! [What happened, Tails? I’ll be right there!] Tails: He got shot by a buzboer! [he got shot by a buzbomber] Random Robotnik: I hate tate hedgehog! [who’s tate hedgehog?] Sally: Hand me the medason! Tails: O.K. Sonic: Thanks gise Sally: It was nothing