zOMG DmC

Mind you, we haven’t finished the game yet. But none of the Strong Women™ of the franchise seem to get to DO ANYTHING in this game. Their badassery is implied at best - mostly you just get to rescue them (naked, of course). You don’t even get to see them fight - Dante just waltzes on in to the first Big Bad fight, right in time to see them both go flying and make a remark on their (undemonstrated) badassery.

That’s it.

Poor Kyrie fares even worse - so far she’s been nothing but a disembodied voice and some vague references. She doesn’t even seem to merit a model... maybe because she lacks the T&A potential that Trish and Lady have. (Don’t get me wrong, I love Trish and Lady to death and I was stoked to see them. But geez, guys.)

I do have a soft spot for Nico, the White Trash Wonder, and her unhinged driving. And the hat weapon is, frankly, the most hilarious thing I’ve seen in video games for some time. But the rest of the game hasn’t really measured up to DMC 1, 3, or even 4 so far, and it definitely has not been able to grab my interest the way the reboot did.

Your mileage may vary. It’s been mildly entertaining, and there’s a couple of times we were cry-laughing because of our own shitty fisting jokes, MY FALLING SON (Nightmare) and the way you can make everyone slide around on one foot (MAKIN MY WAY DOWNTOWN, SLIDIN FAST), but overall it’s just... not up there.

Vergil: “That’s... confusing on a number of levels, not the least of which is the implied bestiality.”

J: “Also, your voice is peeling the paint off the goddamn walls.”

Dante: “Aw, where’s your Christmas spirit?”

Vergil: “We don’t exactly have time for -”

Dante: *interrupts* “Jingle balls, Jingle balls, hangin’ down my leg~!”

J: “I’m gonna jingle your balls with a fucking sawblade if you don’t stop that.”

Dante: “You guys suck. I’m giving you all coal in your underwear.”

J: “I’d say stockings... but I’m pretty sure you actually meant underwear.”

Shoutout to @codenamehazard for the suggestion that sparked this one you can blame them for it :D :D :D

Happy Holidays (or not, as you prefer) from zOMGDmC!