ZizzyWala

foresight leadership planning

i didn’t buy too many groceries coz fridge full

i planned a bit

i made the golf with friends room

Deck: Dust ii Onyx

Question: What advice will help me today?

Card: Mama Blade (Queen of Swords)

Resources used: guidebook

Hmm

To define it, the queen of swords is precise, fair, an arbiter of justice, exacting, truthful, may be blunt or seem harsh, might not mince words, goes to the heart of the matter, perceptive, has suffered and is familiar with sorrow/grief, may be lonely or outcast, may have rejected or been rejected by society, can compromise or help people reach a compromise, etc.

Maybe today I ought to …I just had the word and lost it. Basically see the queen of swords as guidance on how to behave. Like be clear and communicate well and be honest and decisive. Or I’ll deal with someone who is kinda like her. To be honest my supervisor is kinda like her. I’m wondering what the objects around her on the card are.

Let’s look at the guidebook.

It’s titled “When I asked them who we were? They said we ARE the force.”

The upright keywords are penetrating, disciplined, autonomous, ethical, and sophisticated. The reversed are hypercritical, compulsive, repressed, insensitive, and vindictive.

It says the face and eyes are modeled after Michelle Obama and Maya Angelou and talks about their lives and charts. It says Mama Blade has a gift for seeing people’s true natures. It says she’s been through adversity and has the wisdom we need to dissolve the ego and rise above the strife/chaos/struggle. It talks about how she can be vindictive and spiteful and oppressive if reversed.

It says “Mama Blade teaches us to recognize the power of our minds, the reality we create, and the roles we play.” It says keep your head above water and release any fear of our illusions being shattered. There’s a couple references to cutting through or rising above illusions and disintegrating the ego. Reminds me of the thoth depiction of this card.

I guess following up on yesterday’s moon card where the challenge was navigating illusion/imagination, this card seems to be about keeping your head above illusion or cutting through it.

So I let myself think and didn’t fantasize or daydream as much today. Mostly thought about stuff. Like hangups and anxieties and about my intrusive thoughts and ocd. Tried to be logical about it and untangle the knots or zoom out to let the problems kinda melt away. I had an easier time with social situations and anxieties because of this. So it kinda worked.

I’ve noticed it’s easier for me to smile at people since figuring out I’m a lesbian. I guess coz I’m not so repressed and in my head and feeling lighter.

I also resisted ordering food on delivery and ate something in the house. I want to get food from this one place and I’m hoping my mom will take me so I won’t have to spend money on delivery and fees. It’s not too far and she likes the food there too usually. And it’s not too expensive for what you get. Especially in person. So I guess that’s leading with the mind and kinda compromising or whatever.

Deck: Dust ii Onyx

Question: What advice will help me today?

Card: the Moon

Resources used: guidebook

Aaaaaaaaakh what’s with the negative cards lately.

Well this person seems nice tho. Or cool anyway

To define it the moon card is about confusion, delirium, the dark night of the soul, illusions, things not being what they seem, trying to make your way through a situation while being in the dark about your surroundings, high or intense emotions clouding your vision, fear and anxiety, the unconscious/subconscious rearing its head, dreams/nightmares, etc.

I don’t know how to take it as advice for the day. Last time I drew the moon I found a literal moon picture outside my apartment and hung it in my room. Maybe try to keep a clear mind and keep the faith that I’ll get through a situation and that all I need is time and faith. That reminds me, I need to give an offering to my gods.

Let’s look at the guidebook.

The picture is titled Mirror in the Dark.

I forgot the keyword fantasy. And it’s not listed but imagination too.

It’s talking about using intuition to navigate the labyrinth. It says the star prepared you by clearing your heart. It says it’s the final test before the sun card. It says the moon teaches us to stay in sync with the natural rhythms of life and forces us to rely on senses we take for granted. It says it’s here to challenge us to deal with our skewed perception and situations or relationships that keep us in the dark. It says the moon can lead us to treasures once unknown and that we will be better equipped to see things as they really are. And accepting the beauty and ugliness of life etc.

So, heavy/deep stuff. A little nervous. Maybe it’ll be nothing though, who knows. I’m thinking of other times I’ve drawn the moon and how heavy it was lol. Ah well. So I guess as advice I’ll try to navigate the line between fantasy/imagination and delusion.

Not much happened today. But I listened to some of a podcast episode where this lady talked about dreams and basically manifesting. And while I walked home eating chips listened to more of it. Usually I feel skeptical and can’t immerse myself but I was more receptive today for some reason. I don’t know how I feel about being less skeptical to be honest. I like being able to switch perspectives on a dime if I don’t feel it but I was more in it. It made me wonder if I was more immersed in a delusion or if it was fine to try on this set of beliefs and immerse myself in it.

I thought about some things that were a bit moody making like my estranged dad and coworkers I feel socially awkward around where I can’t shake the anxiety. I realized I have feelings of shame around feeling rejected and anticipation of shame makes me anxious. I don’t know what to do about that. I remember I was listening to a podcast a long while ago called unshaming or something and it was pretty healing. Maybe I should listen to it again. I think it said sharing your story to an empathetic person or group heals feelings of shame? So maybe I can bring it up in therapy.