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Just pooped my whole butt

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If I switch my left and right wheels will my car turn the wrong direction?

Going down on this ho balsamic style

#vinegar

Shawty said she got a yeast infection. She ain't kidding! That thang BITE!

#yeast infection

My wife swears she isn't cheating. The baby just only drinks chocolate milk and that's why he looks like that

#eggo waffles

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*I return home with my potion supplies*

Witch wife: "Oh! Edgar!" *she begins rambling about her broom or something* "Edgar, did you clean out the cave yet? I can't find my spell book. And that lantern is flickering again!"

*My eye twitches as I resist the urge to blast her with a flame spell*

#zimrinstory

Give a man a fish you feed him for a day. Give a man a camel.. that's not a camel that's my wife!

The car in front of me is rocking violently at the red light. Parts of a rotisserie chicken are flying out the windows. A wing, the wishbone, small chunks of meat. The driver pulls into a parking lot and steps out, patting his massive belly. He's covered in chicken grease.

(First day reading Tarot cards)

Clinet: "The King? What does that mean?"

Me: "haha yeah uhh... Wait, I'm getting something." ✋️😑

*secretly opening fortune cookie under table*

"A closed mouth... uh... gathers no dust.." 😬

Client: 😐 ?

#zimrinstory

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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.

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"Shawty got a dump truck?" Ok but does shawty have a Class B Comercial Drivers License? Because she might face Up to 364 days in jail, A fine of up to $1,000, Court costs, and even Impoundment of the vehicle!

WADDUP FART NATION!!! WHO READY TO GET STINKYYYYYYY

Listening to bad music to build up an immunity. One day I'll be able to listen to nickleback

I love Christmas time!! The voices can't stand the cold and they leave me alone 😊

"See you on the other side motherfucker"

I bite into my cyanide pill but it's just one of these

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Watch Anya Live on Cam

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.

✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions

Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming

(At my girlfriend's house)

Gf: "Babe can you grab the remote please? It's beside the couch"

*I look beside the couch into a tub of at least 3 dozen remotes from old TVs, ceiling fans, and RC cars*

Me: "which one is it?"

Gf: "it's the grey one bby ❤️"

#zimrinstory

*mouth full of paper at the poll booth* "uhhmmm I lost my ballot can I have another?"

#zimrinstory

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