ziggles writes things sometimes

alright, so, i’m making a proper indie. this is actually a sideblog so that’s why i haven’t followed y’all. that’s changing soon. so don’t be alarmed if you see an url change here.

oh, come the fuck on. seriously? there had to be something better than pizza for her, but maybe that was because scout never believed someone that good in bed could be wasting their time delivering pizza. aaaand she was right. “fucking bitch,” scount grunted, ducking away and rolling toward her shelf with the hidden compartment of knives. the biggest one would do, she thought to herself. but then she was turning around and faced with a shirtless girl and stopped. “woah, i didn’t realize your idea of foreplay was trying to kill me.” every time they sent men. stupid, predictable men. and now it was a hot fucking girl who she couldn’t kill because it was against her stupid code. “you know, you could’ve easily came to my door wearing your underwear and said you were a stripping delivery girl and it would’ve been more believable. coulda got me on my knees and then, bam! shot my fucking face off.” the hunting knife was secure in her hand — guns were too loud, too boring. she liked a show. “because your stupid boss thinks that he can send dirty men to my strip club and extort money. it took him awhile, but he finally figured out that i’ve been taking out every single idiot he sends. you still wanna try to blow my brains out, sexy?”

admittedly brianna was still getting her bearings together when it came to the business she had been thrown in. she wanted to chastise herself for coming up with a mess of plan of confronting her mark... if she could even call it that. “i may be a fucking bitch but i am a fucking bitch with a gun,” she snarled out, directing her gaze toward the knife in the other woman’s hand. the image of this annoyingly hot woman with a sharp object shouldn’t have made her feel so... bothered. she’d curse her stupid body for it later. “seriously? i’m not a believable pizza delivery girl because i’m hot? it’s not just for ugly people, sweetheart.” she wanted to scoff into the next dimension. one bullet and they were dead. that was her way. no fuss. she hated to linger and involve herself in the situation more than necessary. the pants barely fit her and she was intrigued to throw them off, mostly to serve as a distraction. “the stupid bastard didn’t tell me who you were -- so i couldn’t have possibly known. but whatever that’s not the fucking point.” her grip on the gun was loosening with each passing second. ‘oh so you’re the one who took out joey. i miss him. he was a decent lay.” she grew in a sharp breath. “yes. no. i don’t know. my boss is stupid. i’ll give you that. but he’s not that stupid. he's got no reason to extort you when business is booming.”

saffron wasn’t exactly dressed for the occasion. she was just in some old college hoodie. the thing didn’t even belong to her, but it might as well have been considering how often she wore it. her hair was pulled back in a messy bun and she’d been wearing her glasses. it went without saying that she was confused by her girlfriend’s demeanor. “i know you do,” she nodded, pulling into a curious grin. she nearly reciprocated; however, it felt wrong to do so because there was clearly a reason for all this. she would let skylar have her moment. any uncertainty washed away when her eyes landed on the book. she took it with some of the most majestic and equally childish excitement. her whole face lit up. it didn’t stop as she flipped each page. a different fact– a different reason. skylar loved everything from how she took her tea to the way she walked. the compliment about chest didn’t go unnoticed either. those tears that ran down her cheeks did though. saffron was crying in joy. it was an odd feeling. but the second she got to the last page her heart soared more. if that were even possible. “baby? are you sure…” she asked, looking at the blatant question. ‘will you marry me’.

at the very least, skylar wanted to surprise saffron, give her absolutely no indication this was happening. what better way than to keep it simple? the woman deserved the world and she was willing to give it to her. it wasn’t for a lack of money. she had that in spades. the important thing was to have it just be them with no one around. there was only so much she could put in the book. her unwavering belief in those she loved and sometimes hardly knew.  the way she stared at the stars with a sense of awe. how her smile could brighten up any room. her sensitive soul crying at dog videos. the time she stopped traffic to pick up a turtle and drop it off at a nearby lake. and if she could magically put in more words, it was the way she read with a sense of childish excitement. she was dressed in a dark grey vest, having thrown off her bra after a big day at work, and black yoga pants. slowly getting down to a knee as her girlfriend got to the end, she pulled out a ring from her pocket. a classic sapphire amid two diamonds. “i have never been more sure of anything in my life. and thank god i found a pair of yoga pants that has pockets.” she let out a mild chortle, swallowing down her nerves. “i have been holding on this for a while, so i just need to get to it already. saffron davies, will you do the absolute honor of loving me for the rest of my days as my wife?”

it’s not like you to be a fucking criminal, amanda wanted to spit back. but she didn’t. this was way too new to her, to the point where she kind of just wanted to shut off like she was a robot and recharge for eons. “oh my god, you’re being funny right now?” there was no amusement in her voice, but mandy was pretty pissed at the corners of her mouth for perking up a little. all she could do was roll her eyes and abandoned the idea of getting a knife so she could stop the girl with it. that’d be pretty mean, and amanda could definitely not be that mean. “seriously? you’re seriously —– talia, stop, you’re gonna ….. ugh.” she didn’t want to finish that sentence because it would probably urge her on faster, and mandy needed time to recover. her eyes were glued to the other’s body and she had a hand on top of her chest, breathing in and out. “i’m not going to feel you up, you might grab me by the arm and put a knife to my throat.” there she was, almost teasing her back. but there was still nerves building up in her at the idea of the woman being in her house, so she took a few steps back until she was up against the wall. “i don’t know, something about puppies. you’ve always wanted to cuddle a kitten. you talk about very cute things, which were cute until now. now they’re just …. dumb.” she could even say dumb without pouting a little at the fact that she had called talia a name. “okay, okay, okay, okay. they’re not dumb. it’s still cute.”

her ego was the one thing she had. the idea that amanda didn’t miss her was unfathomable, something she refused to accept.  because it meant she put herself through all of this for... nothing. she was not a woman who liked her time wasted. “dude i’m just saying. some fucking pencil pusher named steve is probably listening to us talk through your phone right now,” talia said with an audible snort. just because the tides had turned in their relationship didn’t mean she’d change who she was as a person. her gaze averted down toward her chest. “oh yeah, i remember you once told me this was your favorite bra...” though her tone was overly honeyed and seemingly innocuous, mischief was dancing in her eyes, corners of her mouth twitching into the slightest of smirks.  “babe, i said i was gonna be a good girl. but if it helps ease your worries... i’ll handcuff myself to your bed or something. we can change things up this time.” she put a hand on her exposed chest, mimicking the other woman’s movements. “with you putting a knife to my throat.” a small pause. “though granted... i think i’d be super into that.” arching an eyebrow, she let out a small guffaw. this woman was adorable. almost nauseatingly so. “oh my god, babe, seriously?” she inquired, nearly rolling her eyes. “who doesn’t want to cuddle puppies and kittens?”

Cami: I don't know what you want me to say anymore.

Cami: Don't you have a whatever she is to be missing?

Gabi: You're /my/ person, Cami. I miss my person.

Cami: I'm right here.

“i know and that’s why i love you,” she admitted, voice remaining as calm and casual as possible. it wasn’t as though the words hadn’t been expressed. like she’d done it a million times, she brought sun’s hands to her lips. tenderly, they pressed against smooth skin as she collected her thoughts. while a physical boundary raised, they seemed to have come to a mountain of openness and truth. maybe it was just for the night that she’d allow her heart to rest on her sleeve. “do you think if it had been me that asked you out, way back when, that things would have gone differently?” there was a tinge of hope that would have been visible. and laced with it, was guilt that washed over her. for so long she’d kept those thoughts at bay, not letting herself get caught up in the what-if of it all. what if things had gone differently? what if rowan had been selfish? what if she’d kissed her early on? instead, she had forced herself to swallow those because of a man that they both adored. a man that she no longer– “wait, why don’t you love him… like before?”

park tried. he really did. reminded her how much he loved her. bought her gifts. kissed her sweetly. looked at her like she was his whole world. part of her wondered if he felt guilty for putting her through the ringer with his drug addiction. things with rowan hadn’t changed -- but her feelings were no longer pushed to the side. she had buried them, threw dirt on top of them. and now these days she was digging her way into the pits, ready to throw herself into them entirely. following in the other woman’s footsteps, she pressed a tender kiss on rowan’s hand, not pulling back for a few seconds. she wanted to linger in these moments. with the love admission laid bare, she simply gave a knowing stare in response. it felt like too much to really put it out there, keeping herself reigned in. guilt still rested heavy on her chest, because she desperately wanted to say it back. “yes, of course,” sun answered simply. “mother knew i would have loved you too but --...” a heavy sigh. “she thinks my life would be easier if i stick to men.” holding in a breath, she nearly let out a bitter laugh. well that was certainly a loaded question. she wasn’t in the business of lying -- but she wasn’t about to reveal the whole truth either. “we’ve just simply turned into different people. we worked great back then. but now? we’re on different pages when it comes to life. and that’s just how it goes sometimes.”

“or weeks or days,” she tried, a glint in her eyes. taylor didn’t doanything halfway. even if she thought the best thing that came fromthis was– well herself, she wasn’t about to do it with mediocrity.that just wasn’t in the cards. she was dressed for the occasion. shehad picked a place where they could easily get to know one another.while she wasn’t made of money, she did like to come off as she did.melanie was one of the first people she’d connected with that shedidn’t need to try to impress. the woman clearly liked what she saw.even now. “pretzel bites? here?”she looked around where they were. it was a dimly lit italian placethat she frequented. hell, she’d brought dozens of women there. ifthere was one thing that taylor excelled at more than her breaststroke– it was definitely wining and dining women. except melaniewasn’t exactly like everyone else. “i’m sure they come up withsomething– or there are pizzabites? we could even get the hell out of here and find something morelowkey. there’s this bowling alley close by, or go-karts. whatever youwant.”

melanie had always been comfortable in her skin, wearing whatever the hell she wanted, everyone else be damned. vibrant and out there. always rocking her outfits with confidence. it oozed from every pore of her being -- she was the kind of woman who could rule a kingdom and excel at it. a woman sure in herself had people thinking she was a bitch. she resented that notion, wanting to show otherwise. friends were made easily. she simply talked to people, made connections nearly everywhere she went. loving women, for her, was as easy as breathing. taylor was certainly no exception, having managed to capture her attention in a sea of people. “yes, here. and i want them dipped in an absurd amount of beer cheese,” melanie said casually, almost offended at the thought.  curling her lip upward, she half-shrugged. “i can deal with pizza bites. but uh, bowling sounds like a great idea. i mean, what’s not to love about rolling a heavy ball toward a bunch of pins? i’m in this for the view, obviously.” a waggle of her eyebrows was given, teasing evident in her voice. “and since i got to deal with you, tell me there’s a decent bar there.” 

holding onto her hand,she felt a familiar warmth travel up her arms. it was like that themorning they’d woken together. times when they’d been too closeduring their movies. it always there when sun was around. rowanremembered the first time that she and park had met her.they were at some meaningless gathering of sorts. people were eating.they were gossiping. it was just a typical weekend for them. familyand extended family– and matchmaking amongst family friends. hermother just knew that park and sun would fall in love. everyonearound them thought the same. they were a perfect match. though, anyone with eyes could have seen that it was just the same for sun and herself.the two practically finished each other’s sentences from the start. but thedifference was that rowan never said anything. it was obvious thather brother was smitten and she’d give him practically anything. ifhe needed a kidney or any other body part– she’d happily let himhave it. more than her feelings for sun– which had been there sincethe first day, she loved her brother. hell she wanted to be him, even then. he was her hero. “you’re telling the only other person that gets it. he’s not perfect, but he’s the best person i’ve ever known. i don’t want tobe some reason he gets hurt. i can’t…” her voice cracked with thetail end of the statement. “i really can’t, but i want to be. whatkind of sister does that make me?”

it wasn’t love at first sight -- sun never believed in that. time was needed for a seed to grow into a beautiful flower. it could never be immediate. and for a while the relationship was the most beautiful thing in her life. but now the flower was wilting. slowly dying. turning brown. water wasn’t going to bring it back to life, no matter how much she wanted it to. once upon a time she saw herself loving him for the rest of her life. that wasn’t going to change but the love she shared for him had. how could she even begin to tell rowan about why things had changed in the marriage? why she no longer loved him like that? and thus destroy her faith in her hero? that was the thing about placing them on a pedestal. it crushed you when they disappointed you. and fuck. sun had no interest in having rowan’s world come tumbling down. the fact her feelings weren’t exactly platonic added a little more weight to it all. “yeah,” sun nodded with a wistful sigh, giving the other woman’s hand a hard squeeze. “he’s pretty amazing.” it was easy to talk about him. the love they shared for him. but -- fuck. guilt was evident in the way she spoke. raspy. low. quiet. almost regretful. it was also a constant reminder why they couldn’t act on what they felt. he’s already hurting himself enough, she almost said.  another heavy gulp. another hand squeeze. another deep breath in and out. she almost nuzzled into rowan’s neck more. “i don’t -- i wouldn’t let you. you’d never forgive yourself if you did.”

rowan watched the wavesin the distance. as best she could anyway, while mostly she justsuccumb to the sound of them crashing instead. it was enough that shecould figure out what was transpiring in front of them from memory. it was easierto focus on that rather than the woman at her side. her brother– herbest friend’s wife. sun was as beautiful as the day was long. she wascomforting– a great companion. there were plenty of times rowan canceled dates to be at her side. they’d stay up watchingtrashy tv and whatever netflix was drowned out by theirvoices. and now, it was no different except she was keenly aware of everything. swallowing hard, she tried toignore how easily it would be to intertwine their fingers. it was virtually animpossible feat with sun’s head resting on her shoulder. “it is anice night,” she nodded, trying to not take too much solace in herstatement. instinctively her lips brushed against her head. shealmost apologized. almost, it seemed to be the story of their lives. “he loves you, sun… and i love him…” she had to remind herself. 

sun desperately wanted to find herself at peace, hoping the suggestion of the beach would help put her feelings more at ease. the sounds of the waves. the feel of the sand beneath their feet. the smell of the ocean air. the sight of the sun peeking over the water. but instead -- she felt stuck in her own body, wanting to jump out of her skin and do something with her feelings for rowan instead of just pining. it only gave her a small solace to know it wasn’t one-sided. but sometimes she wondered if that only made it worse. just knowing it was a possibility if she wasn’t married to the other woman’s brother. but would they have met otherwise? she also wondered that. taking in a deep breath, she finally connected their fingers together after a tentative dance. “the view is nice, yeah,” sun breathed out, not wanting to stew in whatever this was and analyze every touch regardless of how small. but a good part of her wanted comfort, nearly melting into the embrace. “i love him too, i really do,” she rasped out with a melancholy sigh, gulping heavily. “he’s my best friend. and my person. and the most amazing man i have ever known. i just... i don’t love him the way he wants me to. the thought of breaking his heart... i can’t fathom it.”

they didn’t like scout. they didn’t like that she managed things on her own, and the minute they thought they caught up with her she had skipped town. maybe she was getting comfortable, because this time she had stayed a little longer than she probably should have. there were just so many horrible men in this city, and they were just so easy. and usually she’d go any pick something like this up herself, but it was scout’s undoing that she decided to get pizza ordered. the minute she heard the doorbell, there was a quick jump up and she was making sure that everything in her tiny little apartment was set up nicely. fully expecting to see someone else, scout’s face dropped. “you’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” this didn’t seem right, not at all. her eyes squinted, scanning her quickly before taking a step back. her first instinct was a little egocentric, assuming the girl was just obsessed with her — after all, she was pretty proud of her talents. but something felt off. “and here i thought your career was a little more glamorous than this. i’d give you a tip but i think i gave you a few the other night.” the money was in her hand, and she was pushing herself into the doorway to hand it to her. “is that all?”

the memories were still so fresh on her mind, considering it had happened less than twenty four hours ago. and not just her mind but her body too. pangs of desire hit her and she wanted to tell her vagina to shut up. brianna was trying to rack her brain for something, anything, cursing it for being a scrambled mess. goddammit, she was better than this. “look, i barely make ten dollars a hour. i gotta make a living,” she deadpanned, looking almost bored in her persona. god she hated the feel of the itchy fabric against her skin, ready to throw it off. “also it’s definitely not pizza in there.” there was a blur of sudden movement as she got herself inside, slamming the door shut behind them with her foot. it was a dumb rookie move, considering she knew nothing of the other woman except that, oh, she was a dangerous killer. one that had pissed them off. she threw off the shirt toward the floor like it was a load of nothing. “god how the fuck do they wear that day in and day out? it was like wearing sandpaper.” an involuntary shudder went throughout her. “oh right, sorry, i figured it would’ve been rude to blow your brains out in the hallway. also, who the fuck are you and why have i been sent to kill you?”