zhin zhin

Dear Diary,

I have written so many corrupted pieces of my heart on papers over the past four months. They have been the most painful and horrifying months of my life.

I wanted to write all of them down for u here again, but I can't.

my feelings are too overwhelming, too painful to put into words so I keep them hidden in the secret garden of my phone, holding those notes hostage. every time I read them, I'll remember how strong I am and how I can beat the shit out of life, no matter what.

but I want u to know that those poems and pictures are just as beautiful as they are painful. so don't think I was hollow during these four months of absence.

I was alive.

I was full of the will to live, full of feelings like anger and sadness, and I felt everything in my bones.

I was living a bittersweet life.

I felt it all because I was alive.

I was living,