Zen

Got my hair cut. Not in a style I wished, but perhaps in a style I needed. It is low maintenance so perfect for me.

Anyway, let me tell you about my experience at the cafe today. I came across a server. My type. Dark eyes, ashy hair but a somewhat bubbly energy beyond his cold appearance. He looked nervous but he wasn’t afraid to make eye contact with me. I ordered an iced matcha, (like any other white girl) out of nostalgia for Korea. It tasted tolerable.

When I was sat on the swing, awaiting my matcha latte… an older lady fell to the ground in the distance. She hit her head off the concrete, that the sound reverbed throughout my entire body. A couple people including me ran to help her. After a moment we made her sit on the bench. I ran to fetch a glass of water from the cafe.

The guy was clueless to what happened outside as I asked for a glass of water from him. I asked if I should pay and he took a moment to respond before he said it’s for free and winked at me kindly. I smiled because it was such a pathetic way of flirting and it was clear that he was intrigued by me as much as I was by him.

Lucky for him, a little pathetic is what I fall for. Anyway. Rushed back to the lady and she sipped on the water before refusing it. She claimed she didn’t drink water. We got the reason for her sudden collapse. A man offered to walk her home which was just nearby and I sat back on time to receive my drink from the handsome man I suddenly felt too shy to look at.

You await the other party at the empty seating arrangement. You wonder who you are going to sit next to? If they’ll interest you enough to strike a conversation or vice versa. You hope it’s that guy who caught your eye earlier at the waiting area, with sharp features and inexplicable aura.

But just as the time for departure lingered closer, your potential seat mates all passed you. You realised you’re still alone in your aisle.

When in runs a couple, holding nothing but a mini purse and each other’s hands. They arrive to your aisle and the lady smiles artificially. Blonde, tall, wearing a jean jumpsuit.

“Hi.” She prolongs, expecting you to get up. Of course you would have but her impression of entitlement overcame any pleasantries between you two.

You remind yourself that you can’t let your prejudice win. But they obviously entered late, taking their sweet time. It didn’t matter that they were holding everybody up.

Okay. Fine, whatever. Let’s take off.

This average 40yrs old, acted frightened upon takeoff and cuddled up into her man’s arms. He kissed her neck as if he’d never get the taste of her again. You could guess the genuine reason they were late.

It was the middle of summer, but the morning didn’t rise the temperature high enough to make one sweat whatsoever. We all understand that people have their own health issues to maybe smell unpleasantly. But these lads fucking stank like balls and pussy recreationally, that you were going to throw up.

The flight was only an hour. But she managed to get up 4 times as you tried to sleep and disassociate. Making you collateral damage because she decided to buy the window seat instead. The couple talked loudly, and their plethora of public affection never stopped. Even the people around you pitied your misfortune.

Occasionally you meet people who reek with a harmful energy: that the premonition overwhelms you.

A guy who plays identity schemes and lowkey goes psychotic on the weekends, harbours an intuitive discord between connections. Though he is kind upon meeting, there are crevices within his functioning that trick the alarms in our nervous systems.

He may desire relations and utmost vulnerability, but there is a reason why everyone parts sooner or later.

I always approached him with a clear mind but unwillingly, my energy got drained to the point I felt a vortex of shut down on my horizon. As if speaking anything truthful would harm me in the long term.

In the end I am as stupid as I look.

Looking at photos of myself sickens my consciousness with hatred.

I’m a naive girl who tries hard to connect with people but dwells in discord as socialising makes her unsatisfied.

A girl who plays chess when in fact it’s checkers.

A girl who pleases the mind of another to test relevance, as she struggles to see the point in conversation that never stimulates her.

A girl who keeps it light hearted and comedic because bringing someone to perceive her positively is better than perceiving her seriously.

But sometimes that mask loosens, and her complaints of uncertainty mark her face.

Your fortune from a Korean Temple suggested to keep it low profile till the end of the year. It’d be a mistake to try and bite off more than you can chew or count your chickens before they hatch. Yet alone to try to advertise a pursuit that lacks a proper foundation.

I find impatience to be a prominent characteristic of mine but for once I shall allow this fortune to humble me.

Within this rat race of trying to publish something quick but profound, I question my sincerity.

I yearn to create for others but I dread to become a pillar of the social game one succumbs to, in order to become “relevant”.

The spirited garden- Jeju Island

Seong Beom-Yeong. Founder of refurbishing a mind by walking through a uniquely grounding, man made terrain. The first thing you notice upon entering is not the scenery but the silence. You lose track of time there, but you dont feel like you’ve granted enough.

His old age calmness was so serene, my eyes teared up upon meeting him. He, as his garden has an extensive history we all could resonate with.

But I found myself sitting on a cold futon, shivering from the ac, refusing to turn it off because my father likes it cold. Refusing to take a bite because my mother insists we start our meals simultaneously. I found myself mentally segregating the flavours, deciphering which my sibling would like the best.

The white noise intertwined with the rumbling fridge, the white glazed and pistachio sprinkled donuts were my only comfort that night.

I found myself estranged with this fragmentation, estranged with their absence that also felt almost familiar.

Choosing the right travel companions is not an easy task. And sometimes, you do not have that choice.

The worst person you could go with is the one who’s constantly negative, who turns a natural travel mistake into a hysterical mess (which could be easily solved). Someone who purposefully stays behind without communicating, who is overly insecure and embarrassed about touring and enjoying oneself, that they pull you down with them.

For the first media suggested out of a fandom to be NSFW AI content is sickening.

I wrote one blog with nctwish as a buzzword, only used it once as a tag and got recommend such horrendous content I didn’t expect. I sure hope this exploitation isn’t normal on Tumblr’s space nor the general fandom.

I’m not too familiar with K-pop or tumblr, so perhaps this is a prevalent ethical dichotomy discussed already.

But seeing the fans of a group whose concept is borderline infantilism/kidcore, sexualising and listening to AI generated nsfw audios of those members (or any idol) horrifies me.

Especially those asking for Sakuyas (youngest members) audios too. Such people rarely know the limits, when to stop.

Stop enabling them.

And to those genuinely creating / listening to such audio clips, get a hold of yourself.

Imagine people generating sexually explicit media of you (a real person) without your consent, posting it everywhere and then normalising it.

One of my most favourite original takes. It resembles a perfectly oriented, (Italian), commercial snapshot.

If you’re picky like me, or if all the matchas you’ve tasted were dog water, osulloc won't let you down.

It's worth it (not sponsored). Savouring it in my memory rn.

Soba Hiroshima

Another food review.

Well… as the whitest girl with the pickiest tastes you could meet, I could not eat the soba. It looked delicious and the rice bowl beside it containing a pork cutlet was splendid... however the soup itself was infused with some dainty animal fat that reminded me of a childhood memory.

Cake in Hiroshima

The photos I’m publishing are random recollections of my “Asia” trip (that I’m still on during the time of posting).

I call it the ‘Asia’ trip for the syllables are quicker to word than “Japan and Korea”.

Nevertheless, after the peace memorial museum in Hiroshima, I headed to a side café, whose dishes were splendid.

How sweet this confectionary was. Balanced with a mildly savoury matcha, the combination was the cherry (strawberry in this case) on top.

Additionally I ordered bolognese which was almost as good as the Italians’.

Myeongdong