zelen

Not that this particular dilemma is the, or a, sole turning point (as I am sure there have been and will be others to draw similar conclusions by and from), but purely because the differing dynamics of science and information surrounding the issue, quite obviously demonstrate the current state of affairs:

All types of articles on a spectrum from fully verifiable and scientifically backed papers through to complete naff mumbo-jumbo are floating throughout the interwebs. In this particular instance I’ve come across a seemingly ‘normal’ person putting together her perspective, via her means, on why she thinks this virus is.

I am not an advocate for her or her process or her evidence, as much as I am for the situation she demonstrates.

I am not suggesting 5G testing is or is not responsible for the corona virus, what I’m suggesting is - this is yet but another demonstrative example where levels of information or science that if pursued objectively (ie: papers on exposure of insects to RF electromagnetic fields from 2 to 120 GHz) defines a legitimate level of reasonable sense-making.

Yet simultaneously, immunobiology research would obviously suggest the virus falls into one or more of the pathenogenic groups. And then a third, where political and economic strategies are in play to serve one country over another - one corporation collective over another.

“the coronavirus is the biggest story in the world and is soon going to smash into our electoral politics in unpredictable ways”

What I am alluding to is this;

there’s probably a 4th, 5th and who knows how many perspectives also, where one group of professionals are in opposition to an equally equipped ‘other’ group of professionals. One level of science against another level of science. So anybody with a stitch of reason between their ears, spends a seemingly futile amount of time extrapolating from reality, and when searching for truth, whose truth do you go with?

This is my quandary (and I don’t think I’m alone) - I’m sooo tired of it all and I’m wondering if everyone else is tiring of it as well or does one simply pick a type or side of science, information and sense-making, following or not following it to it’s nth degree and say “well, this is where I stand, I’m not going into the depths of the opposing theory(s), this fills my cup ‘enough’ ’’?

Or perhaps incorporating a similar attitude for reaching a level of solace;

“I don’t have the luxury of access to the plethora of information or actual free time it requires to digest said science / information, so I’ll leave it in the hands of the experts.”

Or

“Peace love and mung beans, it is what it is, meditate more, adopt a yoga pose and understand we are but vessels the multiverse experiences itself through.”

Or

“It’s just another conspiracy theory, geez they’re really getting creative these days - bring on the aliens. An unbiased intervention is the only true option from here on in.”

Or

“These events are simply machinations and necessary junctures the masters of society overlords must implement to transitioning across to the inevitable trans-human outcome.”

Or

“I’ve got to get back to ‘the real reality’ meeting my commitments, my mortgage(s), my kids are a mess, I hate my job, I’m living for the weekend / my next holiday and I’d rather fantasise over what it would be like to have sex with that person if I swipe right.”

Or...?

It seems we are free to run along any path of our choosing here - at one end of the curve, any imaginings whatsoever or at the other end, explicit scientific rigour underpinned with concise dependable data and /or anywhere else in between.

And perhaps this is the point? Perhaps there’s no point?

How does this rest with people? How can I make it rest with me?

It’s akin to the evolutionary result of my frontal lobes’ development over millennia, being in conflict, contest or melding with the eons of evolutionary track my amygdala has equipped me with. Logic coupled and entwined with intuition. Elements of deep seated fear versing elements of deep seated love, harmony and order verses confusion and chaos.

By all accounts these very real human states are also just as important to us as anything else happening in our lives. Quite testable via scientific method and then again techniques outside of science, seemingly having real-time results - the fruits of which culminate in being actual drivers for our current and future perspectives.

* You’ve got cancer with 3 months to get your affairs in order.

* Your horoscope says you should go with numbers 6, 3 and 9

* Study reviews on placebos found that the placebo had no major clinical effects on illness. Instead, the placebo effect had an influence on patient-reported outcomes.

* God does exist, but not the god you believe in.

* Young’s double-slit experiment is a demonstration that light and matter can display characteristics of both classically defined waves and particles

* Discovery of Akashic records indicate humans are ‘organic’ automatons designed by an advanced race of aliens. The last remaining evidence of our mechanical metal-based origins residing as iron content in our blood.

* New York Times exclusive “Satan states he’s always been an atheist”.

And yet if these processes (by design) continue to evolve (evolve us as a species) via our environment, our access to science and information, disinformation and pap - it stands to reason the average 2.5 petabytes of human brain capacity isn’t enough.

I really dont know how to discover/research the truth anymore.

I legitimately cannot source the bottom line for a myriad of circumstance. So as retort, byproduct or helpless hopelessness, I’m done with this extrapolation; the left right, black white, today no tomorrow - and beneath it all, the ever present premise, ‘wtf is next?’

Aren’t you?

Isn’t everybody?

Or are we supposed to repress these processes or lack of process?

Wtaf is next?

What else will I be left to ruminate over, never knowing, never being able to put to bed and ultimately placed on my growing pile of uncertainty I’ve become accustomed to (nothing more than) accumulate as part of the human condition?

Augh!

Help, help, help me.

No one can truly answer this call and it seems no one ever will now. Is our information age heading toward overload?

:-(

And when I get excited

My little China girl says

Oh baby, just you shut your mouth

I am your fear Zelen.

The irony here is, I am actually afraid of you and afraid that you will end us both, that I (a side or aspect of you, your deeper self holds as important as any other part of you) will no longer exist.

Nevertheless, your bravery in similar situations over the years has equipped you with the ability to override me and the other dichotomies residing within you - to push forward during times such as this, so I will explain to you what I fear - and what I’ve been doing to you since you were a boy.

I have masqueraded under many guises and emotions some of which have helped me direct you to a place where I feel safe. These have ranged from insecurity to jealousy, depression to anxiety, possessiveness to apathy and a raft of other schizoid like processes. Simply put I have lurked in the background seizing upon opportune moments, because I needed you to be accepted as just another person like everyone else and continue through life without being noticed. I have needed you to assimilate at every turn and be a normal run of the mill human that lives long without unnecessary risk.

During this time I have increased in strength and as a result have worked out a myriad of ways to control you. I even control you through diet, I control you through the level of physical activity, I control you through addiction and pain, but my favourite and always saves me is - I control you through finances.

A byproduct of this power I have had growing over the years has helped me to explore what my life is here inside of you and all the other fearful elements there are not just only in you and others, but in life itself.

Therefore now if I am to let you pursue your true destiny or fate, this would mean exposing my foibles, weaknesses and darkest secrets. This means losing control over you and to a degree myself as well.

I cannot allow this to happen and not because it would only mean exposing myself, but it would mean ultimately expelling myself from your life, in turn ending mine. I have discovered that there is an equal amount of inquiry and wonder to the darker side of you and others and this life as a whole. And my curiosity only grows now.

Like the joys and levels of bliss - you have experience that develop drivers in the pursuit of more of the same, I likewise have developed my drivers and it is addiction at its purist. You can understand that I will not let this go easily, I cannot let this go - you’re a vehicle for me and so I will use you accordingly, it is my nature.

I understand you are holding space for me to share with you what I am and in this instance the fundamental elements that constitute who I am. As a result it’s as if you were drawing me out and I am powerless to resist - you explore fear and in doing so disarm me at my core.

So ad your fear I will let you know;

I’m afraid you will be happy and successful all the time.

I’m afraid you’ll go from strength to strength, I’m afraid you’ll change so much that I’ll lose my grip. You’ll move through the world and in doing so, lose touch with the dichotomy of darkness and light, positive and negative, optimism and pessimism and you’ll lose touch with the deep pursuits we have so successfully used to explore this life and find answers were there seemingly were none before.

I am afraid that you will leave me and I will be alone without any course of reproach, any way to be in this world. I’m afraid that it will also demonstrate that I was never necessary all along.

I exist in you to help you to a degree, I exist in you to keep you safe - but I must admit over the years it has probably kept me in better stead than it has your loving side.

Love and I have been in relationship since time in beginning, the dynamics of our dance is seeded in fundamental principles of being able to experience each other from somewhat unique perspectives. By design, I cannot be love, I am fear. Likewise love cannot be fear, love cannot be me, love must be love.

Being your fear, I make up the balance of who you are as a human Zelen (or as life looking at itself through you). I make up your way of perceiving the multiverses of everything from the physical to the non physical. It’s as if I am one neural network of understanding activity in your brain / mind / heart acting in logical question to another neural network of your brain / mind / heart. Similar to members of two debating teams, in order to arrive at balanced or logical outcomes (or similar to the yin and yang dynamic).

I am just as much you as any other part of you, yet you and society see me as an enemy. You all fear me and this paradox perpetuates my necessity and ultimate growth.

By my nature I fear everything, it’s what I am. Its what I see, it’s what I pursue, I am fear, I am what I am. Not unlike anything else, I want to live and I have survival mechanisms or strategies (or a survival nature) and in implementing a plethora of techniques I continue on till the last breath that you will breathe Zelen.

I am the antithesis of your optimism of your positivity of your confidence of your ability to be happy to share happiness, yet simultaneously I am the apotheosis of a truly definable emotion or state within the human condition.

So even though you’re holding space for me to explain or share with you what I am, what I fear - you truly don’t want to know who I am and how I actually control you, nobody does.

I can tell you that I don’t want you to be in a relationship with anybody because this will open up more confusion and wounds in you than you care to look at, that you care to experience again.

I can tell you I don’t want you to be financially successful because you will abuse your status and neglect the kinder side of yourself and life.

I can tell you that I’m afraid you will change so much that the friends and those you love will no longer be in your life.

I can tell you that I’m frightened you will end us both because if you haven’t already discovered (which I think you have ), none of this matters at all.

You will simply end because you know you don’t need to be in this form to be - you’re already everywhere - like everything else, you always were - you always will be.

I can tell you though, that perhaps my greatest fear is not really ever ‘knowing’ while I am in this form, while I am in any form. And that this is why life continues looking at its self through all the forms it is, to discover what it is itself.

And it’s been happening for millennia and seemingly will never cease.

I am fearful of disrupting nature by telling what I have seen and heard.

I am afraid of losing grip with this reality and this time not being able to navigate a pathway back.

I am fear at my core, it has protected me and my species in the early years and now it will end me, if I cannot develop an emotional counterpart such as love or similar.

This development however (as I have successfully achieved before) will only perpetuate the ongoing polarity of fear verses love.