ZappyZpace

i deserved to be loved

Since it is your show’s season finale tonight, and going by the countless posts we have seen about the show, we’re guessing there are going to be many many feels.

So, have some tissues:

Some chocolate:

Some salt:

And a hug:

Sincerely,

Here is my hand, my heart, my throat, my wrist. Here are the illuminated cities at the center of me, and here is the center of me, which is a lake, which is a well that we can drink from, but I can’t go through with it. I just don’t want to die anymore.

— Richard Siken, “Saying Your Names”

as for no one bothering to tell you what’s going on, as you clearly haven’t been listening to jinni’s attempts to tell you how MESSED UP your actions have been, take a look at my previous reblog. that might help you work it out.

unless you just don’t care about anyone explaining what you’re doing wrong, which I would bet is really the case, and then it won’t matter. but at least it makes me feel a little better because if there’s one thing in this world I can’t stand, it’s gaslighting, denying and ducking, manipulative, self-centered people who claim to be friends with someone until they get bored. that’s not how you interact with real people. 

jinni has made it clear that she will take MULTIPLE OPPORTUNITIES to contact you and be friends AGAIN, over and over again - not that you deserve it - but every single time YOU have been the one to, once again, fucking disappear and never seem to give a shit about her. 

if you really wanted people to like you, you wouldn’t drop them. what you’re saying here is just an attempt to get pity from people who don’t know the whole story. I’m so sorry that you feel like you ~can’t love the Irrelevants anymore~, because funnily enough, no one cares. You’ve been out of the fandom so long most people don’t even know who you are. You’re in different fandoms talking to numerous friends that you mysteriously have time for, or at least until you get bored of them and drop them too.

and the funny thing is, mostly (with brief “exceptions” as mentioned above), you HAVE left, already. I don’t know why you’re threatening that (other than to make you look like the betrayed party and me the mean instigator), you left like a whole year ago. with no explanation. fine. but then you come back into jinni’s space just to tell her that her taste in something is total shit? and yOU WONDER WHY PEOPLE THINK YOU’RE A TOTAL SHIT????? REALLY?

this is not some psa trying to get you to start talking to jinni again, because I know you’ll just fuck with her all over again if you do, because she’s more forgiving than me and that’s what makes this even worse. that’s how emotionally abusive relationships work. I KNOW, I’VE BEEN IN THEM.

What I said in reply was only to Lana. I did not mean to say Jinni buying Sencha Shot was a bad idea, or that it'll taste disgusting. I was remembering a funny moment with Lana when we both had them last year and how we had to add sugar. I don't normally like tea, so it was nothing new. I also don't like coffee, this does not mean that someone who does buy coffee has bad taste. I in no way meant to imply this.

Alright now to address your post. Yes I've been moderately busy for a year. With art school, you know four hours of sleep, six hour classes and 40 hours of homework per class? Not to mention paying for bills and tuition and supplies. The little time I do have free I want to spend relaxing so I can do my work with a little less stress. Unfortunately talking with the Irrelevants (not just in the chatroom which I haven't visited in a long time because my only computer right now, my laptop, freaks out and freezes whenever I go there.) is stressful. This post as example.

As for Jinni contacting me, I went back to double check all my messages. Emails, tumblr asks, texts, facebook, I went everywhere. The last message I received from Jinni was a reply to the ask I sent about an otter tumblr I found and thought of her. I apologize if she was sending me messages as I never meant to ignore them. As I've said multiple times, I will always reply to her texts. It might take a few hours, but if I see it, I will reply.

I recognize that I'm in the wrong for being gone so long. I'd like to say I'm sorry for that, it's a bad habit of mine when I find a new thing I devote myself to it and wind up forgetting other things. (Ex: Club Penguin, Piczo, deviantArt, all places I used to frequent often that I rarely go on anymore).

But I'm not the only wrong party here. I was ignored quite suddenly way back in November. I had texted happily with Jinni until there was no reply. I sent some texts wishing her various holidays and happy new years and just waited. Because that's what I do. I don't pressure people to talk or hang out with me, I reply but I often don't instigate. It's against my nature to be the first person to reach out. Because I don't know if they'll actually want to talk to me.

This was a huge misunderstanding between Jinni and I on miscommunication  that we resolved when she saw the notes and things I'd sent in January. She hadn't seen them and hadn't known I'd been apologizing for months. Hadn't known that I had no idea what was going on. Which no one let me in on btw, during that time.

It came to my attention that many people thought our friendship was toxic, and I can understand that. I don't agree with it, but I can understand that view from a third party. The fact is, you don't know me. You don't know my reasoning or my personality or the motivation behind the things I do.

I never intended to hurt Jinni, and I am sorry that I did. It is this reason that I don't talk to her now, because I'm afraid she doesn't want to revisit/risk what happened the first time. I like posts and reblog things because they're part of the Person of Interest or Pokemon fandom, which we share, and that's the extent of it. Where else am I supposed to reblog them from?

For my other fandoms: yeah I've been talking to a couple of people in the Supernatural fandom. Nothing like what I used to do with the Irrelevants, but my roommate introduced me to the show, my family watch it, my hometown friends watch it, and there's more for me to talk about. I talk to those couple of people because they are genuinely happy to talk to me. Because I've been on the outs with POI (having no cable and no one around me who also watches the show right now) I've been immersing myself in something that relieves my stress.

I was not threatening to leave. I was stating that I just won't try to talk to you guys any more. Me threatening to leave would imply that you have something to lose if I do, which obviously you don't. 

To refer back to the first paragraph, I was not saying Jinni's taste is shit. I wasn't speaking to Jinni at all. I would like to request you look at the context before blowing up in my face, please.

I've never been in a toxic relationship. And it's entirely up to Jinni if she speaks to me or not. I'd like to say that there's two stories to everything, and you're only acting upon one half of the situation. 

Before you go around telling everyone that zappyzpace is a bitch and a manipulative little shit, I'd like you to actually get to know me. Let other people have a chance to see for themselves and make their own judgement. If that how you feel about me, okay that's your choice. But kindly refrain of spreading unnecessary hate that benefits no one.

Sincerely,

The Supernatural Fandom

we know 97% of you guys are wonderful, don’t even worry about it 

love, 

trust me, we know you are

cordially,