Taeil doesnât like who he isÂ
Heâs the leader of a group of boys who barely even know todayâs dateÂ
How could he ever like who and what he is?
he wakes up every morning in the middle of Seoul with nothing but a frown on his faceÂ
because he knows that he wonât enjoy the day ahead of him
It starts with meeting Ten and his recruitsÂ
It ends with Johnny and Taeyong complaining about everything he could do betterÂ
It feels like sometimes, heâs a bit hopeless in his position as the leader of NCT
âfearlessâ they call them, but Taeil the furthest from fearlessÂ
all that Taeil has ever wanted to do is protect the people around himÂ
and thatâs what he plans on doing, even with bad press for himself
Taeil always wanted to return NCT to the triad it used to beÂ
No one really knows what Moon Taeil looks like outside of NCT which he thinks is good
Effectively Taeil can go whenever he wants, whenever he wants without causing harm
Especially on nights where heâs drinking away his problems, itâs a good thing
He likes this bar near to Sejong university which is usually quite quietÂ
Aside from the occasional university student who just act like he isnât thereÂ
Heâs still young enough to seem like a student who secluded himself enough to be unknownÂ
and that identity is one that he takes on whenever anyone approaches him from across the barÂ
Which is rarely, surprisinglyÂ
Girls and guys alike donât like a 24 year old who looks like he hasnât slept in days, if you didnât know already
Taeil is sipping on some whiskey when the seat next to him is taken one night
Itâs only around eleven but Taeil is so tired he can barely even hear his own thoughtsÂ
Heâs been using the whiskey to sooth the problems for far far too long now
Ten is telling him that thereâs no one willing to join NCT
Johnny is telling him that thereâs no incentive to the younger membersÂ
Taeil needs a distraction and that distraction ends up being you
this isnât how his usual evening where he finds someone goes thoughÂ
Heâs not pulled out of the bar and into a cab having his scars traced and hair pulled
Instead he finds himself listening to you recite a quote over and over with a strange look on his faceÂ
He has no damn clue who you are or what youâre doingÂ
But he thinks you have the most beautiful voiceÂ
so much so that when you stop talking and shut your eyes to try and memorise it, he asks you what the quote is from
âitâs from pride and prejudice.. have you read it?â
Taeil feels intimidated by the English words but shakes his head no
âwhat does it say in korean?â
âA person may be proud without being vain. Pride relates more to our opinion of ourselves, vanity to what we would have others think of usâ
He realises youâre smart unlike the others here and takes a liking to you
The way you brush your hair softly back from your eyes and how you smile gently
as it turns out youâre studying at Sejong university, youâre almost finished with your degreeÂ
but Taeil has a moment of panic when you ask him what heâs studyingÂ
and he realises itâs stupid, but he tells you that heâs studying history to not feel awkward
Taeil stupidly thinks that you wonât like him if he isnât like you
He doesnât feel like itâs all bad because he ends up taking your number at the end of the night
and he sleeps easy, for once, with something else on his mind
like.. when are you going to call him?
when are you going to text him back?
the next morning is the answer, and you ask if heâs free that evening because youâre boredÂ
Taeil wishes he knew what bored felt like
He meets up with you and forgets his responsibilities with NCT for a while
Youâd have never recognised him once he left his apartment in Seoul and met you at the park you suggestedÂ
His bright yellow jumper and yellow hat that matched somehow made him blend inÂ
he feels like that kid who got to live his university dream for once and he loves itÂ
he also.. quite enjoys the sound of your voice and your laughter and your gaze on him
Heâs a leader, heâs learnt to be loud and have his voice heardÂ
But when heâs with you he can go back to being quiet and listen to youÂ
the relationship between you two starts off as friends
Taeil is so happy to have someone he can call a friend that itâs unrealÂ
Even if his only friend doesnât know one thing thatâs true about him
Other than his name, age and how he feels about you
Taeil knows how badly he fucked up with you by telling you he was a university student but itâs too late to take it backÂ
Especially when youâre hanging out with him in the library and one of the staffs is carrying out checksÂ
they ask to see his university card and he has to lie that he left it at home
Somehow it works and they tell him to remember it next time
thatâs when Taeil starts to suggest that the two of you avoid university placesÂ
Or rather he says heâd prefer to do less educational activities and spend more time with you
He doesnât know why exactly it came out like that but it didÂ
Taeil realises a week or so later that he said he wanted to spend more time with you because he wanted you
Not the act of having a friend, it was the effect he had on you
But all lies have to be outed eventually, Taeil is hanging on with everything he can for you not to find out heâs Moon Tae Il
but in the meantime, you two are becoming closer and closer each dayÂ
You think you know everything about him, and you almost do
Just not his identity or job or anything like that
Not what his real person could do to youÂ
Taeilâs crush becomes no joke when he finds himself becoming protectiveÂ
Itâs nothing that heâs noticed happening to you, but he realises he cares when he starts checking youâre locking your doorsÂ
That you donât leave windows openÂ
âbecause you never know whoâs looking for a place to break intoâ
Heâs not stupid enough to think his life wonât interfere with yoursÂ
But it takes a few months for one of his rivals to find youÂ
Luckily the two of you are together and when the guy approaches you Taeil stands in front of you
You have no idea whatâs going on but Taeil is getting angry and the other guy too
Itâs the first time Taeil has ever been anything but happy and calm in front of you
When the other guy leaves youâre a bit shaken and taeil knows he has to be somewhat honest
He says that itâs someone heâs not at all friendly with but youâre not stupidÂ
You leave it for a couple of days before youâre with Taeil again and he kinda..realises youâre off
He asks you whatâs wrong and heâs surprised to hear you ask
and he panics because he has to try and explain everything, he doesnât even answer you
not until you carry on and leave him no other choice
âOnline it said they were a triad.. why was that guy asking you about a triad?â
Taeil realises he has to either be honesty or he has to lie to you again
And really, lying to you is exhausting and he hates it so so much
So he goes for a third option which he makes up on his own
âI donât know, I really donât. I think he was trying to scare meâ
Taeil isnât exactly telling the truth but he isnât directly lying either
Truth is he has no idea to the identity of the man who came up to you two anyway
heâs glad you accept it, but he knows itâs ok your mind a lot
Because whenever you two are out together youâre always checking people
You seem on edge and taeil feels bad for it
He made you worried about all of this and he needs to make you feel safe
To protect you, like he was always meant to do with NCT
So he decides to take you out one day to ask you something
Well, tell you that he has feelings for you that are beyond friendshipÂ
Youâre meant to meet him at a park nearby but Taeil decides to meet at yours insteadÂ
He hears from Youngho that someone is planning something around Taeil
Who heard from Chenle when he was trying to plant some recording devices in his home
so Taeil is in a little bit of a panic mode about you
Heâs so paranoid in fact, when he sees you open the door and youâre wearing the most beautiful yellow dress
Which coincidentally match the bunch of tulips which he got for you
he just says it to you straight
âIâm NCTâs leaderâ
Itâs not what he meant to say but it was the first thing on his mindÂ
That and how beautiful you looked but.. Taeil knows what he has to do
He realised that he couldnât be in a relationship with you and confess unless he was honest
As much as that could take away from him
Youâre unmistakably a little confused by his words and you invite him in to tell you everything
He tells you how heâs been in NCT since he was young and when the old generation started to die
He was elected as the new leaderÂ
and that he has all the other members under his control
That he didnât want to tell you in case you saw him differently
He tells you that he didnât want to be known as Moon Tae Il but rather just taeilÂ
The guy who likes weird movies and enjoys strange music and doesnât have too much stress
Even if youâre annoyed at him, itâs a lot to take in from one confession
He doesnât even get to tell you that he likes you
Partially because he doesnât want you to return to him with pity for him you know?
So you donât see him for a few days to think over things
Taeil isnât going to leave you on your own, donât worry
He makes sure youâre okay and if heâs not available he has Youngho or Taeyong do it tooÂ
Most people are far too chicken to have a run in with Moon Tae Il so they leave him alone
And most importantly you too
He doesnât expect to see you back for a while though
One day when heâs on the way to the library to sit a few desks away from you
You bump into him and he has to hide the smile on his face from finally getting to see you up close
Absence really does make the heart grow fonder
âDid you not think that Iâd notice you and the other two always following me around?â
Taeil feels a bit awkward after thatÂ
âThanks, though. For making sure I was okay. You made me feel less scared, like I was being protectedâ
And if you want to tell Taeil that youâre okay with what he does thatâs up to you
But heâd be the best boyfriend
And an even better protector for you
Because no one fucks with Moon Taeil
Unless heâs in love with them, of course Â