キスして

Sei's Backstory

WARNING: contains mentions of neglect, abuse, disfigurement, and mentions of needles/syringes as well as plastic surgery

Sei was born the third child of a wealthy family that had already raised two very successful sons before him. An heir and a spare, as it was known. By the time Sei came into existence, his mother had already grown tired of raising children, and so bestowed upon him a name that had little love to it – "a piece of meat", otherwise known as 腊 (seki).

Born female, "Seki" was given the expectations of a wealthy young lady to always follow his family's orders and put their needs above his at all times. By the time Sei was 11, he already had an arranged husband from a similarly wealthy company lined up for him to marry once he became of age.

Sei's mother was a stern and taciturn woman, jaded from the politics of the wealthy world. His father was equally strict and known to never smile. His two older brothers were outstanding model citizens who excelled both academically and martially.

Naturally, similar expectations came to be thrust upon Sei.

Back straight, chin up. Walk in a straight line. A young lady must never be caught unpresentable. She must always be sweet, pretty, and docile. Her worth was only in her looks.

When Sei was 13, he was involved in a car accident that left his face and body horribly disfigured. While extensive medical care and surgeries were things his family could pay for in spades, Sei came to realize during recovery that neither his mother nor father once visited him. The youngest brother came by sometimes, and his older brother once or twice.

Until you are beautiful again, I don't want to look at you.

Faced with this revelation, Sei hid himself in shame and lived by himself in a family villa overseas while he recovered. He became a hermit that wouldn't even leave his room.

In that time, Sei came to be drawn to TV programs of entertainment duelists pleasing and eliciting cheers from the crowd. He was enamored with the way they dressed and their energetic charisma, and intoxicated with the thought of a crowd that would cheer and be excited just to see him. The feeling eventually manifested in a desire to become one.

However, it was a long four years of physical therapy and surgery after surgery before he could finally "rejoin" society.

Instead of joy and relief at his return, however, his mother only looked at him with sharp eyes and simply said, "I knew we should have gotten you plastic surgery sooner."

By the time Sei turned 19, his face had already been marked up to no end by sharpies, scalpels, and syringes. His mother's smiles only became warmer after each one, and he chased that feeling.

When he turned 20, his mother and eldest brother both perished in a plane crash. As the youngest brother ran around to pick up the pieces, Sei realized that the love he had been chasing after in his mother's eyes would never be fulfilled, and he subjected himself to intense surgery for nothing.

Some part of him must have already known this, however. It was a futile dream from the beginning. Instead of sorrow or grief, he only felt a crushing apathy and disappointment.

When they lowered the bodies of his mother and eldest brother in the ground, he only stared at their gravestones blankly. The youngest brother said something to him, but Sei doesn't remember responding.

In the aftermath, Sei became estranged from the rest of his family. His father, devoured by grief for his eldest son, stepped down and retired from his work, while the youngest brother took over. Neither of them checked on or cared for Sei.

But having lived a shadow of a life before this, it was nothing new to him.

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June (drabble)

It was June — it was always June when something horrible happened in Sei's life.

It was June when he moved into his cozy two bedroom apartment away from the rest of the family, in the middle of a city eons away. No one in Maiami would recognize Sei's family or his face — but no one would have known it was him anyway, after all of the surgery. That person in the folded family photo he had thrown away during packing no longer existed.

The landlord swore up and down that this was the best apartment in the city, that he was in the center of everything, and oh sir, Mister Masaku, sir, I hope it's alright for you, rubbing his hands together like the skin would peel off his fingers any moment. Sei didn't listen to him, only put down his single duffel bag of clothes and declared he'd take it.

After all, there was nothing that money couldn't buy. Even a new life and a new identity, away from that prison of a house.

It was June a year later when his only surviving brother showed up on his doorstep, when Sei had only just begun his rounds in the entertainment duelist circuit.

Yansa looked no worse for wear as he stood patiently in the doorway, looking down on Sei with his piercing red eyes. There were no bags underneath his eyes, nor crinkles in his brow, or even the faint scar of acne on his face. It was only his long blond hair, black embroidered kimono, and the scent of sandalwood, the kind Sei only smelled at the temple's lit incense during the New Year.

"Have you had enough fun?" asked Yansa, always clipped and succint, like he had somewhere else to be. Nothing had changed since they were children.

Not even the way Sei's breath caught in his throat as he stumbled for words. A crowd of disbelievers and even the sternest authority could not crack him — but for his family, cold sweat built up like the pouring rain at the back of his neck. It was always humid in June; it was the rainy season, after all.

"What do you want me to say?" replied Sei, quiet. His knuckles turned white as his grip on the door tightened, but he still would not dare to close it. "I don't want to go back."

Yansa brushed aside a few stray strands of his hair and looked disapprovingly in Sei's direction, sending shivers down his spine. "I want you to tell me the truth. What I want to hear is irrelevant."

"If I say the wrong thing, will you drag me back?" the words, to anyone else, may have felt like a sarcastic remark, but in Sei's trembling voice it contained nothing but trepidation and fear.

Finally, Yansa sighed, the weight of his gaze lifting. Sei followed the change in demeanor with a look of surprise to see his older brother running a hand nervously through his hair. Things he had never seen even after growing up together for over 14 years.

"I'm sorry," Yansa said after a long moment, his eyes distant. "I didn't mean to startle you. I didn't realize..."

"Wh-What are you apologizing for?" a tidal wave crashed into Sei's thoughts, breaking him from his stupor. At any moment, he feared his dead mother would round the corner and tell Yansa off for apologizing to him. "Why?"

Yansa reached out, the edge of his silken kimono sleeve brushing against Sei's bare arm. Then, he stopped, bit his lip, and sighed again.

"Kiki," he said, frustratingly slow. Sei could hear the way his heart almost leapt out of his chest. Yansa looked no worse for wear, as usual not even a hair out of place — only, something kept flickering behind the red of his eyes. "Can I call you that?"

"It doesn't matter to me," said Sei, quiet. He looked at the wooden floor beneath him and his fluffy cat slippers. "You can call me Seki, too, if you want."

"Kiki," said Yansa again, firmer this time. "Mother is dead."

"She died a year ago, I know."

"Yes," Yansa sighed. He combed his fingers through his hair again. "I am the head of the family now, following Chie's passing and our father stepping down."

"Chie... also died with mother in the crash."

"That means," Yansa raised his voice and Sei stepped back reflexively. At the movement, he realized his mistake, and dropped his tone to something softer again, leaving Sei bewildered. "You are free, Kiki. The arranged marriage has been called off for years now and I have no intention of marrying you off in the future."

The silence is defeaning in Sei's ears, even as Yansa stays as still as a tree in his doorway. Neither of them move.

"... I'm sorry," Yansa was the one to break the silence. He leaned forward just the slightest bit, to not startle him. "All the years gone by, I wish I could've said this sooner."

"Wh-Why?" Sei asked again. It was like he could not quite process what was going on. Something in him still had not clicked.

"I never hated you, Kiki," said Yansa, softly. He pushed his hair behind him and smoothed the front of his kimono, patting down the gold-coated thread stitched near his collar. An image of a turtle and magnolia flowers, for prosperity. "Mother only made it seem that way."