nini

you squint at the screen, the bright light waking you up even more than you already were

you

why does that sound suspicious

three dots appear instantly as if he was hoping you’d reply at this hour, which he was

riku pooks

i want cupcakes

you blink at the message, a little confused but you can’t help the little smile on your face thinking about your bf craving cupcakes at midnight

you

…from where

riku pooks

from us

homemade, with love

from the kitchen

you stare at the ceiling for a long moment, contemplating whether you should try and fight whatever demons were keeping you awake and actually sleep or.. give into your boyfriend and his cupcake needs;

you

give me five minutes

about 15 minutes later, you heard a knock on your door, one a little too loud and eager to get in despite the fact that it was already past midnight

soon enough you found yourself in your kitchen, your hair messy, your eyes sleepy, and riku, who has been grinning widely ever since he came in like this is the best idea he’s ever had

“this is romantic,” he whispers dramatically, his eyes full of excitement and joy; “like in movies”

“in movies they don’t bake at midnight,” you mumble, scrolling on your phone looking for a recipe you could try

“yes they do, people in movies always have these kind of passions!” he argued back immediately

“it’s called poor decision making, not passion”

he gasps softly, a hand dramatically coming to rest on his heart; “wow, baby who hurt you today?”

he giggles to himself, already pulling flour out of the cabinet like he lives there

you decided to make vanilla cupcakes because “they’re classic and emotionally stable,” according to riku at least

and if calling cupcakes emotionally stable wasn’t enough theatre for the night, he insists on reading the recipe out loud in a very.. very serious voice

“step one,” he says, clearing his throat, “preheat oven to 350 degrees. symbolically warm the environment”

you snort; “it just means turn the oven on”

“way to ruin the vibe”

you nudge him with your hip while you measure flour, and him being the dramatic princess he is pretends to stumble dramatically into the counter like you’ve mortally wounded him

“betrayal,” he whispers; “where’s our team work, baby we’re on the same side here, ok”

“you’ve been hugging the sugar ever since we started, i fear i’m in a solo run for this one” you laugh to which he looks down, and he is, in fact, clutching the sugar bag protectively

“at least the sugar appreciates my new baking hobby”

five minutes later there is flour on the counter, there is flour on the floor, there’s flour pretty much everywhere

even on riku’s cheek

you giggle to yourself as you looked at him, he was mixing the dough, completely locked in, his head nodding softly as he looked at the bowl, clearly very satisfied

you slowly reach up and wipe the flour off with your thumb, to which he freezes,

“…what?” he asks softly

“you looked like a confused bakery ghost”

he gasps again; “i was having my moment”

“you were covered in flour” you giggled

“it’s about the aesthetic baby, it’s part of the charm”

you laugh, and he just stares at you for a second, all soft around the edges, his eyes filled with adoration

“you look cute,” he says quietly, like it just slipped out without a second thought

“don’t distract yourself,” you mumble, not able to hide the pink flush on your cheeks

xoxo

at some point he insists on cracking the eggs, something about a real baker knowing how to crack eggs perfectly..

that was a mistake.. the first one goes in perfectly (like he said it would) the second one… does not

shell falls into the batter, and you both just stare at it floating there like it’s judging you (mostly him because he was the one who did it)

“yk what, it adds texture,” he chuckles

and you burst into laughter, nudging his shoulder as you leaned over to grab a spoon. definitely not in the mood for some textured cupcakes

and he immediately starts laughing too, leaning against you, as you fished out the shells, his forehead pressing lightly to your shoulder

you pushed him off, turning your head to give him a look; “i think that’s a baking crime sir”

“it’s not-“ he defends; “it happens to everyone! i bet gordon ramsay drops egg shells too”

“in his cupcakes?”

he shrugs his shoulders; “i’m sure he likes to bake too”

once the batter is finally done (after mild chaos and at least one flour fight that riku absolutely started and lost ofc) you ‘carefully’ spoon it into the cupcake liners

riku insists on doing “equal distribution for fairness’ or whatever he said and you just watch him try to eyeball each scoop with intense focus, tongue slightly peeking out in concentration

“you know,” you say softly, “they don’t have to be perfectly even”

“they deserve equality,” he replies seriously, his eyes not even looking your way, completely focused on his batter

and you just smile at him, letting him have his moment (again)

and when the tray goes into the oven, there’s this sudden quietness, the kitchen smells like sugar and vanilla, warm and cozy and the only sound you hear is the soft ticking of the oven clock

riku leans against the counter next to you; “okay,” he says; “now we wait!!”

you sigh dramatically, as if you just finished a whole essay instead of some silly cupcakes; “for.. 18 minutes”

“we did well,” he says slowly, his eyes sparkling, “i think i found my new career”

you laugh; “we don’t even know how these taste yet, for all we know these taste like ass”

“no! we made these with love! have some confidence,” he says, sliding down to sit on the floor infront of the oven, clearly not ready to take his eyes off of his work

you laugh, but still join him on the floor, your knees slightly bump into each other and he nudges you gently with his shoulder

“thank you for doing this with me,” he murmurs softly, “i’m sure you’re a little jealous of my baking skills but you’ll get better overtime”

you roll your eyes, but your hand finds his anyways and his fingers lace through yours automatically, like they’ve always known how

“i just…” he hesitates, softer now; “i like doing random stuff with you. even if it’s stupid”

“it’s not stupid”

“we’re sitting on the kitchen floor at 1am staring at cupcakes in an oven”

“…it’s a little stupid”

he laughs quietly, leaning down so he can rests his head on your shoulder, it feels warm, and comfortable

and for a moment, you just sit there together

until, after a while, the oven timer beeps loudly, making both of you jump like you’ve been caught doing something illegal

“the children!” riku shouts, scrambling up as you both rush to the oven dramatically

when you pull the tray out, the cupcakes look quite literally how you imagined they would; slightly uneven, one is a little lopsided, and one might be… leaning emotionally

but they smell amazing and riku stares at them like they’re priceless art (which they are in his eyes)

“…we did that,” he whispers, admiring the little cakes

after they cool (barely, because you both have zero patience), you frost them, at least you attempt on frosting them..

riku tries to pipe a perfect swirl but it comes out looking like a confused spiral galaxy

you giggle as you look at his cupcake; “interesting swirl baby”

“it’s art” he argues back

“it’s struggling” you replied and he pretends to be offended but still smiles under his breath

and then finally, at almost 2am, you both sit at the table with your slightly chaotic cupcakes infront of you

“cheers,” he says, holding his up, with a smile so big you’d think he just won the lottery

“to sleep deprivation,” you reply, taking one in your hand as well

“to us,” he corrects gently; “sleep is for the weak”

you giggle as you clink cupcakes, taking a bite at the same time, and for a second, there’s just silence

you’re chewing and judging when his eyes go wide, a soft gasp leaving his lips; “…wait, these are actually really good?”

you laugh as you watch him take another bite; “you sound surprised for someone who claimed he found a new career path”

he grins at you, frosting on the corner of his lip and without thinking, you lean forward and wipe it off with your thumb and he stops chewing for a second, nodding his head as a small ‘thank you’ before biting into his cupcake again, smiling a soft, fond, but sleepy smile

“next time,” he says, nudging your knee under the table, “we make chocolate ones”

“next time, we bake at a normal hour” you said seriously, softly glaring at him in a playful way

“yeah like 2am?” he says, laughing as he leaned in to kiss your cheek as you nudge him away jokingly, a soft groan leaving your lips but you can’t help but mirror the smile on his face

and as you both sit there in the quiet kitchen, crumbs on the table, flour still dusting the counter, and the world asleep outside (like you should be too actually)

you look at your bf, smiling to yourself, thinking about how you got so lucky being able to enjoy these silly midnight moments together

it’s these moments that feel precious and special, just the two of you

it feels like love, and maybe a slight sugar high.. but mostly genuine happiness and adoration

and you wouldn’t want it any other way

Ი︵𐑼 ˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚

it started with his schedule, tehearsals that ran past midnight, interviews stacked back to back, flights he stopped telling you about because he knew you’d only worry about how little he was sleeping

and then your new job came. a real opportunity!!! the kind you had dreamed about for years; a promotion, more responsibility, longer hours, new people, new expectations.

a new career path that would open so many doors for you

you told him about it the sane day you got the call. ofc you did!! this was one of the most exciting things that has happened to you in a long while, but that didn’t stop the worries that came with it..

“i’m scared,” you admitted softly to which jaehee only smiled through the screen, his eyes tired but filled with pride and warm energy; “you’re going to be amazing.”

and he meant it.

he just didn’t realize that the more amazing you became, the less space there was for the two of you in the middle..

you didn’t fight. you never did actually, fighting was a rare occurrence in your relationship in general

and that was the strange part. there were no slammed doors, no raised voices, no dramatic accusations, just… rescheduled calls, unanswered messages, long awaited replies

“can we talk tomorrow? i’m exhausted.” - “i’m sorry, can we reschedule dinner?? something came up.” - “i’ll text you when i land.”

and sometimes you’d forget.. sometimes the “i’ll call you later” turned into a simple“goodnight” and sometimes it turned into nothing..

you still said “i love you” but it became more of an automatic expression rather than a heartfelt statement, it was like punctuation mark at the end of conversations instead of a feeling that lingered like it used to be

you noticed it first.. one night, while you were sitting in your apartment with takeout that had already gone cold sitting at the table infront of you, you realized you didn’t even know what city he was in, and you only found out from a tagged post you saw on twitter, not through him

and all you did was just stare at your phone for a long time. you weren’t angry, you were not even sure if you were upset, yku just felt quiet..

thoughts were running through your mind, small things like; when did you stop being the first person he’d call?? when did you stop being ‘important’ enough to keep updated??

but the most confronting thought of all; when did he stop being the first person you wanted to tell things to..?

but you were not the only one that felt the switch in your heart and life.. jaehee felt it too

he felt it in the hotel rooms that all looked the same, he would scroll through your old pictures, memories full of messy hair mornings, amusement park dates, or his fav blurry selfie you took when he wasn’t ready yet

and all he could do was smile, pictures that felt like watching a real time romance blossom between two people.. but it felt like looking at someone else’s life

he realized he didn’t know the names of your new coworkers, he didn’t know what projects you were stressed about, he didn’t know the small details anymore. he knew.. nothing?

and you didn’t know his either, you didn’t know what he was working on right now, you didn’t know what feedback he got on their new song, you didn’t know about the progress he made in his dancing, hell you didn’t even know when he was leaving the country again..

you still cared, ofcourse you did, you’d always do and maybe that was the worst part?

the conversation happened on a random tuesday, there was no special occasion, no anniversary, no dramatic setting, not even an actual date you’d planned together

you just came over after work since he had one night free before flying out (again..)

you sat on the couch together, your knees slightly touching but your hands apart, to yourself, not longing to the others touch like you’d usually do

there was a softness in the air, a comfort and warmth that always lingered around the two of you, but there was also something heavier underneath it, something unspoken, something that seemed to have been hidden in between small talk and habital love

“i think…” you’d started, your voice trembling just slightly; “i think we’re trying really hard”

he swallowed; “yeah.” not defensive, not confused, just aware

“i don’t feel like your person anymore,” you admitted; “and it’s not because you did anything wrong” you felt weird speaking these words out loud but somehow the words didn’t scare you like you thought they would

his eyes teared up a little, but he didn’t look away; “i don’t feel like yours either,” he whispered, he looked at you, really looked at you, and by the looks of your eyes finding his, he knew you had already decided the same thing as he did..

that night, you talked for hours, literally anything and nothing at the same time; about timing, about growth, personal and business wise but most importantly about how loving someone doesn’t always mean you’re meant to grow in the same direction.. how loving someone doesn’t always work the way you’d want it to do

there were tears, quiet ones, the kind that fall without sobbing, the ones that held a moment of acceptance, the kind that made clear that endings don’t always come from a place of hurt and pain..

“i still love you,” you had said, and you meant it, because you did, you really did and he had replied; “i know,” in that soft, caring voice he always had; “i love you too”

but this time it sounded like a memory, a sealing, not a promise, at least not anymore..

and when you finally stood up to leave, he walked you to the door like he always did, both knowing it would be the very last time this routine would ever happen

you could only smile, mirroring the expression on his face, and you hugged, not desperately, not like two people trying to hold onto something slipping away, no, you hugged just long enough to memorize the feeling, to give yourself a moment of peace and clarity. a moment of closure

his chin rested on your head, your hands fisted gently in his hoodie, it felt natural, normal, yet so different

because you both understood.. sometimes love doesn’t end because it’s broken, simetimes it just outgrows the space it used to fill..

you knew you’d never grow to hate each other, you’d never be strangers, you’d never ever be enemies or someone you’d hold grudges against

but from now on, you’d be two people that once loved each other so so so deeply, just not at the same level anymore

your love was there, and you know it would be there for a while, because how does one move on from their first love whose heart is still so full of genuine adoration for them

and that was exactly what it was; genuine. genuine love and respect;

just not in that same sense anymore.. and somehow, that made it hurt even more..

Ი︵𐑼 ˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚