On a cold winter day, the beautiful winter snow was covered red. The breeze is slow, and the sun is out. I reach for my nose and look at my hands, just like roses they are red. It goes dark.Â
Why does life hurt? Why.. when I finally found something to hold onto it disappears. Life is unfairâŚLife is cruel and unkind to those who are succeeding. Let me tell you why.
My name is Sung Hana, Iâm 21 but when I was a senior in high school I was diagnosed with Acute myeloid leukemia which is a cancer to the bone marrow. The doctors say I got it due to my family's past having it.Â
Letâs get back to the story
I was walking down the hall of the college building when I got a nose bleed and felt dizzy. I hold onto the wall for support, but then my best friend Theo runs up. âYah! Hana, I told you to take it slow.â he puts a napkin on my bloody nose âAnd I told you, I canât control it.â I stand up straight, cleaning my nose.Â
âLetâs go to the nurse, you need to take your medicine anyway.â I scoff âYou know you canât heal this, Itâs just an experiment to see if it works.â âBut you can still be okay if you try, letâs goâ we go to the nurses office. I take the medicine âSee not too badâ âBetter than having to go to the hospital and getting a needle into my spine. Then yeah not too badâÂ
We leave the nurse and go to class. The day was long and boring like usual. At the end of the day we head to Theoâs house. âWah⌠I love your bedâ I roll all over it. âI can tell,â he chuckles. âIâm glad we never stopped being friends, even after graduation, because if I stayâd friends with Stella my back would hurt all the time. Her bed was hard but yours is softâŚâ I lay my head on the pillow. Theo hums âI almost forgot Stella, I heard she got arrested for drug smuggling.âÂ
âWhat really!!â Theo nods âyupâ I shrug âAnd people say I like gossipâ I side eye Theo âWhat, I just heard it, somewhereâ I laugh and throw a pillow at Theo, which he caught. âLetâs go on a trip, a long oneâ I say to him. âA trip? When?â he asked âTomorrowâ I look at him âBut we have classâ I hum âYeah, huh?â I agree âBut we can do it soon, maybe after finalsâ he says while smiling and I nodÂ
Months passed and once again I was hospitalized but I didnât get to tell Theo. I get discharged and the first thing I do is visit Theo. âTheo!â I wave and I can see the surprise and concern with a bit of anger in his eyes. He runs over and grabs my shoulders âWhere the hell were you!!â I smile âI left for a bit, but Iâm backâ He pouts âAt least say something before leaving, and why didnât you text or call meâ I giggle âSorry, sorry. I didnât have timeâ I made an excuse once again.Â
Days pass and finals pass. I look at Theo âShould we go on that trip now?â I smile âTrip? Oh! Right, Iâm sorry but I can't, I have work. I nod a bit disappointed âI get it, You're busyâ I smile. He checks the time âWell, see you later Hana!â He smiles then leaves.Â
The time passes and I start to get worse day by day. Theo is always busy and never picks up the phone. Winter hits and snow falls, I look at the snow from my window enjoying how pretty it looks. I look outside and notice a familiar figure waving at me. Theo. I wave back and signal him to come inside. âTheo! What are you doing?!â I smile. Theo stares at me âAre you okay?â He asks worriedly. I laugh and nod, âI caught a small coldâ I lie. Theo nods âI was going to ask if you wanted to play in the snow with me and Minhoâ he pouts a bit and I nod âI want to go! Wait hereâ I rush to my room âBut you're sick!â he yells âIâll be fine!â I finish changing and leave with Minho.Â
âHana, How are you? Have you gotten worse or anything?â I smile âDo you always have to bring up my illness. Weâre having fun.â he shuts up âLetâs go! I see Minho!â I grab his hand and run over âMinho!!â I hugged him. âHey, Hana I havenât seen you in foreverâ I see him smile. âIâve been busyâÂ
Lies, thatâs all Iâve been telling. Matter of fact I have gotten worse. To the point I donât even think Iâll wake up each day.Â
I smile and pick up a snowball. We play around for a while and I run across the field then I fall. My nose starts to bleed and I fall on my back. I sigh and look at the sun in the sky. Why today out of all days. Why today.
I can hear hurried footsteps but I donât bother to look. âHana!!â I hear muffled screaming. Over and over calling my name. My vision blurs and I see the world spinning. My hands full of blood from my nose and the snow around me turning red from them.Â
I remember all the memories of my life. Like a reminder of how good, how bad, how lonely, how fun it was. I smile as I remember the memories of me and Theo. I canât recall a single bad one, only good. Funny, huh? How life can throw you such a great person but you canât even live to see him longer.Â
I feel myself lift from the ground âI swear if you fucking die Hana!!â I hear Theo and feel his tears drop on my skin but I just couldnât grab him, I have no strength and no energy. I hear Minhoâs worried and loud voice âWhat happened? Hana!âÂ
Then everything goes dark and for the last time I donât wake up.Â
I should have gone on that trip. I should have forgotten work and hung out with Hana. I should have been there. I should have known and helped.Â
I felt a hand on my shoulder and flinched âHey, Theoâ I looked up and saw Hanaâs mom. âMs. Sungâ I bow âIâve known you for how long. Call me mom, I basically raised you anyway. You and Hana were always causing a ruckus and making messes. I remember having to be there and apologize to so many people.â I hear the pain in her voice âMom, Iâm so-sorry..â My voice starts to crack and I look down.Â
She rubs my back âMy son, I bet Hana would hate to see you like this. She was your best friend and she only wanted the best for you and she probably still does. She knew she was going to die yet she- she only cared about the people around her. That idiotâ I chuckle âShe really wasâ I wipe my eyes. âKeep your head up..for HanaâŚâ She smiles âDonât give up. Or Iâll beat youâ I she laughed. I smile and hug her âGosh..â I let out a shaky breath.Â
âBefore I forgetâ she reaches in her bag and hands me a letter âShe wrote you thing, as aâŚg-goodbyeâ I see the tears form in her eyes and I grab it. My hands tremble as I open it.
^My crazy but amazing best friend, Choi Theo.
Yah! Where is my bracelet you stole from me! I bet you are crying while reading this. ^
 I wipe my tears laughing a bit âThis idiot, I swear. Iâll get you the bracelet, I promiseâ
^ Sorry, this is supposed to be sad. I thinkâŚ
Remember when I first met you. We were just little kids. I remember you sitting in the playground alone playing on the swings. When I went to say hi you ignored me. Iâm still holding a grudge. ^
âI said sorryâ I sniffle
^ Iâm writing this to say bye, but I canât bring myself to do it. So, instead Iâll say hi. I want you to always smile and be happy, for me. I am going to watch you, so donât worry about me. I will always be here for you.Â
I remember you asking me many times what I want to be when I grow up, but I always say Iâll let the wind take me. I lied, I have always wanted to be famous or a celebrity. ^
My tears drop down my jaw âI already had guessed, by your reaction to celebritiesâ
^ I hope one day you can forget me and live happily. I want you to live without regrets. I want you to find love. I only have one wish. Take care of my mom for me. Donât let her isolate herself or be too sad. ^
I wipe my tears but they keep falling down, not stopping. âThis girl. I canât just forget youâÂ
^ I say that Iâm lucky, I got to see you smile till the end of my life, but I also apologize for breaking our promise. We were supposed to grow old together and never leave each other's side.Â
One day youâll join me, and I expect you to have a wife, and I better not see you soon or Iâll be angry. Grow old and live your life well.Â
Your one and only best friend. Sung Hana. ^
I roll my eyes, âStill the same girl.â I hug Ms. Sung in tears âOh, my poor baby. Iâm sorry you have to go through this.â I look at her âPlease, donât act strong mom, you need to cry and let it go. She would hate to you like thisâ she looks awayÂ
She finally breaks down crying. We hug each other. I slept alone, actually alone, feeling alone and knowing I wonât see Hana again. I cried and cried for days I felt heavy hearted and sad but always ended up at Hanaâs house with her mom, smiling and talking about how Hana was and acted.
Maybe life wasnât so fair, but it showed me how to be truly happy and I enjoyed it while it lasted. Now itâs time for me to let go and live my own story. Hana will always be in a special part of my heart and will never leave it.Â