Courting Mastery

Guys, I get that being misunderstood and alienated can make us feel awful, but let’s cut the stereotypical pity party for a second.

It’s comfortable to wallow. Sadness can be peaceful, yeah. Depending how screwed up our childhoods were, we like that the friends who do notice how sad we are come back into our lives to help or hear us, or it keeps them there for the foreseeable future. Which is a scary place to be.

Why do that to ourselves? Why do that to the people we love? Why hang onto people like dead sloths for the rest of our lives? No one wants that. We INFJs do this weird thing where we want something bad enough to cry about it, but don’t know exactly what we’re looking for or how to get it. We have vague descriptions like “I want depth. Meaningful relationships. A happy life.”

…​Okay, so what does that really mean to you then? Get specific. Don’t dismiss an intense longing for something by saying “I’ll know it when I see it, or feel it.” Nah man. Then you’re setting yourself up for big disappointments.

Break down what qualities you’d like in a partner. Recognize what efforts into communication, quality time, and active vulnerability that are actually being put into these relationships and take responsibility for your side. Or how are you initiating friendships? Put yourself out there every once and a while. Ask a dumb question. Smile. Take something like a book with you that might strike up a conversation with someone. Evaluate, and do.

What are you doing to make your life better? What specific things can you change to feel happier? Drink water in the mornings? Text a friend good morning? Have tea/coffee outside in the sun? Take the dog for a walk?

Here’s a comic I made about identifying as asexual and aromantic! I made it for an anthology which ended up falling through, so I thought it would be a good idea to post it on Valentine’s Day.

I would have liked to spend more time on this, but you get the idea.

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